Honesty on the net.

[Xander]

This has been up for a number of times. Honesty on the net, when it's so easy to lie about everything you are.
This has been trickered by Crystal turning Flagg, and Rachel turning Roger.
Noyt that I in any way see that as a bad thing. The fact that they both showed colours is a vote of trust, as I see it.

Now I know I've lied about who I am, on the net. Before I became one of Laurels' "Children".
Now I'm quite confident that most on this BB is honest to the others. I've not seen any proof otherwise. So let's leave this wonderful BB out of this.

My question is: How many of you have lied about yourself, on the net???

I know I have. And I ended up hurting a girl I liked very much. Thus deciding it was not worth it.
So now I'm Xander or Xander_dk every place I visit on the net. And I don't lie about myself anymore.
Everything I've said about myself on this BB (the best on the net, in my humble opinion.) has been the naked truth.
Which also means, that most of you, know more about my secrets, than my friends in RL do.

Let's be honest. What do you really gain by lying about yourself???

 

[Guest]

A hundred and twenty-five pound.

roger

 

[Guest]

I really don't see what the big problem is about being untruthful on the net. Damn near everyone does it, and most likely you'll never meet the people you talk to face to face. (With the exception that in my home town we have a chat room for AOL baised on our town's name, and we have parties and get togethers all the time...)

Anyway, I believe that by creating Rachel on the net, Roger was able to make her real in any publication he has of her. It's a good way to interact with people (as the character he's created) so he can find out what they think of her. It's an excelient way to make a story more realistic.

I say congrats to Roger and Flagg (though I don't know the second one). Keep up the good work!

Lindsay
aka Tiggs

[This message has been edited by Tiggs (edited 05-05-2000).]

 

[Sammyjo]

I don't believe I've ever lied to anyone about myself on the net. If asked a question I'd rather not answer, I just tell the other person that. For example, I am pretty open about myself. I will discuss just about anything that is brought up...but when people start asking about my kid...I don't answer much of anything. Those of you who know her name, only know it because I've found some level of trust with you. I have reasons for this. I also don't discuss much about my family. I don't give out my phone number or address to anyone (of course, if I get to know someone better, that can change). You all know how hideous I am (or at least that's my opinion). I don't hide my feelings. I am, by nature, honest and open.

I don't see why people would lie about themselves. If the fact of the matter is that you aren't going to meet these people, then what do you have to lose? You can tell people things without giving away so much that you can be tracked by a stalker.

I think it's wrong to deceive people. What if, by chance, you start really getting to know someone? What if this person starts feeling strongly towards you? Now you are going to rip their heart out by telling them that you aren't really who you say you are.

I'm sure this is only going to start a rush on "I'm not really....I'm...."

You have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy. It's just too bad that people have to get hurt in the process.

 

[Vixen]

Hear, hear Sammyjo! I either tell the truth, or decline to answer.

I'm looking for people who will add something to my life. People who aren't honest (especially given the anonymity of the net), simply aren't worth the bother.

 

[Lajo]

I concur with Sammy and Vixen. I do not lie on the net. I will answer questions either truthfully or not at all.

Do I think I have been lied to on the net? Probably. Am I concerned with it? Not at all.

 

[Lasher]

You'll have to forgive us damn Americans, Xander...we are after all just a bunch of lying bastards.

However, we did all learn some valuable lessons from our President over the last 8 years on the value of honesty (there isn't any) and that the most important thing when caught in a big lie is to stick to your story and deny everything!

Don't worry, someday you Europeans will get the hang of it.

 

[Lovely Latina]

Quite an interesting turn this BB has taken in the last 48 hours with the whole "Rachel" tryst of events.

So, for which of the following does the cherished "anonymity" of the great and powerful WWW hold a greater propensity?:

The ability to present yourself completely and honestly as you truly are because you will most likely never meet any of these people IRL? Or...the ability to lie your ass off about every single aspect of yourself because you will most likely never meet any of these people IRL?

Though it's just a easy to successfully accomplish either, I'd like to believe that the vast majority have a greater tendency toward the former. But who the hell really knows? Sadly, I've encountered an equal share of both, being sorely disappointed, and in some cases greatly angered, by those who took on a false or misleading persona just to present themselves in a more appealing light. (Not talkin' about you, "Rogel"

) Needless to say, I'm alot more cautious these days.

As for myself...how I appear to all of you here (in all my girlish goofiness) is actually more true to life than my day to day "real life self." That sounds terrible (as I knew it would), so let me explain.

