God's Will vs. my Dominant's Will

[eastern sun]

I want to believe that my husband's will is aligned with God's will as I offer myself to him - to do with me and build with me what he wills. But sometimes I'm full of conflict

 

[Byakuya]

the Bible mentions submitting one to another, so it seems to me that submitting in the bedroom would fall under that category..

 

[Recidiva]

What about your will? Is it less connected to God?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I want to believe that my husband's will is aligned with God's will as I offer myself to him - to do with me and build with me what he wills. But sometimes I'm full of conflict

full of conflict about what? i'm guess i'm confused on what this exactly this thread is about? Master and i have different religions, and i don't base my D/s relationship on the bible just as He doesn't base it on His Buddhist beliefs, though i do find myself looking in the bible to find scripture to 'back up' my lifestyle. what i am confused about on this thread is what exactly do you mean by you 'want to believe my husband's will is aligned with Gods will as i offer myself to him' could you elaborate ..please?

 

[FurryFury]

Intriguing thread title!

Could you share some more details please on the actual nature of the problems?

Thank you,

Fury

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

I want to believe that I'm serving God when I'm doing my husband's will with all the implications that I'm doing "the right thing." Then I question both my own and his motives.

I'm such a private person, I'm talking in such generalities and it might not be making anything clearer. But have any other submissives here felt this kind of conflict before?

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

Well, if my husband encourages me to have an affair, but I'm seeing another wife's husband, then I might be serving him. . . but not God.

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

Or if I turn decision-making over to my husband, and my daughter asks "how come you can't make a decision on your own?"

 

[Recidiva]

Although my faith might not coincide with yours, I would believe that if you wish to serve God first, you cannot serve two masters in the end. You need to choose one. And that is your choice. It can't be taken away from you, nor should you give that choice away.

Where you believe your husband's will conflicts with your interpretation of your faith, you must test your faith against it. Or else service to God or your partner or to yourself or to your daughter, becomes meaningless if you only do what is easy.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Or if I turn decision-making over to my husband, and my daughter asks "how come you can't make a decision on your own?"

But if you give up your decision making ability to your husband then isn't that in fact a decision?? Most people I hope know my view point on my faith by now, so not sure I wants to get into another involved discussion on it.

So my short comment is If your husband is obeying GOD's directives then you submitting to him is honouring to GOD. If he isn't then you shouldn't submit to him in that area. So the question is what do you think GOD wants you to do??

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

I don't feel any conflict at all about sexual submission. It touches a very deep vein. It's as we take the principles of D/s and practice them throughout the day that the conflict sets in. Is it just our modern expectations that we somehow chart our own destinies?

 

[Recidiva]

I don't feel any conflict at all about sexual submission. It touches a very deep vein. It's as we take the principles of D/s and practice them throughout the day that the conflict sets in. Is it just our modern expectations that we somehow chart our own destinies?

God has given us free will. It's a gift that gets rusty without use. But I believe it wouldn't have been given if it hadn't been meant to be used.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I want to believe that I'm serving God when I'm doing my husband's will with all the implications that I'm doing "the right thing." Then I question both my own and his motives.

I'm such a private person, I'm talking in such generalities and it might not be making anything clearer. But have any other submissives here felt this kind of conflict before?

i have questioned myself on 'am i doing right by God' but never have i tried to align God and my Master to be the same, or the things i do for them the same. because, no i don't think i am serving God when i am serving my Master. i am on different levels with them, and do not compare the two. what i think you're saying is that you think you are somehow wronging 'God' by being submissive to your husband...am i correct? if this is the case, there are scripture that says you should be submissive to your husband. i'm not going to go find that scripture but i KNOW people here know exactly where it's at and can lead you to it in the good book. if your husband encourages you to have an affair, and you don't want to because it's a 'sin' then don't do it. just because He is your dominant does not mean you have no say in how your life goes. have you talked about your limits? did you set limits, hard and soft? *shrugs* i'm still not really sure what the issues here are, as you said you are being very 'general' in your explanations so it's hard for me to give my 2 cents without knowing exactly what you're looking for. as far as your daughter asking why you don't make decisions, when i was a child, my dad made all of the decisions for my mom, and they were not in a D/s relationship, it was just how their relationship was. if she asks maybe a simple explanation that He's the head of household and holds the final decision. is your feelings and such on things considered? or does He just make the decisions regardless of how you feel on the subject? in Master and i's relationship He is the final say ,but He does get my input before making a big decision.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm of the opinion that a leader (dominant partner) who wishes to take control of a relationship, is honor bound to first do no harm. The submissive party is honor bound to maintain her integrity.

