Gay bar protocol

[TrailerHitch]

I am potentially going to meet up with another MWM at a gay bar and I am wondering what is the protocol for behavior in a Gay bar. Been in plenty of hetro bars in my life and I know how to act there. The last thing I want to do is do something accidentally offensive and be so damn dumb I didn't know I did it.

 

[JoeSmith2022]

I often wonder the same thing

 

[drobert44]

Sounds interesting, I think we got ONE here.

 

[Britva415]

The last thing I want to do is do something accidentally offensive and be so damn dumb I didn't know I did it.

Do you have a history of causing gay people to take offense over something you had no idea was offensive?

A bar is just a bar. You'd be amazed how much it's just like a "straight bar." Any protocol would be the same as for any other bar you've never been to before: Read the room and gather the scene before mouthing off about stuff which might be out of place.

If you don't like the music, don't bitch about it.

Don't go in there talking about gay stereotypes and shit. Everyone's an individual. Treat people like people, not like representatives of an entire identity or set of identities.

You're the clueless one. If you converse with anyone else besides your date, don't mansplain. Just don't talk about shit you don't know about.

Don't be afraid to let people know you're "new to this" or something. It can make people a little more forgiving. But if you're this apprehensive about causing offense then maybe keeping to yourself would pay off.

Meet your friend and mind your own mutual business while you hang out with each other. Just don't talk to anyone else, if you're that afraid of causing offense to them.

If you get hit on, just say "no thanks" and keep paying attention to the person you're with. Don't start a fight over it. And don't mistake plain-old friendliness toward a stranger in a bar for being hit on. If you aren't sure, play dumb and ignore it. Hell, even if you are sure, that's a good play.

It's really not as mysterious as you think.

 

[Yesok1]

Hey former straight girl here.

My mates are straight, my life was straight.

When I went to a gay bar for the first time, I felt relieved and comfortable. I was myself, I gained confidence. I spoke to girls naturally. I charmed them and gave them compliments, I cracked jokes.

I'm naturally shy. I seem rude and brash. But, I am in my element. I'm always worried I'll offend people I overthink and get paranoid. But, as long as you aren't offensive and you be yourself, you'll be fine.

 

[TrailerHitch]

Do you have a history of causing gay people to take offense over something you had no idea was offensive?

A bar is just a bar. You'd be amazed how much it's just like a "straight bar." Any protocol would be the same as for any other bar you've never been to before: Read the room and gather the scene before mouthing off about stuff which might be out of place.

If you don't like the music, don't bitch about it.

Don't go in there talking about gay stereotypes and shit. Everyone's an individual. Treat people like people, not like representatives of an entire identity or set of identities.

You're the clueless one. If you converse with anyone else besides your date, don't mansplain. Just don't talk about shit you don't know about.

Don't be afraid to let people know you're "new to this" or something. It can make people a little more forgiving. But if you're this apprehensive about causing offense then maybe keeping to yourself would pay off.

Meet your friend and mind your own mutual business while you hang out with each other. Just don't talk to anyone else, if you're that afraid of causing offense to them.

If you get hit on, just say "no thanks" and keep paying attention to the person you're with. Don't start a fight over it. And don't mistake plain-old friendliness toward a stranger in a bar for being hit on. If you aren't sure, play dumb and ignore it. Hell, even if you are sure, that's a good play.

It's really not as mysterious as you think.

I'm not sure why you felt the need to be openly hostile to a simple straight forward question. I hope the people I meet at the bar are friendlier than you.

 

[AlexBailey]

I'm not sure why you felt the need to be openly hostile to a simple straight forward question. I hope the people I meet at the bar are friendlier than you.

Hi TrailerHitch,

I know you and I have had many run-ins in the political forum but this is not that. I appreciate that you are asking a sincere question and I am not intending to be rude in any way.

Britva415’s advice did not seem offensive to me in any way either. When he said:

You're the clueless one. If you converse with anyone else besides your date, don't mansplain. Just don't talk about shit you don't know about.

He was using an impersonal “you”, meaning any novice going into a gay bar, not that you yourself are clueless.

Please don’t look to take things so personally. I think you often take offense when none is intended. This is definitely something you should keep in mind if you find a bar you’re interested in checking out.

 

[Britva415]

I was genuinely hoping to help you feel more confident about it, @TrailerHitch , by saying out loud some common-sense things which you probably already knew, to take the mystery out of it for you. I assume you don't have a history of offending people - but little did I know you apparently have a history of taking offense.

 

[TrailerHitch]

I was genuinely hoping to help you feel more confident about it, @TrailerHitch , by saying out loud some common-sense things which you probably already knew, to take the mystery out of it for you. I assume you don't have a history of offending people - but little did I know you apparently have a history of taking offense.

Dude in my mind your whole first post to me was aggressive and treating me like I am an idiot.

I'm not clueless about human interaction, I have experience as a teacher, firefighter, working in retail. I asked a simple question about protocol because I have never set foot in a Gay bar. Honestly I can converse on a multitude of topics, often by listening to someone tell me something and then asking questions to learn more. I am considered friendly and out going by most people who know me outside of this one dimensional thing known as the internet.