I hold a position where I must give direction and instruction to people who are anywhere from 5 to 20 years my senior. The need to gain and uphold the utmost respect from these people is crucial to my being successful. In my quest to do so, I have had to work against certain "strikes":

1--Being a woman.
2--Being a not-so-tall woman.
3--Being a hispanic woman.
4--Not being taken seriously because of my age, my looks, or my height. (THIS was a BIG obstacle to overcome.)

Because of all this, I actually find that I have to be almost overtly professional AT ALL TIMES, moreso than most people in my same position would. It's not that I don't like it, or that I haven't become very good at it (cuz I like to think that I have), but if those people knew what a true smartass/racy (and sometimes completely silly) woman I can be...all would be lost. They all consider me a "stick in the mud," but I find that the work relationships function better that way. Work is where I spend the majority of my waking hours, so it's ONLY the serious/professional side of me that is shown for most of the week. I don't feel as if I'm being "false" on the job, but I do wish (quite ALOT) that I could be able to let out more of my unique personality. (BUT you can bet that my "afterhours" are spent REALLY letting my hair down literally AND figuratively as well as letting my "pent up passionate side" run completely amuck. <sg> )

(Oh shit...how much longer can she possibly ramble? Hold on...you're about to find out.)

I made a post on another thread ("You oughta be in pictures") giving out alot of info about myself because I really want all of you to know me (or at least as much as is possible to "know me" in this arena). I enjoyed reading facts about other people's REAL lives and jobs, and wanted to be more "real" to all of you by divulging some harmless, personal data. Like Xander and others have stated, "everything you see here of me and about me is the naked truth." The only thing I really hold back on is my sense of "biting sarcasm." I may make smartass remarks here and there, but I try to keep 'em "light." I would love to get to the point where I could have such a great rapport with some of you that I was able to employ my caustic sarcasm in fun and jest without offense (as it has always seemed like something reserved only for "da boyz" to get away with...lol), but until then, I just wanna keep it light and have fun. I've been having a BLASTED good time on this BB, and want to thank all of those who have made me (and other newcummers) feel so damn welcome. <smile> The reason I love it here so much (as I'm sure is the case for alot of you) is that I don't have to put up any fronts. Free to be me. Some of you may find me mildly amusing, and some of you may find me mildly annoying...I really couldn't care less. THIS is me...THIS is LL. (aka--Lisa.)

[This message has been edited by Lovely Latina (edited 05-05-2000).]

 

[Gil]

LL,

Hear, hear!

That was quite a lengthy and serious reply. I always enjoy your pithy remarks and also look forward to the day that you feel you can share your "full" sarcasm/wit. I will probably choke and have a heart attack from laughing, if your previous posts are any indication of what's to come.

Too bad about your work environment, I don't think I could deal with that, but then again I've never swam (swum?) in that ocean.

I don't condone dishonesty on the net, but then I just don't see the point in it. I am totally me and with this BB have enjoyed being honest about who I am. When I don't want to answer or share something, I either don't respond to the question/issue or change the subject. To be completely fair, I don't have the responsibilities, obligations and social considerations that most of you'all have, so comparisons are moot.

Truth is my religion and freedom, chaos and anarchy are the pillars of my church. Now, who just broke wind...?

 

[Xander]

Oh, stop Lasher. You're killing me. LOL. And us weird Europeans has gotten a hang of it, mind you. Though it does take its' man to match good ole' Billy boy. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman...." Uhuh...yeah...okay....right.

Anyway, LL. I'm in a simular working inviroment as you. You have my complete sympathy.

I'm glad to see that you all have confirmed my, what I deep down, already knew. Honesty prevails.
And I too do like the little details there are, about what you all do in RL. Though in theory we could all just be filling each other with BS.
That doesen't appear to be the case. WOOHOO.
A funny thing I've noticed, at least with myself, is that the masks I wear in RL, disappear the instant I log on. But as I said before, it hasen't always been like this.

When I first started to surf the net, I was a completely different guy.
Back then my profile was something like this. 6"2, white, brown hair, brown eyes. And I used to run a whole lot of bull, which had no connection with the real me, together with that.
I meet a girl on the net, and we head it off really well. Except she was hitting it off with someone who didn't exsist. As time went by, I really began to like this girl, and I felt that she was honestly sharing a part of her, with me. While all I did was bullshitting her. I felt bad about it, so I eventually told her the truth.
That I'm 5"6-5"7, asian, black hair, brown eyes. And that most I've told her over a period of 4 months, was one big fat lie.
That hurt her, and she understandable got very angry with me. I totally understand her. I would have been angry too, if I had been the one being lied to, in a trusting net relationship as the one we had.
So since then I changed my net name to Xander, deleted all profiles about the fictional character, and entered the real info instead. I don't ever want to hurt somebody like that again. It wasen't worth it, and it never has been. And now it will never be.
After that experience what you see is for real. This is Nicolai aka Xander.

