for cat lovers everywhere....The Cat Commandments

[Slinky'sWench]

Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is using the computer.

Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are not transparent.

Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.

Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap.

Thou shalt not climb on garbage cans with hinged lids, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.

Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

Thou shalt not jump onto a seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

Thou shalt remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

 

[BustyTheClown]

LOL I love it... but, when it comes to cats, wouldn't their commandments be set up in a way for cats to actually DO these things, rather than NOT doing them? Lol I know it loses some of the parallels to the commandments that way, but maybe they could take this form:

Thou shalt not meow incessantly for attention unless thy human is hopelessly busy.

Thou shalt not leave hairballs in places where they would be easy to locate and cleaneth up.

Thou shalt not kill... and not bring it home as a token of affection to thy humans.

Thou shalt not leave any piece of furniture undemolished -- 'tis a sin against the God of Cats to do so.

Thou shalt not allow any door in the house to remain closed without making it known that thou wanteth it open immediately. Once the door has been opened, thou shalt not take any interest in what is behind it. Thou shalt leave the room promptly.

Etcetera.

 

[lovetoread]

Cant you see your cats expression as you told them these???

 

[BustyTheClown]

Cant you see your cats expression as you told them these???

Lol yes, with the knowing little glint in their eyes... the mischievous, lovely little bastards.

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Cant you see your cats expression as you told them these???

You mean that nice little twist from adorable innocence to homicidal psychotic?

 

[Kitte]

I would liek to add something on behalf of my beasties!

Thou shall not let thy human walk through a room without tripping them causing them to land on one or more parts of you, so they have to give you great sympathy and treats.

 

[dreamer]

Yeah, like they'd EVER listen anyhow....hehe. I can just see the wise Moses cat going to the mountain, coming down to an awaiting throng of kitties wanting to know what great knowledge he has and his reply...

"Eh...it was just some human again...I wasn't really paying attention."

 

[Wiggles]

I just knew my kitties were evil!

They've broken every single one of those!

Can we add........ ??

Thou shalt not eat twistie ties and plastic bags.

Thou shalt not knock Wiggles $400 camera off the desk, every five minutes.

Thou shalt not eat the blinds, the chair, or my wicker furniture.

Thou shalt not put ones head into full glasses of water in evil attempts to knock them over onto precious documents.

Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.

Thou shalt not eat through garbage bags and drag the contents all over the house.