Now I'm not all that hung up on monogomy, but I can say I would not enter a relationship with one who expected me to service others, sexually. For *me*, such a thing would be emotionally, mentally and spiritually damaging. If a partner expected it of me, he would quickly stop being my partner. If I were agreeable to such things (agreeable because *I* was okay with it, not because he was okay with it), my integrity would demand that all parties be aware, and consent to the situation.

As to the handing all decisions over to a husband as head of the household... I mostly did that when married; however, my ex eventually realized I was better at budgeting than he, that I knew a hell of a lot about the daily running of a household, and that there was a lot of things that did not need to be micromanaged, because I was (am) a rather smart individual. If there was a decision needing to be made which I felt needed his input, I told the children their father and I needed to discuss things. We would talk things over, come to a decision, his word was final, and come back to the kids as a united front with the decision made.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm of the opinion that a leader (dominant partner) who wishes to take control of a relationship, is honor bound to first do no harm. The submissive party is honor bound to maintain her integrity.

Now I'm not all that hung up on monogomy, but I can say I would not enter a relationship with one who expected me to service others, sexually. For *me*, such a thing would be emotionally, mentally and spiritually damaging. If a partner expected it of me, he would quickly stop being my partner. If I were agreeable to such things (agreeable because *I* was okay with it, not because he was okay with it), my integrity would demand that all parties be aware, and consent to the situation.

As to the handing all decisions over to a husband as head of the household... I mostly did that when married; however, my ex eventually realized I was better at budgeting than he, that I knew a hell of a lot about the daily running of a household, and that there was a lot of things that did not need to be micromanaged, because I was (am) a rather smart individual. If there was a decision needing to be made which I felt needed his input, I told the children their father and I needed to discuss things. We would talk things over, come to a decision, his word was final, and come back to the kids as a united front with the decision made.

Great post! I particularly agree with the strategy of the bolded part in it!

Fury

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

Thank you to everyone. I appreciate your comments and considerate replies.

Here's the part I don't really want to talk about. . . My experience with alcoholism and addiction leads me to mistrust my own use of my free will (because I have abused it in the past - pursuing self-destructive activities). I have been sober now for many, many years - and find myself caught in the horns of this dilemma - uncertain whether I am once again misusing my free will by chasing this sexual pleasure into the grips of another's will - or in fact, coming to a deeper understanding of surrender and selflessness.

 

[Recidiva]

Thank you to everyone. I appreciate your comments and considerate replies.

Here's the part I don't really want to talk about. . . My experience with alcoholism and addiction leads me to mistrust my own use of my free will (because I have abused it in the past - pursuing self-destructive activities). I have been sober now for many, many years - and find myself caught in the horns of this dilemma - uncertain whether I am once again misusing my free will by chasing this sexual pleasure into the grips of another's will - or in fact, coming to a deeper understanding of surrender and selflessness.

That's a very hard one to confront. It's a trial and one that you have an opportunity to test your will. Your will won't become stronger or clearer with misuse, though.

Keep in mind that giving your will over to another, is still your will. You're not free of the responsibility or the outcome.

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

You're right, Recidiva. I think sometimes I do want to avoid responsibility by serving another's will.

Perhaps I need to learn how to communicate my discomfort with the outcome without offending my husband. I think he believes I'm being stubborn and uncooperative. Failing to meet his needs. And I'm not sure whether my resistance is just childish petulance or a real warning signal that we're walking on paths I'm uncomfortable with.

 

[Recidiva]

You're right, Recidiva. I think sometimes I do want to avoid responsibility by serving another's will.