I am meeting someone there who sees this as their safe public place to meet. I am not at all opposed to talking to others about me, them, whatever. I NEVER discuss politics or religion because those almost always lead to conflict.

I appreciate your efforts, the perceived tone did not set well with me.

 

[TrailerHitch]

Hi TrailerHitch,

I know you and I have had many run-ins in the political forum but this is not that. I appreciate that you are asking a sincere question and I am not intending to be rude in any way.

Britva415’s advice did not seem offensive to me in any way either. When he said:



He was using an impersonal “you”, meaning any novice going into a gay bar, not that you yourself are clueless.

Please don’t look to take things so personally. I think you often take offense when none is intended. This is definitely something you should keep in mind if you find a bar you’re interested in checking out.

I am far better communicating in person when I can read facial expressions, body language, and verbal intonations.

 

[kathyisgr65]

I am potentially going to meet up with another MWM at a gay bar and I am wondering what is the protocol for behavior in a Gay bar. Been in plenty of hetro bars in my life and I know how to act there. The last thing I want to do is do something accidentally offensive and be so damn dumb I didn't know I did it.

Don't be a dick and use gay slurs..
Ok that was shitty..ppl are ppl and don't assume that every dude wants to tuck u in the bathroom and blow u...

 

[TrailerHitch]

Don't be a dick and use gay slurs..
Ok that was shitty..ppl are ppl and don't assume that every dude wants to tuck u in the bathroom and blow u...

What the fuck? I'm meeting a guy to see if we are interested in hooking up. I'm bi, so why in the hell would using Gay slurs even enter your head?

I never even had that thought at all about the bathroom. Further why would you think that would interest me at all?

You make plenty of ignorant comments that describe behavior I wouldn't even consider.

 

[kathyisgr65]

Don't be a dick
That's my job
And ud be shocked at the amount of dumbasses are out there
It's not gender or sexual ud specific
The main point is..ppl are ppl respect and not being an idiot will get u far
Apologies for my blunt nature...

 

[TrailerHitch]

Don't be a dick
That's my job
And ud be shocked at the amount of dumbasses are out there
It's not gender or sexual ud specific
The main point is..ppl are ppl respect and not being an idiot will get u far
Apologies for my blunt nature...

So is your sexist don't be a dick your idea of enlightened commentary. Because we all know what would happen if I said don't be a C***. You pretty much eliminate yourself from being taken even remotely serious by using that line both times you post to me.

 

[kathyisgr65]

Then don't be a cunt
I'm ot offended either way
I apologized
Can't do anything else
I still stand by what I said

 

[TrailerHitch]

Then don't be a cunt
I'm ot offended either way
I apologized
Can't do anything else
I still stand by what I said

But not a thing you said was at all helpful. So I guess, thanks for nothing.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I'm not gay and have never been to a gay bar, but I'd think that being polite and kind would be the universal way of getting along wherever you go.

 

[TrailerHitch]

I'm not gay and have never been to a gay bar, but I'd think that being polite and kind would be the universal way of getting along wherever you go.

I am the ultimate in decorum when meeting people in person. I am polite and kind and usually complimentary in some way.

 

[stranger244]

About 6 years ago, I visited a gay bar in Phoenix. Supposedly it was. Some heter couples were there. Nobody hit on me or showed any interest.

 

[vizio]

I would say like any other social situation be polite and respectful.

 

[TrailerHitch]

For those of you that offered sincere advice thank you. I appreciate it. Sadly the meet up never happened. BUT, there's always tomorrow for dreams to come true.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

Do you have a history of causing gay people to take offense over something you had no idea was offensive?

A bar is just a bar. You'd be amazed how much it's just like a "straight bar." Any protocol would be the same as for any other bar you've never been to before: Read the room and gather the scene before mouthing off about stuff which might be out of place.

If you don't like the music, don't bitch about it.

Don't go in there talking about gay stereotypes and shit. Everyone's an individual. Treat people like people, not like representatives of an entire identity or set of identities.

You're the clueless one. If you converse with anyone else besides your date, don't mansplain. Just don't talk about shit you don't know about.

Don't be afraid to let people know you're "new to this" or something. It can make people a little more forgiving. But if you're this apprehensive about causing offense then maybe keeping to yourself would pay off.

Meet your friend and mind your own mutual business while you hang out with each other. Just don't talk to anyone else, if you're that afraid of causing offense to them.

If you get hit on, just say "no thanks" and keep paying attention to the person you're with. Don't start a fight over it. And don't mistake plain-old friendliness toward a stranger in a bar for being hit on. If you aren't sure, play dumb and ignore it. Hell, even if you are sure, that's a good play.

It's really not as mysterious as you think.

I enjoyed reading your post. Very 'on point'. I was going to reply to one of the post and thought I should just wait and read all the replies. I'm glad to have read yours. Like reading my mind. Good work.

 

[Veeker]

Just be yourself and don't be a butt hole.

 

[TrailerHitch]

Just be yourself and don't be a butt hole.

Thanks for absolutely nothing.

 

[Britva415]

Did you ever go?