 

[Firesprite]

I, like Xander used to have an alias who was not much like me when I first started out on the web. Well, it was like me, but I missed out important details. I got into cyber relationships that turned serious (Thankfully all were in different countries than I). I got to the point where I didn't know what lie I had told to who. One day I got so sick of my own BS that I sent emails to all my friends, telling them who I really was. I lost alot of good friends that day. since then I have not lied on the net, and plan to continue telling the truth. Besides, I like to send pics of myself, and if I say I am taller, skinnier, sporty or whatever.. my pics will contradict me.
Ahh well.. past is past.

Joanne
AKA Firesprite, Wonderwoman_nz, cavewoman_nz, dangerous_will_bite.
Known on Literotica only as Firesprite.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Since I started to chat on the net, I've tried to be who I am. But yes I have changed a few facts from real life. I have a problem with my weight, and sometimes when I ended up having cybersex with women, I did tell them the truth about what I look like except my weight, I just said muscular there.

But now I've gotten more open about who I am, and a bit more about what I look like. Because I have found out that to me looks doesn't mean all. If I like the personality then the looks doesn't matter that much. And I've learned that the kind of woman I will end up should feel the same way.

So what you see on here is probably more who I am, than you would see in real life. Because here I can shread my shyness and just say what ever I feel like, knowing that I will probably never meet any of you. Except with one exception, I have met one person here that I hope to meet someday in real life!


Kenn
aka Shakes_68, ShyGuy68 and Sweetguy30

 

[Guest]

Ok. This is the truth. These are the real facts about me:

I live 40 miles outside Edinburgh. I'm 31, 5ft9, with dark hair and green eyes. I was in a relationship for ten years (unmarried) but we split up early this year. I live alone and have no pets.

I like my eyes, nose, ears bum and hair but don't much care for my legs (a bit bandy). I was kinda plump for a few years (around 14 stone) but over the last 18 months have lost a lot of weight. I've been unemployed for a while and struggle a lot with money. I now live pretty much on tins of soup and beans since my band got dropped by our record label last August. I've also been excercising a lot more & walking places instead of taking taxis. As a result of this I'm now down to 12 stone (around the average weight for a man of my height) and feel a lot more happy and confident with myself.

Bonjour, Latina Belle, ca va? Like you, I've worked in a job where I could only show one side of my personality. I trained as a psychiatric nurse. You can be thrown off the Nurse Register if you lower the tone of the profession in any way. You're not allowed to be seen drunk in public, smoke pot or act too wildly. After a while, it's easy to fit into the work role. It just makes you all the wilder in your private life.

I think we all show different sides of our personality depending on who we're with - family, colleagues, close friends, minor aquaintances, lovers. That doesn't mean we're lying or being dishonest. It just shows that people aren't just one-dimensional soap opera characters. There are so many depths to our personalities - you can be an upstanding pillar of the community AND a wild sex kitten.

You know how people have 'telephone voices' that they automatically use when they're on the 'phone? Well, I think we all have net voices. I, for one, use a lot more Americanisms on the net than I do in real life.

By the way - as Roger Simian, I've never once lied on this BB. Well, apart from jokes - where it was obvious I was exagerating, or whatever. The description I put of myself in the 'Brief Physical Descriptions' strand is pretty much the same as what I've told you at the top of this message - although I chose to miss out the weight details.

As Rachel Picabia, I was obviously living one-big lie but, at the same time, I revealed a lot of truths about myself.

Under the name Roger Simian I tended to try to just go for cheep laughs and one-liners. Through Rachel Picabia, though, I was able to let the feminine, creative, nurturing, sluttish, sarcastic and opinionated sides of my personality off the leash for a while, which did me a lot of good.

I think that, through my postings as Roger Simian and Rachel Picabia, I've painted a fairly full, honest and accurate picture of who I really am. You probably know me as well as any of my minor aquaintances do.

Of course, Simian isn't really my last name. Even as a man, I worry about giving out too much specific personal information.

I've struck up cyber relationships in chat rooms with a few women, and a couple of them have pretty quickly offered me their home telephone number or address. This horrified me. Both times I said I was flattered but asked them not to tell me. It is so dangerous to leave yourself vulnerable like this, no matter how well you think you know the other person.

