FAWC You, Two!

[damppanties]

I haven't read "Virtuoso" yet, which is the one Damppanties wrote. (And that I ran out of time and haven't read it yet is why I haven't commented on it. But I will and will. I'm grateful that Damppanties--I keep wanting to reduce that to DP, but since I'm up to my neck in putting together a two-volume anthology on male double penetration sex now, that probably wouldn't be too polite --has commented so extensively on mine).

How do you double-penetrate a male?

And I'm looking forward to your comments on mine.

Virtuoso- Enjoyed this. Wished I had time to read it before I knew who wrote it but then I will feel that about all the rest I read now. Loved the elements of a naked lady and music. That image of a beautiful woman all but dancing with music is one that I have always enjoyed. Lovely story.

Thank you.

I figured we would see some interesting catch phrases from those who got Phrase as one of their ingredients. When I added that one to the list, I was thinking along the lines of "as you wish" and "may the Force be with you." In practice, though, it's difficult to come up with something redundantly said without making it look cheesy.

Your solution -- du wan juan shu, xing wan-li lu -- was pretty damn clever. When I started reading the story, I thought "white flower" was going to be the phrase. But when I realized what it was, I had to smile. Good going.

Thank you. You have no idea how much I had to search to find a proverb / saying that fit what I was trying to do with the story.

And about the catchphrases, believe me, that was my first thought and I tried to force in at least four different ones before feeling that they were sticking out like crazy... as I said, they were annoying me and coming in the way of writing the story.

I did read "Virtuoso" as well and thought it was well-done and integrated things nicely. I can't say anything sticks out in my mind too much about it, but that shouldn't be taken as any kind of negative. I just liked the way it was done and enjoyed reading it, and the approach taken for using the ingredients.

Okay, one thought comes to me. I thought it was a wise choice to make the Virtuoso in question Chinese. It may be a bit of a stereotype, but I was able to believe Lei Qian's relationship with her parents because of that. This is not to say that Americans or Europeans do not honor their parents, but I think that element is more integrated into Chinese culture, and that it worked well here.

Thank you for the comments.

Yes, I realized it was a bit of a stereotype making her a Chinese musician, but I didn't want to make her 'western' for the reason you pointed out, i.e., her relationship with her parents, and also the strangely isolated / unexplored traditional sexual feeling I hope is there in the earlier part of the story. I also couldn't make her Indian or Middle Eastern as that would pretty much have stamped my name on it. So all that was left was Asian, and the Chinese proverb fit, so she was Chinese.

You're right. My apologies all around on that one. Sometimes I get two things in mind and then get kind of dyslexic about them, I think that may have happened here. Again, a comment on me and no one else.

Yes sorry about that.

Not a problem. I was tickled when someone else also asked me if Be Awesome was mine. I have absolutely no idea about hockey. But then, I guess I had no idea about violin playing virtuosos before writing this either.

 

[PennLady]

I think the biggest flaw in my story, or the biggest factor that contributed to any flaws, was lack of time. Time is limited for all of us, of course, in different ways. Plus I wrote a beginning that ran 2200 words and then junked it to start over, further limiting my time. I'd also like to take this and smooth out the rough edges before posting it to my page.

Plus I want to see where my other ideas might have gone.

 

[slyc_willie]

You haven't mentioned your other one, "Aboreal Amour," Slyc. I'll comment on that briefly. This opened for me as a promised favorite. Put me right into it and it wasn't run of the mill, was handling elements (location and animal) just so, so well, and the pacing and writing and technicals were great. And then I hit the introduction of an 18-year-old girl acting beyond her natural scope and in a role in which I believed a more mature and experienced woman would fit in beautifully--and, in great disappointment, I read no further. I hated her character treatment from the beginning of her intrusion into what I thought was a great setup. I rated it a 4 on the other elements (downgraded from a 5 on this one irritation, which I saw as ignoring the whole careful set up and mood to play the barely legal card) before I left though. Since I didn't continue reading, you may have played the ignorant element later and differently, but at that point I thought you were trying to play innocent as ignorant, and they ain't the same thing. I didn't see the humility element pop out in what I read. It probably came later.

