Have I been broken?

[Kim_Burly]

So last Sunday night Sir tells me if I masturbate for him, in a particularly humiliating manner, I would be free to masturbate all week, whenever I wanted to, in any way I chose. So I gladly debased myself masturbating in the way he specified (of course, I would have anyhow), thinking gleefully that I would be able to self-adjust anytime I wanted to during the week. The only caveat is that I would have to tell him how and when I pleasured myself. Well, here we are Friday evening, I will be seeing Sir in an hour. I have nothing to report .

I fantasized about it, thought about it, got really wet, but I never pulled the trigger. I love doing the she-bop, what's wrong with me. I really wanted to, I licked my fingers, but I couldn't could not initiate digital-clitoral contact .

I'm sure he knew I wouldn't be able to, but I was looking forward to a nice orgasm before bed each night. I guess I shouldn't be, but I'm a little confused. Has he bent my will, did I make this choice willingly?

 

[CutieMouse]

Unfortunately, one side effect of orgasm control, is the inability to orgasm *without a conditional trigger*. Which means when given "free reign", there's no point in bothering. No trigger; no desire (or at least no orgasm).

If something changes (he is no longer interested in orgasm control, the relationship ends, etc), it could take months, or even years, to regain the desire/ability to orgasm sans trigger. Which leads me to my broken record statement if the day - don't play with orgasm control frivolously.

 

[Kim_Burly]

Cutie: He doesn't normally "control" my orgasms as in long term denial. He just won't let me masturbate without permission. Since during the school year we spend weeknights apart, I can call and ask his permission, but I never have. So, except in rare instances, I get many orgasms each weekend. Now that school is out there will be more opportunities for me to spend the night, except for teaching summer school . For a 45 year old man, he has the sex drive of an 18 year old. When I do get to spend two full days with him I am exhausted and deliciously sore.

It's not that I wasn't aroused, I totally was. I just felt like even though I had his permission, I would be disobeying him. He hasn't said so, but this was a little test of his to see what I would do. He knew I wouldn't, arrogant bastard .

On the surface we are so civilized, but out guttural human instincts run deep. That's why a man always buries himself in a woman when he comes, even if he is shooting blanks or wearing a condom, to impregnate her. Speaking for the two of us, we are both rather Pavlovian. I know when I wear his favorite shade of lipstick, if we are alone, I will be orally pleasuring him in less five minutes. I've actually gotten quite adept at blowing him while he drives. If I assume a certain position on the bed, he's going to take my behind. I have my own triggers as well.

So to circle back where we started, my need or desire to obey him is stronger than my need for a self-induced orgasm. Very interesting.

 

[LovingDaddyDom]

I would agree with Cutie. Orgasm control doesn't necessarily mean denial. As you said yourself, your desire to please him is stronger than your desire to pleasure yourself. In that way, he does have control of your orgasms.

So no, I wouldn't say you have been broken. Just well trained.

~DC

 

[welkin]

I don't get how it's "disobeying him" when he has expressly said you're allowed to masturbate. I think the "I said you can do it but if you really do it I will be disappointed" thing is bull. Reading and second-guessing someone else's mind is just ... unnecessary at best and a disaster at worst.

You're just a masochist; you enjoy subjecting yourself to various constraints that may cause you physical distress, going as far as inventing some constraints even when your dom hasn't imposed them on you... that is very much what a masochist sounds like to me. Nothing wrong with that, and I definitely won't call it broken.

 

[jpin]

you don't ask for permission when you can anyway, so perhaps you like the build-up of no orgasms for your weekend fun??

 

[Kim_Burly]

I don't get how it's "disobeying him" when he has expressly said you're allowed to masturbate. I think the "I said you can do it but if you really do it I will be disappointed" thing is bull. Reading and second-guessing someone else's mind is just ... unnecessary at best and a disaster at worst.

You're just a masochist; you enjoy subjecting yourself to various constraints that may cause you physical distress, going as far as inventing some constraints even when your dom hasn't imposed them on you... that is very much what a masochist sounds like to me. Nothing wrong with that, and I definitely won't call it broken.

He never said he would be disappointed if I did, actually, quite the opposite. He told me how sexy I am when I pleasure myself, he went into detail about methods and toys I could use. It's just that he knew I wouldn't do it, even with his expressed permission and encouragement. Although he can read me like a book and mind fuck me at will, he doesn't. He is very confident in his control of me. He mostly keep me off balance by constantly introducing new games, toys and such. I never know what is coming.

I would have to say yes, I am well trained, or conditioned. It took place over time. Honestly, I am very pleased with my obedience. It's not easy to be an obedient sub. To answer my own question, he has broken a part of my will .

 

[eric60red]

Its the sign of a good Dominant that he has perhaps planted a word or something in your mind, which does not allow you to take care of your self. He respects you

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Have you *discussed* this situation with him? As I've said time and time and time again, communication is one of the primary keys to a successful relationship of ANY kind; it's even more important (IMNSHO) in a BDSM relationship.

 

[Kim_Burly]

Have you *discussed* this situation with him? As I've said time and time and time again, communication is one of the primary keys to a successful relationship of ANY kind; it's even more important (IMNSHO) in a BDSM relationship.

Sorry Sir Winston, I shouldn't have been so melodramatic with my title. It's not that I am upset. I'm just surprised that this happened, so quickly, without me really noticing. We do communicate, he is a good listener, and he actually pays attention when I prattle on and on about silly stuff. I can also tell him he's being a pompous ass, or arrogant or whatever. As long as it's said with respect and without malice. He is very forthright and blunt (which I like), so there is little chance for me to misunderstand him. That's why I'm so happy, it's too good to be true. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake up and it will all have been a dream.

 

[midwestyankee]

Its the sign of a good Dominant that he has perhaps planted a word or something in your mind, which does not allow you to take care of your self. He respects you

I call bullshit on this line. It is NOT the sign of a good dominant to plant a trigger that prevents the partner from caring for themselves. That is the sign of a selfish prick who doesn't understand how easy it is to screw up someone else - or who doesn't give a fuck who they screw up.

 

[DVS]

If you've needed permission in the past, that was always with the chance he wouldn't allow it, right? So, there is a bit of tension associated with that. Tension can increase sexual desire and then it becomes sexual tension.

Maybe once he took the necessity for permission away, there was no more tension that he might say no. With no need to ask permission, you then are given the ability to self pleasure any time you want. That itself is a release.

Now, because you don't have to ask, you are more relaxed and maybe masturbation isn't necessary. If this is the case, it won't last and you will eventually desire that self gratification. A week isn't that long. I'd say this is just a short term situation.

 

[Kim_Burly]

Well, it's not an issue anymore, he revoked my permission last Friday. He said there was no reason to give me that privilege if I wasn't going to exercise it. You have to know him, he doesn't play games to be mean, he plays the games because we both like them. He is, as he likes to remind me, a benevolent (and smug) dictator.

I feel better with the rule in place. I like to know my boundaries, without them I get a little skittish and feel the need to start testing him so I know that he still cares and is still in control.

I'm sorry if I started a debate here. I thought I was asking a simple question. I'll try and be more specific in the future. If I feel he is acting maliciously, I'll say so.