How do I stop premature ejaculation?

[Tragic1987]

This is very hard for me to talk about but this is a problem I have and I need to stop it. I have not had much sexual experience in my life and I feel this is what is stopping me from gaining the confidence that I need to meet women as I feel that there is no point.

It was a problem that I never thought much about before I got into my last relationship. I thought that the lack of sexual experience was my problem. However I was in a year long relationship with a girl who I was in love with and in the entire relationship we only had a few experiences where I did not ejaculate within the first few minutes of sex. Obviously this caused alot of stress on the relationship and as she got more upset I got more nervous and the problem got worse. In the end she left me and although it was over different problems I am fairly sure this was the underlying reason.

Now I am just nervous about trying to meet new women especially since I work a lot and most of the women that I get a chance to meet are at work. But because I am worried this problem will happen again I back off from trying to pursue them since I am embarrassed by this.

I see a lot of ads on the internet with pills offering miracle cures and at this point I am willing to try anything at all but I don't want to spend $170.00 dollars on something that is just a scam.

If there is anything anyone can do or tell me to help me I would greatly appreciate it I just want to have a normal sexual life. I know I treat women right and while I am no model I think I am fairly attractive and would be a great boyfriend. But as I said I have completely lost confidence in myself and my sexual ability.

 

[1sexy_figit]

things that you can try that may help are desensitizing creams and gels. i'd rather you go to your local adult store and buy a $5 bottle of cream that does work than to hear that you bought something online for and outrageous amount that did not work. there are alot of different brands out there like karma sutra pleasure balm, prolong, stay hard ect.. and if nothing else give analese a try works great for women for giving head.

 

[Tragic1987]

The problem with the gels is that I heard they desensitize the women too which is obviously not what I want.

 

[johnnieblue44]

This is very hard for me to talk about but this is a problem I have and I need to stop it. I have not had much sexual experience in my life and I feel this is what is stopping me from gaining the confidence that I need to meet women as I feel that there is no point.

It was a problem that I never thought much about before I got into my last relationship. I thought that the lack of sexual experience was my problem. However I was in a year long relationship with a girl who I was in love with and in the entire relationship we only had a few experiences where I did not ejaculate within the first few minutes of sex. Obviously this caused alot of stress on the relationship and as she got more upset I got more nervous and the problem got worse. In the end she left me and although it was over different problems I am fairly sure this was the underlying reason.

Now I am just nervous about trying to meet new women especially since I work a lot and most of the women that I get a chance to meet are at work. But because I am worried this problem will happen again I back off from trying to pursue them since I am embarrassed by this.

I see a lot of ads on the internet with pills offering miracle cures and at this point I am willing to try anything at all but I don't want to spend $170.00 dollars on something that is just a scam.

If there is anything anyone can do or tell me to help me I would greatly appreciate it I just want to have a normal sexual life. I know I treat women right and while I am no model I think I am fairly attractive and would be a great boyfriend. But as I said I have completely lost confidence in myself and my sexual ability.

you'll get better as you get older, dude, don't sweat it..it's rather normal early on..

just practice..only way to get better,just like anything else...

and learn how to use your tongue and fingers..you'll be popular..trust me!

 

[Tragic1987]

Yeah practice is great but I'm not that young and I know girls are expecting me to at least be decent by now. I wasn't the best looking kid in the world when I was younger and it kinda killed me getting any experience. So now I'm set back. Since I have had a few good sexual experiences I know I can do it it's just that now that I am getting older I get more and more nervous and I can tell you that that completely screws me over.

 

[johnnieblue44]

Yeah practice is great but I'm not that young and I know girls are expecting me to at least be decent by now. I wasn't the best looking kid in the world when I was younger and it kinda killed me getting any experience. So now I'm set back. Since I have had a few good sexual experiences I know I can do it it's just that now that I am getting older I get more and more nervous and I can tell you that that completely screws me over.

you're not doing yourself any favors by chit-cahtting about it here, believe me..go see a doc, my man..and clam up!

 

[UncleStan]

I've found a little consideration for a partner can go a long way. If you think you're getting too close too fast pull out (to give yourself a break and slow your momentum) but keep your attention (and hands and tongue) on her so she doesn't lose hers.

