Foreplay

[FD_23]

Hello all,

I've recently met this girl and i really like her, we tried to have sex, started off with a bit of foreplay; which was very enjoyable, but when it came to the deed she said i was too big to fit in her. Ive had many women comment that im big but i not had this problem before. Im not porn star sized, about 7" long but i think its the girth of 6 1/2" which is why they comment. Can anyone reccomend any foreplay techniques as im sure ive heard this could help, anything you women find a real turn on too as im not to experienced when it somes to this, always been quite shy! Any help is much appreciated

 

[Norajane]

First I'd recommend more than a 'bit of foreplay'. Think of it as sexplay, not just an appetizer. Many women never come from intercourse, so foreplay is actually the main course for them if orgasm is the goal.

Learn how to give her an orgasm with your hands and mouth before trying intercourse - that way she'll be very wet and relaxed, which will make intercourse much, much easier. Also, you should be using extra lubrication, especially if you're using a condom (which you should be!).

You might also try different positions - she could be on top, for example, which gives her a lot of control in terms of depth and speed. Let her guide you.

As far as foreplay activities that might turn her on, paying lots of attention to her whole body is important. Caress her back, her legs, her wrists...kiss her neck, her tummy, the spot where her thigh meets her hip. Pay lots of attention to her breasts and clit. More important, ask her where and how she likes to be touched. Most important, make sure to flirt with her and touch her long before you get to the point where you're taking any clothes off - keep her mind turned on.

 

[Eilan]

Im not porn star sized, about 7" long but i think its the girth of 6 1/2" which is why they comment.

See, guys, it is possible to have too much of a good thing!

My ex is 8" around (yup, I measured it myself) and until he had sex with other women, he thought that my complaints about discomfort were my issue. His other partners have had the same complaint, apparently.

As for advice, I don't have anything to add to what Norajane said.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Only one thing I can add. Sloooooowwwww. If she is afraid of feeling discomfort, she probably will because she's expecting it. Lots of lubrication is the first step. Then make sure you go slow, let her relax. Once she does it will be easier for her. Wow, sounds like the same advice we always give for anal sex, doesn't it?

Funny thing is I can sympathize with you as well. The first girl I was ever with told me the same thing. I was surprised too because I didn't think it was all that big either, but she was a little intimidated to begin with, having never had any sexual experiences. Don't sweat it, just be understanding of her concerns. In the end it really doesn't mean much, so don't let it go to your head and get all cocky about your size.

As for things that turn women on, I've said it before and I'll say it again, oral sex! Oral sex is awesome for both lubrication and stimulation. If you want to be a good lover I firmly believe that it is a prerequisite to become good at this facet of making love. Practice makes perfect, and I have yet to find a woman who wouldn't be willing to let you "practice" on her.

 

[FD_23]

Hey, thanks for the advice. i done my homework and we tried again. we spent ages on foreplay, kissing her all over, caressing her, i spent ages finding out about the erogenous zones, took all your advice and she was deffinatly wet enough. I was very gentle with her, slow an deliberate, making sure i wasn't hurting her but it was another failure, she said it was the same type of pain as you would get with anal sex. I pleasured her in other ways so the night wan't a complete failure, but she seemed to think it was her fault, ive reassured her its not and that im not just after one thing, i do *really* like this girl. She was hinting that maybe things wont ever happen and maybe we shouldn't see each other in that way, although i know she likes me alot. Its just so frustrating.........

I know im clutching at straws here, but can anyone reccomend anything at all that hasn't already been mentioned?

 

[Norajane]

Hey, thanks for the advice. i done my homework and we tried again. we spent ages on foreplay, kissing her all over, caressing her, i spent ages finding out about the erogenous zones, took all your advice and she was deffinatly wet enough. I was very gentle with her, slow an deliberate, making sure i wasn't hurting her but it was another failure, she said it was the same type of pain as you would get with anal sex. I pleasured her in other ways so the night wan't a complete failure, but she seemed to think it was her fault, ive reassured her its not and that im not just after one thing, i do *really* like this girl. She was hinting that maybe things wont ever happen and maybe we shouldn't see each other in that way, although i know she likes me alot. Its just so frustrating.........