Probably just me, but there it is. I would love to see a version where the woman is mature and experienced enough to just fall into the good sex story and leave the playing on the edge of underage to lesser-brain power readers--maybe have her leaving her deadbeat husband behind rather than her parents.

The ignorance part could have been played by her aversion, no matter her age, to everything involved in wide-open-space camping and the "change" of the story--in addition to her giving the deadbeat husband up for open, all-out sex--being the protagonist getting her to change her attitude on that by her gaining confidence in being able to cope with the wilds.

Ah, well.

Arboreal Amour was a rush job. I started it with a specific premise, which wasn't revealed until the end. Why I made the girl eighteen I don't really know. I could have had her camping on her own, rather than with parents and left part of it out. But I wrote most of it while under the influence of beer.

The ignorance aspect was actually in regards to a ritual Ethan and Gina didn't know they were partaking in -- consummation within the ring of stones.

I figured that comment was yours when I saw it, by the way.

As far as the blowjob scene in A Chance At Passion, I know women who do get off on things like that. I married one, after all But for many people, I can see why that would be implausible. There would be a hundred people reading it and thinking the same thing as you, and then one person who loved it. C'est la vie.

 

[sr71plt]

How do you double-penetrate a male?

Is this a trick question? With two cocks on two guys sandwiching another guy (one channel). These stories sell really, really well. (And, yes, it can be and is done.)

http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1259753563l/7240059.jpg


The term (abbreviated DP) can also be used with MFM, with one M in F cunt and one M in F ass. (Since you asked.)

 

[lovecraft68]

Congrats to Mistress Lynn!

It was a great tale, but to show how much I know I was sure it was Penn Lady's.

I was curious on the Mom story. It screamed both Alwayswantedtoo and Tx. After reading it I was still a little unsure, but once I read the babysitter story that seemed more of Always style.

For my story I was happy with the score, but happier with the vote total to get over 100 on a blind chain story was pretty good.

As for views? I heard CS was hardly looked at, but wow. I have not had that low of a view total since my first 2 stories and they were in fetish and bdsm. Looking at others views mine were actually pretty good which brings me to my next observation.

I always wondered how effective tag lines are and this one showed how much so. Had I placed Karma under my name and in the mature category I was going to go with a different tag line I liked better because the category would tell the reader the gist.

But at the end for the chain story cat I used a line that "called it out" as mature to give people a clue.

The only other story that went over a hundred (and well over mine) that I'm aware of was the Mom story and I attribute that to not only the buzzword mom in the title, but also in the tag.

So it shows they matter.

For my basket. I had already decided on the "karma" bunny before Fawc and then decided to hold off and write it around the basket. The basket worked well for me.

Beverage-easy, she was a waitress so I stressed how much coffee Joe drank as well as his stupid play on his name "Cup of me"

Time of day- was a little iffy on this so made Joe OCD plagued and he always showed up at exactly the same time.

Affectation-had to think a little for this one and came up with Karma's nervous habit of playing with her locket whenever she was upset.

Humility-This one fell right into the wheelhouse of the story with Karma being forced to go to soup kitchens and survive as best she could and of course being found there by Joe.

Now since humility was perfect I had been crossing my fingers that I would not draw arrogant because it would have been hard to put that quality in either character. So got lucky.

Good job by everyone here. I read most of them, but only had about half of them right.

One thing that was an unexpected bonus was it made me realize how much fun it is just to read here.

Like many here my own writing takes away from my reading time and honestly I probably only read one or two a week at this point. I think I'm going to change that now and try to make some time.

 

[lovecraft68]

How long until we can pull our stories down? I plan to pull mine and do major re-work to it. I should have never entered it, it felt forced and weird and until the last minute I was considering pulling out of the contest. Any feed back is appreciated, and Congrats Lynn. You wrote a fine story indeed!

I'll 2nd this question. My ending was rushed and I wanted a sweeter sex scene, but I was burnt out and fell into something more hard core than befit the character, but was easier to come up with.

 

[xelliebabex]

3. "The mystery ingredients for this story were (Sarcasm, Location, Intellectual, Sport)."
Sarcasm: One of the characters is an obvious smart-alec.
Location: A certain specific location is repeatedly used throughout the story.
Intellectual: One of the characters is very smart.
Sport: The same specific sport is referenced to or used throughout the story.

