Forgiveness

[graceanne]

i havnt been on lit in the past few days do to the high holidays (im jewish), therefore i missed the majority of many threads that havebeen active for these past few days, including this one, so forgive me if i stumble over something that has already been discussed.

today was, for me, the holiest day of the year. yom kippur. also called the day of atonment. forgivness is the topic of the day. forgiving others for what they have done to us, and in turn being forgiven for things we have done to them.

i attended a meditation on forgivness this afternoon in between two of the multiple services that i attended today. in it we discussed ideas such as forgiving someone for thier sake vs. forgiving somone for our own sake.

while at first glance this last type of forgivness may seem selfish or meaningless, it is the type of forgivness that applies to major offenses. for example, i believe someone mentioned that they could not forgive someone who murdered thier child. in this case, forgiving that person for your own sake, while it may take time to do, is almost neccessary to kwwp from being poisened from the inside out over lack of forgivness. now, this does nto mean what that person did is ok, but in this case forgivness is a mean to let go of the anger and hatred that can stem out of horrible acts.

i just felt that this realization about the nature of forgivness, at least in this way which i hadnt taken much time to really consider before, was worth sharing.

I have done that, to some lesser extent. My dad abandoned me and my sister for two years. To this day he feels he was justified since my mom left him for another man, and he wasn't talking to her, so how could he talk to his daughters?

I had to forgive him, for me, not him.

 

[Recidiva]

Know what? I've become some kind of whiney baby and I'm sorry. I look back on those posts and I'm whining whining whining.

I'm in the middle of my chemo for this month... so never mind my little forays into whiney-rantsville. I really do get overly emotional and then I'm all embarrassed and stuff... like i am right now.

You're in the middle of chemo. I think being a "tad tetchy" is admirable. I'd be in the middle of a killing spree.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't subscribe to the you have to forgive or it eats you up inside thing. If you do that's fine.

For me, remembering and NOT forgiving can help keep you safe and making better choices in the future.

 

[A Desert Rose]

i havnt been on lit in the past few days do to the high holidays (im jewish), therefore i missed the majority of many threads that havebeen active for these past few days, including this one, so forgive me if i stumble over something that has already been discussed.

today was, for me, the holiest day of the year. yom kippur. also called the day of atonment. forgivness is the topic of the day. forgiving others for what they have done to us, and in turn being forgiven for things we have done to them.

i attended a meditation on forgivness this afternoon in between two of the multiple services that i attended today. in it we discussed ideas such as forgiving someone for thier sake vs. forgiving somone for our own sake.
while at first glance this last type of forgivness may seem selfish or meaningless, it is the type of forgivness that applies to major offenses. for example, i believe someone mentioned that they could not forgive someone who murdered thier child. in this case, forgiving that person for your own sake, while it may take time to do, is almost neccessary to kwwp from being poisened from the inside out over lack of forgivness. now, this does nto mean what that person did is ok, but in this case forgivness is a mean to let go of the anger and hatred that can stem out of horrible acts.

i just felt that this realization about the nature of forgivness, at least in this way which i hadnt taken much time to really consider before, was worth sharing.

Nice coincidence that I started this thread right around the time of an important Jewish holiday. And thank you for sharing this.

I touched on the portion in red earlier in this thread. I think it's important to forgive for the sake of the other, not so much for my sake, especially if I'm asked to extend forgiveness. How could I deny that?

For the sincere person, it takes so much to ask for forgiveness...

 

[Recidiva]

I don't subscribe to the you have to forgive or it eats you up inside thing. If you do that's fine.

For me, remembering and NOT forgiving can help keep you safe and making better choices in the future.

Yes, it's nice to be trusting and all, when you're not going to lose something.

However, I still lock my car and home when I leave and when I sleep.

 

[Homburg]

For the sincere person, it takes so much to ask for forgiveness...

Gah, I know that I choke on it when I have to. It kills me.

 

[JMohegan]

I don't forget. That's just silly and untruthful. There are some things that you can't forget, and to say you did or will is bullshit. Beyond that, as you said, forgetting opens you to making the same mistake. I've forgiven people, and still cut them out of my life so that they wouldn't hurt me again. Forgiving does not mean you have to let them do it again, it just means moving on and not allowing the anger and hurt to eat you up.

This is a wonderfully succinct and sensible summary of the concept of forgiveness that many people embrace.

I would call what you describe here "acceptance" rather than forgiveness. But this is no more than a semantic difference, and I absolutely agree with the critical point you are making here.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

-------

 

[A Desert Rose]

I thought he was talking to me... I think he was.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think it's time I changed my name.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I thought he was talking to me... I think he was.

*nods* i saw that as i read on.....and "deleted" my post. that's what i get for not reading the whole thread before replying....

 

[A Desert Rose]

*nods* i saw that as i read on.....and "deleted" my post. that's what i get for not reading the whole thread before replying....

I edited my post to reflect yours.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I edited my post to reflect yours.

good deal. and by the way, thank you for starting this thread. alot of the posts have made me stop and re-think the way i see forgiveness....it's a great thread,

 

[Honed_Hunger]

I'm digging up old bones that I feel still has some meat on em.......



Good read to add to the discussion.

http://www.cancersupportivecare.com/forgive.html

 

[DVS]

Damn. And here I thought she was back.

 

[graceanne]

Damn. And here I thought she was back.

Me, too.