help need advice on engagement ....

[tryp79]

ive been dating my girl for about 5 years now and an engagement is long overdue .... i want some help from you guys on two fronts...
'1.... i need to know about diamond rings and where is the best place to look for one is there some magic website to get quality and great price should i only look in stores so that i can actually see what im getting ... also im not exactly rich ive got about 800 dollars to put down but i am just going to try to charge the rest i looking to spend no more than 1500 bucks ..... i have to get a non-gold colored three stone ring it helps to know exactly what she wants .... i dont think i can afford platinum so i guess i have to get white gold .... is that not good enough?
2--- and im open to all suggestions about actually proposing i live near the beach and not to far from the mountains if that helps.... we are planning a trip to the mountains in about two months ... if i can stand to wait that long... that would probably be a good setting ..... as you guys can see ive got a lot on my mind... now i just need some great advice from intelligent people ... please please please!!!!!

 

[EJFan]

disclaimer: i've never been engaged and don't plan to be.

i think the main thing with an engagement ring is to get something that suits her style. look at the type of jewelry she wears and maybe talk to her friends about what she likes (if you can trust them to keep their yaps shut about it).

i can't recommend a website for you but i've always gotten lots of help from jewelers. just walk into a few different stores and pick their brains to see what you get for what kinda money and how to assign value to different qualities of stones. they generally don't mind educating you because they know it's a big investment and they want the sale.

 

[tryp79]

i know exactly what she wants i just dont really know how to go about getting it....

 

[My Own Way]

Ah...something near and dear to my heart....diamonds...LOL. Alright...here's my suggestions.


1. I once heard that you should never spend more than three months salary on an engagement ring. But that's just what some style guru said. If you have money put aside that you're willing to spend...I say spend it.

2. Diamonds are like women...each is beautiful but uniquely different. Here's a site that will explain the 4 C's of diamonds to you.

3. Where to buy jewelry is also a matter of opinion. As a rule I like to stay away from the ones in the malls. They don't always have very good quality stones and their settings aren't very creative either. One of the best jewelry stores I've ever been into is just this tiny little Mom and Pop store in the town that I live in. They're so friendly, AND he can make practically anything for you. If you have one of those places around where you live, I wouldn't hesitate to walk in ,be like, I want to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, I have 800 dollars what is the best quality ring you can sell me for that price? At the same time though, don't hesitate to shop around.This is a large investment you're making, and it should be one you're happy with.

4. The only way she'll know the difference between white gold and platinum is if you or a jeweler tells her...or if she looks on the inside of the band where it says 18K...but other than that...it's practically impossible to tell. Again, my suggestion with that is to know what she likes....does she actaully like white gold? or is she a yellow gold kind of girl. Diamonds do tend to look better in white gold, more brilliant, bigger, etc, but if she prefers yellow over white then I would go with what she likes.

Wow this is long, but I hope it helps....Also, a good site to go and just look at diamond rings is http://www.adiamondisforever.com you can actually build your own ring and such. Oh...one more thing. I know you said she wants a three stone...but do you know what cut diamond she wants? You might want to find that out before you buy one....some women are very particular about the cut. Good luck!!

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Ask and you shall get your answers. As said, it's best to go the store in person just so you can see what it looks like, and make sure your not getting ripped off.



Ravin

 

[SweetErika]

I'm a big fan of the asking being a surprise, but I've never seen the point of purchasing the ring secretly. It is a big investment, you want her to love it, and the surprise is in the asking. You might want to consider is doing all of the shopping together...I didn't have a picture of my ring in my head until I saw it. We were on a trip in Canada, looked, loved it, and got a hell of a deal. I was so glad we made the purchase together because two heads are always better than one, and it's really meaningful to both of us. She may also see that it'll be difficult to get three great diamonds on your budget, or find another ring she really loves. The proposal and what the ring represents is the important thing.

I'd suggest researching diamonds well, asking others where they've bought their jewelry, and price shopping online and in stores A LOT. You're going to see a huge difference in prices and qualities at various stores. I haven't had good luck with the chain stores, but they're worth price shopping. IMO, you should always go with a smaller, better quality diamond, and be very careful in stores because their lighting makes everything look much better than it does in normal conditions. You should even ask the salesperson to bring the ring to the window or outside the store so you can see it in natural light. If you shop together, you might also want to consider lab created diamonds, as they are chemically identical, a fraction of the price, and there's no risk in supporting the blood diamond industry.

Platinum is great, but if you speak to a reputable jeweler, they may advise against it for a ring...if it does get scratched, it's very difficult to polish in comparison to gold. My engagement ring is platinum, but we went with 18k white gold for our wedding bands for that very reason.

What you express during the proposal is far more important than when and where you do it. Don't let your travel plans rush the ring purchase...there will be many other opportunities.

Edit: You might be smart to wait until AFTER Valentine's Day to purchase... you'll likely get better service, prices and quality when you're not one of the millions of other desperate guys trying to choose the right piece of jewelry!

One more thing: You want to make sure the ring fits well with some wedding bands when you shop. I have a slightly unusual ring, and eventhough I love my band, I was sort of locked into that style. That's one of the reasons it's important to look together.

 

[tryp79]

wow thanks great repsonses so far .... ... lets see ... i definatly want it to be a surprise ... and although i know exactly what type of ring i dont know the cut she wants ... i hadnt even thought of that .... im going to rule out the shopping together because im big on surprises ... and also i know she has always dreamed as lots of other women, of the proposel, i want it to be a big "event" moment that she will always remember ... i dont expect it to be perfect but something in the grand gesture department is what ill be going for ... ive just got this picture in my head of the sun setting in the mountians or rising over the ocean .... her not having a clue as to what we are doing and then i pull out the perfect ring that she has always wanted ... also we live together and share a bank account so what i was going to do was just use my tax refund to put down on the ring and act like i was still waiting to recieve my w-2 from work ... plus since i was going to try and finaince part of it i only have a limited amount of time to actually ask before she either sees a bill or really starts wondering where my refund is ... but waiting until after valentine's day is great advice i hadnt even thought about that whole aspect ... i wouldnt want to cheapen the moment by making it seem like im just asking her to marry me only because i couldnt think of anything better to do for valentine's day

 

[SweetErika]

I'm sure she'll love whatever you choose, but you ought to make sure the store has a return/exchange policy as well just in case. Also, do you know her size? If not, you may have to get it sized after (make sure the store will do it for free as part of the purchase...it can run around $60).

 

[tryp79]

three stone white gold size 7.5 probably going with about a half a carat as the main stone with diamond baguettes as the two side ones ... havent seen this in person just on the internet ... might look too small in real life ... one big problem with me is i know everyone and the mother will want to see it and i dont want her to be embarrassed to show it off ... as i ve seen some of the blunders other guys have done before ... ive got a friend who is magically on his own deciding to go back and get a bigger better "real" ring .... of course my girl is not a pretentious bitch im sure she would love anything i give her but im not going to but her in the position of having to show me what a great person she is ... i

 

[SweetErika]

three stone white gold size 7.5 probably going with about a half a carat as the main stone with diamond baguettes as the two side ones ... havent seen this in person just on the internet ... might look too small in real life ... one big problem with me is i know everyone and the mother will want to see it and i dont want her to be embarrassed to show it off ... as i ve seen some of the blunders other guys have done before ... ive got a friend who is magically on his own deciding to go back and get a bigger better "real" ring .... of course my girl is not a pretentious bitch im sure she would love anything i give her but im not going to but her in the position of having to show me what a great person she is ... i

Do you have any idea how big a half a carat is? I would suggest not looking at the carat weight of the stones at all (apart from maybe price comparison). The cut, color, and quality are far more important. Has she tried any of these rings on "just for fun"? I know you want it to be a big surprise, but you really need to see what looks good on her finger. I haven't been diamond shopping for a couple of years, but a fair quality 1/2 carat stone will likely set you back more than $1000, not including a setting or other diamonds. Make sure she wants baguettes on the side too...they aren't as brilliant as other cuts.

 

[cryptictravler]

My advice is this, hit as many places in a day as you can. Go back the next day to any place where the stuff seemed good, the people helpful and generally gave you good vibes. Be sure to find out how they certify diamonds to prevent yourself from buying conflict diamonds.

 

[Cathleen]

Congratulations to you and best wishes to the bride to be.

I think you've been given good advice so far so I'll just add a couple of thoughts.

As to where to purchase, ask friends where they shopped, if you keep hearing good things about a place then take a look - referral business is good business.

As far as the setting goes, I would definitely look at platinum for the prongs of the stones - it is stronger and won't interfer with the beauty of the setting.

Enjoy it all!

 

[Vixandra]

You could look into having the ring custom made.

For $500 my beloved had a ring made for me in white gold inlaid with a sapphire and two diamonds, one on either side. I adored that ring and because it was unique, it got rave compliments.

Least until I lost it at a Ren fair in a game of rounders... but that's neither here nor there.

I'd advise asking her exactly what she wants- most girls have an idea. And her job might play a part in what she wants too.
Good luck!

 

[SexyChele]

I'm not sure where you live, but if you live near a large city try to see if there is a jewelry district. Usually, you can get some great deals, but it is recommended you know what you are looking for before you go - setting metal, stones, etc.

Also, seriously consider buying the stones and ring separately. It might just be cheaper that way. I also agree that a half carat is fairly large. The cut of the stone can make it appear even larger.

This is a large investment for both of you, and while it is best to keep in mind what will make her happy, do try not to be so emotional about this purchase. Keep your wits about you. Also, beware that most commercial jewelry stores not usually the best places to buy jewelry. And do try to haggle! All too often, I've had jewelers simply "take off" $200 for no apparent reason. There normally is a high mark up on jewelry, as it is normally an emotional purchase.

Keep your wits, be practical, educate yourself, ask questions, and let jewelers know that you are comparison shopping. Trust me, they will fall over themselves discounting their merchandise to get your business. You have the money to spend, therefore you have the power!

As for whether or not she'll like it? Well, if the setting and stone(s) are what she has in mind, and she's going to quibble that the stone isn't "big enough" then, truly, is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? If she won't proudly show off the ring that is costing you this much because it doesn't "measure up" then you might want to take it back and forget the whole thing! But something tells me if you two have been together 5 years, then she is going to like and be happy with what you get her. (Besides, there are always anniversary rings later on! )

Oh, and congratulations and good luck on the upcoming proposal!

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not sure where you live, but if you live near a large city try to see if there is a jewelry district. Usually, you can get some great deals, but it is recommended you know what you are looking for before you go - setting metal, stones, etc.

Also, seriously consider buying the stones and ring separately. It might just be cheaper that way. I also agree that a half carat is fairly large. The cut of the stone can make it appear even larger.

This is a large investment for both of you, and while it is best to keep in mind what will make her happy, do try not to be so emotional about this purchase. Keep your wits about you. Also, beware that most commercial jewelry stores not usually the best places to buy jewelry. And do try to haggle! All too often, I've had jewelers simply "take off" $200 for no apparent reason. There normally is a high mark up on jewelry, as it is normally an emotional purchase.

Keep your wits, be practical, educate yourself, ask questions, and let jewelers know that you are comparison shopping. Trust me, they will fall over themselves discounting their merchandise to get your business. You have the money to spend, therefore you have the power!