I think I handled sport and location well and found that part of the story an easy thing to deal with. I had issues with intellectual and sarcasm and didn’t handle them well at all.


As I said in an earlier thread we all seem to have our own definitions of the personality traits.
I had intellectual which for me means someone who is a theorist, a deep thinker, a philosophizer who can wax lyrical about the great mysteries of the world but the Fawker definition merely said: One of the characters is very smart so I tried to show that though probably not as well as I intended.


Likewise we all have our own opinion on what a sarcastic persons like, to me its a very dry wit that tends to be condscending but Fawkers definition was: One of the characters is an obvious smart-alec

I am not a sarcastic type of person, I don’t believe but one of my brothers is the biggest smart arse ever imo so I tried to model the male character after him. His type of sarcasm is more tongue in cheek humour though and possibly went wide of the mark in this story.

I actually like the general idea for this story and have intentions of pulling it when time is up and doing a rewrite/thorough edit and moving the category.

Thanks to those people who left comments good and bad, its appreciated, and really just to know you made it all the way through without giving up due to lack of editing. Lol

I really liked participating in the challenge and agree that the right story won. Thanks Mr Fawcker for the fun.

 

[MSTarot]

Speaking of feedback was there any sent to Fawcker?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

3. "The mystery ingredients for this story were (Sarcasm, Location, Intellectual, Sport)."
Sarcasm: One of the characters is an obvious smart-alec.
Location: A certain specific location is repeatedly used throughout the story.
Intellectual: One of the characters is very smart.
Sport: The same specific sport is referenced to or used throughout the story.

I think I handled sport and location well and found that part of the story an easy thing to deal with. I had issues with intellectual and sarcasm and didn’t handle them well at all.


As I said in an earlier thread we all seem to have our own definitions of the personality traits.
I had intellectual which for me means someone who is a theorist, a deep thinker, a philosophizer who can wax lyrical about the great mysteries of the world but the Fawker definition merely said: One of the characters is very smart so I tried to show that though probably not as well as I intended.


Likewise we all have our own opinion on what a sarcastic persons like, to me its a very dry wit that tends to be condscending but Fawkers definition was: One of the characters is an obvious smart-alec

I am not a sarcastic type of person, I don’t believe but one of my brothers is the biggest smart arse ever imo so I tried to model the male character after him. His type of sarcasm is more tongue in cheek humour though and possibly went wide of the mark in this story.

I actually like the general idea for this story and have intentions of pulling it when time is up and doing a rewrite/thorough edit and moving the category.

Thanks to those people who left comments good and bad, its appreciated, and really just to know you made it all the way through without giving up due to lack of editing. Lol

I really liked participating in the challenge and agree that the right story won. Thanks Mr Fawcker for the fun.

Yours is the dummest post of the day. YOU get an opinion YOU don't get to arbitrarily make up definitions. Invest in an effing dictionary.

sar·casm

/ˈsärˌkazəm/



Noun


The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

 

[slyc_willie]

Speaking of feedback was there any sent to Fawcker?

No, I didn't receive any feedback sent directly to FAWCker's email. I think most of the readers knew what the challenge was about, and will probably wait until the stories are reassigned before sending feedback.

 

[sr71plt]

Ack, I can’t do a take on “Virtuoso” that’s like my responses on the others because I know who wrote it (not that that should matter, but it apparently does) and I’ve glanced at a few other comments on it so am not approaching it completely blind to what is in it.

OK, the first thing I found myself doing was fact-checking the girl’s first name, as Mandarin is a language I’ve taken and China a country I’ve specialized in, and I don’t remember ever seeing the name (or word) “Lei.” Check, though. It’s a legitimate Chinese girl’s given name.

Then I was hit with one of those misplaced modifier issues, which isn’t a biggee, but it stopped me. “And a boyfriend. She’d never had one of those either. Sure she had fumbled around with boys and lost her virginity in the disastrous search for one . . .” She searched for her virginity? Have to go back two nouns to find the logical antecedent (“boyfriend”).

As isolated a life as you set up for her and as smothering as her parents are, one wonders how she managed to lose her virginity to begin with at 19. (So, I'm thinking and not fully into the read here.)

