Help?!

[amiss]

I'm feeling jealous. I HATE feeling jealous. How do I get over this?! Hints/tips/advice/anything?!?!

 

[paphian]

About what are you feeling jealous? Hard to say otherwise.

 

[Nathon_88]

I'm feeling jealous. I HATE feeling jealous. How do I get over this?! Hints/tips/advice/anything?!?!

Tell them......tell them why you're feeling jealous, what the causes are, and how you want to feel less jealous, less threatened........

*chuckles*

That, or just ask to join in......

 

[Dhalgren]

Jealousy stems from the need to posses something or someone only unto yourself.

Jealousy is often what one feels when they believe they are being replaced somehow.


When truthfully, we don’t own other people.

Their soul is theirs to do what they will in this lifetime. How could one person tell another what they should or need to be doing to complete their life on the Planet.

No one can replace another…the human heart is indeed capable of loving numerous people on various different levels.

Of course it’s a great feeling when someone looks around and then decides that you are their favorite play mate…and you know you are.

You simply can not be replaced..
Remember that.

 

[Guest]

Dhalgren all you seem to be able to contribute these days to the board are responses to people you do not even know. Do you really like to hear yourself talk that much? Is is part of your master plan of the appearance you want to make? The pretense? To post cliche after cliche of psychobabble you have overheard? You try to hard to fit in with the intellectual crowd here.

One can almost see your mind clicking as you post on a thread. "I will say this. And people will think this about me."

Here's a to shove your ass. And another one for your throat.

 

[Nathon_88]

Jealousy stems from the need to posses something or someone only unto yourself.

Jealousy is often what one feels when they believe they are being replaced somehow.


When truthfully, we don’t own other people.

Their soul is theirs to do what they will in this lifetime. How could one person tell another what they should or need to be doing to complete their life on the Planet.

No one can replace another…the human heart is indeed capable of loving numerous people on various different levels.

Of course it’s a great feeling when someone looks around and then decides that you are their favorite play mate…and you know you are.

You simply can not be replaced..
Remember that.

Wow......deep......

*blinks* Where did I put that book.....here it is.

"Start by giving yourself permission to learn new ways. Allow yourself to not know what you don't know, to be ignorant. You must allow youself to make mistakes - you have no choice. So reassure yourself: There is no graceful way to unlearn jealousy.

When you deny your jealosy to yourself, you take from yourself the opportunity to be in sympathy with yourself and to support and comfort yourself. When you deny jealosy, or any other difficult emotion, you put yourself in a harsh and difficult landscapr, full of pitfalls and land mines.

Listening to your lover when she is feeling jealous can be difficult. Sometimes we find it easier to feel angry and push our beloved away than to stay close when she is in pain, to stay in empathy, to support, to care. When we blame a lover for being jealous, we are trying to justify our own intense desire not to have to listen to how much he hurts when we are on the way out the door to play with someone else. This is a crummy way to avoid dealing with our own feelings of guilt"

Hope it helps.

 

[Guest]

Wow......deep......
*blinks* Where did I put that book.....here it is.

*chuckle*

 

[Nathon_88]

*chuckle*

Wonders if someone can actually tell me what book that's from.

 

[MissTaken]

Jealousy is an awful emotion. I hate it. I struggle with it.

Sometimes it is as if my head knows I have no reason to be jealous and no right to feel the way I do, but the feeling remains.

Communication always help...in the gentlest way possible. Being honest. Hopefully and understanding partner will try to avoid doing things that make you jealous or will understand when you are.

And maybe he won't....just never let jealousy rule your actions. You can only live to regret those sorts of things.

 

[heterotic]

I used to have problems with jealousy. I'm currently approaching life with a more Taoist, slightly buddhist view than I did growing up. You don't have to stop loving, but if you free your mind from attachements to things and people, then you won't fear losing them. And you will probably hold on to them better without grasping quite so tightly.

 

[WhiteRose]

Dhalgren all you seem to be able to contribute these days to the board are responses to people you do not even know. Do you really like to hear yourself talk that much? Is is part of your master plan of the appearance you want to make? The pretense? To post cliche after cliche of psychobabble you have overheard? You try to hard to fit in with the intellectual crowd here.

One can almost see your mind clicking as you post on a thread. "I will say this. And people will think this about me."

Here's a to shove your ass. And another one for your throat.

What the hell is this? At least Dhalgren isn't too cowardly to sign her name to what she says. Let me guess, you're a member of this "intellectual crowd"? Nice crowd, if they foster such a coward who spouts off under an "unregistered" nick. Or is that YOU'RE too afraid to sign your post because, "One can almost see your mind clicking as you post on a thread. "I will say this. And people will think this about me."?

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Dhalgren all you seem to be able to contribute these days to the board are responses to people you do not even know. Do you really like to hear yourself talk that much? Is is part of your master plan of the appearance you want to make? The pretense? To post cliche after cliche of psychobabble you have overheard? You try to hard to fit in with the intellectual crowd here.

One can almost see your mind clicking as you post on a thread. "I will say this. And people will think this about me."

Here's a to shove your ass. And another one for your throat.

Jelousy in action folks.

 

[freescorfr]

In my understanding some jealousy is based on the [mistaken] belief that love is divisible into portions. So if I love a person and someone else comes on the scene, that my love then is divided up and shared.

This is not the way I experience my loving. In each relatonship I have, friends, partner, children, you online, my sentiment about the relationship is different - each relationship generates a new love. Love does not seem to me to have any limits. Jealousy cannot, therefore, in my eyes, be related to the love of one person or another.

