Help please...

[SeXy ReDHeD]

Hi again! I haven't been around for a couple of years, but I have this problem and no one to really talk to about it, so I thought I'd give Lit a try

This past weekend I went out clubbing and met this guy. Long story short, after a lot of talking and persuading and all that crap, I ended up sleeping with him even though I really, really, really didn't want to. He totally grossed me out. For some reason, thoguh, I just couldn't say no. I tried and tried and then just gave up.

This wouldn't be all that bad (relatively speaking), but this is a recurring pattern for me. Every time I do this I feel like shit afterward. I feel dirty and worthless and end up berating myself for weeks. It seems I just don't have the courage (or self respect, apparently) to say no. How do I stop this pattern?

Has anyone else had this problem and been able to get over it?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

You tell him that if he keeps asking you, it's called harrassment, and that if he ends up forcing himself on you (having to be convinced after much arguing, is kinda forceful, don't you think) is assault.

 

[JazzManJim]

You have to learn to say No. But first you have to learn that you have a value that saying No protects.

 

[Guest]

 

[honeylick]

if you "really, really, really didnt want to", you wouldn't have.

i would think it is pretty simple, say no and mean it.

 

[Guest]

Is it the same guy each time or several gross guys? I'm not clear on this.

 

[peachykeen]

It seems I just don't have the courage (or self respect, apparently) to say no. How do I stop this pattern?

You seek help from a qualified professional therapist who can help you identify why you do not value yourself enough to not engage in this behaviour, guide you through some relatively painful emotional work to figure out how it got to this point, then assist you in picking yourself up and putting yourself back together again.

Don't kid yourself into thinking there's any easy way.

 

[Zmey]

what the hell did he do to gross you out?!

 

[lilminx]

You have to learn to say No. But first you have to learn that you have a value that saying No protects.

I agree with JMJ. You're obviously lacking any feeling of self-worth, which is why you allow yourself to be in situations like that.

 

[hogjack]

You need to address your self-respect

I agree with Peachykeen.


I gross out a lot of women and they usually regret sleeping with me but it happens, let me tell you.

When speaking to these fine women I do blink in Morse code sending them subliminal messages like:

• If this were the last day of your life you really would ride the Hogjack Express. Remember there is an asteroid striking Earth tonight.
• This Hogjack guy is getting better looking every minute.
• Hogjack looks like a cuter Orson Wells.

I hope this method of mine is not considered unethical.

 

[fgarvb1]

a few questions

What were you doing there?

Did you go there looking for sex or did you go there to find someone to talk to because you were lonely?

I ask because lonely people sometimes will do whatever it takes to get through the night or have someone to talk to.

 

[Guest]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Carp]

I agree with (I think it was EE)- shoeck into therapy. Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and geting on with your life is a lot easier with some help. To my out-of-practive ear, you sound very much like you have some self-worth issues. I would also bet money that you have a history of abuse- dad left while you were young, step-dad or mom's boyfriends were not too nice to you. OR, dad was a real jerk. There is no easy path to work out any of the issues you might have. But thay are having a negative effect on your life. It's time to start wotking on them.

Good luck. Ask your friends to help you out. Remember that no means no. Some guys don't know that no means no. Their momma shoulda raised em better. But didn't. So you need to remember it.

PM me if you need an ear.
Carp

 

[Vilac]

More important than all the conjecture about what you should do in that situation, or your self worth limitations is.......

.....when are we going out? I'm sure I can gross you out just as well as the rest of the guys you go out with can.

I'll await your schedule. heh
V~