I know im clutching at straws here, but can anyone reccomend anything at all that hasn't already been mentioned?

Did she have an orgasm before penetration? Did you use lube? Did you try it with her on top so she could control the action?

 

[FD_23]

No she didnt have an orgasm before penetration although we did spend alot of time on foreplay. she was the one that suggested penetration and it didnt seem to happen. i tried with her on top, allowing her to go as slow as she liked and she seemed really uncomfortable so we stopped. She was very wet down there, but we didnt use lubrication. she did orgasm through oral sex as i didn't want to leave her unfulfilled

Maybe the use of poppers could make her relax or is that a bad idea?

 

[Norajane]

No she didnt have an orgasm before penetration although we did spend alot of time on foreplay. she was the one that suggested penetration and it didnt seem to happen. i tried with her on top, allowing her to go as slow as she liked and she seemed really uncomfortable so we stopped. She was very wet down there, but we didnt use lubrication. she did orgasm through oral sex as i didn't want to leave her unfulfilled

Maybe the use of poppers could make her relax or is that a bad idea?

The reason I suggest orgasm before penetration is that her muscles will be relaxed. When she says it hurts like it does with anal, I think she's saying that the muscles at the opening of her vagina are being stretched too much. If she orgasms, those muscles are less likely to tense up.

Also, use lube!!! It doesn't matter if she's already really wet. Lubrication is more slippery and can make a big difference, especially when you're using a condom.

As for poppers, never tried 'em, but I'm thinking no, that's not a good idea.

 

[FD_23]

Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it.

The reason i mentioned poppers (im sure you know this) is that it relaxes the muscles and obviously is used alot for anal sex but i agree that it may not be the best thing to try.

 

[HandFan]

I'm going to really recommend a very slippery water based lube, something like Glide ID or Climax H2O. As a woman who has a small vagina, even when I'm pretty wet, it is amazing how much lube really does help out!

I have found that the silicone lubes just aren't slippery enough for a tight entrance, so stick to a water base lube.

Norajane has given you some really great advice. I hope that the reason your girl can't seem to relax isn't because she feels like you may not be interested anymore if she has sex with you. I, like a lot of women I know, have had performance issues in bed if I've felt like the guy just wanted to make use of me. You've said that that is not your intention, but maybe she's the kind of girl who needs a lot of comfort about your intentions, even if you've told her before.

Have you thought about warming her up with a penatrative vibrator? It would help her get use to feeling something in there and the vibrations will relax her entrance muscles if she orgasms with it inside her. Just be gentle and use lots of lube. You don't need one as big as you are to get the best effect. Maybe she even has one already that you both could use...if not it would be a nice gesture for you to get one for her, you don't need to spend a fortune either, just a simple, soft gelee vibe would do.

 

[FD_23]

I'm going to really recommend a very slippery water based lube, something like Glide ID or Climax H2O. As a woman who has a small vagina, even when I'm pretty wet, it is amazing how much lube really does help out!

I have found that the silicone lubes just aren't slippery enough for a tight entrance, so stick to a water base lube.

Norajane has given you some really great advice. I hope that the reason your girl can't seem to relax isn't because she feels like you may not be interested anymore if she has sex with you. I, like a lot of women I know, have had performance issues in bed if I've felt like the guy just wanted to make use of me. You've said that that is not your intention, but maybe she's the kind of girl who needs a lot of comfort about your intentions, even if you've told her before.

Have you thought about warming her up with a penatrative vibrator? It would help her get use to feeling something in there and the vibrations will relax her entrance muscles if she orgasms with it inside her. Just be gentle and use lots of lube. You don't need one as big as you are to get the best effect. Maybe she even has one already that you both could use...if not it would be a nice gesture for you to get one for her, you don't need to spend a fortune either, just a simple, soft gelee vibe would do.