What is finite is time and possessions. If a person is seen as a possession, as something that belongs to another, then I understand a fear of loss.
When I form an attatchment to someone, it hurts when they break away. Separation does hurt me: but I do not possess anyone, and when I feel this hurt, as I do from time to time, then I have to deal with it. No-one else can take care of my hurt for me.

Perhaps the jealous person is asking the one they love to take care of their hurt of separation for them. That is asking the impossible.

I do not ask anyone to love me, but I often love it if they do. It is a marvellous gift I am often delighted to accept. I have a need to be loved, as I think we all do, but I have no expectations of love.

I love many people, sometimes with a special, individual, unique love. To these people I will offer my time and what I have. If they don't love me I can still love them. Love is a gift, in the offering and in the receiving.

 

[Cheyenne]

Jealousy in action folks.

Exactly what I thought, too. I like Dhalgren's posts.

 

[Dillinger]

Dhalgren and I have always been on the same page on this matter.

None of us are immune. I have certainly known jealousy and along with all the hurt that comes with that - I also feel guilty when I feel jealous.

Being jealous of someone is truly equivalent to treating them as property - as if we owned them...

Knowing this doesn't keep us from feeling that way - but I think it helps us deal with it better. Its how we were raised, its our conditioning.

Jealousy sucks... its a hurtful emotion. Know it for what it is and try and come to terms with it...

 

[Dillinger]

True love does not demand fidelity
If there's one sacred place always in your heart for me
If my love could not withstand this jealousy
I'd remember the day I threw our eternity away.

-- Todd Rundgren

True love cannot be diminished.

True love is eternal. True love is forever. And if you have love enough in your heart for one then you have love enough for all.

The more you love, the more you can love...

 

[Cop4u_69]

I'm feeling jealous. I HATE feeling jealous. How do I get over this?! Hints/tips/advice/anything?!?!

It all depends what you are jealous over...different ways for different things........do tell

 

[Laurel]

Jealousy stems from the need to posses something or someone only unto yourself.

Jealousy is often what one feels when they believe they are being replaced somehow.


When truthfully, we don’t own other people.

Their soul is theirs to do what they will in this lifetime. How could one person tell another what they should or need to be doing to complete their life on the Planet.

No one can replace another…the human heart is indeed capable of loving numerous people on various different levels.

Of course it’s a great feeling when someone looks around and then decides that you are their favorite play mate…and you know you are.

You simply can not be replaced..
Remember that.

Excellent advice. Like most good advice, it is much easier said than done, however.

 

[Nathon_88]

Excellent advice. Like most good advice, it is much easier said than done, however.

*hugs Laurel*

Yup. She's puuuurfectly right........

Sadly, our thread starter isn't around right now....don't worry, I'll tell her to check it when she is.

 

[Problem Child]

I think we should send all the unregs up to Alaska and let Scylis take care of them. He could hook alligator clips to their scrotes/labia with wires that lead to one of those cool hand-cranky generator torture devices. I think he might play some Metallica or Ozzy while he's shockin' em up.

He'd slap em around wearing his long black leather trenchcoat and some shades out of The Matrix. Pull their hair, spit in their eye, tell 'em their mother was a lousy fuck. Just work 'em until they give him the names of all the people they trolled. He could break their fingers with a pair of pliers. Even lop one or two off with garden pruners.

They would be whimpering for mercy after a couple of days of the Scylis regimen. Let 'em sleep chained up in an igloo naked between Scylis sessions. Fuckstains. Feed 'em fishheads left over from after the sled dogs are done eating.

No quarter, motherfuckers!

heh.

 

[amiss]

See, I'd figured it out before, but this just confirms it... You all are very wise!

You're right, it is a replacement thing. I'm trying to not let my feelings consume me, because I know that's a bad idea. And I know I really (probably) can't be replaced in this situation. But I don't think emotional distance is the answer (heterotic's suggestion); assuming I could even accomplish it if I tried. And I'm not sure I need to further discuss my feelings with him because Oh look at that! He posted on this thread! *lol* And we've discussed it (a bit).
So beyond recognizing it, and talking to him about it, does anyone have any advice on HOW to deal with this ugly green monster?

 

[Reverie]

I love the thoughts shared by Dhalgren, freescorfr, and Dillinger.

I'm a person who often feels posessive and insecure in relationships which leads to jealousy of anyone or anything that takes my loved ones intrest from me. I know that it stems from my own feelings of unworthiness. As if sooner or later the person I care for will wise up and see I'm not really worth the time or effort.

Insecurity is very unpleasant and I have no idea how to deal with it. I know it's an issue of learning self love or self esteem but that is often much easier said than done.

 

[Dhalgren]

Excellent advice. Like most good advice, it is much easier said than done, however.

Always totally easier said than done…agreed!

My mate had an online affair that he was very open, communicative and honest about. We talked about his feelings and mine. He met her years ago and to this day they are still good friends. I had to learn first hand that knowing something and experiencing something are definitely two different things.

Your logical mind is saying..
“Hey, I understand that humans can love other people. Hell, I love other people in many different ways.”

Your heart is saying..
“Don’t even think about loving another human for the rest of your life the way you love me.”

Yet for some odd reason we don’t become deaf, blind and without feelings the day after we decide to commit to one person, ya know?

I’m glad you are feeling better about this…communication is always the key. =}

 

[paganangel]

oh, MY ASS!

jealousy is a good thing. keeps u on your toes, and theirs. listen, if u rjealous, u probably have reason to be. if u r not jealous, you WILL have reason to b. definetly. it's all in how u handle the jealousy. don't make the mistake of thinking it's all u either. somethingis being done to u.