From my e-mail today

[cellis]

well ... she might
given the right encouragement ...

stranger things have happened



(and ladies ... look very carefully at what i typed - it quite risque for me! lol)

Oh willow!!!

 

[A Desert Rose]

I've read this 3 times... What am I missing, ladies?

Yea, I know, I missed the short bus, too. LOL

 

[morninggirl5]

Read it again and think scat.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Read it again and think scat.

You are a handy gal to have around.

I get it now... LOL.

 

[WillowPuss]

Oh willow!!!

*polite cough*

sorry
really old joke, I know ... but it fitted

 

[A Desert Rose]

These are old but they still made me smile today:

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Never buy a car you can't push.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

 

[Peter2002]

More Latin

Semper ubi sub ubi

Always (where) under (where)

A school boy favorite.

 

[A Desert Rose]

some funnies. Here's the first.... I hope

 

[A Desert Rose]

#2

 

[A Desert Rose]

#3

 

[A Desert Rose]

#4 and i have to go run errands soon... but guess what? I got more. LOL

oops i fucked up... brb.

 

[Shadowsdream]

#3

Ha ha ha thank you for the Christmas humour!

 

[A Desert Rose]

#4 and then, im going.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Okay... last one. Now, I'm gone.

 

[Shadowsdream]

In My email today...

Aren't you glad English is your first language


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.



If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?



Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.



Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.





Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up

speaking English:



1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.



Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...

If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you Ma'am! That is a funny post... my daughter is an English major and I sent it on to her. ;-)



Important chocolate facts:

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

LOL..They go one better here and have 'bottom lift' pantyhose. Master said I will never need them though. Better keep exercising so he won't be wrong.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/figuren/b18.gif

 

[A Desert Rose]

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary ..." .

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

 

[A Desert Rose]

HOUSEHOLD HINTS
(a few of these are new to me... don't know if they work or not.)

1) Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then
slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.(hmmmmmm...)

2) For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps.
They won't be freeze. (wish I had known this before I moved to Las Vegas.)

3) Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks.

4) Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.

5) Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

6). To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief. (no mosquitos in the desert.)

7) Ants, ants, ants everywhere . Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.

Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.....

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China.

Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White
Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

 

[cellis]

HOUSEHOLD HINTS
(a few of these are new to me... don't know if they work or not.)

1) Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then
slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.(hmmmmmm...)

2) For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps.
They won't be freeze. (wish I had known this before I moved to Las Vegas.)

3) Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks.

4) Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.

5) Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

6). To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief. (no mosquitos in the desert.)

7) Ants, ants, ants everywhere . Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.

Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.....

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China.

Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White
Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

Well first it was the marsupials and now this... Rose you are starting to worry me!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well first it was the marsupials and now this... Rose you are starting to worry me!

Scary will be when I start posting hints from Heloise on random threadss.... LOL and i just might do that now that I've thought of it!

 

[James G 5]

Scary will be when I start posting hints from Heloise on random threadss.... LOL and i just might do that now that I've thought of it!

You mean something like this?

10 Surprise Uses for Your Microwave
Make the most of this versatile kitchen appliance.

1. Disinfect and Deodorize Sponges
Soak a dirty sponge in water spiked with white vinegar or lemon juice, then heat it on high for 1 minute.

2. Toast Nuts, Bread Crumbs, Coconut
Spread them out on a plate and heat on high for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring every minute. NOTE: They will continue to toast for about a minute after removal.

3. Get More Juice from Citrus Fruits
A refrigerated lemon or lime is harder to juice than one at room temperature or warmed slightly. To get the most juice, microwave citrus fruits for 20 seconds before squeezing.

4. Cook Vegetables
All vegetables can be steamed in the microwave without adding water. Place them in one layer (if possible) on a dish, cover tightly with plastic, and cook on high. The timing will vary, but check tender items, such as spinach, mushrooms, and snow peas, after 30 seconds, and crunchy ones, like carrots, after 4 minutes.

5. Decrystallize Honey
Honey that has solidified can be brought back to liquid life by uncovering the jar and heating on medium power for 30 seconds to 1 minute.

6. Partially Cook Foods for the Grill
Cook vegetables partway in the microwave, before putting them on the barbecue, to cut grilling time. Heat new potatoes for 2 minutes (prick them first), and bell peppers for 1 minute. And why wait until your next campfire to make s'mores? Put the marshmallows in the microwave for 30 seconds.

7. Disinfect Plastic Cutting Boards
Wash the board well, rub it with the cut side of a lemon, then heat for 1 minute.

8. Roast Garlic
It takes 45 minutes to roast garlic in the oven but less than 8 in the microwave. Slice off the top of the head to reveal all the cloves. Place the head in a small, deep dish, season with salt and pepper, and drizzle with 2 tablespoons of good olive oil. Spoon 2 tablespoons of water into the bottom of the dish, cover it with plastic wrap, and cook at medium power for 7 to 7 1/2 minutes. Let stand for a few minutes before unwrapping.

9. Warm Beauty Products
Warm up a hot-oil conditioning pack for your hair in about 10 to 20 seconds, or briefly heat up a facial mask — especially a creamy, moisturizing one. (Stir the mask and test the temperature with your finger before applying.) And if hot wax hardens when you're only halfway up your calf, reheat it in the microwave. It's much less messy than using a double boiler.

10. Soften Brown Sugar
Keep the sugar in its plastic packaging, add a few drops of water, and heat on medium for 10 to 20 seconds.

 

[A Desert Rose]

James, you idea-thief-in-the-night, you! LMAO

Those are wonderful and you are too!

 

[James G 5]

James, you idea-thief-in-the-night, you! LMAO

Those are wonderful and you are too!

You just bring out the best in me ADR

I just hope you don't kill me for your pickup line thread

 

[A Desert Rose]

You just bring out the best in me ADR

I just hope you don't kill me for your pickup line thread

That is one of the nicest things anyone has said to me...

Thank you.

You do make me smile!