Then the color stopped me dead in my tracks. White and black. In science and art, white (the amalgam of all colors in science; the absence of color in art) and black (a void of color in science; all colors run together in art) technically aren’t colors at all. Know it doesn’t really matter and is nit-picky, but it stopped my read. But then I got to gold and burgundy and it’s OK.

So, check on the required element of color after a bit of a "well, not really" burp. Two sections have gone by now, though, and that’s the only element I’ve seen. Great opportunity to pin down humility in the first section—Chinese do humility well in the show of abilities and there was the opportunity, not really taken that I could see, to pin down that she took a humble view of extraordinary talent. It’s sort of there as a possibility, but the reader has to really reach for it. Very nicely written second section. Another chance at the end of this section to highlight humility in the face of the applause. But she just acknowledged it; doesn’t have any humility element in it.

But I’m obviously trying too hard, so I put it away and come back later.

OK, second go at it. (Incidentally very few words with the “non” prefix are hyphenated. Go to where “non” would be alphabetized in Webster’s. It gives a humongous list of what/whether to hyphenate “non.” Mostly don’t.).

Very nice use of the phrase element--up there with Zamboni for vehicle. (I can understand why that would be a hard one. Clever solution). Would have fit in even better when first used, I’d think, if Lei had mentioned reading as something she’d like to do on her break.

She yammered a bit too long with her parents on taking a break for this section to reflect what Asian humility is like. The first time she was questioned would shut down her open response in Asian humility and the rest of what she wanted would be given in her mind while she was doing the completely obedient daughter bit on the surface. At least you didn't have her going off and doing what she wanted to do.

Given the protectiveness of her parents, you indeed had to find a way to drop the mother so Lei could romp with Devin in Philly. Might have covered that better, though. She just left her mother sick in a room. And where’s the father? Maybe invest a couple of sentences to get them believably off stage?

Loved the seduction/sex part of the story (so I’d give you 5 for the story. Actually, I’d give you a 5 just to watch JBJ snort. Since the readers liked your story better than mine, I have to give you a 5 anyway,).

Another chance to drive humility home when George Yosef praises her playing after the Philly concert. A happy smile and a thank you doesn’t really do that, though. Those are fine for the story, but not, I think, with a required element to drive home.

Energetic? It must have come during the sex and I was too busy concentrating on something else. Of course there was an opportunity not taken in picking out a really energetic violin solo like "Flight of the Bumble Bee" and make a to do over how much more energetically she played it in concert than almost any other violinist.

So, the upshot is that I thought it was fresh and clever and imaginative. Very well written, and despite my few urps on the technical side (because I'm trying too hard), done very well there too. Kudos.

 

[Tx Tall Tales]

Congratulations to MistressLynn - Excellent Story

Almost makes me wish I hadn't voted it a 5. Did I nudge myself out that last .01?

Honestly enjoyed most of the stories. Can't believe I guessed 9 correctly - not counting my own. Five I felt pretty good about the guess, most of the others were cases of trying to identify male/female writing, some style and content (heavy dialogue, vocabulary, etc.), even titling habits.

Looks like I still have a ways to go, but I dare say I'll be better at it next time.


Confession. When I received my bucket, I immediately thought of a story that was more than 1/2 finished, which seemed to cover 3 of the 4 areas pretty well. I had ignorance, I had ambition, and I had Time of Day. Only missing color.

Seemed easy enough to modify the story and finish it. That's the only reason it was so long. Also, the subject matter wasn't the best for a 'competition'. The title did seem to bring in a lot of readers, at least that's what I would personally attribute the larger number of views and votes to.

I believe only A Chance at Passion, Friday Night Blues, My Old Babysitter, and maybe Arboreal Amour, had titles that would provide a reader some idea of what they were getting themselves into. (Not counting the description, of course.)

Be Awesome, Friday Night Blues, Karma, and My Old Babysitter had descriptions that gave good clues to the contents. Since we didn't have a category to help define the stories, I think this should have helped focus on the preferred readers, helping with view and scoring. I think.

I'd say that only My Old Babysitter and We Gotta Stop Mom! had titles that clearly addressed a reader segment, and were most likely to get extra views for that reason, perhaps explaining the quantity of views they received. That, or the fans somehow figured out the stories were theirs. I know one of my readers called mine out pretty much right away. Ouch.

Alright, I'm probably overthinking the titles and descriptions, but I am currently working on a followup to Love Your Readers, that is all about titles, descriptions and tags. Kind of where my head is.

Congratulations to all.

BTW - SLYC, I really enjoyed A Chance At Passion. Probably my favorite story this go 'round.

 

[TE999]

I read all the stories in the contest and enjoyed them. I scored them all at 4 or 5 because they were that good.

In regards to mine, it stemmed from a moment of inspiration after reading an article on a murder investigation involving the interrogation of several suspects. The Lovecraft angle came from reading one of my favorites of his stories that I accidentally discovered on the 'net. The recorded interrogation (and subsequent events) format sprung from reading a recorded interview with a political figure. Sift all of that through my somewhat warped brain and the result was 'An Inquiry'.

For the record, the original title was 'An Inquiry Into the Disappearance of Cynthia Ross', but FAWCer decided the title was too long to fit Lit's format so I allowed him to attenuate it to fit. I was chastised in the comments for not utilizing my basket contents to any great extent, but that would have slowed the pacing down so I only touched on them.

I had begun another story intending to use my basket contents when inspiration struck, hence the final result. My story score was somewhat low, but then my tales are often not everyone's cup of blood ... I mean tea. What the hell, I had fun and that's what it's all about isn't it?

Thanks for hosting this contest, slyc.

 

[damppanties]

You've been incredibly kind with the comments.

As isolated a life as you set up for her and as smothering as her parents are, one wonders how she managed to lose her virginity to begin with at 19. (So, I'm thinking and not fully into the read here.)

Initially I was going to make her a virgin but didn't want to deal with the first time issue when I came to the sex. So decided that she would fumble around with some boys from her music school or somesuch.

Then the color stopped me dead in my tracks. White and black. In science and art, white (the amalgam of all colors in science; the absence of color in art) and black (a void of color in science; all colors run together in art) technically aren’t colors at all. Know it doesn’t really matter and is nit-picky, but it stopped my read. But then I got to gold and burgundy and it’s OK.

So, check on the required element of color after a bit of a "well, not really" burp.

Yes, I knew that about white and black, and nodded to it with calling black a non-color. I wanted to make her move from white to non-white as an issue of moving from a kind of blank slate to something that's ... well, something.

As an aside, why would 'absence of color' not be counted as using 'color' as an ingredient? The element of 'color' is brought to the forefront of the reader's mind by even stressing its not being present. Would that not satisfy the challenge?

Burgundy and gold were just descriptive really - the same as I'd use light or dark, or big and small. I hadn't intended to use them as part of the color ingredient at all!

Two sections have gone by now, though, and that’s the only element I’ve seen. Great opportunity to pin down humility in the first section—Chinese do humility well in the show of abilities and there was the opportunity, not really taken that I could see, to pin down that she took a humble view of extraordinary talent. It’s sort of there as a possibility, but the reader has to really reach for it. Very nicely written second section. Another chance at the end of this section to highlight humility in the face of the applause. But she just acknowledged it; doesn’t have any humility element in it.

...

She yammered a bit too long with her parents on taking a break for this section to reflect what Asian humility is like. The first time she was questioned would shut down her open response in Asian humility and the rest of what she wanted would be given in her mind while she was doing the completely obedient daughter bit on the surface. At least you didn't have her going off and doing what she wanted to do.

...

Another chance to drive humility home when George Yosef praises her playing after the Philly concert. A happy smile and a thank you doesn’t really do that, though. Those are fine for the story, but not, I think, with a required element to drive home.

Here's my thinking. Even though her parents are Chinese immigrants, she is an American of Chinese descent. Growing up in the U.S., she wouldn't be as humble as someone who is totally Chinese. I get what you're saying, and in my head, the Chinese heritage gave her a kind of grace and a sensible head on her shoulders. But as far as humility... it wouldn't be overly pervasive, especially with the big deal things are made of here. So, was trying to find a balance between her being Asian as well as American.

The humility really kicks in with her conversation with Devin about her music. Or at least it does in my head.

Very nice use of the phrase element--up there with Zamboni for vehicle. (I can understand why that would be a hard one. Clever solution). Would have fit in even better when first used, I’d think, if Lei had mentioned reading as something she’d like to do on her break.

