FAWC You, Two!

[damppanties]

But if this topic is pursued, maybe better on another thread.

Yes, will PM.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

How long until we can pull our stories down? I plan to pull mine and do major re-work to it. I should have never entered it, it felt forced and weird and until the last minute I was considering pulling out of the contest. Any feed back is appreciated, and Congrats Lynn. You wrote a fine story indeed!

 

[FAWCker]

Sorry I abruptly vanished after posting MistressLynn's trophy. We had a little storm here which knocked out my Internet within a couple of minutes after my post.

Some great discussions on the use of the ingredients. I'll add my thoughts on slyc_willie in a bit.

Regarding the stories themselves -- I will leave them through the weekend, then have Laurel reassign them to the individual authors. Once they are in your submission list, you can do whatever you like with them.

PL, thanks for posting the list of stories and who wrote what (even though you misspelled slyc_willie, but I'll forgive you ).

 

[FAWCker]

Votes and Views

As was originally suggested by PennLady, I am going to share the actual views and votes as they progressed throughout the challenge.

ETA: Having trouble with Dropbox. Be patient.

 

[PennLady]

Plenty to say but I'll keep this about my basket, which included sarcasm, sport, intellect and food. I found this amusing because sport and food were prominent in my last long story (Rhythm & the Blue Line), and sarcasm figured in a bit.

As others have mentioned, a person's definition of all of those things might differ, so I tried to stick closely to the definitions provided. I'm like that. I wouldn't mark another story down for following different definitions; just explaining my approach. Also, my very first thought was a sarcastic chess player and an intellectual chef. I guess I like to combine things.

So -- sport was soccer. I guessed if I so much as mentioned hockey, the story would get attributed to me, and I think with "Be Awesome," that was a reasonable theory to hold. That's also why I set the story in Chicago, or at least, not the Washington, DC, or Philadelphia areas, since I figured that might be another tip-off. Some know I live in the Philly sphere of influence, and I have written about DC before. I opted for Chicago for a few reasons, including the fact that it's a big city with both sports teams and a big public transit system.

Sarcasm I'm not sure how well I did with this, but I tried. To me, being sarcastic and being a "smart alec," as in FAWCker's definition, aren't necessarily the same thing. My beta reader had suggested combining the sarcasm and intellect, which I also tried to do, although I was leery of creating a character that was a jerk.

However, I didn't leave the sarcasm just with the guy. I had the woman kind of stand up to it, and she lobbed back some of her own remarks.

Intellect was another tough one for me. I mean, you can say a character is smart, but how do you show it? And are we talking book smarts v. street smarts? Inherent ability to process information? So I gave the guy a job that (it seemed to me) would require some academic smarts as well as the ability to kind of think outside the box; he was a biomedical researcher. This didn't mean that the woman was not smart, she just wasn't smart in the same areas he was.

Food. This -- and a couple of other things -- I researched, including asking a college friend on Facebook who lives in Chicago. Hence the pierogies. If I'd had time to go back, I would have added paczkis, which I was told are wonderful dessert items. Food is an interesting thing because so much of our socialization centers around it, from having drinks to having dinners.

I had actually started a different version of this story, with some of the elements switched around, such as the woman filling the intellect role. I may finish that version at some point.

 

[PennLady]

PL, thanks for posting the list of stories and who wrote what (even though you misspelled slyc_willie, but I'll forgive you ).

Glad you're back online. Sorry about the name. And what's awful, of course, was that the name was right there for me to copy. Man, it's one of those days.

 

[FAWCker]

Glad you're back online. Sorry about the name. And what's awful, of course, was that the name was right there for me to copy. Man, it's one of those days.

No problem. It gets misspelled all the time.

 

[FAWCker]

Okay, let's hope this works . . . .

F2 Views and Votes Thursday Aug 8.doc

F2 Views and Votes Monday Aug 12 11PM (voting closed).doc

F2 Views and Votes Thursday Aug 15 10.40 PM.doc

You'll probably have to increase magnification in your reader to actually see the views and votes. Not the slickest way to share the info, but it works.

 

[damppanties]

Okay, thoughts on Virtuoso:

I started the competition with a clean slate, as in, did not have any preconceived notions about what story to write or anything of the sort. I wanted to challenge myself with writing in a category I hadn't written in before... but that didn't happen. When I got my basket, the story I had envisioned was entirely different form the one I eventually wrote.

The thinking started from humility as I felt that that was the central ingredient in my basket. Everything else could be fitted in around that. I needed one of the characters to be something great in order to be humble about it, so the protag turned out to be a prodigy (in the earlier idea I had, it was a male professor with unparalleled expertise in a subject). Energetic had to be another character as humility and energetic didn't really go together in my head. I had trouble with trying to work with energetic, the same as sr. I felt that simply putting in references to his energy seemed unrelated to the story I was trying to tell. I think this is the weakest element in my story.

Color was the best ingredient I had. I usually have some sort of play on color in my stories so this was really my ingredient. I tried to play with something of an innocent to not-so-innocent arc throughout the story with the use of color.

