How did you know BDSM was for you?

[volvin]

Now I know a topic about this sort of thing has already been posted but I was interested in disusing the difference from person to person as to there first thought (or first concise thought) on BDSM that made you think, is this outside the norm?

The Earliest memory I have is one that looking back on shocked me and stunned me for quit some time… and since I have never told anyone about since the day I told my mother. (ya what else would a 8 year old do when he is unsure about something)
When we are young we fantasy’s about a number of thing none of which at that age are really sexual in nature, One memory stands out among all my others I was riding in a car looking out the window day dreaming I was around 6-8 at the time but I still remember it as clearer as it first happened because I have recalled it so often.
I daydreamed about a group of people willing and gladly sacrificing them self’s to the god they worship for the soul reason of pleasing it. Now as a 8 year old the first thing I did after relishing this was to ask my mother about it. I do not even remember what she said but the memory stands out to me even now after 11 years.

When I was 12 I got my first computer and was allowed to roam the Internet at will. Looking back on that if I ever have children I would never allow this, being exposed to pornography or political forums is one thing but searching around and finding… Scant, bestially, SM (the fake kind) and Snuff Imitation or no is something no child should be exposed too especially if they haven’t even had sex education yet.

But that is not to say it didn’t do me a world of good yes I found the extreme but I I found out what was real and what was fake for the most part, Suffice to say the majority of my free time was spend finding something normally a life style or simple pornography with a certain theme and then trying to find the real life meaning behind it. For me this went on for a number of years granted as a simple male it was just me looking for the next best masturbation material hehe. But every time I found something I didn’t understand or couldn’t apply my normal sense of logic I went searching for its meaning again.

It is amazing at the number revelations one can have while sitting in a chair I am still so unsure about a lot of things but BDSM has been something on my mind one way or another since I first read about it not Bondage or another particular pornographic but the nature of Dominance and submission which I find to be so very fascinating and arousing

What I am interested in is how you came to your own understanding with BDSM and how you came to realize it was for you?

Ps. Please forgive my poor spelling spell check only helps so much. Thank you J

 

[DVS]

Now I know a topic about this sort of thing has already been posted but I was interested in disusing the difference from person to person as to there first thought (or first concise thought) on BDSM that made you think, is this outside the norm?

The Earliest memory I have is one that looking back on shocked me and stunned me for quit some time… and since I have never told anyone about since the day I told my mother. (ya what else would a 8 year old do when he is unsure about something)
When we are young we fantasy’s about a number of thing none of which at that age are really sexual in nature, One memory stands out among all my others I was riding in a car looking out the window day dreaming I was around 6-8 at the time but I still remember it as clearer as it first happened because I have recalled it so often.
I daydreamed about a group of people willing and gladly sacrificing them self’s to the god they worship for the soul reason of pleasing it. Now as a 8 year old the first thing I did after relishing this was to ask my mother about it. I do not even remember what she said but the memory stands out to me even now after 11 years.

When I was 12 I got my first computer and was allowed to roam the Internet at will. Looking back on that if I ever have children I would never allow this, being exposed to pornography or political forums is one thing but searching around and finding… Scant, bestially, SM (the fake kind) and Snuff Imitation or no is something no child should be exposed too especially if they haven’t even had sex education yet.

But that is not to say it didn’t do me a world of good yes I found the extreme but I I found out what was real and what was fake for the most part, Suffice to say the majority of my free time was spend finding something normally a life style or simple pornography with a certain theme and then trying to find the real life meaning behind it. For me this went on for a number of years granted as a simple male it was just me looking for the next best masturbation material hehe. But every time I found something I didn’t understand or couldn’t apply my normal sense of logic I went searching for its meaning again.

It is amazing at the number revelations one can have while sitting in a chair I am still so unsure about a lot of things but BDSM has been something on my mind one way or another since I first read about it not Bondage or another particular pornographic but the nature of Dominance and submission which I find to be so very fascinating and arousing

What I am interested in is how you came to your own understanding with BDSM and how you came to realize it was for you?

Ps. Please forgive my poor spelling spell check only helps so much. Thank you J

I knew very early in my life. A local neighbor girl and I were both intrigued and although we didn't actually "know", we knew we enjoyed it.

She moved away, and I continued alone. It's true. One head is not as good as two. And, I didn't have the luxury of the Internet, so until I was old enough to purchase porn magazines, I experimented on my own.

That's not easy to do, when you aren't really sure what you want. But, when I was able, I purchased the smut magazines (they were the only ones that had anything about pain, bondage, etc.) and that's when I had a name to put to it.