Ooh, excellent thought! Can't believe I didn't think of it.

Loved the seduction/sex part of the story (so I’d give you 5 for the story. Actually, I’d give you a 5 just to watch JBJ snort. Since the readers liked your story better than mine, I have to give you a 5 anyway,).

LOL. I was very amused when JBJ announced publicly that he had identified my story (and praised me for my writing) when it turned out that he hadn't.

I actually thought the sex was a weak part. Can't believe you liked it.

Energetic? It must have come during the sex and I was too busy concentrating on something else. Of course there was an opportunity not taken in picking out a really energetic violin solo like "Flight of the Bumble Bee" and make a to do over how much more energetically she played it in concert than almost any other violinist.

Oh, Devin was supposed to be energetic, and by the end he transfers some of the energy to her, hence her spirited playing in the end as contrasted to more gentle playing earlier on in the story. And during the sexual scene, she transfers some of her tranquility to him by virtue of his first interaction with her music immediately prior to the sex. But I agree that this one was really not done well and I suppose my thinking simply didn't come out well enough. Hmm.

God knows I don't know enough about music to be choosing specific pieces in terms of energetic playing. I simply Googled violin pieces, then YouTubed stuff to make sure I knew what I was talking about, that's about it.

So, the upshot is that I thought it was fresh and clever and imaginative. Very well written, and despite my few urps on the technical side (because I'm trying too hard), done very well there too. Kudos.

Thank you! This was really satisfying.

 

[damppanties]

Is this a trick question? With two cocks on two guys sandwiching another guy (one channel). These stories sell really, really well. (And, yes, it can be and is done.)

http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1259753563l/7240059.jpg


The term (abbreviated DP) can also be used with MFM, with one M in F cunt and one M in F ass. (Since you asked.)

Yes, I knew about the MFM and the, um, penetration in two different places. The one channel has me cringing.

 

[damppanties]

I had ignorance, I had ambition, and I had Time of Day. Only missing color.

Just a comment to say I thought your time of day was done very well. I loved the Pavlovian response it evoked in the protag by the end.

 

[_Lynn_]

Sorry, I’ve been gone all day so I missed much of the conversation.

I started a story (two in fact) that fell flat at around 600 words. The items seemed forced and the characters didn’t blend well. I scrapped them and went outside where the first thing I noticed was the neighbor kid at the playground. The longer I sat watching him, the clearer I saw this story.



Location . . . I made that Perry Street Park, which I brought up throughout the story.

Toy/game . . . I used the harmonica but wondered later if it was enough.

Humility . . . This one gave me the most trouble, even though it wasn’t too difficult.

Fascination/fetish . . . The main character had a fascination with merry-go-rounds. I added the part about his trip to the Merry-Go-Round Museum as an additional hint.





Thank you, Tom, SR, SecondCircle, Saxon, ellie, LC, Tx Tall Tales . . . I think that’s everyone since I was gone.

 

[sr71plt]

Yes, I knew about the MFM and the, um, penetration in two different places. The one channel has me cringing.

You probably don't want to read my sounding stories, then. Which sell even better than the DP ones.

 

[damppanties]

You probably don't want to read my sounding stories, then. Which sell even better than the DP ones.

Okay, I'll bite. What is sounding?

Damn this curious nature.

 

[Tx Tall Tales]

Oh my God - please don't ask - TMI!

PM her if necessary. It hurts just to think about it!

 

[patientlee]

You probably don't want to read my sounding stories, then. Which sell even better than the DP ones.

Hee. Hee. I read them.

 

[damppanties]

Oh my God - please don't ask - TMI!

PM her if necessary. It hurts just to think about it!

Oh, man. Save yourself. I just googled.

 

[_Lynn_]

Oh my God - please don't ask - TMI!

PM her if necessary. It hurts just to think about it!

I used to have a link with pictures.

 

[TE999]

Okay, I'll bite. What is sounding?

Damn this curious nature.

Here you go, Dampie. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sounding

EW!

 

[slyc_willie]

Okay, I'll bite. What is sounding?

Damn this curious nature.

Think "catheter."

Not quite the same, since sounding also involves stretching, but you get the picture.

ETA: Someone beat me to it.