As for whether or not she'll like it? Well, if the setting and stone(s) are what she has in mind, and she's going to quibble that the stone isn't "big enough" then, truly, is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? If she won't proudly show off the ring that is costing you this much because it doesn't "measure up" then you might want to take it back and forget the whole thing! But something tells me if you two have been together 5 years, then she is going to like and be happy with what you get her. (Besides, there are always anniversary rings later on! )

Oh, and congratulations and good luck on the upcoming proposal!

That's really great advice, Chele! Especially about the haggling...we found that out by chance, and got an incredible deal because they really wanted to make the sale.

 

[nycphoto]

Get what you can afford. I never understood why you must buy a ring with her. Rings have become horribly overvalued just like the worth of diamonds. The true significance of the ring is the promise. You have to buy what you can afford. If she does not like it then you should revaluate your relationship. She should like what ever you get here. Who are you attempting to impress anyway, like I said the true significance of the ring is the promise.
Saying that the "promise" originally was what ever material was available, gold traditionally holding the greatest prestige.
I would also say that simple is how the promise should be made. This is how most cultures dilute the significance of love. Remember if you’re willing to make this decision now you have a life time of gifts to make. Again I am a fan of tradition and tradition dictates that the simpler the

Gold is pure and absent of most metallic impurities.
Diamonds share the same attributes.
Asking a girl to marry you should have the same significance.

 

[tryp79]

wow i knew asking all you enlightened guys and gals at literotica was the smart thing to do ... thanks for all the great advice i feel much more confident about being able to find the right ring now ... and i def. realize i shouldnt be tied down to the thought of how big the diamond has to be ... i do admit i was letting my own ego get into my thinking , not worrying about her ego ... i know she isnt that type of person which is one of the many reasons i love her so much .... i live in the third biggest city in my state but it only has an antique district i dont think that that would be the best place to look ... there are loads of non chain jewelry stores though ... just spread out all over the city ...

 

[Lynxie]

Call me old-fashioned, but I definitely think shopping for the ring in actual stores is a better plan than purchasing one over the web. Diamonds and settings vary so much, and it's difficult to tell exactly what you're getting based on an internet picture. It's also easier to haggle prices (most jewelry shops' prices are not set in stone, if you'll pardon the pun) if you visit the shops personally. I also advise visiting non-chain jewelry stores (i.e. not the shop you see in every mall nation-wide) - but you also need to make sure the jeweler you do select is reputable and has been around a while. When in doubt, contact your local Better Business Bureau and check up on them to see if there have been any complaints.

Once you've found your shop (or a few...shopping around has its merits, for sure), go in with an open mind. You say you have a particular ring in mind, but there's always a chance you may not be able to afford that ring. You may be thinking 3 stones is better than 1, but would she be happier with a larger solitary stone? Weigh all the options - the shop attendants will gladly spend time with you going over them all, as long as they think they can make the sale.

I personally recommend white gold over platinum. My engagement ring was purchased two and a half years ago - it's got one large yellow diamond with two smaller clear diamonds, one on either side. It's set in platinum. While I love it with all my heart...the band is all scratched up, and is a pain to keep clean. When my husband and I went shopping for our wedding rings, I fell desperately in love with a 5-stone diamond band that had a setting to match my engagement ring. When the jeweler showed us the price for the platinum version, I was crushed - platinum has gone up 70% in the past couple years, and there was no way we could afford it. We went with 18 karat white gold instead, and were able to get 5 perfectly clear diamonds that are the exact same size as my 2 side stones on my engagement ring. The two rings look gorgeous with each other, and there's no way to tell the difference between the platinum and white gold bands. If your fiance-to-be thinks white gold is inferior, tell her how much smaller her diamonds would have been if you went with platinum!

Surprise is, in my opinion, definitely the way to go when it comes to proposing. My husband and I had talked a lot about getting engaged prior to his popping the question, but his timing caught me completely off guard. It was wonderful - and a great way to keep the romance alive even though we'd been together for over six years at the time.

Best of luck with your ring-hunting, tryp! I know it's a stressful thing to have to do - but as long as you put love into it, I'm sure you'll make the right choices!

