Help with Anal issues

[little_jane]

Hello newbie/vanilla not want to be, here. I have some questions about Anal sex. One How the heck do you get it to FIT? I know that I really really like my but played with and want more....but when tried even with lube, I end up bleeding and it hurts ungodly..which is kinda like a turn on, but I don't want my stuff damaged. Any help would be appreciated... I have to work up to a pretty large size to accomodate, relatively quickly.

 

[NervousGuy]

Well it sounds like you went directly from a little playing to having him enter you. Have him use lube on his fingers and slowly loosen you up. Use on finger while playing, lubing occasionally. Then add a second finger also with plenty of lube. If you have a small dildoe, IE smaller than his penis. Try that after the fingers to try and loosen you up more and make it easier. Also if you could let us know what kind of Lube your using, we might be able to suggest a better one.

 

[SweetErika]

Reposting what I said in this thread (check it out; there's some great advice in there):

I know where you're coming from. I had some bad experiences with anal early on with a clueless partner, and it took Hubby and I a long time and lots of trial and error to figure out how to do it without pain and start replacing the negative mental associations with positive ones.

What really helped was reading threads here--some of the best are in the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky in the How To forum--using good lube and experimenting patiently. The best things for me are:
- Having at least one orgasm before making any attempt at anal sex
- Warm up with lots of lube, fingers and smaller toys
- Silicone lube. It's super-slick, moisturizing, non-irritating, doesn't promote bacterial growth, it never dries out, and while we use plenty (similar to a good coat of oil), we use far less overall than we would with water-based lube. We've tried many types of lube, but the silicone definitely works best for us for anal, and just about everything else.
- Using a vibe on my clit before and during penetration (it provides pleasure and helps distract me enough that I don't contract my sphincter muscles [if I think about my ass, they tend to contract involuntarily]. Once we get in a groove with the sex, I often alternate between clit and g-spot stimulation with the vibe (a Hitachi Magic Wand w/ a g-spot attachment), which feels amazing to both of us and gives me some incredible orgasms.
- Bearing down during the initial penetration forces the muscles to relax.
- I control the speed and depth of penetration at the beginning, ALWAYS. If I accidentally tense up and feel pain, I simply stop, relax, refocus, let my body adjust, and start again when I'm fully ready. Because he's completely still, I know he can't do anything to hurt me, and I'll never be surprised. Once I'm totally comfortable with everything, I tell him he can take over, and he starts thrusting VERY SLOWLY. It doesn't take that long for us to get in the right groove and pick up the pace to whatever suits us at the time. This is one of the things we didn't do for a long time; once we figured it out, it made a world of difference, and anal sex has never been painful since!


You have to figure out what works for you, of course, but I think these things are worth a try because it seems like they've worked for many people. Be patient with yourself and realize it's just a matter of finding the right combination of tricks/techniques and building confidence.

Don't resort to numbing products. Pain is a crucial indicator that something's not right and you need to make changes. By ignoring those signs, you can do very serious damage that's difficult-impossible to repair and can even be life-threatening. Numbing products are a potentially dangerous shortcut for people who don't know or care what they're doing (you don't strike me as that type at all! ). Plus, they get rid of most of the pleasure we get from good anal! Trust me, once you and your partner figure out what works for you, you'll see the numbing lube as a really silly/unnecessary measure and be glad you took the time to learn the safe, pain-free route.

 

[little_jane]

Hi sweetErica....
Thank you very much for direction in where to go and advice. It's greatly appreciated. Pain or at least the threat and thought of pain(mild to medium i think) turns me on Permanent damage scares the hell out of me.

 

[ples]

I don't care for it myself, however, apart from the issue of anal retentive what damage would you expect?

Hi sweetErica....
Thank you very much for direction in where to go and advice. It's greatly appreciated. Pain or at least the threat and thought of pain(mild to medium i think) turns me on Permanent damage scares the hell out of me.