 

[kimkgrove]

Yeah practice is great but I'm not that young and I know girls are expecting me to at least be decent by now. I wasn't the best looking kid in the world when I was younger and it kinda killed me getting any experience. So now I'm set back. Since I have had a few good sexual experiences I know I can do it it's just that now that I am getting older I get more and more nervous and I can tell you that that completely screws me over.

Have you ever thought that maybe you're way more concerned with the length of your performance than she is? If that is the problem there are ways to just work around the problem.
I have a guy friend who i fool around with occasionally and he almost always comes really quick the first time. So we'll take a break for a few minutes, have a smoke, a drink or whatever and round two always lasts much longer.

Good Luck!

 

[Chicklet]

Spend more time on foreplay. Get her off before you go for the intercourse. Use fingers, tongue, and toys. If you cum early, keep going with your mouth until you're ready for more.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

Spend more time on foreplay. Get her off before you go for the intercourse. Use fingers, tongue, and toys. If you cum early, keep going with your mouth until you're ready for more.

i have to agree with this statement.
I was with a guy that could barely last 5 minutes, it didnt bother me one bit because he always got me off before intercourse. He was considerate and made sure i enjoyed every second of foreplay and the toys and of course, intercourse. He also viewed it as a problem, like the world was judging him. After a few months of dating, he was finally able to go 20 minutes, sometimes even 30< he said it was because i kept reassuring him and making him feel better about it and he slowly stopped being so self concious about it.

Yeah - all that work to reassure him and get him out of the rut of self conciousness and he started lieing and cheating a few months later. lol

Hope this helps.

ASG

 

[SpicyPepper]

Have you also thought about breathing techniques for relaxation?
Instead of getting anxious and nervous, try deep breathing (you can practice any time!)..
A lot of people don't breathe properly (short, shallow breaths) and I'm not talking only during sex.
When you inhale (BREATHE IN), your diaphragm should expand (PUSH OUT), and that should expand your stomach. When you exhale (BREATHE OUT), your diaphragm should relax on it's own.

Hopefully you can try this technique with someone, if you have a 'friend with benefits', or maybe while you're masturbating.

Don't forget what Kimkgrove said too, cum, then take a break (breathe!) and then go for round two...maybe even round three!

 

[SweetErika]

Masturbate before you get together.

Use condoms.

Look up male kegel exercises and do them. With enough time and practice, you will probably be able to stop yourself from coming (maybe by thinking of something non-sexual as well) and even learn to achieve multiple orgasms (orgasm w/o ejaculation).

And I agree with the suggestions to make her come first, NOT use desensitizing products, go multiple rounds and not worry about it because it's probably not a big deal to her if she's satisfied before sex and mature.

My husband has always been a quick comer. I take it as a compliment that he's still that excited by being sexual with me after ten years. I also know that his orgasms aren't as good when he tries to hold back, so I'm perfectly happy having at least one orgasm before we have sex, letting him come naturally and then doing more later if we want. I can honestly say it's never bothered me, though it probably would if he thought it was a big problem and commented on it (just because I prefer a partner who's confident and works with what they have, not focusing on the perceived negatives).

 

[exposed]

Masturbate before you get together.

Best advice so far (aside from pleasuring your lady first), usually works wonders.

 

[BlueSugar]

try and forget the creams, lotions, gels, etc... but go back to that very same store and pick up one of those pocket pussys.

find one with alot of ribs (not nubs) on the inside of them, and buy one that is jelly, not that real skin material. get a good water based lube... try ID Glide...

yes yes... there is the fleshlight.. but you don't need to spend $100 right off the back. With the jelly you can feel the ribs better, they are easier to clean, and if you want that material you can always go back for it. The jelly ones are usually cheaper, and keep best.

masturbate with it, and practice your kegals. They aren't 100% like a woman, but it will surely help you.


think of baseball, soccer, bowling... your chores... distraction is always a good tool too. add it to your practicing at home.

 

[infinity706]

The problem with the gels is that I heard they desensitize the women too which is obviously not what I want.

That's why you use a condom with it.

 

[Milly66]

Have you tried stop start method (when masterbating) when you feel as if you are ready to cum, then stop until the feeling subsides. Also the squeeze technique apparently works for some (where you squeeze the head to reduce the feeling of wanting to cum). The comments on breathing and trying to relax are also good tips. You should not put too much emphasis on this though as stress can make matters worse. Very occasionally, premature ejaculation results from a physical condition such as a urinary tract or prostate infection, so it is a good idea to seek help if things do not improve.

