Have you ever served a Master that doesn't "love" you?

[esclave_PP]

Have you ever served a Master/Mistress that doesn't "love" you?

Hi A/all, another curiousity question. This girl over the years has served Masters/Mistresses who have "loved" this girl and ones that were just "fond" of her. In your multitudes of experience in servitude what has been your experiences? Does a Master/Mistress have to love their sub/slave for the D/s to really mean something? Can service be enough? The reason for her asking is she is with a wonderful Master whom she adores and loves more than her existence, but he is just only fond of His slave, he does not love her. She has known him 2 years and was recently collared to Him in August. She has no idea if His feelings will ever lean that way and since she is not a free woman, is not begging for his love in return. But she can't help but wonder if she is being a fool? She loves serving this Master, do you A/all think it matters?

 

[Desdemona]

Are you both happy with your situation? Is service enough? Are you content with your Master's fondness?

Those are questions that only you can answer.

For me, I need to be loved as well as to serve. I'm fortunate because He does love me. But there are others who don't find love necessary for their relationships. In fact, sometimes love can muddy the waters and complicate D/s relationships.

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, I have had BDSM relationships with people who didn't "love" me or whom I didn't "love."

However, the romantic part of me wants and needs love in my life so these relationships did not do it for me.

Now, that I have experienced love and BDSM, I can only describe it as magic. Teh depth of trust and affection intensifies with love. The limits become less black and white and the journey is taken together. I don't think I could, again, top or bottom without love.

But as Des suggests, YOU have to decide what is right for you.

Best wishes!

 

[esclave_PP]

Yes like you both I have experienced both. Her last Master was very much in love with her, and this girl was not. She figures this is her karma. The past Master and her are still familiar, although not serving him, he holds a special place in her heart. But she felt it did muddy the relationship as you say, he began to spoil her and give her so much she felt guilty taking so much when she was the one who was slave.

This girl is actually okay with the situation and is very happy in her service to this current Master. Not to be presumptuous, but she does know that this Master does feel more than he lets on, just one of those intuition things. So she is excited about the journey they will take together. She just wanted to hear feedback that she wasn't being too masochistic - grins. Although to some that might not be a bad thing lol. One day at a time.

 

[dragonhearted]

my exboyfriend was also my Master. He claimed to love me, (I know I loved him), but he was also abusive of me OUTSIDE of the bedroom. We had agreed that his domination would only take place in the bedroom (sexual arena). To me, if a person makes threats of physical harm or does something like grab a handful of your hair while you are driving (for the reason he does not like how fast you are driving), that alone indicates he does not love me.

 

[BrightFlower]

Love is the only reason I will serve

 

[esclave_PP]

These responses are great -- would love to hear from even more people, Masters, Mistresses, male subs -- if you're out there would love your opinions as well!

 

[Netzach]

I can be in a D/s relationship with someone I love romantically.

I cannot maintain an M/s (mistress slave) relationship with someone I love romantically. That would be like loving a car or a cat or a chair romantically, it would cross the line. A slave must be objectified more than I am capable of objectifying my fiancee or lovers in order to remain that....a slave. Property.

 

[esclave_PP]

thank you so much Netzach, that is very similar to how this Master thinks... Which this girl is fine with...thank you again!

 

[bunny bondage]

*sneaks in late*

it really all does depend on your happiness, but for me, i could never give myself to someone who didn't love me. i would be afraid that he would fall in love with someone else, or that i wasn't giving him something he needed, or that he had a low opinion of me. that's just a very icky feeling for me, but then i'm not you and if you're happy with things in your life then i say more power to ya! don't worry about conventional types of relationships and just find your own harmony.

 

[Guest]

 

[esclave_PP]

yes it is unrequited...and yes it is masochistic...guess this girl just has a severe masochistic side to her....but in so many ways...he seems to be awfully fond of or "loves" me in his own way perhaps....


Like this:
Sleep with me tonight, my little one. I will watch you as you sleep and think about how you can improve to please me more.

If that doesn't say love I am not sure what does.

 

[Justina123]

I am very fortunate to have found love and D/s all in one. However it didn't start out that way, nor were my previous D/s relationships based on love.

For me, I think it would matter on the Dominant's level of commitment. I think it is possible for a Dominant to commit to a relationship without feeling romantically "in love", and if so, and the relationship were important to me, then I could see it working. A relationship where I was in love or which I wanted to last, and where I were constantly insecure or unsure of my Dominant's commitment, would for me be not worth the constant insecurity.

But, as has been said by everyone, of course 'tis a very personal thing.

- justina

 

[Netzach]

psst---

not to undermine the guy's plan to remain a little inscrutable, but I think you are on to him!

And I couldn't have a slave I was indifferent to, either, cars cats chairs notwithstanding.

Although I don't know if there's any human who could compete with the cat's place in my heart!

(the cat is looking at me as I type this)

Slaves.

It's just not your sweep-me-away-I'm-so-caught-up hearts and flowers kind of thing.

It's not even a "whew, let's have penetrative sex so I can feel closer to you now" kind of thing.

A man or woman who I can admire, can entertain me, can delight my intellect and then permit himeslf/herself to be completely objectified and used, then kiss my cheek and thank me as he or she leaves, that is good slave material for me. A slave should be a good intellectual match and a good "passionate friend" for lack of a better analogy. Sexual attraction should boil below the surface in glorious repression, although I do tend to put the girls' hands to work on my body if I feel they might have potential.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I made the choice I felt was right for me when I began my search for a Master who would both own and love me, and am not disappointed. I contemplated trying the no love situation, but the meetings I had with such men did not make me think it was a reality I wanted or deserved, feeling very much like a victim role in accepting the terms which carried no long term emotional responsibility if the unexpected happened. I knew two Dominants who had such slaves, and both discovered other women they love, so the slaves and the women had to decide if they could accept that reality, and in both situations the loved one couldn't so the slave was set free. I wanted something long term for life. Your situation may be different, and I agree with what others have reflected, it has to be what you want, not whether everyone here feels you are on the right track. Only you hold that answer.

Catalina

 

[esclave_PP]

Thank you again, yes it is interesting, reflecting back on the other M/sl relationships she's had by far this has been the most enlightening and most challenging. This girl is always striving to improve and learn all kinds of things that help her service whether that is knowledge of art, language, science, technology, anything that can be of interest to Master, heck even erotic dance and now becoming an editor here at literotica. He is a brilliant man, and it really has been the ultimate pleasure in servicing Him and pleasing Him. What this girl finds fascinating is that even if that "love" that so many s's or M's want from their top or bottom is there, it takes so many different forms compared to say, "free" relationships where it is the focus, whether it is "love" as in happy flowers rainbows kind of love or just such an intense gratitude that it feels like "love." You're right Netzach He isn't indifferent in the least, but He does want to make sure that he appears always in control -- which this girl completely understands. She believes and again not to be presumptuous that He feels he would appear weak otherwise -- and honestly that is fine with this girl. She loves and admires and adores Him all the same.

 

[Peter2002]

A triad of relationships

For me there is love, lust, and like.

Any one can be enough for a relationship.

The combination of any two can be explosive.

 

[lilredwolph]

i now find myself in a non-loving relationship, He has no love for me, i am to be used to bring Him happiness and for nothing else. i at times sense He has more feeling for me than He lets on to in little things He does or says, but i am soon whacked back into reality.

i would do anything (lets not get into the kill somebody debate, anything legal that wouldn't effect any of the children) for Him and get nothing in return and at this point thats OK with me. in the future i may need more than again i may not. i just don't know but right now i am comfortablly where i need to be.

if you were to ask "do you love Him?" my answer would be "does it matter?"

 

[esclave_PP]

That makes tons of sense lilred --

Let me throw out another question then, how does the M/s relationship that you felt love in compare to a free one you had in the past? Same? Different? More intense? Less Intense?

 

[lilredwolph]

in the past loving relationships i have been in, it seems to me that many of the rules got pushed into a gray area when love became involved. in my non-loving relationship black is black and white is white never shall the 2 mix, and right now i need structure and disclipine, so having gray areas would just confuse me and the situation as a whole. i'm not saying that the loving relationships didn't work for me, because they did, but at this time it would not.

 

[NYCgirl26]

For me I need love in a D/s relationship. It takes a lot of time, energy, effort to train a sub to serve all my needs the way I want them. At the same time I learn their needs, and take responsibilty for their wellbeing. I don't have the patients to put this into someone I don't love, but for someone I love I find there is excellent return on the investment. But again as others have said this is what works for me...everyone is different. So whatever works go with it.

NYCgirl

 

[esclave_PP]

Thanks everyone for your input!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Have you ever served a Master/Mistress that doesn't "love" you?

You have on your sig line that you do editoral work at Lit.
Could you please fix the thread title for me? It's kind of a pet peeve of mine.

"That" is the wrong word. It should be "...who doesn't love you."

Thank you.

 

[fallon2]

Interesting thread

I find this thread to be interesting for a variety of reasons. First, some men and women are incapable of giving or showing love and for some people when they get older they lose it to a certain extent. Secondly, in my experience one sub needed the love as well as the discipline and the other wasn't interested in that aspect at all. She wanted to be dominated, disciplined and definitely put in her place. I am happy to say that both got their wish.
I was also very interested in what "lilred" had to say since I find her to be very intelligent and forthright in her ideas and comments. Keep posting, girl!
There is for some subs gray areas that do confuse them and that interferes with their desire for the discipline and the pain they need in their lives.
Interesting thread!

 

[landcruisergal]

My relationship started with the agreement that when emotions entered the equation, we would part ways. And I must admit that outside what my master does for me physically, mentally and intuitively, he is not the kind of man I would choose for a lover. I dont dislike him(that would make it impossible) but we dont share much common ground outside our bdsm relationship.Our upbringing was very similar, but I am left wing, he is right wing. I am casual and he is driven.I like camping, he likes 5 star hotels, we are worlds apart. But he rocks my socks off...in a hundred different ways...serving him, pleasing him makes me happy...
Love me? Never in a million years.Thank heavens!It might cramp his style,