 

[little_jane]

Well I had bad experience once and it caused me to bleed and it really scared me..no lube just hard penetration more like raped.... And I am afraid to have it now, cause when hubby tries, It hurts ungodly and he's bigger than other chap that did the hurting first time around

 

[the_mgp]

vomit

 

[ples]

The no lube penetration I understand. The guy was pumping away from behind and he was coming out and reinserting when he jammed it up my ass. I almost passed out - lube or no lube I don't want a dick up my ass again

Well I had bad experience once and it caused me to bleed and it really scared me..no lube just hard penetration more like raped.... And I am afraid to have it now, cause when hubby tries, It hurts ungodly and he's bigger than other chap that did the hurting first time around

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I also have a problem with being rather a bit nervous/scared about anal hurting (which I find slightly ridiculous, given my love of getting my ass beaten, but anyway )

I found that the getting used to having something there helped. So whenever you get the chance, while wanking or whatever, have a bit of a play around with your ass as well, use your fingers, and small toys, plugs etc. That'll help you realise that it is actually ok and get your confidence up. Hell, even now, cos it's been a while for me, I'll still use a plug once in a while to reassure myself I can do it.

Bearing down - as already mentioned - also helps during the entry... pushing like you want to push him out will open you up, then when you relax, draw him further in as well.

Concentrate on breathing, play with your clit a bit as well so the good feelings override the uncomfortable feelings.

And go slow

 

[little_jane]

I thank you all, believe me the advice is appreciated and will be used..

 

[AmishPantry]

It helps if you allow someone to play with you back there. Have your significant other give you an ass massage. you can be over his lap for this with your legs and torso on a couch on either side of him, Listen to soft music or watch a movie on television during the massage.

The man should knead your buns every which way, with well oiled hands. Every chance he gets, he should run his fingers over your ass hole and with most passes, press one finger just a bit at the hole. No forcing, just pressing a little harder at the hole than anywhere else. Drip a few drops of oil right into the hole during massage. Work the drops around just the hole. The woman should bear down as if trying to push the oil out while the man works it into the hole with his smallest finger. During these massages, there is no expectations for full penetration - just a relaxing and extensive ass-only massage.

Do this twice a day every day and the lady will be begging for penetration. If she doesn't get the inclination to have full penetration, don't insist. It has to come from her and if you massage the ass correctly, it won't be long.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I think I am going to add my 2 cents in here... I had a previous bad experience from before I met my Sir.. I knew he had an anal fetish and I knew I wanted to overcome my fear.. the first thing I am going to tell you is you can fit anything it is meant to streach and expand... When it came time for us to cross that bridge we started out by going very slowly and he took me to heights I never knew existed he worked at it with his fingers and relaxed me at that time he told me I needed to work at learning how to trust and relax.. so fast forward 2 months.. We were away together and I had decided it was the time to try it.... as progressed to that night.. I did have apprehensions in my mind and to this day I still tense up a bit even though now I am the one asking for it.. I will telll you, you have to be relaxed that it wont hurt you and you will accomodate him ( I know this personally) and when you do watch out. it is amazing.... I still assume at times it is going to hurt. I arch my back and it makes him frustrated since I am the one asking for it... but once I relax WHAM ! OMG! It is amazing.. so breathe take your time and relax.. It takes time to be prepared for this.... It is not a rush item...

 

[LegsApart]

I think the most important is that u trust him and feel comfortable with him. Once I did it with someone, he made me feel so comfortable, I didn't even feel any pain at all....

 

[castagnus]

Hello newbie/vanilla not want to be, here. I have some questions about Anal sex. One How the heck do you get it to FIT? I know that I really really like my but played with and want more....but when tried even with lube, I end up bleeding and it hurts ungodly..which is kinda like a turn on, but I don't want my stuff damaged. Any help would be appreciated... I have to work up to a pretty large size to accomodate, relatively quickly.

Don't try to do this too quikly. After your partner has rimmed you thoroughly andf left you well lubricated, have him insert one finger for a while during which he pleasures you - or you finger yourself - and make it last for a good 15 minutes - it is important you are completely comfortable with this - then, over time, work up to two fingers and then three. Be prepared to do this for up to three months to allow your spincster muscle to adapt before asking him for the real thing. If done patiently over a sufficient period of time you should enjoy this experience without discomfort.

 

[TalonsKitten]

I have the same problem...like my whole to be played with but when he tries to penetrate he is too rough and ive told him that...he just doesnt seem to remember the next time so i dont let him stick it in yet...but certain lubes are better and have him work it with his fingers first and a distraction will help a lot..