FAWC You, Two!

[patientlee]

It could have, and I considered that, but decided that uniqueness trumped an additional challenge to the exercise. I figured at least a few people would catch on that two of the stories had the very same basket and would end up unnecessarily comparing them.

Unnecessarily and probably nastily.

 

[slyc_willie]

I had to laugh when I saw vehicle and sport, two of the things I would be the least interested in. The only sport I like is hockey, and there was hockey in one of my Nude Day stories, and unlike my husband, father, brother, sons, I don't give a hoot about cars or trucks. I drive a crappy minivan, and I'm only interested in a new vehicle because the cigarette lighter doesn't work so I can't charge my phone or GPS.

Zamboni is a fun word though.

As sr commented, the use of the Zamboni as a vehicle was a stroke of brilliance. Had I received "vehicle" as one of my basket ingredients, I most likely would have drifted toward a car or motorcycle, something obvious. But the Zamboni . . . it was different. It stuck out. Kudos.

 

[sr71plt]

As sr commented, the use of the Zamboni as a vehicle was a stroke of brilliance. Had I received "vehicle" as one of my basket ingredients, I most likely would have drifted toward a car or motorcycle, something obvious. But the Zamboni . . . it was different. It stuck out. Kudos.

I'd probably think of tricycle. I took on the role of King Herod in Jesus Christ Superstar and had seen Elton John come onto stage on a tricycle in that role. I sooo wanted to do that too, but they wouldn't let me. They had me already on stage. My second choice, down a firehouse pole, didn't impress them either. Ever since my first thought of eyecatching vehicle was a tricycle.

 

[slyc_willie]

I'd probably think of tricycle. I took on the role of King Herod in Jesus Christ Superstar and had seen Elton John come onto stage on a tricycle in that role. I sooo wanted to do that too, but they wouldn't let me. They had me already on stage. My second choice, down a firehouse pole, didn't impress them either. Ever since my first thought of eyecatching vehicle was a tricycle.

If I had been in an adventurous frame of mind and received "vehicle" in my basket I might have gone with something exotic like a hovercraft or waverider.

 

[sheablue]

Thanks Slyc and Pilot for the encouragement and ideas.

The motorcycles in my story, at least the ones the demons ride, plug into their bodies (their lower spine, actually) and run on the inner ... chaos ... of the demons themselves. The angels have no souls, and so no inner conflict. They ride Ducatis.

A pet monkey, Pilot? Don't try to steal my story! I would like to read yours about the Dakar rally. I've been doing research. I was really hoping, if I had finished it, that reader would think a guy had written it.

 

[PennLady]

I had to laugh when I saw vehicle and sport, two of the things I would be the least interested in. The only sport I like is hockey, and there was hockey in one of my Nude Day stories, and unlike my husband, father, brother, sons, I don't give a hoot about cars or trucks. I drive a crappy minivan, and I'm only interested in a new vehicle because the cigarette lighter doesn't work so I can't charge my phone or GPS.

Zamboni is a fun word though.

Zambonis are fun. Now there's a place where I could have used a personal experience -- adapted of course . However, since I was avoiding hockey in the first place, even if vehicle had been an ingredient, I probably would have avoided that as well.

But I liked it in your story. And I'm with you, in that generally I don't care much about vehicles at all. One story I wrote (which isn't up at the moment) did feature a car, but it was because I was doing that for someone else and so I had to research said vehicle.

 

[sr71plt]

So, damppanties, you caused a storyline to drop into my mind this morning for a summer contest story--and you'll probably never know what or why (heh, heh).

 

[FAWCker]

Everyone check their submissions list. The stories have been reassigned.

 

[PennLady]

Everyone check their submissions list. The stories have been reassigned.

Thanks. I think I'll take mine down for some reworking but later...

 

[sr71plt]

Yes, I see my story has been moved--but, strangely enough, it still has FAWCker as author on the story itself.

Also, amusingly enough, as soon as it was moved, "anonymous" was at it with a 1-bomb (sorry, you'll have to hit it again, LC; it's still Hot) and a nasty comment about my editor having commented on the story and some nonsense about cheering sections (which tells me what "anonymous" coward attacked it. ). As "anonymous" noted, Sabb is my editor--no secret is made of that (as Shabbu he's also my coauthor on Literotica--no secret has ever been made of any of that--it's even in my sig line and my profile) and Sabb's comment on my story (unlike cowardly LC--cough, cough--"anonymous") is signed by Sabb. Note the date of the comment. After the exercise was over and the dust had cleared. So, tell me, LC--cough, cough--"anonymous," what's wrong with one's editor liking one's story and registering that after the exercise is over?

Incidentally, the day Sabb commented on my FAWC story was the first day he knew I'd written it. As others weren't going to have time to have their FAWC stories edited, I didn't have mine edited either--or tell my editor about it.

Not all of us have the moral structure that you do, LC--or the need to win, win, win. I knew that just as soon as you could identify which story was mine, you'd be attacking it. Sort of put you at a disadvantage when you made sure that we all knew which one was yours and I and others didn't telegraph which story we had authored.

What this exercise proved to you, LC, is that my stories indeed can go Hot when you aren't campaigning against them. I am amused that you can't avoid knowing that, no matter how sick you are.

Happy hunting in future FAWC exercises--you, know, the ones you've been banned from.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Hey guys! I am back from gay Paris with special croissants doubly stuffed with chocolate . And I am bearing a basket of comments on stories which I will slowly and teasingly post over the next couple of days. I read the stories in alphabetical order off the FAWCker submission page, so I''ll post the comments sort of in that order. There are a couple of stories I would like to put side by side as that seems illuminating.

I have been thinking about some of the basket ingredients. (Mine were all delicious! and I'll talk about them in the proper place when I get onto my story in its alphabetical place.)

Originally I felt that sarcasm was a real tough one. I still sort of think that, but unfortunately I have now had a fantastic idea for writing an story around sarcasm and I am very grumpy about this as I don't have time to do yet another story right now.

Mostly sarcasm did get used as a character trait, rather than as an integral part of the eroticism cuz let's face it, it is really hard to be sexy and sarcastic.

When I think about it now, some of the obvious ingredients like energetic actually seem harder than sarcasm. Of course you can do energetic sex, but it seems a bit obvious. There were one or two like that, I thought.

I love challenges like being given random words and having to make a story out of them so I ought to have known better than to put my hand up for a basket, LOL. If I'd had an impossible set, I would probably have been even more inspired than I was.

And I feel especially entitled to say, how much I enjoyed FAWC 2, just as I did FAWC 1. I hope you keep the set-up the same next time you do it (just voting by the readers as usual). I say that as the person who came a long way last in the voting! and also in the number of votes cast on my story (I had 5 votes, lol).

Thank you too to those who left heartening comments on my story. I like it very much and loved getting the chance to write it, even if I did have to sneak out of bed at 6 am in a caravan on the wild coast of West Wales and write furiously before making breakfast and packing the buckets and spades.

 

[sr71plt]

The word that jumped out at me in that as being particularly valid was "teasingly."

 

[slyc_willie]

Thanks. I think I'll take mine down for some reworking but later...

I think I'm going to pull mine and resubmit A Chance At Passion. Maybe the other one, as well, and make it more of a voyeur piece.

 

[NaokoSmith]

The word that jumped out at me in that as being particularly valid was "teasingly."

I have my reputation to keep up, y'know.

BTW, I wrote all these comments before I knew who the authors were.

 

[slyc_willie]

And I feel especially entitled to say, how much I enjoyed FAWC 2, just as I did FAWC 1. I hope you keep the set-up the same next time you do it (just voting by the readers as usual). I say that as the person who came a long way last in the voting! and also in the number of votes cast on my story (I had 5 votes, lol).

Unless I can find a reliable set of outside judges which anyone and everyone would agree are competent and trustworthy, future FAWC challenges will be judged by Lit's voting system.

 

[NaokoSmith]

7:48 PM Wednesday

Great sex! and good use of all the basket ingredients. Nice twisty tale, I wasn’t sure how it was going to end up – at one point I was hopeful of a threesome, LOL.

Especially at the beginning, a lot of run-on long sentences. Would read better if these could be made shorter. There were places where I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, e.g., I was wondering at first if Claire was 29 or 60.

I liked how Claire slowly came to realise how much Nathan admired her through his painting of her.

(I did think this was a story written by a woman, even though it had the two gay-ish men characters. I do love a nice cougar story! not for any particular reason y'unnerstand )

 

[NaokoSmith]

A Chance At Passion

This bit is lovely:
he suddenly and unexpectedly saw her. She stood directly beneath the street light, amber luminescence raining down upon her to cast her skin in an almost sickly light. Still, she looked beautiful.

Good background stuff on the poker game, lots of detail.

Not sure about the way Brett reacts to Ino’s husband, his assumption that the man will be an asshole rather than just a slow guy. I think guys are usually a bit more shocked if they realise a lovely woman is married to someone that awful rather than a schmuck.

I did find the amount of anxsting Brett was doing and the scene where Mona butts in to talk to him irritating. They only just met, and already he’s thinking should he marry her or not? Such a cliché, I think guys actually only think about whether they can get it at that stage, they aren’t so thoughtful as to consider if a woman sees them as a way out and will be disappointed. Also, with erotica, I think a lot of the stuff about motivation and character development can be dumped without too much worry.

There was a little thing where Ina frets about Brett having cum in her and that never went anywhere. (Or you’re setting up the sequel, she has to track him down cuz she is preg.)

