DevilishTexan
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2003
- Posts
- 71,963
Something for the ladies......
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/KnifeBlock.jpg
Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. (emphasis on TRYING)
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Rocket.jpg
He said she said:
He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear pants don't you?
He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said: We don't know; it has never happened.
He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Fool.jpg
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Pot.jpg
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day...While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him...I am so sorry,... but he's dead".
Edna replied,... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Freespirit.gif
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Iron.jpg
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/KnifeBlock.jpg
Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. (emphasis on TRYING)
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Rocket.jpg
He said she said:
He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear pants don't you?
He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said: We don't know; it has never happened.
He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Fool.jpg
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Pot.jpg
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day...While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him...I am so sorry,... but he's dead".
Edna replied,... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Freespirit.gif
http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l74/devlishtexan/Iron.jpg