Perhaps I need to learn how to communicate my discomfort with the outcome without offending my husband. I think he believes I'm being stubborn and uncooperative. Failing to meet his needs. And I'm not sure whether my resistance is just childish petulance or a real warning signal that we're walking on paths I'm uncomfortable with.

Sometimes it will be petulance and sometimes it will be a real warning signal. You'll have to explore it every time to find out which one. And develop new instincts to trust.

I wish you lots of luck and strength on your path

 

[eastern sun]

the next morning. . .

So this morning I woke up and realized that I'm not being quite honest with myself. . . I want the affairs. I want the lover I'm enjoying. My husband is really being quite generous in offering me this opportunity to pursue my desires. But pursuing my desires leads me into murky waters where the "rightness" of my actions are debatable. If my lover wants to deceive his wife, is it my responsibility? (already I know the answer, I just don't want to)

And so I feel guilty. . . And my guilty conscience leads me to defend myself and justify actions that I probably should take a better look at.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I wouldn't worry too much...many of the people I have known who considered themselves good Christian folk were either in a church where extramarital affairs were common or were the ones having such affairs themselves. Strange how religion can bring that out in some people, and provide them with a load of ways to defend it through interpreting the Bible their way.

Catalina

 

[lil_slave_rose]

So this morning I woke up and realized that I'm not being quite honest with myself. . . I want the affairs. I want the lover I'm enjoying. My husband is really being quite generous in offering me this opportunity to pursue my desires. But pursuing my desires leads me into murky waters where the "rightness" of my actions are debatable. If my lover wants to deceive his wife, is it my responsibility? (already I know the answer, I just don't want to)

And so I feel guilty. . . And my guilty conscience leads me to defend myself and justify actions that I probably should take a better look at.

i'm all for 'open marriage' as long as ALL parties are in agreement, if your lovers wife doesn't know about you, well then, that's where i say it's wrong. and now i understand more your dilemma with the whole "God" question, and it looks like you already know the answers so i will just stop this post here..and wish you luck.....

 

[Evil_Geoff]

If your lover's wife is not aware of your affair, he is cheating on her. If you are aware of his cheating, you become a party to the cheating if you allow the affair to continue.

This is not to say I am a strict monogamist. I'm not. Kinda hard to be when I'm in a physical, emotional and spiritual polyamorous relationship. But my janey and danielle are aware of my relationship with the other, they are friends and active participants in the relationship. We don't do things within the relationship without the knowledge and consent of all parties. There isn't any "cheating" going on.

I'm not your sponsor and I don't know if you are using a 12 step program of recovery, but there is a step that goes like this - "Made list of all persons we had harmed, and made amends to them all." Who are you harming here? And have you made amends?

If you are active in a recovery progrm, your question is better directed to your sponsor than to a bunch of strangers on an erotic/alternative sex site. Guilt is a bitch to deal with. And the right thing do is very rarely the easy thing, or the fun thing.

 

[Shaq]

I want to believe that my husband's will is aligned with God's will as I offer myself to him - to do with me and build with me what he wills. But sometimes I'm full of conflict

Chapter 7 in "Life of A Submissive" by Stedmon Graham is titled "When One Takes BDSM Too Far...."

Your husband's will is aligned with God?

Isn't that what the ancient Egyptians believed about Pharoah?

 

[the captians wench]

Your husband's will is aligned with God?

Isn't that what the ancient Egyptians believed about Pharoah?

No they believed Pharoah was a god incarnate. Big difference.


There is scripture that talks about a wife's duties to her husband, and in that it also talks about submission. Something my mom pointed out to me is that when you submit to some one they take responcibility for leading you the right way, but you are altimitly responcible for the actions that you take, so be sure that who you give that athority to has their morals and such lined up with yours.

Personally, I believe adultery is adultery no matter how you justify it. If you can justify it to the point where you don't feel guilty about it, well then that's just something you'll have to take up with God in the end. Think about that for a minute, can you picture yourself arguing your point with God, and being absolutely serious about it and prepared for His answer and consiquences. Because no matter how much you justify it, only He knows the true answer so if you're not listening to Him, then there's going to be a price to pay later.

I hate it when I sound all dooms day ish.