How do I make friends?

[King_durandel]

I'm a 22 year old male and I'm asking this because I haven't had a long term friend since I was 8 and I'm tired of feeling left out and lonely all the time.

Don't suggest I go to bars. I don't drink. I want to know how to find friends based on intellect and interest not the amount of money I have or the alcohol in their veins.

 

[Hermes13uk]

Well what are your interests? Perhaps you should look into joining some club where other members are likely to have some things in common with you.

 

[Firebrain]

I second the idea of clubs and societies. If you have any specific interests, online forums can be good too as they often have meets and get-togethers. Or how about an evening class in something?

 

[george51]

Education, courses. I go to classes and when the lecturer is not talking, no one shuts up. Which is good of course They even encourage us to make study groups outside of class.

There is a lot of social interaction there.

 

[Epmd607]

I'm a 22 year old male and I'm asking this because I haven't had a long term friend since I was 8 and I'm tired of feeling left out and lonely all the time.

Don't suggest I go to bars. I don't drink. I want to know how to find friends based on intellect and interest not the amount of money I have or the alcohol in their veins.

Join the Army, Reserve, or National Guard. You'll have friends for life, men and women, people who trust you with their life. Sorry, old habit. Making friends out of school is probably difficult. Adults usually just make acquaintances because they have too many commitments to make new, true friendships.

 

[King_durandel]

I've tried joining clubs at my college and I'm almost immediately outcast due to my personality or conservative political views (Very liberal College).

As for the military I have attempted to join but I still have to lose at least 120# before they'll accept me for training.

 

[george51]

Join the Army, Reserve, or National Guard. You'll have friends for life, men and women, people who trust you with their life. Sorry, old habit. .

That's true about the services though.

 

[LaRocha]

I've tried joining clubs at my college and I'm almost immediately outcast due to my personality or conservative political views (Very liberal College).

As for the military I have attempted to join but I still have to lose at least 120# before they'll accept me for training.

You must have some super nerd hobbies, no offense. People like anonymity on sex sites, so literotica isn't really the place to make serious friends. I went into this game store last Sunday and all these nerds were painting pictures of scantily clad characters for some game they were making. I'm sure they're all great friends. Take what you're passionate about and find the other nerds who are as into it as you. I really like ping pong and I'm not even Asian. I have ping pong friends. If you say you don't like anything that much then you're a depressing person. People don't really want to make new friends with someone who's not into anything and seems like they're always depressed. Don't drag me down and all that. Best of luck.

Edit: Holy shit, I read your other thread. There's gotta be some game store near where you live. You're into drawing dragons and shit like that? Those gaming nerds are always making their own games. Go find some of them and get in on the game and draw your scantily clad dragon women, they'll love it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've tried joining clubs at my college and I'm almost immediately outcast due to my personality or conservative political views (Very liberal College).

As for the military I have attempted to join but I still have to lose at least 120# before they'll accept me for training.

Surely your school has a Young Republicans group. If not, take initiative and start one. You'll draw out the other folks like yourself who are hiding in the woodwork feeling outnumbered.

 

[jtf71961]

I've tried joining clubs at my college and I'm almost immediately outcast due to my personality or conservative political views (Very liberal College).

As for the military I have attempted to join but I still have to lose at least 120# before they'll accept me for training.

Join a gym and meet people there, when you become a regular, they will recognize that you are there to accomplish something just like them and you would be losig the weight, you need to in the mean time!

 

[PublicAffection]

When I was 22 I couldn't figure out why I never had any really close long term friends like everyone else, too. I didn't keep in touch with anyone I had gone to grade/middle/high school with, and while I was on agreeable terms with everyone in my day to day life I never really felt like I could call any of them more than acquaintances.

Then I realized... that's just how I am. I'm not an outcast, I'm just self sufficient. I have a small group of people who come in and out of my life at my convenience, and they all know that if they don't hear form me for months at a time that it isn't anything personal - I'm just doing my own thing. I think that being someone who hasn't had a close friend since a child, you may be in the same boat I was and just haven't figured it all out yet.

If you are really longing for a best-bud and confidant, the suggestions here are wonderful for finding like minded people. Another thing that will help you on your quest is the understanding that the friends you find will not be 100% compatible with you. They will be human, flawed, and have their own opinions on things. It is up to you to open your mind to their point of view, and to not push them away just because they don't agree on every point you will ever make.

 

[horgasm]

You must have some super nerd hobbies, no offense. ... I went into this game store last Sunday and all these nerds were painting pictures of scantily clad characters for some game they were making. I'm sure they're all great friends. Take what you're passionate about and find the other nerds who are as into it as you.

