How did you start out swinging?

[strokin951]

A question for you Lifestyle/ Swingers out there.

Many posts emphasize communication. But, how did you first bring it up? Did hubby come home one day and say something like: "Y'know, Honey, I'd really like to fuck that blonde down the street, and, by the way, I think it would be good for our marriage. Do you want to do her husband?"

Yeah, I'm being flippant. But, it just seems such a touchy subject I would really like to know how you came to the point that you did it.

I'd personally like to try for purely selfish reasons, i.e. I would like to fuck the blonde down the street - actually, she's a brunette and she lives across the street, but you get the idea. I think if I shared this with my wife I'd be sleeping with the dog from here on.

Please post advice / history to help us other lost souls. Thanks.

 

[KramB]

Starting Swing Talk

My wife and I got into it in our late 20s. I was in the military at the time, living in a housing area where we lived in a duplex. The couple next door were really cool, laid back and sexy as hell. She was a airline stewardess back when they where hot babes. Anyway, my wife and I had been sharing sex fantasies as we made love and I noticed everytime we talked about having her fucked by a nother man she'd really get off. We also read penthouse letters that got us both pretty hot. One day I was next door with the guy watching a football game and noticed some porn mags under the couch. They were all related to swinger stuff. So I asked him about it and he indicated yes they were interested in the lifestyle. So at the next opportunity I brought it up to the wife as a real idea. She wasn't too keen verbally, but I could tell it did excite her emotionally. I arranged for us to go camping at a remote spot and made sure we had pletty of booze. We went skinny dippling once we got a little high and one thing led to the next....the wife was sucking down Dan's 9 incher and I was licking Donna wet pussy. We played swing games for a little over a year. I think my wife got the better "end" as Donna was gone a lot. Still doing 3-ways with Dan and my wife was a hot time. Believe me, I've never seen a woman have such an intense orgasam in my life as when she is treated to multiple cocks over several hours...

Good luck and have fun.....
KramB

 

[ReadyOne]

Old gf brought home some porn tapes and and said she wanted to invite an old bf (whom I'd met before) over to watch. I agreed; he came over; and after watching a tape for a few minutes, she pulled out his dick and applied her oral skills. After another minute, I bared her bottom and started fingering her. When she came, she took us into the bedroom...

Kind of a direct approach, wasn't it?!

 

[strokin951]

C'mon - there must be more

First, thanks to the guys who posted.

Is your swinging continuing, or did it fizzle when the (a) neighbors moved, or (b) the girlfriend became history?

There's got to be more than two swingers on this site.

You other guys have got a story about how you started out. Did the wife suggest it? Or, was it the husband? Was the reception, "Yeah, let's do it tonight!" Or, was it, "I can't believe you've even considered such a deviant thing!"

Enquiring minds want to know!

 

[SweetErika]

Could you try reading some stories together, maybe some in the Group Sex category, to see if she finds the idea even remotely enticing?

You may also have some luck asking your question on sites like the Swingers Board.

 

[Babyyy]

Has she ever shown any interest in being with another woman?
I think the reading erotica or watching porn together is a good way to bring it up btw …

I ‘m the one that brought it up with him… I don’t think any man I have been with would have said “ NO dear, I don’t want to see you with another woman “ … lol

 

[sambag]

Re: C'mon - there must be more

I really wonder how lucky you are to get your imaginations in true life. If ever i suggest this to my wife, the next moment i will be a stranger to my own house.
How do we bring in this topic to a very cultured upbringing women ?
Suggest a nice way to bring in this very sensitive topic without hurting her feelings.

 

[ReadyOne]

Most n-way sex is basically recreational. In a multi-poly environment, all may have deep love for each other and use sex for bonding, etc. But generally, an n-way is for fun.

Now if your partner doesn't see sex as recreational, or can't separate out the recreational part, then it's basically a lost cause. You need the lust circuitry operating, and you don't have the protections of the bonding (love relationship) between everyone to deal with the emotions after the fun and lust is over.

Thus, you also need emotional understanding and maturity to deal with an n-way. Some simplify the problem by never wanting to see the added partner(s) again, or by participating in a n-way when they aren't closely bound to another person (there can't be any problems with a non-existent partner).

But the primary partners still have to deal with emotions and learned behaviors (e.g. guilt for not behaving to the moral code one was brought up with) and the invalidation of implicit assumptions (if the relationship's good then the partners can't love/won't be interested in any other).

So you end up with the need for communication in a solid stable relationship before you can have the benefits of an n-way exceed the costs. Couples may need to not only deal with each other, but the occasional added person(s) who may be trying to manipulate things beyond the encounter (e.g. break up the couple, or attach themselves to the couple, or blackmail another participant).

So to answer the request, she may not be capable of dealing with the topic because the bonding part of sex is too much a part of her expectation.