 

[love_269_girl]

My husband credits the Aneros with his new found control. After several months using this prostate stimulator during masturbation, he can now last as long as I need him to on most occasions.

 

[TerragonSix]

think of baseball, soccer, bowling... your chores... distraction is always a good tool too. add it to your practicing at home.

Baseball, or thinking of sports during intercourse always makes me lose my erection. I have found that instead of trying not to think about coming, I concentrate on it instead. (Fine, I'll come, but not until she's there).

It seems to make me last longer.

Exercise (especially cardiovascular) allows for healthier, longer erections. Plus, it gives your woman a good bod to look at.

Just a few pointers.

Don't try so hard, instead, concentrate on pleasing your woman. They kind of like that.

 

[Tragic1987]

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions and help.

As far as getting the girl off before hand with my fingers and mouth I did that with my ex and in fact that is one area I am very confident in since I have always been told I was incredible in that area.

Truthfully I think my main problem is that my ex was never supportive at all and made me feel like shit when it would happen and then we wouldn't have sex for a few weeks in between so that by the time we would have sex again it would just go bad and I would feel even worse. Because of this I am so self-concience in this area it just causes me to get nervous and that just makes the problem worse.

The only reason I finally decided to talk about this is because I am going out with a girl from my job this weekend and its really the first date I'm going on since the break up. Now I'm nervous because I really want the night to go well and if it does I do not want this to ruin it.

One thing I am going to try is Zoloft since I read that it is one of a few anti-depressants that have shown to help with this problem. Since I am already on an anti-depressant it shouldn't be that big of a change and even if it doesn't really work it may just give me that little bit of confidence that I need. Like I said there were a few good times with the ex and I am pretty sure they were always when I wasn't stressing out about the problem.

Plus I've just recently started to work out and I hope that maybe going from eating fast food and sitting on a couch smoking pot to working out and eating right might help. At least it will with the confidence which like I said is what I think my main problem is.

 

[SweetErika]

Truthfully I think my main problem is that my ex was never supportive at all and made me feel like shit when it would happen and then we wouldn't have sex for a few weeks in between so that by the time we would have sex again it would just go bad and I would feel even worse. Because of this I am so self-concience in this area it just causes me to get nervous and that just makes the problem worse.

What an immature bitch! I'm sorry she made you feel bad about it, or even that she was negative and had a problem with it, and hope you know how much better off you are without someone like that in your life.

The only reason I finally decided to talk about this is because I am going out with a girl from my job this weekend and its really the first date I'm going on since the break up. Now I'm nervous because I really want the night to go well and if it does I do not want this to ruin it.

Be careful about dating someone you work with. There's a reason why people say, "Don't shit where you eat."

Apart from that, how about waiting to be intimate until you've established that you really care about each other? It's less likely to be a problem if there are real feelings there and you know you can trust her not to do the same thing your ex did. Also, you're more likely to be nervous and come quickly with someone very new, so being sexual too soon may end up reinforcing your nervousness and fear that the problem lingers.

Hopefully this girl is more mature and kind than the last, but you won't know that until you've spent a fair amount of time with her and seen how she reacts to many different situations (good and bad). If she gets bent out of shape easily, is negative in general, can be rude, etc., she's probably not someone you want to open up to and be intimate with.

Plus I've just recently started to work out and I hope that maybe going from eating fast food and sitting on a couch smoking pot to working out and eating right might help. At least it will with the confidence which like I said is what I think my main problem is.

Good for you! I think you're right about it helping your confidence immensely. You can also think that you're turning over a new leaf with the gf and lifestyle changes, and your major problems with this are in the past for the most part (you want to be positive without putting too much pressure on yourself by saying it'll never happen again; if it happens, it happens, and it's no big deal).

 

[TerragonSix]

Start exercising, do so a little at first. Drink plenty of water. In about a month, you're going to feel a lot better about yourself.

Congrats on the lifestyle change.