Ive just purchased some

"Durex Play Heat lubricant creates a warming sensation that will immediately heighten sensitivity.

Warming sensation on contact
Blow gently to enhance the warming action
Sweet to taste
Water soluble"

i hope this helps!

I can guarantee that i have made it clear i will wait as long as she needs, i really like this girl and ive made it clear that sex isnt the only thing im interested in on so many occasions, i'm not the type of person who will just give up because of a few setbacks, ill wait for as long as it takes. I do think that she feels like a bit of a failure though, she said that i may get bored because i cant have sex with her, but i cant reassure her anymore than i already have, im just worried that she will end it because of this reason.

Im not sure about vibrators yet, ive not known her long and i dont know what she likes, i could ask but i dont want to scare her away and get ahead of myself.

 

[Norajane]

Ive just purchased some

"Durex Play Heat lubricant creates a warming sensation that will immediately heighten sensitivity.

Warming sensation on contact
Blow gently to enhance the warming action
Sweet to taste
Water soluble"

i hope this helps!

I've never used a warming lube, so maybe other can chime in on whether it will do what you need.

Are warming lubes slippery, or do they just stimulate blood flow to the region?

 

[Eilan]

Sometimes when my ex and I had sex, I'd experience pain that felt like he'd attached razorblades to his cock. *ouch* At one point in the relationship, we HAD to have lube to have sex.

I don't know if this is your partner's problem, but I honestly think that a lot of my painful sex issues were more mental than physical. I'm not saying that she's crazy, obviously, so please don't be insulted, but I found that if I expected sex to hurt, it did hurt.

 

[didijune48]

Ive just purchased some

"Durex Play Heat lubricant creates a warming sensation that will immediately heighten sensitivity.

Warming sensation on contact
Blow gently to enhance the warming action
Sweet to taste
Water soluble"

i hope this helps!

I can guarantee that i have made it clear i will wait as long as she needs, i really like this girl and ive made it clear that sex isnt the only thing im interested in on so many occasions, i'm not the type of person who will just give up because of a few setbacks, ill wait for as long as it takes. I do think that she feels like a bit of a failure though, she said that i may get bored because i cant have sex with her, but i cant reassure her anymore than i already have, im just worried that she will end it because of this reason.

Im not sure about vibrators yet, ive not known her long and i dont know what she likes, i could ask but i dont want to scare her away and get ahead of myself.

Hey man... what about letting her sets the rules? Like, let her decided how deep, how long .... how whatever she wants too?!
I had a b/f who would really hurt me because of his size. He just left me in control all the time so I can manage to avoid any hurt... That is the way to go so she won't feel guilty because, then, it will be in her hands... Woman can be responsible of their own pleasure as soon as they don't feel guilty the guy is missing something!

 

[kiwichyck]

Like others have said, let her control the action. Lube is a great idea, but perhaps not the warming variety. I've tried the ky warming lube and it was crap. I couldn't feel anything from it, it had a slightly gritty texture, and DH tells me it tasted awful!

Have a chat to her about it. Suggest the lube and shopping together for a toy that interests her. IMO avoid the warming variety of lube - at least for now. Also, have you played around with fingering at all?

And for her..........BREATHE......RELAX........BREATHE

 

[FD_23]

Hey man... what about letting her sets the rules? Like, let her decided how deep, how long .... how whatever she wants too?!
I had a b/f who would really hurt me because of his size. He just left me in control all the time so I can manage to avoid any hurt... That is the way to go so she won't feel guilty because, then, it will be in her hands... Woman can be responsible of their own pleasure as soon as they don't feel guilty the guy is missing something!

I did let her take it at her speed, i let her stay in control, thats why i suggested she tried going on top so she could control how deep/how fast. The thing is, she hasn't fitted it in even half way yet and it isn't a case of me trying to force it in, i always ask if she looks like its uncomfortable and suggested we stop because it was hurtign her.