Man, that's a somewhat harsh way to characterize it, but I have to agree with LaRocha's sentiment. One bit of advice I have: If you're a nerd, don't try NOT to be a nerd. If you're into games, be into games, and find friends who are into games. If you build model airplanes, find friends who are interested in that. If you like furries, find furry friends. If you're an alcoholic, find and AA meeting. If you hate minorities, find a local KKK meeting. What I'm getting at is: do what you like. It's very rare that you're the only person around with that interest. Don't hide. You're 22. There's no need to be friends with "the cool kids" anymore. If you have something you enjoy, run with it.

Other ideas:
-what do you do for work? Hang out with people from work.
- I second the "join the gym" crowd, especially if you have to lose 120 lbs. For your own health as much as the friendship thing.
-look online for local clubs that do what you like.
-take courses. Lots of community colleges offer "non credit" courses in some pretty obscure things, and they're usually relatively inexpensive. I myself am planning to take courses in helicopter piloting and bartending. Cooking classes are goldmines. You've got "homework groups" (dinner parties) already built into the class.
-I'm pretty conservative, politically, too. Don't hide it or cover it up, but also don't sound like a Talk Radio station early in the conversation.
-Get some local/high school/college friends on Facebook, and hook up with them.

 

[King_durandel]

I already work out at a pool. I've lost 10# in the last 3 weeks.

I am current a culinary (cooking) student at college. Not as much of a goldmine as you'd think.

I think something I need to meantion is I live 40 miles from were I go to college. I don't have the extra money to just head into town without a plan first.

 

[rosco rathbone]

The other thing is, don't expect to have the same kind of treehouse buddies you had when you were 8. People grow up, they focus on kids and careers.

 

[Kitkat103]

www.meetup.com

You can just find out about groups and clubs that people create in your area and start from there. I got an account after I visited the American Atheist website and wanted to attend local meetings. I found other clubs like knitting, Black singles in my area that like to have dinner once a month, a club for adventures, and even depression. Its free and you have so much fun. One of the clubs I joined we ended up going to a international pillowfight and I did not know a lot of the people but they were totally friendworthy and if I wasnt tuckered out from Beating Gumby with a pillow in Union Square I would have exchanged facebooks or something with others. But were going to Karaoke next week so its cool.

I hope this helps even if you find my answer to be complete rubbish then atleast check out the website its really cool.

 

[LaRocha]

Culinary school. Everyone has the same interest as you there, more or less. Make some culinary school friends. That seems like the best bet. You're there all the time, in theory everyone in culinary school has a special interest in food. People do like to drink though, maybe people think you're judgmental when they're drinking? Making friends for me is always about me trying to have fun in some situation, then other people joining in or ignoring me. First week of college, first week I was in the Army, first week at any new job... It doesn't matter, either you show you're interested in other people or you're standoffish and they'll dislike you because you seem like you think you're better than them. I've done it both ways, been totally open to making new friends and totally closed off. Even when you're closed off people will still go out of their way to connect with you.

 

[fire_breeze]

I've tried joining clubs at my college and I'm almost immediately outcast due to my personality or conservative political views (Very liberal College).

As for the military I have attempted to join but I still have to lose at least 120# before they'll accept me for training.

I went to a very liberal uni, am very liberal in my political views, and I made some very 'conservative' friends, friends that I still talk to and hang out with on a regular basis. We just don't talk about politics - or if we do, we do so by teasing each other.

I'm with the 'join a club' crowd, except that I would keep my political views to myself at the beginning. Politics is a very sensitive topic, so I gauge the crowd before expressing my view (and no, I don't lie). My point is that politics does not define a person: it is part of someone. Start a Young Republican or Young Conservative club, as it was suggested. Join a debate team. Join a drama club (where they usually don't care if you're liberal, conservative or a monkey-human hybrid, as long as you're true to yourself and are accepting of others). Join the art club. The sci-fi club. Whatever interests you, there's a club for it. You just have to go and find it.

I already work out at a pool. I've lost 10# in the last 3 weeks.

I am current a culinary (cooking) student at college. Not as much of a goldmine as you'd think.

I think something I need to meantion is I live 40 miles from were I go to college. I don't have the extra money to just head into town without a plan first.

I hear you - it can be hard to live at that distance. You do have to make an effort - get to know some of your classmates and then go out for coffee or whatever after class.

By the way, don't automatically dismiss the bar scene. Yes, you don't drink. So what? I am sure that there are very quiet bars/cafes where everyone knows each other. Order a coke or something and get to know the regulars. I made some very good friends by hanging out there and playing cribbage with the regulars. And at the time, I couldn't drink because of the meds I was on. But I still went, did some homework and played some board games.

The last point of this very rambling post is don't take yourself too seriously. Get out there and have fun. If you enjoy what you enjoy, you naturally will attract people.

Good luck.

 

[hernandez9039]

Spend more time around people. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. Friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing computer games.
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