Feedback of posted stories

[kelley_and_tracy]

Hi all. This is of course my first post. (Didn't know it was here!) Loved the feedback from Paul to Ray about his story. Would appreciate any comments. Below is a link to my favorite story, have just recently posted another. Thanks, Tracy
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=22663

 

[kristydoll]

Hi Tracy,

Your story shows lots of imagination and detail *smiles*

I do, however, think you need to clean up your writing a little. Take more control of your thoughts and your words. You could try reading your story aloud to find where you need to do this.

Another important aspect is using quotation marks and new paragraphs when people are speaking. This allows the reader an easier way of knowing who is speaking and also lets them get more into the story.

Another aspect of this is showing the action instead of just telling about it. But really, if you cleaned this up, you have a pretty good story here. I just think that many will get lost in the jumble of it.

Keep writing

kristy

 

[kelley_and_tracy]

Thanx!

Thanks for the reply. The three stories I posted were written on a "rough draft" mind set, as I just typed what I thought. I really didn't give much thought to any of the pointers you suggested or any others that I've read through these "threads" until recently. I had no idea that there were so many people in this forum that took these stories so seriously, meaning that in the best of ways. I do so want to learn from others and will take great care and caution in future stories. Would love to hear more from the constructive critics in this forum so that I may improve my story structure and thoughts. Oh, by the way, that is a great AV you have, can only hope that it is you! <S> Tracy

 

[ken0000001]

super story

I think your story was a great turn on, even without quotes, although it would make easier reading. Nonetheless, my involuntary response from reading your wonderful words was quite natural - hard and throbbing. Tune me in to all of your writing. I really loved it and of course, dream of making love to you and another beautiful woman as I read it. I am 6'3" 210 lbs but beautiful is not how I would describe myself (smile) More like an energetic, sensuous, professional older man who, I think, understands the beauty in all women.

Ken from Boston

PM's don't work for me (can't figure out why) but please write me at ken0000001@hotmail.com or just post a reply. Keep it up.

 

[kelley_and_tracy]

Smiles to Ken

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments. I really want to work on all aspects of my stories. I will post links of my other two stories at the bottom of this reply. You sound wonderful, if your ever in San Diego....;o)~~. Oh, there is a picture in our bio that you may enjoy! Tracy

http://literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75168

http://literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=23078

 

[kristydoll]

Re: Thanx!

Thanks for the reply. The three stories I posted were written on a "rough draft" mind set, as I just typed what I thought. I really didn't give much thought to any of the pointers you suggested or any others that I've read through these "threads" until recently. I had no idea that there were so many people in this forum that took these stories so seriously, meaning that in the best of ways. I do so want to learn from others and will take great care and caution in future stories. Would love to hear more from the constructive critics in this forum so that I may improve my story structure and thoughts. Oh, by the way, that is a great AV you have, can only hope that it is you! <S> Tracy

There are many fine people here who will offer you valuable advice on writing - just remember, take it to mind and not to heart and your writing will improve greatly *smiles*

and yes, it's me - just wish I would have cleaned up the toys on the floor first before taking that pic *grins*

kristy

 

[ken0000001]

bio?

Hi Tracy
Will read your stories tonight. Am in southern california fairly often and might take you up on that, but we'll see. Where is the bio pic. Iclick on profile, but don't know where the bio section is.

Ken

 

[kelley_and_tracy]

For Ken

Pls lets us know if you are ever here. The pics that writers display as far as I know can be found at the end of the stories, where the options of feedback are concerned. I did just finish another tale, most are based on truths, that I could send you for advanced viewing so to speak. My next thread that I start may be of interest to you. Look for it. Ciao! Tracy

 

[Xodus]

Hi Tracy
I commend you on taking on the very tuff job of writing in first person. I have yet to try that. It must be even more difficult being a male and portraying a female in first person.
Keep up the good work

 

[kelley_and_tracy]

Xodus, how keenly perceptive you are! I am the male counterpart and Kelley is my subject. Thanx for the comments, Tracy