feeling pushed aside

[lick_me_there]

so, lately my bf has left me feeling unimportant. which blows. saturday is our 2 year anniversary. he works late and doesnt call to tell me until i call him to find out where he is. he forgets my schedule constently. which has never changed.

today for example: he tells me he's getting off early, so i cancel my plans with a guy i know he doenst like, but i'm friends with. he knew about us going out. i made sure it was ok with him. then i talk to him early this afternoon and offer help with a job he's doing. he's a lighting designer, and our town is having its annual fair which his company is in charge of taking care of. so i go, and i help. outside in 90 degrees too! then i had to leave to meet my mother and he tells me again, that he'll be off by 6. ok.

6....??? i call him. he now is driving back to his office and wont be finished until 7-8... fine. i'm ticked but whatever.

8:45... still no call. so i call him and now he's telling me by 10 cause another co worker is being a dick. which i know he is, cause he always is so i dont know why this comes as a surprise to him.
but when i called him this time, i'm pissed by now cause i've been waiting for him for over 3 hours, almost 4! and when he asks why i'm mad i tell him cause he COULD HAVE called me. so then he gets pissed and i just hung up. i stopped listening to him and hung up. i've never done that before. but thats truelly how pissed off i am by now. all i want is a little respect and he doesnt seem to see the reson for it.

so here is my question to you... what do i have to do to get it thru his head that i'm not going to just sit here? i want to know if he's going to be late. i want him to care that i'm mad. i just want him to think of me for a change. how do i do it?! is it even possible?

or am i just over reacting?

 

[Halo_n_horns]

so here is my question to you... what do i have to do to get it thru his head that i'm not going to just sit here? i want to know if he's going to be late. i want him to care that i'm mad. i just want him to think of me for a change. how do i do it?! is it even possible?

or am i just over reacting?

Sorry you're having these frustrations. It blows when this shit is happening. I don't think you're overreacting, but more so just not taking all the possibilities into consideration.

There were times in my life when I loved my girlfriend so much that I wanted to make sure I could do special things for her. I had to work a lot of extra work to be able to afford those things for her enjoyment, and that was tiring. So much so that I would, from time to time, make her feel as is she wasn't terribly important.

I would suggest having some naughty fun with this. Take a nap while he's working late. Get up; make a special but light little dinner for the two of you that you can keep warm if he's going to be a while; be primmed and primped for him when he gets home and make sure that whatever short amount of time you have from when he walks in the door to when he hits the bed is pleasureable and exciting without him having to put in a lot of effort, if any. It'll pay off for you in the long run.

Good luck!!! Keep us informed.

 

[lick_me_there]

unfortionitly, we dont live together. so i'm sitting at my mother's house, waiting for him to get to HIS mother's house. otherwise i would try to do something like that. i know she wouldnt mind me being over there, but cooking her food and trying to fuck her son.... well, that might put her off.

 

[lick_me_there]

oh,. and one more side note, you mentioned you worked late to save up to get something nice for your gf from time to time.
yeah, not happening here. i know he's not getting me anything for our anniversary. he didnt last year. he's not the type to buy me stuff. which is alright. its nice to feel spoilled every now and then, but my ex use to buy me stuff all the time just to get out of trouble, and my current bf knows all about that, so he knows i'd rather just know he really loves me then just buying me junk.
and how do i know i'm not getting anything out of him working so late??? cause i know the minute he gets this paycheck he's getting a psp. that was made QUITE clear.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

unfortionitly, we dont live together. so i'm sitting at my mother's house, waiting for him to get to HIS mother's house. otherwise i would try to do something like that. i know she wouldnt mind me being over there, but cooking her food and trying to fuck her son.... well, that might put her off.

oh,. and one more side note, you mentioned you worked late to save up to get something nice for your gf from time to time.
yeah, not happening here. i know he's not getting me anything for our anniversary. he didnt last year. he's not the type to buy me stuff. which is alright. its nice to feel spoilled every now and then, but my ex use to buy me stuff all the time just to get out of trouble, and my current bf knows all about that, so he knows i'd rather just know he really loves me then just buying me junk.
and how do i know i'm not getting anything out of him working so late??? cause i know the minute he gets this paycheck he's getting a psp. that was made QUITE clear.

