first time problems

[Little Bird]

Slow down... slow down to very slow...

"Geting it in there" is not as easy as taking on shoes. Okay, I'm no expert since I haven't done it myself and I don't know what you two have done but lying down, spreading legs and get in will not work in almost every case...

As I said, I haven't done it myself but she has to be ready before you can get to it. To say it in simple words, get her aroused. Lick her or play at her with your fingers, rub her breasts while you kiss her or anything that you can imagine that she could like.
In fact I think the fun of sex is not the penetration but everthings that happens around it...

 

[Eilan]

Not really a condom problem but relating to "first time problems", was a couple of weeks ago i had my first time although techincally i think im still a virgin as no "conclusion" was met on my behalf. She wasnt a virgin but the last guy must not have been as big as myself. Anyway things didnt get very far as after the the initial penetration she asked to stop as it was hurting her anyone else had similar problems? help !!

For what's it's worth, I posted on your thread on the HT Cafe, and I think that if you did achieve penetration that you are no longer a virgin, even if you didn't cum. Maybe that's not what you want to hear, but first times aren't generally about bells and whistles, anyway. Other people's mileage, of course, may vary.

My ex-husband and I were each others' first, and we had a similar problem. He's much wider than average, though I didn't realize this at the time because I didn't have experience with anyone else's penis. We weren't successful on our first try, and when we did succeed, it was extremely painful. Because of his girth, I continued to experience pain off and on for the next several years. I've since learned that I'm not the only woman to have this problem with him.

Foreplay is lots of fun. Making sure your GF is pretty aroused should make penetration easier. If that doesn't work, use lube to make insertion easier.

Go slowly and make sure your GF's relaxed. Sometimes if we anticipate pain, we're more likely to experience it.

Good luck!

 

[fgarvb1]

Wow.

Impressive.

Once again the Lit. How to crowd does a fine job in giving advice on a sensitive subject to the people needing help.

To rchriss,

I have noticed that sometimes position plays a important part in how much a male can feel with a condom. Also and i might be talking through my hat here...I think depending on the time of the month, or rather various times during the month might have somewhat to do with.

I am the wrong gender to give the final say on this.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

cant be bothered to read through everyone's responses so this may have been said already

but get yourself & your gf tested and then get her on the pill

its not actually a big deal if she's on the right pill for her body it wont' fuck her up any.

going on the pill was the best thing i ever did

a lot of guys hate condoms and i can understand why

 

[southernsky]

omg i wish...

i wish the pill made me less horny!!! i was actually hoping for this side effect, as i'm quite driven to distraction right now i would so totally molest the next warm body to walk in my door

 

[Odyssean]

.....

 

[SweetErika]

My problem is similar but different...

My wife saved herself for marriage. This isn't to say that we didn't fool around a great deal -- I just never penetrated her pussy with my dick. Lots of pussy-eating, blowjobs, dry-fucking, and dildo play. In fact, she loved the vibrators I used on her; they were not gigantically massive, but they were certainly ample.

Now that we're married, though, we've run into a major problem. When I try to enter her (and I have an average 5-6" cock of reasonable thickness), she says it hurts terribly. I don't think it's the hymen -- I think that's long gone from tampons...and my own fingers. Rather, she feels that my dick is too big and it hurts instead of being pleasurable.

The dildoes were bigger, though we've since stopped using them. And I don't think it's "purely psychological," but it's becoming a major mental hurdle. Why would she, who is truly unfamiliar with a dick in her if not some other object, find my cock to be painful in terms of fitting in...??

Help, please!!

So she has pain with the dildos as well as your cock, or have you not tried the dildos/toys since you started having sex?

Is she on hormonal birth control (pill, patch, ring or depo)?

Has anything else, like her stress level, changed between the time toys didn't hurt and the time you began having sex?

Do you use a good lube w/ non-irritating ingredients?

Does she have at least one orgasm through clit stimulation or whatever BEFORE you attempt penetration? Do you spend lots of time on foreplay and up from one finger to two, then a small toy, then a larger toy or your cock?

It could be purely psychological, it could be physical, or it could be a combination of both. There are some very real physical conditions that cause painful penetration, but can also be mental/emotional or caused by tension.

For now, I'd say stop doing whatever hurts her so you don't reinforce the idea that sex is painful (of course you can, and should, still do the things that feel good), have her get checked out by her gynecologist and ask them for a referral to specialists in sexual problems and sex therapy (that'll probably be either a female urologist or gynecologist for the physical part and a sex therapist for the psychological component). The doctor(s) might also recommend physiotherapy (which often includes exercises and biofeedback), depending on the likely problem(s). Specialists can do tests and ask the right questions to help narrow down the cause(s) of the problem.

 

[bobmalo]

I had the same problem when I started having sex, but with a twist...I got hard but wouldn't cum. My and the ex(s) would go for HOURS (thats not bragging, thats the truth...) and I wouldn't cum and she would be squeeling and screaming. Finally we figured out that I could cum if we did it Doggy-style, no idea why but it worked...Then she would fuck me for hours and then make me do her doggy-style.