If you're really keen to meet up with someone you've met on the net, you should always arrange to meet them in a public place, and give yourself plenty opportunity to back away if you get a bad feeling about them, or whatever.

Anyway, take care, you naughty people

The Real Roger "Simian"

 

[Magic Merlin]

[This message has been edited by magic merlin (edited 05-05-2000).]

 

[Magic Merlin]

Hi Xander, your a thinking man.

Compliments on some of your postings and topics. Love the way they get us to think. Your a coooool one!

Stay cool

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Thank god the truth!

I always have been truthful, notice its a lot easier not having to get toungue tied talking to someone. Never been into cybering just lacking satisfaction I spose... sure the truth may hurt feelings but lying going to hurt more its just going to be further down that road not upfront.

Rock on, and Xander all you gain is stolen self esteem BUT we do have pictures up in member profiles I hope, ALL OF US. I can del with being ugly, why cant everyone else?!

There's my cent worth
da Chef

 

[Vixen]

Hi Roger of the great "you can be an upstanding pillar of the community AND a wild sex kitten" line. I discovered my sex kitten side on the net, AND I let her come out and play. She just doesn't get to play in the city in which I am a pillar. Thank GOD for the net and for Laurel.

 

[Dahlia]

I lie. I like lying. I like going into adult chats and being a 5'10" Nordic blonde one day and a petite curvy redhead the next. Maybe it isn't lying, perhaps pretending is a better term.

On the web I can be whoever I feel like being. I do not have to conform to any expectations. And believe me, people make innumerable judgements about who you are and what you should do, like or believe based on how you look - what these strangers perceive to be your ethnic, socio-economic, or religious background.

In my day to day life, I am constantly struggling to get out of the box people put me in. On the web I am truly free. And I am most free when I let my imagination run wild and lie.

 

[Xander]

Svedish. You're right. Stolen self esteem. Which will quickly fade to nothing.
And I do have my ugly face posted in the members profile. I got nothing to hide (I'm aware of

)

Just to be clear. Those who do like to "pretend" or lie about ones true self.
Well, that's fine with me. I just can't do it anymore.
I faced the consequences of it. Consequences I never thought could be associated with a little fooling around, posing as someone else, on the net.
But there were consequences to be paid. And so I did......

 

[Guest]

Hey, there, Vixen - thanks, you naughty kitten, you.

Dahlia, I think you've made some good points about how people perceive you based on your physical description. I think a lot of the things I posted as Rachel would've been perceived very differently if I'd posted them as Roger Simian. "Why's he going on about feminism? What's his hidden agenda? Why's he saying these things? He's a man - what the Hell does he think he knows about female sexuality?" etc. A lot of assumptions are based on the gender of the person you're talking to, too. I don't know why but whenever I tried posting more serious, emotional messages as Roger Simian, they were completely ignored. When I posted similar things as Rachel, I usually always got some kind of a response.

Xander - it's good that you've decided to be more honest when you're interacting on the net. You're right, lies can end up in people being hurt. I suppose it depends what the lie is and how involved you've become with the other person.

Whenever I've been in chat rooms, I've never lied about my physical description, in the same way that I wouldn't claim to be an airline pilot in real life. A few times I made myself a couple of years younger than I am, 'cause at 31 I thought girls of 20 or 25 would think I was just some dirty old man. After a while, though, I stopped that. I always ended up telling people my real age anyway once I got to know them a little better, and none of them seemed to mind, anyway. Some of them even liked the idea of having a cyber relationship with a slightly older man.

I think that when you were masquerading as the blonde-haired, blue-eyed hunk, you probably enjoyed acting at being a completely different person. I don't think that's a bad thing. Like Dahlia says, it's "pretending" rather than lying. It's like getting to be a vicious, over-the-top pirate in the school play, when in real life you're shy and introverted. It lets another side of your personality out, which is healthy.

In casual cyber relationships - where things are fun & fairly superficial, and you're both just flirting and probably fully aware that there are a few minor fibs being told, that's ok, I think.

I guess the problems occur if you become more involved with someone. You're developing a longer-term relationship & that has to be built on trust. I guess the solution is to stop the pretending and tell the truth as soon as you think you're getting close to someone.

If it's early enough, they'll probably be amused, rather than hurt. I'm sure that it's the personality coming through the words rather than the physical description that keeps internet friendships going anyway.

roger

 

[Xander]

That's just it Roger. It was a long term relationship, and I didn't stop lying when I should. And the lie grew, developed. And still I continued.