 

[FD_23]

Sometimes when my ex and I had sex, I'd experience pain that felt like he'd attached razorblades to his cock. *ouch* At one point in the relationship, we HAD to have lube to have sex.

I don't know if this is your partner's problem, but I honestly think that a lot of my painful sex issues were more mental than physical. I'm not saying that she's crazy, obviously, so please don't be insulted, but I found that if I expected sex to hurt, it did hurt.

I can see where you are coming from, maybe the size intimidated her at first and she is tensing up because of it? women give birth so its obviously possible!


Thanks for the info on the warming lube everyone, i think ill go shopping again

 

[ickle_stace]

I can see where you are coming from, maybe the size intimidated her at first and she is tensing up because of it? women give birth so its obviously possible!


Thanks for the info on the warming lube everyone, i think ill go shopping again

if she is worried about it hurting beforehand, she'll not be as relaxed as she could be, she'll be expecting it to hurt, so it will

 

[Eilan]

I can see where you are coming from, maybe the size intimidated her at first and she is tensing up because of it?

It's doesn't necessarily have to be the size that intimidated her. If she's not able to relax for any reason, she could have pain.

women give birth so its obviously possible!

Possible doesn't necessarily mean comfortable. Yeah, the vagina's naturally elastic, but that doesn't mean that things going in/coming out are pain-free. Women can push out a 7+ pound baby, but that doesn't mean that they'll be able to accommodate their partner's fist. Sometimes inserting a tampon can be difficult.

The vagina isn't a gaping maw that lies in wait for something to fill it. When it's not in use, the walls touch.

 

[ickle_stace]

It's doesn't necessarily have to be the size that intimidated her. If she's not able to relax for any reason, she could have pain.

Possible doesn't necessarily mean comfortable. Yeah, the vagina's naturally elastic, but that doesn't mean that things going in/coming out are pain-free. Women can push out a 7+ pound baby, but that doesn't mean that they'll be able to accommodate their partner's fist. Sometimes inserting a tampon can be difficult.

The vagina isn't a gaping maw that lies in wait for something to fill it. When it's not in use, the walls touch.

yep the bit in bold is me i'll vouch that that part is true

 

[FD_23]

It's doesn't necessarily have to be the size that intimidated her. If she's not able to relax for any reason, she could have pain.

Possible doesn't necessarily mean comfortable. Yeah, the vagina's naturally elastic, but that doesn't mean that things going in/coming out are pain-free. Women can push out a 7+ pound baby, but that doesn't mean that they'll be able to accommodate their partner's fist. Sometimes inserting a tampon can be difficult.

The vagina isn't a gaping maw that lies in wait for something to fill it. When it's not in use, the walls touch.

Sorry, didnt mean to sound crude or ignorant

 

[Eilan]

Sorry, didnt mean to sound crude or ignorant

You weren't crude or ignorant. I'm just crude and wordy. No worries.

 

[FD_23]

Just would like to thank everyone for their opinions, we tried again and taking everything said on board (especially the lube!), we had a very enjoyable successful evening, things are better communications wise between us now too....im so happy!

 

[ickle_stace]

Just would like to thank everyone for their opinions, we tried again and taking everything said on board (especially the lube!), we had a very enjoyable successful evening, things are better communications wise between us now too....im so happy!

glad to hear it worked out

 

[MagicFingers]

I'm happy for you two

Just would like to thank everyone for their opinions, we tried again and taking everything said on board (especially the lube!), we had a very enjoyable successful evening, things are better communications wise between us now too....im so happy!

THIS, communication, is worth all the effort. If you can keep this up, you can work out most any issues. I hope you have a wonderful time together, however long it may be.

I had to ask, she wasn't a virgin, was she? Because that would be an entirely different issue. But the suggestions listed by all the friendly HT people here would be good advice for that too. Slow and easy, lots of lube, her in control, etc.
Keep it up!