 

[Gator2208]

Try getting a Fleshlight and learning from that... Nothing really replicates the true feel of a nice pussy but that thing is damn close when used with some KY warming lube. Best bet is just to learn where your Point of no return is and work on controlling that. Other tips, focus on your breathing, you'd be amazed at the help that does. Changing positions occasionally helps, also try pulling out when your getting close and gripping the base of your penis to constrict blood flow, that helps too. Masturbation is the best way to work it out though, focus on knowing your points and making your sessions last progressiely longer...

Gator

 

[Mansa Musa]

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions and help.

As far as getting the girl off before hand with my fingers and mouth I did that with my ex and in fact that is one area I am very confident in since I have always been told I was incredible in that area.

Truthfully I think my main problem is that my ex was never supportive at all and made me feel like shit when it would happen and then we wouldn't have sex for a few weeks in between so that by the time we would have sex again it would just go bad and I would feel even worse. Because of this I am so self-concience in this area it just causes me to get nervous and that just makes the problem worse.

The only reason I finally decided to talk about this is because I am going out with a girl from my job this weekend and its really the first date I'm going on since the break up. Now I'm nervous because I really want the night to go well and if it does I do not want this to ruin it.

One thing I am going to try is Zoloft since I read that it is one of a few anti-depressants that have shown to help with this problem. Since I am already on an anti-depressant it shouldn't be that big of a change and even if it doesn't really work it may just give me that little bit of confidence that I need. Like I said there were a few good times with the ex and I am pretty sure they were always when I wasn't stressing out about the problem.

Plus I've just recently started to work out and I hope that maybe going from eating fast food and sitting on a couch smoking pot to working out and eating right might help. At least it will with the confidence which like I said is what I think my main problem is.

One piee of advice, as Sweet Erica has already given her two cents: Do not use Zoloft for ejaculation control! There's no sense in altering your brain chemistry for a temporary problem. Slow and steady wins the race, and you'll learn endurance with experience. Now, if you've suffered from non-sex related depression, enjoy the side effect.

 

[Chicago Ken]

Whatever you do, do NOT look at 1 Sexy Figit's pictures. They'll be very counter-productive for this problem. (Hot!)

I'd agree with the posters who advocated extensive foreplay, even leading to an orgasm for her before you have intercourse. I'd also agree with the poster who recommended against using an anti-depressant to prevent premature ejaculation. You don't want to rely on a crutch for this issue.

One thing that worked for me back in the day was mental math as a source of distraction. I would pick a number and start doubling it or look at the clock and try to figure out how many hours I had to get home and go to bed or start calculating prime numbers. It sounds incredibly unsexy, which is the whole point.

This is a problem that most (if not all) guys face early in their sexual careers. You're not alone and shouldn't feel bothered or psyched out by it at all.

Finally, consider not having sex on the first date with your new chick. If you're actually interested in her, get to know her before you "get to know" her.

 

[mickwannabe]

This is very hard for me to talk about but this is a problem I have and I need to stop it. I have not had much sexual experience in my life and I feel this is what is stopping me from gaining the confidence that I need to meet women as I feel that there is no point.

It was a problem that I never thought much about before I got into my last relationship. I thought that the lack of sexual experience was my problem. However I was in a year long relationship with a girl who I was in love with and in the entire relationship we only had a few experiences where I did not ejaculate within the first few minutes of sex. Obviously this caused alot of stress on the relationship and as she got more upset I got more nervous and the problem got worse. In the end she left me and although it was over different problems I am fairly sure this was the underlying reason.

Now I am just nervous about trying to meet new women especially since I work a lot and most of the women that I get a chance to meet are at work. But because I am worried this problem will happen again I back off from trying to pursue them since I am embarrassed by this.

I see a lot of ads on the internet with pills offering miracle cures and at this point I am willing to try anything at all but I don't want to spend $170.00 dollars on something that is just a scam.

If there is anything anyone can do or tell me to help me I would greatly appreciate it I just want to have a normal sexual life. I know I treat women right and while I am no model I think I am fairly attractive and would be a great boyfriend. But as I said I have completely lost confidence in myself and my sexual ability.

Had somewhat of the same problem but not as severe as you are making it sound. My girl and I started doing a thing where I would eat her until she got to the edge, then I'd fuck her till I got to the edge, then I'd eat her until she got to the edge, and so on and so forth until we both got to have amazing cums.