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Hot female lawyer sought to defend me in court.

TheRedChamber said:
I haven't yet heard which jurisdiction I'm being sued in. I suspect it's this forum - the highest erotic court in the land. Luckily judge Lovecraft68 has just stepped down.
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I'll accept the role. I think my name--Judge Doom--alone qualifies me for the job. I don't guarantee being fair, but my judgment will be final.
 
TheRedChamber said:
I haven't yet heard which jurisdiction I'm being sued in. I suspect it's this forum - the highest erotic court in the land. Luckily judge Lovecraft68 has just stepped down.
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Even in AH court, we don't just sue people and not tell them why. That would be pointless. We can't get whatever we want from you if you don't even know what that is. :unsure:
 
gunhilltrain said:
Bonus points for those who can name which war this was in. (I'm sure some of you do know.) I have no idea who that guy in the turban is supposed to be.

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That is some seriously good Bugling. Impressive how a single-key instrument is able to play so many different keys.

Also, #videothatendstoosoon
 
Altissimus said:
That is some seriously good Bugling. Impressive how a single-key instrument is able to play so many different keys.

Also, #videothatendstoosoon
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That was over a month ago, when I was still in my hijacking threads phase. I'm trying to get away from that kind of thing. I don't even remember why I posted it. :rolleyes:
 
TheRedChamber said:
I'm currently seeking a hot female lawyer to defend me in court.

I know what you're thinking. I'm not one of those weirdos who agree to be billed $300 a hour just to spend time in the company of a tough independant slightly frightening women. This is a response to genuine legal action and I need help (see this thread for details).

Why do you need a hot female lawyer, you ask? Well it's quite simple. My opponent is a devious she-devil, product of a succubus and a harpy and she will not hesistate to use her extreme sexuality to wrap the jury and the judge round her little finger. She will betwitch all and sundry and 69 with Lady Liberty on the very steps of the Supreme Court if she deems it necessarily. She needs to be stopped and only a stunningly attractive attorney of the highest moral fiber will be able to win victory.

The ideal candidate will be:

a) Over 5 ft 11 in heels.
b) Have large 44DD breasts - this case may very well come down to how much the male members of the jury want to motorboat them.
c) Be completely confident in her sexuality which will be wholely dominant.
d) Be able to reduce a grown man, nay a senior judge, to jelly with a single glance.
e) Under no circumstances may she be blonde.

I will not be able to pay this lawyer, so it is important she takes on this work pro-blow job...I mean pro-bono.

The prosecution may have a space octopus so she needs to be able to defend herself in court. She doesn't need to be She-Hulk but...actually She-Hulk would be pretty much ideal.

This is not a personal ad, but we all know from television that any strong female lawyer must, by definition have a love-life that is a complete mess, parading a string of hot but ultimately disasterous men through her bedroom. Therefore, I resolve to sleep with whoever I hire at the appropriate junction and not be too upset when she wakes up and realizes what a complete disaster last night was.
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Hi,

Let me introduce myself. I’m Merrily Imler, I am a hot attorney and a partner at Imler, Suckgoode and Cummings. I’d be happy to take your case.

Merrily
 
electricblue66 said:
44D, Em. Completely unfair, but that was one of his selection criteria.
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She also has to be about 5'11" (in heels) and not be a blonde.

Red Chamber: you said you might not be able to pay her with money, but you implied that she could give you blowjobs. The world doesn't work that may. You have to offer some tangible asset or service in return, and I doubt oral sex with you would qualify. On contingency cases, you pay with a share of the proceeds if you win the case.
 
The head cheerleader from my high school graduating class was a lawyer when I saw her at our 10 year reunion 15 years ago. Hot as heck (whatever age), brunette, not single but you can’t have everything. [sigh]
 
TheRedChamber said:
The ideal candidate will be:

a) Over 5 ft 11 in heels.
b) Have large 44DD breasts - this case may very well come down to how much the male members of the jury want to motorboat them.
c) Be completely confident in her sexuality which will be wholely dominant.
d) Be able to reduce a grown man, nay a senior judge, to jelly with a single glance.
e) Under no circumstances may she be blonde
Click to expand...

Does anyone else have 7" heels I can borrow?

And some bra padding?

And a wig?

Provide that, and I might be a suitable attorney.

Ehh who am I kidding, I'm not confident in my sexuality, nor can I reduce anyone to jelly. You should probably look for a different lawyer.
 
MediocreAuthor said:
Does anyone else have 7" heels I can borrow?

And some bra padding?

And a wig?

Provide that, and I might be a suitable attorney.

Ehh who am I kidding, I'm not confident in my sexuality, nor can I reduce anyone to jelly. You should probably look for a different lawyer.
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The more important issue: do you have a license to practice law in any state?
 
Is... is this a serious post? (Please say no). I'm horrible at telling the differences over the internet
 
JC_WELLS said:
Is... is this a serious post? (Please say no). I'm horrible at telling the differences over the internet
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Good God no...

Emily started trolling the constant request threads for 'Female perspective wanted to collaborate on my story (not hitting on you honest)' style threads.Then everyone else joined in with their own takes on it. Finally we started to troll each other.

This particular one doesn't seem to want to die (however much I ignore it) and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense without all the others on the same page.
 
TheRedChamber said:
Good God no...

Emily started trolling the constant request threads for 'Female perspective wanted to collaborate on my story (not hitting on you honest)' style threads.Then everyone else joined in with their own takes on it. Finally we started to troll each other.

This particular one doesn't seem to want to die (however much I ignore it) and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense without all the others on the same page.
Click to expand...
I think there were two guys in one week who who had that "female perspective" request, and that set off a wave of spoofs. I even had one for a female plumber, although I only wanted my pipes fixed; I didn't want to date her or have sexual relations with her. I even linked to this one, because she works in New York City. The plumbing problem I described is pretty close to a real one I've had.

https://amysmartgirls.com/meet-juda...o-is-dominating-the-trade-in-nyc-f1bc98b3837c
 
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