That was the good-ole days!

 

[infinity706]

So she has pain with the dildos as well as your cock, or have you not tried the dildos/toys since you started having sex?

Is she on hormonal birth control (pill, patch, ring or depo)?

Has anything else, like her stress level, changed between the time toys didn't hurt and the time you began having sex?

Do you use a good lube w/ non-irritating ingredients?

Does she have at least one orgasm through clit stimulation or whatever BEFORE you attempt penetration? Do you spend lots of time on foreplay and up from one finger to two, then a small toy, then a larger toy or your cock?

It could be purely psychological, it could be physical, or it could be a combination of both. There are some very real physical conditions that cause painful penetration, but can also be mental/emotional or caused by tension.

For now, I'd say stop doing whatever hurts her so you don't reinforce the idea that sex is painful (of course you can, and should, still do the things that feel good), have her get checked out by her gynecologist and ask them for a referral to specialists in sexual problems and sex therapy (that'll probably be either a female urologist or gynecologist for the physical part and a sex therapist for the psychological component). The doctor(s) might also recommend physiotherapy (which often includes exercises and biofeedback), depending on the likely problem(s). Specialists can do tests and ask the right questions to help narrow down the cause(s) of the problem.

He said that the dildos were fine for her and didn't cause any pain. He just hasn't used them since he'd prefer to try and use his cock now. If a dildo of the same size works fine, I doubt it's physical unless they're shaped differently.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

posted on wrong damn thread.

 

[Odyssean]

......

 

[kimbernee]

Spermicide can be numbing. Try tasting a bit of it and see what it does to your tongue. It hasn't been proven to help prevent pregnancy either, so I'd avoid the spermicidal condoms.

 

[niceguyfallrive]

First Time

My first time I had no clue what I was doing ... lol She was much more experienced than me and I felt the same way when it was over, but I got over it. Don't worry so much about it ... trust me it gets SO much better. And size means nothing ...

 

[toyotomi]

*snip*Earlier in the day we were both really horny but we didnt have a condom. She begged me to stick in in for a little while, so I did. *snip*

I only skimmed a lot of the posts but didn't notice anyone else mention it so...

Not a good idea to stick it in at all without a condom when she's not on birth control, mostly because pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. It an unlikely scenario but best to err on the side of caution.

Also, in addition to trying some of the other condom types mentioned by the other posters (which should help with sensation), try more foreplay prior to putting it on, and maybe even have her put it on you. That should help you keep from getting soft at least.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Adding lube before putting on the condom is a great trick, but many condom manufacturers don't recommend this as too much will increase the risk of the condom coming off during intercourse. One or two drops applied directly to the underside of the head should help.

There are many, many, many condoms out there. Trojan, while a GREAT and reliable brand, apparently are not the greatest when it comes to sensitivity. My boy went thru that when we first started having sex. He was used to using the Avanti polyurethane ones, and the Trojans were blocking most of the sensations for him. We did some research and bought a *grab bag* to experiment with.

There is also a condom out there that has a *pouch* at the tip that is supposed to provide more stimulation then a regular one. This is were I bought our *grab bag* from, and the front page shows the condoms that I'm talking about. Try one of those and see if that doesn't help.

Happy experimenting!!!

 

[curiousgeo62]

Just my opinion, but I would try more foreplay. You need to build the intensity a little. You should try oral stimulation mixed in. If you are going straight to penetration, you are both missing out on soooo much. It is the trip, not the destination. The only difference between you and me is the car you're using for the trip. Yours is a lot faster and sportier. Mine? Well, it may be a bit older, but eventually it gets there and you get to see a lot more of the sights along the way. Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Yes, she is on the pill.

The pill can cause many problems, including greatly decreased lubrication and arousal. It's not much of a stretch to think it could cause painful penetration, at least in part. Even if she was fine with her current pill before, she should talk to her doc about switching, or maybe going off hormonal birth control completely for 6-12 months to see if it helps.

Yes/no. That is, her stress has fluctuated quite a bit -- from being horribly stressed out and otherwise miserable to feeling much better...to going back to a dark place and returning yet again. All of these were associated with real-life events at work and in our families, so I considered her reactions rather reasonable (than, say, being either symptoms of depression or bi-polarity).

Even more mild stress, depression, anxiety, etc., can cause sexual issues, so this might be something to look into. Maybe she could get by with some natural supplements, like extra B vitamins, DHEA and SAM-e.

I have little doubt that it's both -- nod to Velvet -- but I consider the psychological as real as the strictly physiological, of course. We do talk about it, but that has seemed to become more problematic as the "problem" (which I carefully put in quotes) continues. She's building up feelings of guilt or shame, I think, for not being able to do this with me -- perhaps the inverse of her feelings of "virginity" prior to our being together...

Ah, yes, that's a big problem.

She has a general all-clear from a doctor, though she has not gone to get checked for this matter specifically -- I sense the reluctance here, besides hating to go to the gynecologist in general, is labeling her as "broken" or "wrong" in this matter, which I'm sensitive not to do. Still, we need further at-home solutions, if possible, before it becomes to much of a complex/much too complex.