Then, the search for like-minded people was necessary and that wasn't very easy, either, in a small mid-western town. Still, the Internet wasn't available, and so my education was through the smut mags, back then. It was a torturous time, I must say. I knew what I liked and assumed there were others out there, but it just wasn't something you talked about, in a town of 2,000. Shit, everybody knew everybody, name and family background.

The Internet opened things up for me, as it did for countless others. I found web sites to post want ads, they got answered, and the rest is history.

 

[FurryFury]

Almost a year ago now, I was cybering. I was a cyber virgin. It started as role play and also, power exchange which I became utterly fascinated with, burned for, researched and viola. It's been in me all along. Looking back I see very, very early signs of it, I just didn't know what it was or that it was okay or what to do about it. Talk about wasted time! Makes me wanna cry.

I'm feeling very Rocky Horror today.

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it.
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it "

And

"Oh, touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I wanna be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night "

Fury

 

[volvin]

I knew very early in my life. A local neighbor girl and I were both intrigued and although we didn't actually "know", we knew we enjoyed it.

She moved away, and I continued alone. It's true. One head is not as good as two. And, I didn't have the luxury of the Internet, so until I was old enough to purchase porn magazines, I experimented on my own.

That's not easy to do, when you aren't really sure what you want. But, when I was able, I purchased the smut magazines (they were the only ones that had anything about pain, bondage, etc.) and that's when I had a name to put to it.

Then, the search for like-minded people was necessary and that wasn't very easy, either, in a small mid-western town. Still, the Internet wasn't available, and so my education was through the smut mags, back then. It was a torturous time, I must say. I knew what I liked and assumed there were others out there, but it just wasn't something you talked about, in a town of 2,000. Shit, everybody knew everybody, name and family background.

The Internet opened things up for me, as it did for countless others. I found web sites to post want ads, they got answered, and the rest is history.

Thank you for sharing, your experince is much diffrent from mine and much further along but there is something i would like to ask you with me it was smut on the internet not in magazines but i always had the ablity to do a "yahoo search" and shift throught the lies and truths till i found the answer with you how did you come to your understanding? am sure you didnt just pick up a smut magazine and say so people like to be whiped? (althought it is and isnt as simple at that :/ err i hope you understand why am getting at lol)

 

[volvin]

Almost a year ago now, I was cybering. I was a cyber virgin. It started as role play and also, power exchange which I became utterly fascinated with, burned for, researched and viola. It's been in me all along. Looking back I see very, very early signs of it, I just didn't know what it was or that it was okay or what to do about it. Talk about wasted time! Makes me wanna cry.

I'm feeling very Rocky Horror today.

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it.
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it "

And

"Oh, touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I wanna be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night "

Fury :rose

I was in AOL chat rooms for 2 years but i stoped i got way to in to it....Plus i was a minor and after a that long i relized if i kept it up i was just going to get some one hurt and it was a game to me then or atleast it started out that way its funny how deep you can fall for someone with only typed words

 

[FurryFury]

I was in AOL chat rooms for 2 years but i stoped i got way to in to it....Plus i was a minor and after a that long i relized if i kept it up i was just going to get some one hurt and it was a game to me then or atleast it started out that way its funny how deep you can fall for someone with only typed words

I've never done AOL chat and in general I find chat rooms chaotic and boring, at the same time. I started out at live vampire role play site. Some scenes just had to be done in private over IM which turned into cyber. After a while cyber lost it's edge and I miss that constant burn for it, but oh well, life is nothing if not constantly changing. In any case, starting out from a character's perspective helped. When I had to start typing from a first person perspective that was harder at first.

Fury

 

[volvin]

I've never done AOL chat and in general I find chat rooms chaotic and boring, at the same time. I started out at live vampire role play site. Some scenes just had to be done in private over IM which turned into cyber. After a while cyber lost it's edge and I miss that constant burn for it, but oh well, life is nothing if not constantly changing. In any case, starting out from a character's perspective helped. When I had to start typing from a first person perspective that was harder at first.

Fury

Chat rooms are annoying... but its the few nice people in them that you take to IMS hmm unless you you speak to them in Forums first then move to IMS

 

[Iron_Horseman]

How I knew ...

Sounds like my experience was a lot like others. I found BDSM in an on-line chat room and explored a lot on the internet through both cyber and phone. I read a lot of materials. I found an AOL chat room that was very helpful, and a submissive very experienced submissive that helped me learn and explore.

I struggled a lot with was it really a true feeling, or was I just some sort of cyber Dom (there are a lot of them out there). I approaced my ex-wife and wanted to explore with her, but was throughly rebuffed. I was sick and warped for even thinking of such things.

After the divorce I hooked up with the submissive that helped me on line in real life. We spent several wonderful long weekends experimenting.. well experimenting for me, just having a good time for her..lol.

I was very active in the lifestyle for some time, then slipped away from it.

recently i have come back to it, and I discovered dominance is an important part of who I am

 

[DVS]

Thank you for sharing, your experince is much diffrent from mine and much further along but there is something i would like to ask you with me it was smut on the internet not in magazines but i always had the ablity to do a "yahoo search" and shift throught the lies and truths till i found the answer with you how did you come to your understanding? am sure you didnt just pick up a smut magazine and say so people like to be whiped? (althought it is and isnt as simple at that :/ err i hope you understand why am getting at lol)

Well, in a way it is as simple as that. Like I said, the smut mags were the only ones that went into any depth with bondage. And, that was the first thing I found out about. I knew I enjoyed it, but until a read a story where someone was tied up, I really thought I was among the few. That got me interested and started looking for just the mags that had stories, hoping to find more of the bondage type.

It was a slow process, but since seeing that one story, I was kind of on a mission. I knew there had to be more out there. I found the Penthouse forums to be very helpful. There were stories in there that centered on some of the fetishes I was interested in. But, all along, because of the type of magazines I found things in, I thought I was possibly sick and decided I shouldn't even speak of it to others. I just enjoyed it on my own for a while.

As time progressed, I noticed things, here and there that I found interesting, but still, they were dark and taboo and only added to my feelings of being sick or sexually unhealthy. Stories on the news about women and children being sold into slavery in foreign countries were seen as sad and criminal, but I saw them as potentially sexual situations.

Even TV in the 60s had their share of smut. I remember a show called Gunsmoke once had a segment where women were stolen by Indians and sold to evil white men for trinkets. These evil white men would take the women to Mexican and sell them into slavery. I don't think they ever mentioned the word sex, but I wrote it in on my own. Still, I was identifying with the bad side, and that bothered me. I came from such a good and honest upbringing...where did I go wrong?

When the Internet came about, my outlook on all of this took a turn. I decided that if this was the way I was, so be it. I enjoyed it and I didn't see how I could ever not think about it. I likened it to a smoker or something, an addiction that I wouldn't and couldn't ever stop.

As the Internet progressed, and there was more and more available, I was able to understand more and see that I wasn't such a bad person after all. In fact, there were some very good people who enjoyed the same things I did.

I never had Yahoo to search. My searches were manual, from magazine rack to magazine rack. And, because those stories were not quite what I wanted, I would embellish to my desires and I think that only helped develop my own devious thought process. Lies or truth? I didn't really care as long as it fed my desires.

They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I also think to a point, what your mind needs, it will find. And, if it doesn't find it somewhere in the print media or whatever, and if this desire is strong enough to survive, it will develop what it needs on its own.

I was lucky in that I had a little from the smut mags. That was enough to validate that I was not alone. From there, my own devious thoughts took over, until the Internet came around. And, before they got smart, all of the good stuff was free. But, you needed to know where to look. Search engines weren't geared for that kind of porn, if porn at all. But, that was an interesting time. Now, if I could have only had this fast connection, back then.

 

[volvin]

Well, in a way it is as simple as that. Like I said, the smut mags were the only ones that went into any depth with bondage. And, that was the first thing I found out about. I knew I enjoyed it, but until a read a story where someone was tied up, I really thought I was among the few. That got me interested and started looking for just the mags that had stories, hoping to find more of the bondage type.

It was a slow process, but since seeing that one story, I was kind of on a mission. I knew there had to be more out there. I found the Penthouse forums to be very helpful. There were stories in there that centered on some of the fetishes I was interested in. But, all along, because of the type of magazines I found things in, I thought I was possibly sick and decided I shouldn't even speak of it to others. I just enjoyed it on my own for a while.

As time progressed, I noticed things, here and there that I found interesting, but still, they were dark and taboo and only added to my feelings of being sick or sexually unhealthy. Stories on the news about women and children being sold into slavery in foreign countries were seen as sad and criminal, but I saw them as potentially sexual situations.

Even TV in the 60s had their share of smut. I remember a show called Gunsmoke once had a segment where women were stolen by Indians and sold to evil white men for trinkets. These evil white men would take the women to Mexican and sell them into slavery. I don't think they ever mentioned the word sex, but I wrote it in on my own. Still, I was identifying with the bad side, and that bothered me. I came from such a good and honest upbringing...where did I go wrong?

When the Internet came about, my outlook on all of this took a turn. I decided that if this was the way I was, so be it. I enjoyed it and I didn't see how I could ever not think about it. I likened it to a smoker or something, an addiction that I wouldn't and couldn't ever stop.

As the Internet progressed, and there was more and more available, I was able to understand more and see that I wasn't such a bad person after all. In fact, there were some very good people who enjoyed the same things I did.

I never had Yahoo to search. My searches were manual, from magazine rack to magazine rack. And, because those stories were not quite what I wanted, I would embellish to my desires and I think that only helped develop my own devious thought process. Lies or truth? I didn't really care as long as it fed my desires.

They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I also think to a point, what your mind needs, it will find. And, if it doesn't find it somewhere in the print media or whatever, and if this desire is strong enough to survive, it will develop what it needs on its own.

I was lucky in that I had a little from the smut mags. That was enough to validate that I was not alone. From there, my own devious thoughts took over, until the Internet came around. And, before they got smart, all of the good stuff was free. But, you needed to know where to look. Search engines weren't geared for that kind of porn, if porn at all. But, that was an interesting time. Now, if I could have only had this fast connection, back then.

I see thank you That was very insightfull

 

[volvin]

Sounds like my experience was a lot like others. I found BDSM in an on-line chat room and explored a lot on the internet through both cyber and phone. I read a lot of materials. I found an AOL chat room that was very helpful, and a submissive very experienced submissive that helped me learn and explore.

I struggled a lot with was it really a true feeling, or was I just some sort of cyber Dom (there are a lot of them out there). I approaced my ex-wife and wanted to explore with her, but was throughly rebuffed. I was sick and warped for even thinking of such things.

After the divorce I hooked up with the submissive that helped me on line in real life. We spent several wonderful long weekends experimenting.. well experimenting for me, just having a good time for her..lol.

I was very active in the lifestyle for some time, then slipped away from it.

recently i have come back to it, and I discovered dominance is an important part of who I am

Thank you for your experice

 

[h_i_s]

When i was seeking a dominant, and had nothing to go on other than the many erotic BDSM related stories i'd read online and a few personal accounts of the personal experiences shared with me by a few submissive online friends ... i'd imagined BDSM might be for me.

When i felt Him place His very first welts, burning hot and raised upon my backside and did my best to stay still and not plead for Him to stop ... i was pretty certain 'BDSM is for me'.

The moment that i knew it, was when He stopped, began to release me from His cuffs, and i immediately found myself wanting to beg Him for more of the same.

 

[landcruisergal]

I have always been attracted to bad boys ( ok some of them were dangerous) and the danger and aggressive sex was my turn on. If I had have continued down that road I would hate to think what would have eventually happened to me.
I became a co-dependant wife in a sexless marriage instead. Devoted time and energy into my work.

My earliest fantasy as a pre teen was a viking, rape-pillage-plunder scenario, and I devoured fantasy and medieval novels like Conan the Barbarian, even dipped into a older friends Gor novel but I was offended at the time, due to my budding views on women's issues.

Sex from my early experiences was always done in a spirit of service; no real concern for my own pleasure just satisfying my partner. " fat chicks try harder"

I always loved reading erotica and was drawn to those stories with a bdsm or violent/non consentual line.

I enjoyed pain for its sensational value. Piercings and tats. A body piercer and I discussed sado/maso issues and he did some needleplay on me which I loved, but my enjoyment even under clinical conditions scared me. How far would I go?

I was approached by a man in a body art chat room, did some net research, discussed safety and trust issues which reassured me immensely, we met and I became his newbie sub.His tastes go far beyond the physical and 3 years later...still his.

 

[Red Sonja]

I think I knew the first time my now hubby and I, then boyfriend and I wound up in my bedroom. Oh it started out normal enough, but then... he pinned my arms above my head. He said, and I quote from memory here... "I believe the man should be in charge." WOW! I can still remember how much more I suddenly felt everything. More than ever before, really. Sensation was much more heightened. And I said, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Then more stuff happened, but I'm saving that for my epic novel...

It was the beginning. Not just of BDSM for us... but also for a marriage that's been around 14 years now... not too shabby in this day and age.

 

[mrmadman]

...These evil white men would take the women to Mexican and sell them into slavery. I don't think they ever mentioned the word sex, but I wrote it in on my own...

Reminds me of that joke: "I was promised a job as a sex slave, but when I got to America, I found out the smugglers sold me to an au pair agency. It was so degrading..."

And, before they got smart, all of the good stuff was free... that was an interesting time...

No more good free erotica, DVS? Except on the story site here, you surely mean.

 

[DVS]

No more good free erotica, DVS? Except on the story site here, you surely mean.

Well, every so often you come across a good little snip of video or something, just as a tease to purchase thw whole thing, but back then, you could get the whole thing for free, as long as you had the time to let it download.

Oh, there were sites that timed your connection and limited how much of their bandwidth you could use at one time. That kind of sucked, when you'd be almost done with maybe an hour long download and ZAP, they'd disconnect you.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I knew when I found out my partners were open to me taking charge and to the things I wanted to do. It was confirmed when I found out there was a subculture that indulged in and embraced the ideals I believed and things I did.

 

[jadefirefly]

I don't remember when I realised it. I think I'd always had the vague tendency to be more submissive, but nobody I'd been with had ever explored it.

I do remember speaking with a friend once via messenger, and him telling me he was perusing a site full of stories but that he didn't think I'd like it. I told him to send me the link anyway. There were tons and tons of BDSM stories (some better than others) and after that I was just hooked. It became a constant fantasy.

There's still so much I want to try, and am slowly finding the courage to actually verbalize so that my partner actually knows this. I'm very very content to spend as much time as necessary exploring lots of different ideas to find out if I like them or not!

 

[meeerkat]

hmmmmmmm.......

 

[AvaAdore]

I am the only one who assumed it was normal and was surprised when I found out that this was not the case?

 

[Kierae]

What I am interested in is how you came to your own understanding with BDSM and how you came to realize it was for you?

This question causes a bit of conflict for me. BDSM began very early in my life at the hands of an abuser. When I began to "flex" my own sexuality, I clearly was in the dominant role and pretty much stayed there for many years. I considered myself a switch because I knew I could be submissive but never was. Eventually I found someone I trusted enough to show the submissive side (and everything that went with it). It felt like I had finally come home.

 

[littlegirllostx]

I knew it was for me..

I knew when I was like 8 and I would pretend my stuffed animals were people and they were going to do unimaginable painful things to me. I started having real sexual fantasies about it when I was 12 and have had them until now. (im 18). I have never had a relationship where the person was open to it but I told my boyfriend recently and he said he isn't wierded out. He has pretended to rape me before which I found pretty interesting And he forced me to suck his cock recently to the point where I gagged. I loved it. For me I feel our relationship has grown immensly because I told him that I was willing to do anything for him. That I was his and only his. He had been worried I'd cheat on him in the past. He was insecure from past relationships. But when I told him this, he seemed to love the idea and trust me in what I was saying.

 

[amasterfound]

Because I thought about diffenet aspects of it since I was a little girl playing with barbies. I use to have the barbie dalls spank each other then have them play with each others pussy.

 

[Xelebes]

BDSM is predominantly an internet acronym. One would suspect that those who learned of this probably were on the internet looking up such material out of curiosity or had previous experience doing other things.

 

[chris9]

When I was like 5 or 6 I had a game with a friend (a girl, too). We were playing 'doctor', but with a sort of S/M twist into it. Like the doctor (taking turns) would do some 'painful' examinations, being sort of an evil doctor.
When I was around 9 I used to play with yet a different friend (again taking turns) that the male (possibly some favourite singer, don't remember clearly) would force himself on the victim.
With both those games I didn't really know what to do or say when being in the dominant part and mostly ended up doing almost exactly what my friends had done before.

When around 12 I started to touch myself, thinking about either a doctor (usually gynecologist) fantasy (with evil doctor experimenting on pain, often with electricity involved) or a harem/slavery fantasy. I didn't really find out how to achieve orgasm, so after a while I stopped playing with myself and went back to pre-sleep reading.

With my boyfriend I still had those fantasies when we were together. I still have.
I used to think that they are exactly that: fantasies. I just could not imagine that anything like that would happen in real life, or that the pain could be erotic or anything (I'm not very good dealing with even minor injuries usually), or that anyone would think of doing something like that for real. Sometimes I was slightly worried about my fantasies, about not being normal. Usually I quieted those fears by assuring me that it's in my head only, so no problem really as I would NEVER do anything like it for real

Then my boyfriend had his own internet (we had one computer in my home, sharing with my parents, so I did not look at anything sexual) and after some time discovered literotica. I started reading stories, mostly from 'non consent/reluctance'. And I was very appaled by those. And very intrigued, building weeks of fantasies on one small story. I didn't know what BDSM meant, so I never looked at those stories. I finally figured it out though, figured out that there are people who like the same thing, not only in fantasy, that it's possible to do some of these things for real. And I discovered the consent part of it. I believe that was the most important for my wish to make something like it happen in real life for me. The 'non consent' stories worried me because it was rape. I didn't want to find them erotic. But when there was consent, I was fine with it.