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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Great cartoon!!!!
How about a joke to go with it?
Three guys were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Viet Nam war. Could you help me?"
"Of course my son," Jesus said. When Jesus touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When the glasses hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the third man, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability."
How about a joke to go with it?
Three guys were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Viet Nam war. Could you help me?"
"Of course my son," Jesus said. When Jesus touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When the glasses hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the third man, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability."
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Evening Chuckle Bump
Think a bump is needed !!!!!
Guilty Conscience
An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
Think a bump is needed !!!!!
Guilty Conscience
An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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woodcarver said:
ROFLMAO
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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wood I always laugh so hard when I visit your thread. You should have called this the comedy club!!!!
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prettygrneyes
A Naughty Nurse
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hey juss stopped into say hello ...back for awhile.....anyone around???
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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Morning wood hows life today?
Handing wood a big cup of coffee. got Choc. chip muffins over in the CT.
Handing wood a big cup of coffee. got Choc. chip muffins over in the CT.
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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This married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come
in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband
felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look
in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!
in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband
felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look
in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming;
YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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- Oct 14, 2002
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- 52,549
ok wood just where the heck have you been?
morning funny for ya!
morning funny for ya!
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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- Oct 14, 2002
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Ohhhhhh wooddddd where are you? (echo) Dang its been quiet qround here.
yourdestonie
Countess Pervetta
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kayte said:Following Tonie in.
Looking around.... I bet he is busy with all the stuff with moving and school....
Hope wood is back soon...
Leaving a couples.
Yeah I know but I thought he might stop in for a visit.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Jan 7, 2002
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- 135,693
Looking around for wood!!!
It sure is empty in here.
Well, maybe a chuckle will bring him out....
I Don't Speak Dog
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. He names the dog Einstein and trains Einstein to do a couple of tricks. He can't wait to show Einstein off to his neighbor. A few weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Einstein into the house, bragging about how smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey .. And you think it's easy eating that junk that you call designer dog food? Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. It's disgusting I tell you!"
The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks. You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa talking to us."
"I know, I know," says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I said kvetch."
It sure is empty in here.
Well, maybe a chuckle will bring him out....
I Don't Speak Dog
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. He names the dog Einstein and trains Einstein to do a couple of tricks. He can't wait to show Einstein off to his neighbor. A few weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Einstein into the house, bragging about how smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey .. And you think it's easy eating that junk that you call designer dog food? Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. It's disgusting I tell you!"
The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks. You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa talking to us."
"I know, I know," says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I said kvetch."