I can see why you're both hesitant to see professionals, but I think you have to approach this as something that could become a problem for her if you don't. If there is a physical cause, she might be going through unnecessary grief because there may be things she can do to fix it. Same with a psychological root: what if some counseling or some time with a sex therapist could make this go away, or at least keep it from becoming more and more debilitating?

Not a good idea to stick it in at all without a condom when she's not on birth control, mostly because pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. It an unlikely scenario but best to err on the side of caution.

This is actually a myth, unless the guy has ejaculated very recently. I think it's perpetuated by the medical community because people tend to push the limits, going beyond the precum phase, and end up not pulling out in time, resulting in unwanted pregnancies.

 

[toyotomi]

This is actually a myth, unless the guy has ejaculated very recently. I think it's perpetuated by the medical community because people tend to push the limits, going beyond the precum phase, and end up not pulling out in time, resulting in unwanted pregnancies.

Do you have any sources? Not to sound snotty or anything, but if one claims that the medical community is lying it had ought to be backed up with factual evidence.

 

[SweetErika]

Do you have any sources? Not to sound snotty or anything, but if one claims that the medical community is lying it had ought to be backed up with factual evidence.

Google 'sperm preejaculate' or similar, and you'll get a variety of reliable sources.

I didn't think it was true at first, either, but the studies back it up.

 

[31_ashes_97]

There are many, many, many condoms out there. Trojan, while a GREAT and reliable brand, apparently are not the greatest when it comes to sensitivity. My boy went thru that when we first started having sex. He was used to using the Avanti polyurethane ones, and the Trojans were blocking most of the sensations for him. We did some research and bought a *grab bag* to experiment with.

Happy experimenting!!!

I have to agree. With my first two partners we used Trojans, and while I didn't think that there was a problem, the guys both mentioned not feeling as much. With my current boyfriend, we use Durex extra-sensitive condoms [his favorite, I don't really care]. I'm not sure if it's related to this, but he always reaches climax very quickly [even during oral / manual stimulation, not just sex] but during sex it's always quite fast. Which doesn't influence me terribly much since I've lost my ability to orgasm with a guy =/ ... my own fault. Not sure if age has much to do with it, I'm 18, he's 21.

Sorry if this was unnecessary and off topic.

 

[the_universe]

There are many, many, many condoms out there. Trojan, while a GREAT and reliable brand, apparently are not the greatest when it comes to sensitivity. My boy went thru that when we first started having sex. He was used to using the Avanti polyurethane ones, and the Trojans were blocking most of the sensations for him. We did some research and bought a *grab bag* to experiment with.

if sensitivity with condoms is your issue i highly recommend crown skinless skin condoms...they are ridiculously thin to the point where i find myself checking to make sure its there

as thin as they are they are quite strong, i've never had one break and i hear the same accounts from other people who use them

http://www.condomdepot.com/product/detail.cfm/nid/183/pid/2105

 

[curiousgeo62]

I have to agree. With my first two partners we used Trojans, and while I didn't think that there was a problem, the guys both mentioned not feeling as much. With my current boyfriend, we use Durex extra-sensitive condoms [his favorite, I don't really care]. I'm not sure if it's related to this, but he always reaches climax very quickly [even during oral / manual stimulation, not just sex] but during sex it's always quite fast. Which doesn't influence me terribly much since I've lost my ability to orgasm with a guy =/ ... my own fault. Not sure if age has much to do with it, I'm 18, he's 21.

Sorry if this was unnecessary and off topic.

Lost your ability to orgasm? I don't think that has anything to do with age, but rather who you are with or what you are doing or what is on your mind. I hope you figure it out, because I couldn't imagine losing the ability to orgasm.

 

[WriterDom]

if sensitivity with condoms is your issue i highly recommend crown skinless skin condoms...they are ridiculously thin to the point where i find myself checking to make sure its there

as thin as they are they are quite strong, i've never had one break and i hear the same accounts from other people who use them

http://www.condomdepot.com/product/detail.cfm/nid/183/pid/2105

Crowns were too skinny for me. Lifestyles makes an ultra thin that is pretty good.

 

[31_ashes_97]

Lost your ability to orgasm? I don't think that has anything to do with age, but rather who you are with or what you are doing or what is on your mind. I hope you figure it out, because I couldn't imagine losing the ability to orgasm.

it's mostly psychological. and i know it. i'm working on it...i can cum on my own, but only with my vibrator on my clit, and even that's becoming difficult. it's a combination of desensitization and psychological stuff i believe. my boyfriend gets frustrated =/

 

[SpicyPepper]

i wish the pill made me less horny!!! i was actually hoping for this side effect, as i'm quite driven to distraction right now i would so totally molest the next warm body to walk in my door

That makes me so sad because the pill has the opposite effect on me.
The pill curbs my drive, but I'm a horny kinda gal so if he's up for it, so am I.
When I'm off the pill... my boyfriend hides! I'm a MACHINE!