Crime and Punishment

[Bilquis_xo]

I posted a story that was published recently and would like to know your thoughts or any feedback that you may have. Link to the story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/crime-and-punishment-2062

I do appreciate those that reached out to me privately and those who commented! Thank you! I also just submitted another store for publication! Be on the lookout for Felicity!

 

[TheWritingGroup]

A hint that I (another newish writer) got: put a link to your story here. Make it easy for people who might be willing to read it, but don't want to go to the trouble of searching for it.

 

[Bilquis_xo]

A hint that I (another newish writer) got: put a link to your story here. Make it easy for people who might be willing to read it, but don't want to go to the trouble of searching for it.

Thanks! I'll do that!!

 

[TheWritingGroup]

You might benefit from find an editor. There are some punctuation errors (two full stops instead of three for an ellipsis, for instance) and wrong-word substitutions ("passed" for "past") that can distract a reader from what you're actually saying.

You write, "... it causes me to shiver effortlessly." That would mean your narrator didn't have to try hard in order to shiver. I think you mean, "... it effortlessly causes me to shiver," which means the person holding the cane isn't even trying hard to make the narrator tremble.

There are volunteer editors out there.

-Billie

 

[Bilquis_xo]

You might benefit from find an editor. There are some punctuation errors (two full stops instead of three for an ellipsis, for instance) and wrong-word substitutions ("passed" for "past") that can distract a reader from what you're actually saying.

You write, "... it causes me to shiver effortlessly." That would mean your narrator didn't have to try hard in order to shiver. I think you mean, "... it effortlessly causes me to shiver," which means the person holding the cane isn't even trying hard to make the narrator tremble.

There are volunteer editors out there.

-Billie

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback.