Fucked up sayings!

[Johnny Mayberry]

Now, some people like to say 'shit!' or 'damn' or even...'motherfucker'! In my opinion, those are ok for average, everyday sayings. But, what do you say when you see, for instance, a man fisting two women dressed as Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street? How do you respond to your boss informing you that your job is being phased out, to be replaced by a toothless orangutan with a drinking problem. What about that time you walked in on your mother being triple penetrated by a German Shepherd, a chair leg, and Patrick Swayze? "Damn it to hell!" just doesn't cover it!

I find, that in times of stress, I open my mouth, and things like " Sweet crispy chocolate-covered Christ on a stick" come out. What about you? Do you sometimes find yourself thinking, "Well, I'll be damned to a hell of gang-rape by syphillitic camels!"? Just curious...and if you don't like it, "you can suck a fat baby's dick!"

 

[HeavyStick]

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ

Sweet Virgin Mary's Tampon

I'll pay for your vasectomy.

I hope you get gang-raped by a group of silver back gorillas.

hic...

 

[Guest]

.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm as horny as a.....
fuck it, i'm just horny

I respect the sentiment, I really do, but you aren't getting into the spirit of things! How about...."I'm as horny as a pack of rutting she-wolves!"...that work for you?

 

[Guest]

.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

"oh, FUCKING Christ"

"Jesus Fucking Christ, you stupid Hagfish Demon!"

"You Scumbagged Devil Wench!"

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

"If horny was manure, I'd be ankle-deep, face-first in shit"?

"I could ride the Eiffel Tower right now!"

"The only thing between me and suicide is this canned-ham in my cunt!"?

I'm running dry here...feel like teh north end of a south-bound mule, and I know my 'horny' examples were like 10 gallons of shit in a 3 gallon bucket, but i'm trying harder than Anna Nicole Smith trying to see her feet...

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Vixenshe, I think you have serious potential! Instead of "oh, FUCKING Christ" , may I suggest "The dessicated remains of Jesus Harold Christ in a small Italian leather handbag!"?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Vixenshe, I think you have serious potential! Instead of "oh, FUCKING Christ" , may I suggest "The dessicated remains of Jesus Harold Christ in a small Italian leather handbag!"?

no, that's a bit overboard. I tend to mutter lots of gibberish when I'm really pissed, and then, if I'm pissed at someone, the names become creative...



but that's rare.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hmmm...overboard must be my middle name...

 

[TWB]

Usually I say,

Golly.

 

[teddybear4play]

I usually have a template that I follow.

1. Holy/Sweet/Good
2. Jesus/Christ/Jesus Christ
3. a location or activity that you wouldn't expect Jesus Christ to be, e.g. "in a blender"

TB4p

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I usually have a template that I follow.

1. Holy/Sweet/Good
2. Jesus/Christ/Jesus Christ
3. a location or activity that you wouldn't expect Jesus Christ to be, e.g. "in a blender"

TB4p

hmmm

i wonder if this is marketable on some sort of wallet card?? can we go in halfsies since the marketing ploy was "my" idea? <snicker>

~a~

what the fuck...they sold chiapets to millions...LOL

 

[Guest]

 

[Rubyfruit]

"If horny was manure, I'd be ankle-deep, face-first in shit"?

"I could ride the Eiffel Tower right now!"

"The only thing between me and suicide is this canned-ham in my cunt

I'm so horny I could fuck a doornob.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

yes dear, I am also glad we got married......

 

[littlekateyes]

I am as horny as a broke dick dog.

 

[Imi]

Mom's favorite was "Shit on a Stick, covered in chocolate" That was usually in response to what's for dinner?

Mine is the pretty bland Fuck dat shit

Obviously, I have to become more creative.

 

[marksgirl]

Well fuck me running.

 

[AardRiven]

Well here in Montreal they scream stuff like 'challice' and 'tabernacle' in french thats about as understandable as if a drunken parisian overused junkie toothless whore was trying to speak it, so I quit swearing and I get laughing fit. Nobody swears normal stuff like fuck, shit, etc.

So I'm especially enjoying this thread, who could say you could actually miss some real attempts at good old fashioned swearing.

 

[teddybear4play]

Mom's favorite was "Shit on a Stick, covered in chocolate" That was usually in response to what's for dinner?

In my family, the response was "Fried farts and pickled assholes."

TB4p

 

[Tati]

I usually say "This sucks big, fat, wet ones with hair and blue cheese"....Don't ask me what the big fat wet ones are tho

 

[Saytur]

I am as horny as a broke dick dog.

Richard Pryor?

 

[RobDownSouth]

I've always been partial to "I'm so horny, not even the crack of dawn is safe!"

-Throb "which had a special cachet when I was actually dating a girl named Dawn" DownSouth

 

[perks]

jesus mothercunting christ