She wanted us to meet on several occasions. And I would gladly have meet her. But I kept lying about things I had to do, thus not being able to meet her.
And the lie grew bigger and bigger and bigger.
Because it was a relationship that also grew emotional. The truth hurt her more than I could ever anticipate.
She told me downright that she thought she was falling in love with me, and wanted us to get off the net, and see if we would fit together in RL.
I wanted the same. Oh God I wanted it. But I couldn't because of the lies.
So, I came clear, telling her the truth. And what could have been a great relationship, friendship if it didn't work out in RL. Became pain, hurt feelings and lost love.

Though I tried to get in touch with her, after that. With the faint hope she'd forgive me. I guess I deep inside knew the result in advance.

One phonecall was the last contact we had. And in that conversation she told me to leave her alone. I had played with her feelings, made her feel deeply. Just to rip it all away again. I told her how I felt, but it didn't matter. The lie got to be all it could. A destroyer.

She never spoke to me again. And I never attempted to make contact again.

THAT'S why I decided to do as I did.

 

[Guest]

Oh, Xander man, that's so sad. I know from my own personal life how much damage a lie can do to a relationship. Both sides end up getting hurt and usually the damage can't be repaired. All you can do is to move on and try not to make the same mistakes again - learn from the experience. This is what you're doing now on the BB and what I'm trying to do in my personal life.

I've just read what I've written above, and it sounds a bit like lame Oprah Winfrey show style cheap-psychology but I genuinely think that there's no point clinging to the past, you've got to move on with your life.

It sounds like you're doing this, now, which is good.

 

[Jade]

Okay,

Well, there have been a lot of posts recently about weirdos and about lying and all kinds of stuff and all I have to say is I do beleive that the majority of those on this particular board are honest (would like to hope so) although I don't fathom that all the women are 5'4" and 100 lbs as most of them seem to magically be (read from an earlier post that was highly responded to... no offense to anyone)... and I don't beleive all the men have 10 inch erections either....Of course, that never stopped me from wanting so badly to be a part of what is obviously a very special group of people.

However, after the whole fiasco with poor phantomprincess I don't think I am going to send in any pictures of myself. I really related to the stuff she said (and respect her for what she did). That was just way too freaky.

Anyway, hope I didn't offend anyone.
Thanks for understanding.

~Jade

 

[Laurel]

As far as the height thing goes, I myself agree with you and have always felt height to
be a desirable thing (myself being the same height as yourself) However, it has become
hugely (is that word?) apparent to me how desirable a "petite" woman is, in what seems
to be a great majority of the stories I have read here on literotica. I often wonder if that
is one of the reasons why men are so into teenagers (b/c they are smaller)? Or is it that
they want petite woman, b/c their bodies are more like teenagers...? (what they hell am
I talking about again?)

5'4" Girls The World Unite

! As far as the rest, I think it's a societal thing. Look at Marilyn Monroe - she's no teenager. Society's "ideal woman" changes with the times, and with the society. If you buy into it too much, you're going to find yourself in a constant state of unhealthy flux, trying to look like you think you're supposed to look. I'm 5'4" and 105 lbs. I will never be a busty, curvy seductress like Marilyn or Jane or Gina. But that doesn't mean I can't be beautiful in my own way.

Women need to quit worrying about what other women are doing. We need to quit slapping each other with names like "fat" or "anorexic". These catty appraisals of each other are counter-productive and only makes us hate ourselves more. We need to turn off the f**king television, take a good hard look at ourselves and realize that we ARE beautiful - big and shapely, slim and slender, brunette blonde and redhead. Once we see ourselves as beautiful people, we'll be able to look at one of those much-maligned fashion models and say "hey, she's beautiful, too" and move on without dwelling on our own feelings of inadequacy, without comparing ourselves to her. Because this is NOT a race, hons, and by allowing ourselves to get caught up in competing with other women, we're not onyl wasting scads of time but also losing the chance to be allies and friends with other women.

People always talk about how we need to change society's perception of beauty. Well, we ARE society, and until we start to love ourselves AND each other for what and who we are - until we quit falling prey to industries like cosmetics and fashion who make money off of our insecurities - nothing will change. It starts from the inside-out.

Sorry about the ramble - I'm gonna go answer email for a bit..

 

[Slut_boy]

Hi Xander,

Wow, that is a very sad story you tell us. As my dad would have said to you, Xander, if he were a visitor to this BB: "My boy, that kind deal in life will either polish you up or grind you down, depending on the material that you are made of".



[This message has been edited by slut_boy (edited 05-07-2000).]