Friend not taking responsibility

[penguindance]

 

[bknight2602]

Be careful, it might not be his, even if she would never "cheat". It is a tricky situation that should be addressed though. Be upfront that is the best way, IMHO.

 

[Starfish]

God bless science. It's called a DNA test.


Shitheaded people need to have that shit slapped in their face more often. There is no refuting the results.

 

[bknight2602]

God bless science. It's called a DNA test.


Shitheaded people need to have that shit slapped in their face more often. There is no refuting the results.

True but I think she was referring to the personal touch. DNA is great a great majority of the time, for those shit heads!

 

[penguindance]

 

[medjay]

Even the best guys can flip out at the prospect of fatherhood. He might be acting like an asshole now but there's really no telling whats going on inside his head until you talk to him.

After that, then you can decide whether to read him the riot act or cut him some slack.

And, you never know, he may have a valid reason for denying this baby. I think you know him better than you know his ex.

 

[adora-rhianna]

From a girl's point of view who's been there...

...I have a 3.5 month old. And I am quite capable of raising him to be a strong man all on my own. IMO - I would prefer NOT to have someone else tell the bio-dad he needs to wise up. Either he wises up on his own, or he doesn't. I really don't give a fuck for it to be meddled in. But that's just IMO and one point of view.

Maybe she would like for someone to talk to him...I dunno.

 

[bknight2602]

The problem is, it would be nice if he grew up and took a little responsibility long before that.

I guess I'm thinking maybe he's a bigger jerk than I gave him credit for. That makes me sad.

I hear ya pls. We don't take responsibilty and people get hurt over it!

 

[penguindance]

 

[penguindance]

 

[intrigued]

God bless science. It's called a DNA test.


Shitheaded people need to have that shit slapped in their face more often. There is no refuting the results.

Exactly.

But I think maybe she is addressing his attitude, and how to approach it with him. He is in deep dark denial because his whole world may just be turning on a dime....it goes beyond a test.

What people (OK, men) sometimes fail to accept is that the responsibility exists even if the relationship between the mother and father no longer does. Often all the emotional crap takes over, but the bottom line never changes. It is no longer about what "was", it is about what "is".
My sons bio father didn't want a serious relationship with me, so he decided to have nothing to do with our son, even though he openly admitted that he knew he was his son. He even had the blood test two years later, and wouldn't pay support until he got the results. In his mind, the baby represented "me"...it meant some type of committment to me...and that is so wrong. To this day, they have no relationship...his choice in the beginning, then it became mine.


Just give him a little time to absorb it, then she will have to slap him with reality, as you put it, Star.

 

[Rambrat]

you should just be friends with older guys...

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rambrat]

I should be, huh. He's the same age as me, so we understand to a degree.

gee...it's been so long...I can't remember...

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rhys]

My best friend has sort of flipped out since he found out he's a dad...but its been in a good way. I think she's more weirded out by it than he is actually. So my question for you is this, how much do you value your friendship? I have discovered that when you try to help in circumstances like this, it backfires. So, if you you say anything, you are probably doomed. I don't like to be so negative, but my personal experience has been that its just better to stay the fuck out of it. If he's as irresponsible as you think he is, this will become all your fault, no matter what it is or what you say. Some people prefer their dream universes, and will sacrifice you and your friendship, just to stay in that universe. It is better to leave it alone and just be a friend when they need one, and listen when they need you too, instead of getting involved by saying something. That is hard to do, and the part of you that sees this and knows that there is something you could say or do, could make it better...or worse depending on whose point of view. Doesn't sound like you are terribly close to him now anyway, so your pov on this may not be respected anyway because you have not been close friends in a while.

good luck

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rambrat]

ROFL! Look at your kids. They'll remind you.

not that long ago sweetie pie...

I remember.

 

[huskie]

If hes your friend and you can talk to him????? Then call him up and tell him to Grow Up!!! but that's about as far as (I think??) you should take matters......

 

[penguindance]

 

[peachykeen]

Hey you know, sometimes part of being a friend is not letting a person you care about get away with being a jerk.

Remind your friend that someday he is going to have to look this kid in the eyes and own up to what he sees in there. It's not, like, "well we'll get a test and if it's mine then I'll love it." He has a clear cut choice - he can behave like a grown man, or like a piece of shit. There's no in between in this situation.

 

[Rambrat]

They say the memory is the first thing to go...

I'm glad it's that instead of the other thing...

and just think...I could be fucking a new girl every day!

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rambrat]

If what? Oh wait, I get it. Because of the memory thing. Ha ha. I thought you had become some sort of super stud or something...

Oh wait, what was I thinking? You've ALWAYS been a super stud!

you're so good to me.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

As someone who's father didn't step up and take responsibility (in fact used his position in the military to get a transfer and they closed ranks and prevented social services from tracking him) I have only two thoughts regarding him

1. Derision for promising to pay child support and then skipping out. Would've been one thing to say "I want nothing to do with it period" which would still make me feel pissed, but being older I can understand it somewhat.

2. Curiosity about his family, and to a degree him. I'm an only child (or am I?), what is my ethnicity on that side (beyond obviously western white european...take one look at me and it's obvious...plus his last name is either french or british), and what my medical history is on that side.

I have no illusion that were I to find him tommorrow that I would feel any bond whatsoever with him. He's a stranger to me, a sperm donor. But I do have some questions I'd love answers to. However, at this time I feel no driving need to ask them.