However, the ending was great – a good twist on the old tale. And you have a sequel already set up cuz surely they are going to meet up and have great sex again?! Pretty please?

I think this was a woman writer, in spite of the comment about the blowjob. Acksherly some women really do like to suck cock <snerk>. (Now I changed my mind and decided this is a Saxon_Hart. But some women do like sucking cock, not naming names la la la.)

Did a really good job with the basket ingredients, not too heavy-handed and made sure they were all in there.

 

[sr71plt]

I think this was a woman writer, in spite of the comment about the blowjob. Acksherly some women really do like to suck cock <snerk>. (Now I changed my mind and decided this is a Saxon_Hart. But some

Ha, ha. Got you there.

 

[patientlee]

I think this was a woman writer, in spite of the comment about the blowjob. Acksherly some women really do like to suck cock <snerk>. (Now I changed my mind and decided this is a Saxon_Hart. But some women do like sucking cock, not naming names la la la.)

Yes, indeed.

 

[slyc_willie]

This bit is lovely:
he suddenly and unexpectedly saw her. She stood directly beneath the street light, amber luminescence raining down upon her to cast her skin in an almost sickly light. Still, she looked beautiful.

Good background stuff on the poker game, lots of detail.

Not sure about the way Brett reacts to Ino’s husband, his assumption that the man will be an asshole rather than just a slow guy. I think guys are usually a bit more shocked if they realise a lovely woman is married to someone that awful rather than a schmuck.

I did find the amount of anxsting Brett was doing and the scene where Mona butts in to talk to him irritating. They only just met, and already he’s thinking should he marry her or not? Such a cliché, I think guys actually only think about whether they can get it at that stage, they aren’t so thoughtful as to consider if a woman sees them as a way out and will be disappointed. Also, with erotica, I think a lot of the stuff about motivation and character development can be dumped without too much worry.

There was a little thing where Ina frets about Brett having cum in her and that never went anywhere. (Or you’re setting up the sequel, she has to track him down cuz she is preg.)

However, the ending was great – a good twist on the old tale. And you have a sequel already set up cuz surely they are going to meet up and have great sex again?! Pretty please?

I think this was a woman writer, in spite of the comment about the blowjob. Acksherly some women really do like to suck cock <snerk>. (Now I changed my mind and decided this is a Saxon_Hart. But some women do like sucking cock, not naming names la la la.)

Did a really good job with the basket ingredients, not too heavy-handed and made sure they were all in there.

I was going in a few different directions with the story, thus the little details that didn't crop up later. A proper edit would have taken some of those out, or made them more relevant, but I wanted to see if I could get a second one done.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Ha, ha. Got you there.

LOL, yes, I didn't guess your story this time round.

I was rolling on the floor laughing when xelliebabex put you down as the author of my story - again! I think someone-else did too.

I would love to know the reasons, as it's a very different story to the one I wrote in FAWC1. I wouldn't have thought it was your kind of writing? It's a flowery retelling of the Persephone myth.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I was going in a few different directions with the story, thus the little details that didn't crop up later. A proper edit would have taken some of those out, or made them more relevant, but I wanted to see if I could get a second one done.

This story was my second favourite. I enjoyed it so much. I hope you do edit it and write a sequel.


You could spend a little more time making Ino's marriage more plausible. (Perhaps at the time he looked like a reliable guy who would give her and a potential family a good home. Then he rapidly becomes a lazy pig and having got a bit of material security, she starts to realise she has higher ambitions.)

 

[sr71plt]

LOL, yes, I didn't guess your story this time round.

I was rolling on the floor laughing when xelliebabex put you down as the author of my story - again! I think someone-else did too.

I would love to know the reasons, as it's a very different story to the one I wrote in FAWC1. I wouldn't have thought it was your kind of writing? It's a flowery retelling of the Persephone myth.

I think I'm a throwaway writer. They don't realize I write more than GM, so they have no idea how I write.

 

[slyc_willie]

This story was my second favourite. I enjoyed it so much. I hope you do edit it and write a sequel.


You could spend a little more time making Ino's marriage more plausible. (Perhaps at the time he looked like a reliable guy who would give her and a potential family a good home. Then he rapidly becomes a lazy pig and having got a bit of material security, she starts to realise she has higher ambitions.)

I was more playing off the assumption that most readers would simply accept that Ino's husband was an asshole and leave it at that. As far as a sequel, I don't think there'll be one of those.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I was more playing off the assumption that most readers would simply accept that Ino's husband was an asshole and leave it at that. As far as a sequel, I don't think there'll be one of those.

Aww no! I was really hoping there would be. It was such a great story. The characters were so well depicted and the background scenarios were excellent. I thought it had a lot going for it.

Anyway, I enjoyed it very much indeed.