Guest Lit Types

[DrHappy]

I’m typically a nice guy, but can I live out a fantasy and be mean today? I have put together a list of Lit posters that sometimes come here. These are typically the people with less than 10 posts, and are not the regular members. I won't single out any particular posts, but you'll probably recognize some of these.

----------------
The Clueless King: They refuse to read the FAQ. They’ll probably not follow your advice anyway. They probably get lost a lot while driving or in the grocery store, and will just steal something if the checkout line is too long.

The Bragger: They ask for advice regarding what is likely an exaggerated or contrived situation. The situation is designed to make people think “I wish that I had that problem”. Their question may be something like: “Every time I go to a bar, I always have multiple women that tell me that they want to have sex with me. It can be hard to choose sometime. How can I get them all to have sex with at once?”

The Phantom Poster: The will ask a question, and after lots of thoughtful replies from other Literotica members trying to help, vanishes from the face of the earth without acknowledging the replies. Maybe they got hit by a beer truck. Everyone who responded with a thoughtful reply wonders whether the original poster bothered to read the replies.

The Child Mind: Based on their question, this person appears to be 8 years old. They are lacking basic knowledge about sex, pregnancy, or STDs, yet are somehow attempting to participate with sexual activity. “I was making out with my girl friend and I put my hand down her pants and I didn’t feel her fire truck.. Did it get cut off? It really freaked me out!!!. It’s impossible to tell whether they are a child, or just dumb. Are they tall enough to reach the mouse?

The Teen Expert: This person claims to be very experienced and advanced sexually, yet is typically given away by the phrase “my parents”. An example question might be: “This one time, I was having sex with my girl friend while she was tied up, and I was trying to do knife play while doing anal sex at the same time, but then my parents came home and we couldn’t finish. Can someone tell me the best place to meet girls who might want to have sex with me someday?"

the iIlliterate: refuses to use any punctuation (except for exclamation points at the end) or capitialization run on sentences and cant spell sound like they are in an meth-induced incoherent rant!!!!!!

The Faux Woman Pleaser: This person will usually ask a question regarding premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. Our heart goes out for these people and we would never belittle them. However, we can’t help but chuckle when we see that his username is something like “WomanPleaser69” or “PerfectStud”.

 

[glynndah]

You forgot:

The Helpful Spammer: This poster wants to share a great website he just found/started that will show you how to score with chicks, finally get that Nigerian's money out of the country, get free high class porn, enlarge your penis to mind-boggling proportions, and end world hunger.

 

[bobsgirl]

OedipusBoy: Those thought provoking posts that ask for help on how to get their mom (sister, hot aunt) to (pick one): strip for him, let him watch her shower, sleep with him.

 

[Eilan]

The Validation Seekers: These people create threads under the guise for asking for advice. In reality, their minds are made up and they just want "approval" from anonymous online strangers.

The Porn Addicts: These folks have more than a healthy appreciation of erotica/porn: they actually believe that what they see in porn is real.

 

[Cathleen]

The Disillusioned Poster: Those that believe just because this is Lit., that every sexual behavior - legal, illegal or deviant - will get a thumbs up from everyone.

 

[SweetErika]

The Crouching Tiger: He's always right there, ready to pounce on his prey in an attempt to get some satisfaction for his hidden dragon. When a woman asks something like, "How can I get my partner to go down on me?" and gets good advice from nearly everyone, The Crouching Tiger replies with, "I can't believe there are men who don't LOVE to eat pussy. If you PM me, I'll come over and lick you for hours, anytime you want." If a man asks how he can last longer or make his cock bigger for his gf, The CT says, "If she ever needs a real man to satisfy her, I'll be happy to help."

 

[Eilan]

Faux Woman: "She" trolls for masturbation fodder under the guise of seeking advice, e.g. asking for explicit descriptions of how women masturbate, suck cock, etc. May also pretend to be a woman and ask for pictures of cock. Often busted by the penis pic on his profile.

The Horny n00b: Usually a male, he discovers Lit and becomes a kid in a candy shop, failing to get a grasp of forum dynamics before he starts posting. His biggest mistake is asking for cyber or phone sex on the GeeBee, where he is promptly devoured.

The Math Geeks: These folks demonstrate remarkable anti-aging properties. They may claim to be 18 for four years running, or they may be 19 in April and 21 in July. Or they "forget" that they registered while underage.

 

[bobsgirl]

Faux Woman: "She" trolls for masturbation fodder under the guise of seeking advice, e.g. asking for explicit descriptions of how women masturbate, suck cock, etc. May also pretend to be a woman and ask for pictures of cock. Often busted by the penis pic on his profile.

The Horny n00b: Usually a male, he discovers Lit and becomes a kid in a candy shop, failing to get a grasp of forum dynamics before he starts posting. His biggest mistake is asking for cyber or phone sex on the GeeBee, where he is promptly devoured.

The Math Geeks: These folks demonstrate remarkable anti-aging properties. They may claim to be 18 for four years running, or they may be 19 in April and 21 in July. Or they "forget" that they registered while underage.

My personal favorite. If you're here long enough you can spot 'em a mile away, and pull up a chair and watch the fun.

 

[Quoll]

The Validation Seekers: These people create threads under the guise for asking for advice. In reality, their minds are made up and they just want "approval" from anonymous online strangers.

Damn, bugger bum poop poo shit, I totally was going to do that one.
Back to iggy for you.