If you can turly communicate, then you can calmly discuss the issue and her cultured upbringing won't get in the way of the discussion. Of course the results of the discussion may be a tightly closed door, but at least you got a hearing.

 

[KramB]

Swing Couples Communication

Ready One has this on the peg. The couple has to be very secure and well devoted to one another. Taking either one for granted or the n-party for granted can really cause problems. If the couple is on rocky ground to start with, a swing situation won't solve anything and most likely make it much worse. It is good to have a dual motivation check...honestly asking why each of you want to swing and expected outcomes.

Hope this helps...

 

[cmmots]

As soon as I take my boxer briefs off I start swinging.
Sorry couldnt resist.

 

[strokin951]

Cmmots - you're boasting!

Thanks for your posts.

I am sure that what SweetErika, Babyyy and Ready say is true. My question, though, was intended to get the scoop on how YOU started out.

Were you drunk at a party? Did you sit down round the kitchen table and discuss it? Was it spontaneous? Was it contrived, i.e. did you take your wife to a swingers resort and then say, "Oh, my, honey - look what's going on!" Did she invite over a girlfriend from work and the two of them pounce on you?

Any true lives (or even slightly embelished) accounts of what tipped them into swinging?

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Cmmots - you're boasting!

Thanks for your posts.

I am sure that what SweetErika, Babyyy and Ready say is true. My question, though, was intended to get the scoop on how YOU started out.

Were you drunk at a party? Did you sit down round the kitchen table and discuss it? Was it spontaneous? Was it contrived, i.e. did you take your wife to a swingers resort and then say, "Oh, my, honey - look what's going on!" Did she invite over a girlfriend from work and the two of them pounce on you?

Any true lives (or even slightly embelished) accounts of what tipped them into swinging?

Originally, you said you wanted to introduce your wife to the concept... if that's the case, you need to find out whether or not she has any interest in it. Now it sounds like you're fishing for masturbation material or ways to trick her into it. If that's the case, you'd probably be better off reading Group stories. If it's not, you'd probably be better off asking a group of swingers your questions.

 

[strokin951]

Thanks for your post, SweetErika

Is it just me, or are you a little hostile?

Originally, you said you wanted to introduce your wife to the concept.

Don't think I did. I can see where you could infer that form the last paragraph where I said effectively I lusted for the woman accross the road.

Now it sounds like you're fishing for masturbation material or ways to trick her into it.

Don't think that's fair. As for masturbation matterial, this is Literotica. There are pages upon pages of masturbation material. I think to make the leap that I have some nefarious scheme to trick my wife is a bit of a stretch.

...you'd probably be better off asking a group of swingers your questions.

Err - I thought I did. My opening line was: "A question for you Lifestyle/ Swingers out there." Maybe there are better sites but I'd have thought that Literotica was a liklier place to post the question than, say, 'Homes and Gardens.'

Actually, I'm curious and, as I said, this seemed a likely place to get an answer. Guess that was a wrong assumption on my part, huh?

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Thanks for your post, SweetErika

Is it just me, or are you a little hostile?



Don't think I did. I can see where you could infer that form the last paragraph where I said effectively I lusted for the woman accross the road.



Don't think that's fair. As for masturbation matterial, this is Literotica. There are pages upon pages of masturbation material. I think to make the leap that I have some nefarious scheme to trick my wife is a bit of a stretch.



Err - I thought I did. My opening line was: "A question for you Lifestyle/ Swingers out there." Maybe there are better sites but I'd have thought that Literotica was a liklier place to post the question than, say, 'Homes and Gardens.'

Actually, I'm curious and, as I said, this seemed a likely place to get an answer. Guess that was a wrong assumption on my part, huh?

It's just you...I'm not hostile, I'm just trying to be helpful to you and others. It seems like many of us misunderstood what you were asking, so perhaps it was unclear and needs to be edited to something like, "I don't want any advice, I just want personal anecdotes on how you started in the Lifestyle." While there are some Swingers here, you'd probably have better luck getting stories in another forum that gets more traffic (e.g. the GB or PG), and the best luck asking on a Swingers site.

 

[strokin951]

Re: Re: Thanks for your post, SweetErika

It's just you...I'm not hostile, I'm just trying to be helpful to you and others.

... you'd probably have better luck getting stories in another forum that gets more traffic (e.g. the GB or PG), and the best luck asking on a Swingers site.

Thanks, Erika. Sorry I misunderstood, and, apparently, caused misunderstanding.

Obviously, I posted in the wrong place originally, because the post was moved to this board (HT Cafe) by the moderator. I'll maybe re-post as you suggets.

Thanks.

 

[TexasJay]

Ouch

Strokin -

I would look for swinger sites. Some of them have stories from couples on how they got into it. Sharing the fantasy seems to be a common approach, if you guys talk about your fantasies at all. One thing all of them will tell you: don't force her!

- TexasJay