 

[maddydoodle]

Just an option.. I know you said she's set on a three stone. An option is to go with a single stone (where you can get a larger/higher quality stone) and get the other two stones as the wedding band in a wrap style. Once she has the two rings on together she'll have her three stones.

 

[fille]

You should definitely buy from a source where you can look at the merchandise in person, and where there is a knowledgeable person to help you. A good jeweler is wonderful, of course, but believe it or not some beautiful pieces can be had at a good pawn shop/jeweler, one that deals in estate pieces.

It's a good idea to "shop" online first so you can get a good idea of what you should expect to get for your money. Bluenile.com is a good resource with realistic prices.

Congratulations! Hope it turns out wonderful.

 

[dollface007]

If you're nervous about the shopping itself, you might want to call up one of her best girlfriends, or her mom, or whomever she's closest to, and have them shop with you. Believe me, they will jump at the chance, and the "conspiracy" aspect is always fun!

A friend of mine got engaged this year, and her fiance has family in the jewelery business...so he basically could have gotten any ring he wanted. Even though he got a HUGE stone for dirt cheap, they went with white gold instead of platinum.

Also, my brother proposed to his wife in the mountains. According to my sis-in-law, it was very romantic. And they've been married for 13 years

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by tryp79
three stone white gold size 7.5 probably going with about a half a carat as the main stone with diamond baguettes as the two side ones ... havent seen this in person just on the internet ... might look too small in real life ... one big problem with me is i know everyone and the mother will want to see it and i dont want her to be embarrassed to show it off ... as i ve seen some of the blunders other guys have done before ... ive got a friend who is magically on his own deciding to go back and get a bigger better "real" ring .... of course my girl is not a pretentious bitch im sure she would love anything i give her but im not going to but her in the position of having to show me what a great person she is ... i

 

[Bobmi357]

I am not in favor of surprising her. I've heard too many times of surprises that went over like lead balloons when the ring was finally presented.

Take the girl with you to pick out the ring. If possible take her to someplace where you'll find a large selection. In my own case I took Alyx to the NYC Diamond District. I figured if she couldn't find something that appealed to her there, then it didn't exist.

Going to the diamond district has some major advantages over going to a jewelery store. For one thing the competition is intense. I will not say how much I spent on Alyx's engagement ring, but right there in the store I talked nearly 3500 off the price tag simply as a result of knowing a few things from a friend that is in the business and pretending to be reluctant to purchase at that point. Most stores, what the price is, is what you pay. Thats not always the case at least for the NYC Diamond district.

Surprising her is nice, get her a teddy bear, or a puppy, or buy her flowers. But don't surprise her with a ring you want her to wear for the rest of her life. Its something too important to spring on her, and what will you do if she takes one look and runs to the john to hurl her cookies, hating her new ring all the way?

Taking her with you to make the purchase or at least the selection also sends her a powerful message. Its saying you rely on her opinion and you're not willing to make big purchase decisions without her input. How you buy the ring is nearly as important as how you present it to her. And sends an equally powerful message.

I suppose you could take her "window" shopping so she can pick out styles but give her an option to choose what she wants. If I hadn't given Alyx a choice I would have ended up with the traditional diamond solitaire. Which was something she definitely didn't want.

 

[tryp79]

wow! one carat at least! ha i couldnt afford that even if i didnt think it was too big ...tiffany"s? wow .... i like the other advice about the size doesnt matter and its all about the committment. lol .... couple of replies ... im not worried about the surprise we have talked about getting married eventually plenty of times ... i am 100 percent positive of the type of ring she wants with the exception of what type of cut ... weve spent a ton of time talking about all sorts of things before and the ring issue came up three or four times .... ive made up my mind to go with white gold simply because of the durabilty ... not to mention the cheaper price ...

 

[Hairgrip]

out of interest...
how are you going about proposing?

Hx