 

[Eilan]

My personal favorite. If you're here long enough you can spot 'em a mile away, and pull up a chair and watch the fun.

Poor bastards. I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

Here's a great example (ETA: Holy shit! I posted in that thread! )

Back to iggy for you.

*cries*

 

[bobsgirl]

Poor bastards. I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

Here's a great example

*cries*

I feel all icky now.

 

[Nonchalant]

Poor bastards. I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

Here's a great example ETA: Holy shit! I posted in that thread!

*cries*

LMAO, wow...

I primarily frequent the general board, and I just love seeing new members make threads asking for phone sex, or c2c.... its like throwing meat in a shark pool.

Within 10 minutes he is completely demoralized.

 

[BiBunny]

I posted this over in the BDSM Cafe the other day, and when I saw this thread, I thought y'all might appreciate it. I can recognize a lot of the posters. Can you?

 

[Quoll]

The Leghumper - aka The Avsturbator:

You almost feel sorry for this poor soul, it's quite apparent that they are unable to read, so they react solely to the avatar displayed by the unfortunate victim of their attention.
Any remotely sexual avatar will be greeted by an inspired PM usually consisting of a "dick" picture and some sort of monosyllabic grunting espousing the wondrous virtues of said "dick".
The owner of the avatar may be either male or female and may have explicit instructions in their profile to discourage the "humper", however due to their inability to read this unfortunately goes ignored.

 

[bobsgirl]

The Leghumper - aka The Avsturbator:

You almost feel sorry for this poor soul, it's quite apparent that they are unable to read, so they react solely to the avatar displayed by the unfortunate victim of their attention.
Any remotely sexual avatar will be greeted by an inspired PM usually consisting of a "dick" picture and some sort of monosyllabic grunting espousing the wondrous virtues of said "dick".
The owner of the avatar may be either male or female and may have explicit instructions in their profile to discourage the "humper", however due to their inability to read this unfortunately goes ignored.

I knew it! I knew you lusted after this AV! You stud!

 

[Quoll]

I knew it! I knew you lusted after this AV! You stud!

*waggles eyebrows*

 

[eudaemonia]

The Unquenchable One: Manages to get plenty of partners, but seems to think their boundaries and preferences are 1) a childish holdover from strict upbringing; or lacking that, 2) due to "much less experience"; or 3) is an outright pathology in need of fixing. Uses appeals to previous lovers' willingness and/or "everyone else is doing it" arguments to tempt or "encourage" behavioral change. Similar to The Pouter. (See below.)

The Pouter: A self-described "nice guy" who can't ever get a date, and yet who nevertheless fails to see that he is his own worst PR agency. It their mind, it's always everyone else's fault that he/she is alone and lonely.

The Doormat: Comes to Literotica to pick up tips on "learning" to like activity X, Y or Z -- often at the prompting (pimping?) of their partner.

More as I think of them ...

 

[DrHappy]

The Impatient Bumper With an Attitude: This person barges into the forum from nowhere and asks a brief or vaguely worded broad question ("How can I get more sex?" or "Why don't women like me?" ). He then gets impatient when he doesn't get immediate answers and bumps the thread using the the word "BUMP" along with a moody comment. (" BUMP. What? No answers?!?!?!?")

 

[christabelll]

Huge smile

The Baseball Bat Wielder: One who deliberately provokes anger and derision, then comes and makes personal insulting, cutting remarks that reveal his/her hatred of all things remotely sexual, intellectual etc. Then wonders why no one likes them

That count?

 

[midwestyankee]

The Missionary: His (almost always a male persona) daily habits come in one of two patterns. In the first pattern, the Proactive Missionary posts a seemingly well-reasoned request for information about some moderately kinky practice and then replies to all posts with Biblical-babble rants that seek to explain why the practice in question plus all who participate in it are doomed to an eternity of suffering. The Passive-Aggressive Missionary comes out of the woodwork to post in the same style of hellfire-and-brimstone ranting to threads started by others.

 

[midwestyankee]

The Prankster: Is a subset of the generally civil Litster population, but can be identified by the practice of starting threads that no reasonable person would ever believe. Example here. The Prankster seems to be most common around holidays and other times of light posting activity. The prankster generally returns to his or her dominant personality after a few days of frantic activity.

 

[Eilan]

Example here.

Or here.

The One-Track Mind: May have only a few posts, but they're all about one particular subject/fetish.

 

[Eilan]

The Pink-Noser: Sucks up to anything appearing remotely female.

The Creepy Lurker: Usually male. Has been at Lit for at least four or five years, yet has maybe three posts. He tends to work behind the scenes, PM'ing women in hopes of finding a cam, cyber, chat, etc partner.

The Clique-Buster: Bitches about the various cliques on the boards, yet makes no effort to get to know others and become a part of any group.

 

[silverwhisper]

and it's just a sign of the times that nobody here seems to recall...

the clueless white supremist spammer: this poor, deluded fool thinks that any random forum is a great place to copy & paste his or her all caps rants about the white race "dying out". happily, mods tend to notice CWSS quickly, as litsters usually fill the mod's inbox w/ PMs about him.

doc happy, i love this thread!

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

The Prankster: Is a subset of the generally civil Litster population, but can be identified by the practice of starting threads that no reasonable person would ever believe. Example here. The Prankster seems to be most common around holidays and other times of light posting activity. The prankster generally returns to his or her dominant personality after a few days of frantic activity.

Or here.

Two of the all-time best.

People don't have enough to do around here...