For Doms
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SassyLadyMO
Virgin
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- Feb 10, 2014
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Mhm... agreed.
Random messages from men telling me what to do gives me the impression they are not experienced, and have little to no idea what the Lifestyle is about.
Random messages from men telling me what to do gives me the impression they are not experienced, and have little to no idea what the Lifestyle is about.
UpwardSpiral
Literotica Guru
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I have to admit, online forum or not, I never cease to be amazed at the lack of common courtesy exhibited by men claiming to be in the lifestyle, and expecting someone who self-identifies as a submissive to immediately fall to the feet of said men. C'mon guys, stop making us look bad. Ever heard of introducing yourself, getting to know someone, establishing some basis for a relationship, etc.? Not exactly rocket science.
Honestly, there is no excuse, especially not here. Obviously you're connected to the internet in order to be here, so read up on some etiquette. In the information age, ignorance is a choice, and it's not a choice that anyone here is going to find attractive.
Just sayin'...
Honestly, there is no excuse, especially not here. Obviously you're connected to the internet in order to be here, so read up on some etiquette. In the information age, ignorance is a choice, and it's not a choice that anyone here is going to find attractive.
Just sayin'...
SassyLadyMO
Virgin
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Very well said, Sir. Although, I feel I must add there are as many so-called subs (male or female) that seem to be lacking of the brain power to read up on etiquette.
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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- Sep 4, 2003
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Yes, because it's ALWAYS the other person's fault. 
I don't consider myself in 'the lifestyle' even though I am fairly fond of playing dominant in BDSM-like sex. This may be possibly because the few people I've met who self-identified as 'in the lifestyle' were very self-aggrandizing and made it clear they believed the idea that BDSM is only for the rich.
I do believe in trying to be friendly and getting to know someone online before entering into any sort of cooperative sexual fantasy, but I also often get turned down even after I thought I was being very conscientious. I deal with it better than I used to, but not everyone learns these coping skills, I think.
In that light, I suspect that in a minority of cases the men being impolite are fed up with being turned down repeatedly and are going with the shotgun approach, front-loading their advances to see if anyone agrees immediately. From a certain perspective, this would seem to save time and reduce the mental impact of failure, because the expectation of success for any individual attempt is lower. However, it's the wrong solution to the problem, so it's still foolish.
I do believe in trying to be friendly and getting to know someone online before entering into any sort of cooperative sexual fantasy, but I also often get turned down even after I thought I was being very conscientious. I deal with it better than I used to, but not everyone learns these coping skills, I think.
In that light, I suspect that in a minority of cases the men being impolite are fed up with being turned down repeatedly and are going with the shotgun approach, front-loading their advances to see if anyone agrees immediately. From a certain perspective, this would seem to save time and reduce the mental impact of failure, because the expectation of success for any individual attempt is lower. However, it's the wrong solution to the problem, so it's still foolish.
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
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Yes, because it's ALWAYS the other person's fault.
And criticising other peoples manners is good etiquette.
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
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- Feb 3, 2014
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I get this too... Guys claiming to be Doms, though I never see them in the BDSM threads, who don't respect it when I say "thanks for the compliment / collared / happy to interact in open forum". Interestingly enough, the guys who don't identify as Doms are way more respectful. Then again, perhaps that's not surprising...
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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- Jul 14, 2005
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I've had a few women approach me in the same way, though.
I figure we are all of us raised by wolves.
I figure we are all of us raised by wolves.
Que
aʒɑ̃ prɔvɔkatœr
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
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My late father used to say "Were you raised in a barn?".
It was kind of funny though. My mom WAS raised on a small dairy farm. My dad was raised in the very upper echelons of his city. He had this idea that he was fully versed in all the social graces because he was trained in them in a one day class he attended in eighth grade.
A lot of the subtleties of human interaction escaped him.
I don't recall specifically his feelings on elbows on the table. I assume he would frown on that. I find such things interesting. WHY is it a faux pas? The elbow seems an unlikely body part to pick up detritus unfit for the table.
My point is that manners are cultural and fungible.
As to the original poster's query. There are a lot of people that believe that an assumptive close will work. I hate it in salesman or people in general. Not as much as I hate the take-away close, but close.
I don't think people being presumptive on how they can talk to another person is the exclusive domain of the dominant.
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
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Elbows on the table are rude for two reasons; the action closes you off from the person beside you (much like turning your back on someone) and it also imparts a casual attitude that was considered unacceptable for the times. Yes, it's an atavism. Don't forget that it can be insulting to the host or to other guests that have not questioned the validity of the custom. The current rules of etiquette dictate that this is ok, as long as you are not actively eating.
