From my e-mail today

[James G 5]

That is one of the nicest things anyone has said to me...

Thank you.

You do make me smile!

Being ugly, hung small, and socially inept, I long ago took the advice to heart about learning to make a woman laugh


and thank you, nice to find someone to share my silliness

 

[catalina_francisco]

Do PM's count? Just had one from a guy who claimed I was twisted as he went to our Branding thread and opened a pic of my cutting and says he never expected blood from a razor cut and felt sick because of it!! LOL...well I did reply, who could resist, and pointed out most people who cut themselves would have bled so it shouldn't have been a surprise, and if he found these type things so sick why was he reading threads on such topics, and opening pics that were stated were of a cutting in progress? It takes all sorts they say..of course he replied to tell me I was not the sort of person he wished to read anything from (now didn't he PM me first?) so not to PM him back, and that he still felt such things were just sick IHO of course.

Catalina

 

[James G 5]

Do PM's count? Just had one from a guy who claimed I was twisted as he went to our Branding thread and opened a pic of my cutting and says he never expected blood from a razor cut and felt sick because of it!! LOL...well I did reply, who could resist, and pointed out most people who cut themselves would have bled so it shouldn't have been a surprise, and if he found these type things so sick why was he reading threads on such topics, and opening pics that were stated were of a cutting in progress? It takes all sorts they say..of course he replied to tell me I was not the sort of person he wished to read anything from (now didn't he PM me first?) so not to PM him back, and that he still felt such things were just sick IHO of course.

Catalina

Some people LOOK for reasons to be offended
I caught a 60 Minutes piece last night on the growth of pornography in the US, especially with the internet
Some minister was on talking about how much worse this was than when the VCR came out "turning every home in to a porno theater" since now people didn't even have to face the shame of going out & renting something.
The interviewer asked how it hurt society if someone was doing this in their house & not in public. The talking head replied (I SWEAR I am not making this up)
""It seems people are becoming more comfortable with the idea that what people do in their own homes is their business"
Well DUH
So he wants to encourage the government to monitor such things more closely, and persecute, errr, PROSECUTE the makers of adult material so HE doesn't have to be offended by something he'd have to go out of his way to know about
Sad thing is, the Bush administration is listening to people like him *sigh*

Point of this is that there will ALWAYS be people whose "prurient interest" lies in examining what others do JUST so they can proclaim their shock & disgust, thereby allowing themselves to feel superior.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Some people LOOK for reasons to be offended
""It seems people are becoming more comfortable with the idea that what people do in their own homes is their business"
Well DUH
So he wants to encourage the government to monitor such things more closely, and persecute, errr, PROSECUTE the makers of adult material so HE doesn't have to be offended by something he'd have to go out of his way to know about
Sad thing is, the Bush administration is listening to people like him *sigh*

Point of this is that there will ALWAYS be people whose "prurient interest" lies in examining what others do JUST so they can proclaim their shock & disgust, thereby allowing themselves to feel superior.

So true...there were similar problems in Oz when I lived there to the point videos and DVD's are so heavily censored they have to cut things you can see on prime time TV any night in kid's viewing time. What always amazes me, especially from the people who despite their personal dislike of the censoring feel compelled to make such statements as 'well they are knowledgeable people, they must know' is, if all this is so harmful for everyone to see occasionally why are the paid censors still supposedly perfectly 'normal' functioning human beings when they watch the porn minimum of 8 hours a day everyday as their job? Does the money protect them, or are they super beings?!! LOL..the former guy in charge of such things resigned and is now one of the biggest names in producing porn in Oz and promoting abolishing censorship. Maybe that is their problem, he earns more than they do and that is not allowed in the social structure of things...politicians should always be the top earners.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/augen/aug1.gif

 

[A Desert Rose]

1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of
jalapeños.. You never know what's going to burn your ass.

2) I love deadlines. I especially like the "Whoosh" sound they make as they go flying by.

3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. (Rose says.... no shit!)

5) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I
thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?

6) My reality check bounced.

7) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. (Rose also says... this is a good policy.)

 

[redelicious]

Pardon me a moment...

Being ugly, hung small, and socially inept, I long ago took the advice to heart about learning to make a woman laugh

Someone needs a serious reality check.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Some of these are old... some are not. But they are all still funny and I sure hope JM sees this.


CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry (Rose loves this guy. Read his column every week.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

 

[James G 5]

Pardon me a moment...



Someone needs a serious reality check.

c'mon this is online
reality has no bearing here

 

[Desdemona]

Gotta credit SierraMoon for sending this my way. What do you think.... should this be my Christmas Av???

 

[A Desert Rose]

a funny... for skyline... ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

and another.

 

[SierraMoon]

Hope you don't mind ADR, i got this in my email yesterday, and thought it was hilarious!!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile,
The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you Sierra. That poem is great! I have already copied and emailed it to friends.

When you get more good stuff... please, don't hesitate to share it. I love reading it, too. I just wish more people would.

 

[James G 5]

When you get more good stuff... please, don't hesitate to share it. I just wish more people would.

I got good "stuff" to share

 

[A Desert Rose]

from tonight's mail...

 

[A Desert Rose]

and this one...

 

[A Desert Rose]

another...

 

[A Desert Rose]

and lastly....

 

[A Desert Rose]

Christmas morning golf game...

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said,

"Take a sweater..."

 

[SierraMoon]

Here's a Visual Test i got in my email today... What do YOU see??




Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such scenario.

What they will see are the nine dolphins.

Additional note: This is a test to determine if you already
have a corrupted mind. If it's hard for you to find the
dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted.

Ok.... look at her crotch..... the v is the tail of one, start at
the v and follow it down along her left leg. look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. look at her left hip, follow the shaded part
down, it's another one, and on his shoulder.....
see them now?

 

[navarre]

from tonight's mail...

That reminds me of Crosby, Stills, and Nash's "Wooden Ships"

Nice rose.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Here's a Visual Test i got in my email today... What do YOU see?? ...

This is waaaaaaaay cool! Thanks Sierra.

 

[SierraMoon]

This is waaaaaaaay cool! Thanks Sierra.

You are very welcome, ADR. i thought it was pretty cool. Although, i saw the dolphins within a few seconds... Hmmm....

Now, the illusions that you posted are WAY cool!!! Thanks for sharing them!!!

 

[A Desert Rose]

this is funny...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Nursey humor

A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse".

The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number? "She said, "Sarah Finkel, in Room 302... "I will connect you with the nursing station." "3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302". "Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic, that's wonderful news!" The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Not exactly, I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me shit!"