Well that really bunches up the nickers, doesn't it?!

If you don't mind me asking, how old are the two of you?

 

[lick_me_there]

we're 23. been dating 2 years. planning on getting a place together in less than 2 months.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

we're 23. been dating 2 years. planning on getting a place together in less than 2 months.

It kinda sounds like this whole thing has been pretty rough on the two of you being that you're still living with parents. Do the two of you have a good level of communication going on?

 

[lick_me_there]

we try. but i'm a single child from a divorced family that NEVER fought (which lead to the divorce) and he's a single child from a divorced family that REALLY fought. bad.

so its like two rocks butting head.

but, i just got a call. an apology.

so i'll keep you updated as to how the rest of the night went.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

but, i just got a call. an apology.

so i'll keep you updated as to how the rest of the night went.

Good for him! And you. Please do.

 

[SweetErika]

so, lately my bf has left me feeling unimportant. which blows. saturday is our 2 year anniversary. he works late and doesnt call to tell me until i call him to find out where he is. he forgets my schedule constently. which has never changed.

today for example: he tells me he's getting off early, so i cancel my plans with a guy i know he doenst like, but i'm friends with. he knew about us going out. i made sure it was ok with him. then i talk to him early this afternoon and offer help with a job he's doing. he's a lighting designer, and our town is having its annual fair which his company is in charge of taking care of. so i go, and i help. outside in 90 degrees too! then i had to leave to meet my mother and he tells me again, that he'll be off by 6. ok.

Are you sure he didn't tell you he was getting off early so you wouldn't go out with the guy he doesn't like?

so here is my question to you... what do i have to do to get it thru his head that i'm not going to just sit here? i want to know if he's going to be late. i want him to care that i'm mad. i just want him to think of me for a change. how do i do it?! is it even possible?

or am i just over reacting?

I'd say if this is an ongoing problem you've talked about, and he hasn't at least made an effort to improve, you're not overreacting. I'm sympathetic...I've had similar issues with people I love. However, I've always found if they care about me, they make a fairly significant effort once I've voiced my feelings and concerns about the relationship continuing like that. I don't blame or threaten, but I do let them know I feel hurt, insignificant, and worry about them when they're late for something we've planned.

we're 23. been dating 2 years. planning on getting a place together in less than 2 months.

If you two don't have a foundation of respect and excellent communication, living together could be hellish. You can try, but make sure you have the resources to get out if the relationship falls apart. Should We Stay Together?
by Jeffry H. Larson is an excellent book and might prove useful at least as a discussion tool before you move in together.

 

[fgarvb1]

so here is my question to you... what do i have to do to get it thru his head that i'm not going to just sit here? i want to know if he's going to be late. i want him to care that i'm mad. i just want him to think of me for a change. how do i do it?! is it even possible?

or am i just over reacting?

..................................................................................................................................

I think leaving him a note that you will see him after you get back from the strip joint will break that bullshit up right then and in a hurry!


Or if he finds a note saying you got tired of waiting for him and you will be back after ( WE ) get back from going out to eat. Especially if he finds it after he gets home after 10 or 11: o'clock!

Honey, He is disrespecting you and taking you for granted. This rarely gets better on its own. You need to shake him up to the point that either he changes his ways or breaks up with you.

 

[LadyJeanne]

so here is my question to you... what do i have to do to get it thru his head that i'm not going to just sit here? i want to know if he's going to be late. i want him to care that i'm mad. i just want him to think of me for a change. how do i do it?! is it even possible?

or am i just over reacting?

..................................................................................................................................

I think leaving him a note that you will see him after you get back from the strip joint will break that bullshit up right then and in a hurry!


Or if he finds a note saying you got tired of waiting for him and you will be back after ( WE ) get back from going out to eat. Especially if he finds it after he gets home after 10 or 11: o'clock!

Honey, He is disrespecting you and taking you for granted. This rarely gets better on its own. You need to shake him up to the point that either he changes his ways or breaks up with you.

Totally agree. If you want him to understand that you won't just sit there, and talking with him hasn't made any difference, then you have to show him that you won't just sit there.

 

[Lynxie]

A similar problem arose when my hubby and I had been dating for a few years. He'd end up working late, and forget to call. I got nervous, just like you are now. After a couple weeks of stressing about it, I had a long talk with him. I let him know how much it made me feel underappreciated, and it really woke him up. He wasn't trying to hurt me intentionally, but he'd just gotten comfortable in our relationship, to a point where he didn't even think about calling me to say when he'd be home. Once he realized that was something I needed from him, he started calling/emailing me whenever he schedule would change.

As a side note: Some people feel that calling everytime they'll be late is kind of like asking your SO's permission. When you talk to your boyfriend, let him know that his schedule is fine with you, but you just need to communicate your plans with one another a little better if you're going to survive as a couple. It might help if he's the independent sort (which it sounds like he is).

 

[lick_me_there]

well, last night was good. he understands (so he says) why i was so upset. and it made me a little happy to know how much hanging up on him pissed me off. i know, bad me. but if i'm pissed, honey, you'd better watch out! lol.
but no, things are going to be ok. he said he would try harder to let me know if things arent going to stay on schedule as planned. but he also told me i need to calm down cause when he's hard at work, sometimes he just doesnt know what time it is. like yesterday. he was out in a field. all he knew was it was dark. yes, his phone was in his pocket, but with most men (sorry guys) if its not right in front of their face they dont think about it.

at first, i too was wondering if he was late only because of me having a "date" with the other guy. but after hearing what was going on at work, i know it was because co-workers are asses. this one in perticular.

and thanks for the support on thinking of moving in together. i know we have communication issues. but they have gotten 100% better since we first started dating. so we're still working out the bugs, but we're talking. he was happy that i actually got mad and told him what i was mad about, instead of just fuming to myself and not talking to him. which, yes, i know i do. but i cant help that. we all have our issues right? lol.

but as the update i promised...
he called, said he was sorry and on his way home. asked me to come over (if i still wanted to). when i walked in the door he gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he loved me and he was really sorry. then he even went to bed with me. which is a big deal to me cause normally i go to bed about 3 hours earlier than him and i miss falling asleep in his arms. and i know he only went to bed with me because of how upset i was. but still, it was a nice gester.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

but as the update i promised...
he called, said he was sorry and on his way home. asked me to come over (if i still wanted to). when i walked in the door he gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he loved me and he was really sorry. then he even went to bed with me. which is a big deal to me cause normally i go to bed about 3 hours earlier than him and i miss falling asleep in his arms. and i know he only went to bed with me because of how upset i was. but still, it was a nice gester.

Nice. Good to know the lines of communication worked in the favor of both of you.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

and i know he only went to bed with me because of how upset i was. but still, it was a nice gester.

hahaha

 

[TBKahuna123]

Men are like wine...

We get better with age.

Seriously though, these kind of communication problems are common with young couples, and apparently theater people. My wife and I have the same problems all the time (she's in theater as well). There are lots of times a show will get over late and she'll be stuck later and I'll be waiting up. Problem is she won't call and let me know because she doesn't want to wake me up, and doesn't know I'm sitting up to surprise her. She's not doing it on purpose, it just happens. Still pisses me off though.

I'm not making excuses for him, I'm actually warning you. Is this a reason to break up? Maybe, but probably not. Still, the sooner you talk about it the happier you will both be. And don't be surprised if he gets defensive, just remember that if he does it's because he feels guilty for hurting your feelings. Communication, communication, communication. It's true, that IS what keeps a relationship solid for decades.

Well, that and oral sex, but that's a theory for a different thread.

 

[lick_me_there]

hahaha

are you making fun of my spelling issues??

 

[Quoll]

are you making fun of my spelling issues??

scarlett is just a troll, ignore it.

 

[Darkknight2010]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... how blunt do you feel like being? Good news is he finally acknowledged he screwed-up and is trying to make aments.

Bad news is he's got a pattern of behavior that hasn't changed... until now. Just be honest with him like you did. Do NOT be sublte. Personally, I don't do sublte well... and even if you're frank sometimes it takes a sledgehammer to catch on.

I know 'communicate, communicate, communicate' is over-done, but it's very true. The key to remember is unless you are VERY blunt about what you want and expect THINGS DON'T GET BETTER... they tend to get worse.

Good luck, milady. It's not easy... hell, it's NEVER easy... just be true to yourself.