Hmmm... Fungible?? Where one manner is directly replaceable with another manner? I don't think so... Manners are not identical to other manners, able to be directly replaced - fungible - because that would make them the same manner
This is a great analogy. Agreed. Being treated like a sheep needing a new ride, with a blank check at a used car lot is exactly what the OP was protesting...
Hear, hear
This stuff happening was a big part of why I stopped coming to Lit for awhile, I just got tired of it. My favourite PM of all time was the guy who sent me a pic of his penis with the message title "Suck it pain slut". Because that is soooo sexy lol
This stuff happening was a big part of why I stopped coming to Lit for awhile, I just got tired of it. My favourite PM of all time was the guy who sent me a pic of his penis with the message title "Suck it pain slut". Because that is soooo sexy lol
Miles Long
Fuck victoriously!
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2005
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- 21,358
*snort*
At least he kept it brief, haha.
Sadly, the interwebs are full of people who don't know how to interact with other people. It's kinda like Philadelphia that way.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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- Jul 14, 2005
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Someone once asked, in a letter to The London Post "Why do Americans put their elbows on the table?" And after some discussion, it was agreed that it was because of eating corn on the cob.
True story! Or else, I just made it up, I forget which.
True story! Or else, I just made it up, I forget which.
Miles Long
Fuck victoriously!
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2005
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- 21,358
Someone once asked, in a letter to The London Post "Why do Americans put their elbows on the table?" And after some discussion, it was agreed that it was because of eating corn on the cob.
True story! Or else, I just made it up, I forget which.
I'll buy it. Corn on the cob is delicious!
*snort*
At least he kept it brief, haha.
Brief is the perfect word to describe it
exitingeden
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2013
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I am constantly appauled by the daily listings of so called Doms. I can only imagine what their PMs must be like. It is with a simple hello, welcome and please enjoy your stay that will get you far further into a conversation than Hello whore welcome to Lit. Suck my cock. I simply can not see how this could be thought as a great idea.
D/s relationships are based off trust and respect. The dynamic is a wonderful thing when treateds as a partnership.
Mutual trust, respect and common sense yes. Abuse, disrespect and thoughtlessness no.
I feel I have to apologize to every woman that comes on Lit for those idiots that taint the word Dom. I cant , so I simply try to reach out and welcome.
Just my two cents
EE
D/s relationships are based off trust and respect. The dynamic is a wonderful thing when treateds as a partnership.
Mutual trust, respect and common sense yes. Abuse, disrespect and thoughtlessness no.
I feel I have to apologize to every woman that comes on Lit for those idiots that taint the word Dom. I cant , so I simply try to reach out and welcome.
Just my two cents
EE
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
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exitingeden
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 27, 2013
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If only Lead By Example worked here
And thank you for the sentiment!
~ tips hat ~
EE
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CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
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- 8,493
Sometimes I feel like an alien... I never seem to get these rude, ignorant messages from dominants that everyone else gets. I have a personals ad on PoF, and I think the worst thing that's ever happened there is poor grammar - which is an *awesome* way for men to self-select themselves out of my dating pool, so really.. win/ win.
I have a personals ad on PoF, and I think the worst thing that's ever happened there is poor grammar - which is an *awesome* way for men to self-select themselves out of my dating pool, so really.. win/ win.
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
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Sometimes I feel like an alien... I never seem to get these rude, ignorant messages from dominants that everyone else gets.
I can point them your way as part of my standard rejection message if you want? That is, as long as their punctuation and spelling are in order?
I can point them your way as part of my standard rejection message if you want? That is, as long as their punctuation and spelling are in order?
I will pass mine along as well if u like!
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
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- Apr 7, 2004
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I can point them your way as part of my standard rejection message if you want? That is, as long as their punctuation and spelling are in order?
Eh... it's probably more effective to simply thank them for their contribution to the Asshat Awards thread.
And then promptly post their contribution. With a link.
Seriously though, I see threads like this all the time here and at Fet, and I do sometimes wonder what I'm doing so very differently than everyone else, to escape the bother. In 10 years at Lit, and 3+ at Fet, I can count the number of typical "I am your DOM OF DOOOOOOOMHOOOOOODDDDD!!! On UR cyber-knees NOW!" messages I've received on one hand.
The most offensive stuff I've gotten off PoF is along the lines of "U R Sexy! I luv to make older women cum" messages from poor, oh so clueless young men under 30. Poor things. (snort)