And finally, phrase was the one I had the most trouble with. Whenever I tried to fit in a signature phrase that one of the characters used, it became repetitive and annoyed me... the one who was writing it, so I assumed it would annoy the reader too. Finally, I hit upon the idea of making it memorable by making it in another language entirely, and then I wouldn't have to repeat it all that much - it would stand out by itself.

Overall, this was the story I have done the most research for. Usually my stories are about things I know at least a little about, but I had no idea whatsoever about classical violin or music and I hope that doesn't show. Nor did I have any idea about Chinese.

So as I said, I scrapped the story idea I had initially because it was not going well and started this story almost two days before the deadline. I felt the story suffered because of the rush. I would have liked to have gone back and integrated energetic much more into the story rather than the way it is now. The sex was a little abysmal too but by then I was seriously running out of time.

That's about it. Thoughts and comments welcome.

 

[slyc_willie]

Plenty to say but I'll keep this about my basket, which included sarcasm, sport, intellect and food. I found this amusing because sport and food were prominent in my last long story (Rhythm & the Blue Line), and sarcasm figured in a bit.

As others have mentioned, a person's definition of all of those things might differ, so I tried to stick closely to the definitions provided. I'm like that. I wouldn't mark another story down for following different definitions; just explaining my approach. Also, my very first thought was a sarcastic chess player and an intellectual chef. I guess I like to combine things.

So -- sport was soccer. I guessed if I so much as mentioned hockey, the story would get attributed to me, and I think with "Be Awesome," that was a reasonable theory to hold. That's also why I set the story in Chicago, or at least, not the Washington, DC, or Philadelphia areas, since I figured that might be another tip-off. Some know I live in the Philly sphere of influence, and I have written about DC before. I opted for Chicago for a few reasons, including the fact that it's a big city with both sports teams and a big public transit system.

Sarcasm I'm not sure how well I did with this, but I tried. To me, being sarcastic and being a "smart alec," as in FAWCker's definition, aren't necessarily the same thing. My beta reader had suggested combining the sarcasm and intellect, which I also tried to do, although I was leery of creating a character that was a jerk.

However, I didn't leave the sarcasm just with the guy. I had the woman kind of stand up to it, and she lobbed back some of her own remarks.

Intellect was another tough one for me. I mean, you can say a character is smart, but how do you show it? And are we talking book smarts v. street smarts? Inherent ability to process information? So I gave the guy a job that (it seemed to me) would require some academic smarts as well as the ability to kind of think outside the box; he was a biomedical researcher. This didn't mean that the woman was not smart, she just wasn't smart in the same areas he was.

Food. This -- and a couple of other things -- I researched, including asking a college friend on Facebook who lives in Chicago. Hence the pierogies. If I'd had time to go back, I would have added paczkis, which I was told are wonderful dessert items. Food is an interesting thing because so much of our socialization centers around it, from having drinks to having dinners.

I had actually started a different version of this story, with some of the elements switched around, such as the woman filling the intellect role. I may finish that version at some point.

Personally, I thought the soccer aspect was more of a throw-in than an actual ingredient. It could as easily have been a baseball game or NASCAR race. It was a good story, and I liked the way the other three ingredients were used.

 

[PennLady]

Personally, I thought the soccer aspect was more of a throw-in than an actual ingredient. It could as easily have been a baseball game or NASCAR race. It was a good story, and I liked the way the other three ingredients were used.

Thanks.

I suppose I may have been making an effort to use the sport but not make it a major focal point as I have in other stories so as to make it less of a giveaway. It is important, though, in that it's how they meet and gives them a little something to bond over (and in her case, worry over) later.

That meeting, btw, is based on a real-life incident with me, although a few things were changed to make it more interesting.

 

[sr71plt]

I shouldn't say much about PennLady's "An Extra Ticket," as it rated identically to mine and I shouldn't brag or denigrate. (But I feel good that I rated with her.)

I thought sarcasm was done very well (and I've remarked I think that was the hardest element to handle). I'm one who doesn't think the job necessarily shows the intellect of the individual, so that part didn't fully convince me, and I was fighting against it with a "but . . . but, just because he has a brain job doesn't make him an . . ." the whole way. Sport was OK, but I don't think anyone handled that element in any clever way--or that the element invited that being done. All you had to do was couch the story in some sport, and that's pretty much all I saw anyone with that element doing. Maybe "Be Awesome" made more out of it that the others did. The pierogie would, I think, stick out as a sore thumb in a story not in this exercise and it seemed artificially introduced as a story element, so as far as the food element, it met requirements but not all that well integrated, I didn't think.

I didn't leave the story thinking that the worlds of these two people were coming together in either world or in a compromise one. Conversely, the writing and storytelling were very strong (given that I don't think the story was resolved--or that I thought the point was that it wouldn't resolve, which would have been OK too). I marked it as 4.5 in my mind, mostly on writing and because the technicals were so good. (The technicals of some stories were distracting to me, but there wasn't time to edit so it didn't bother me except when someone said a story with bad technicals was great writing. Great writing includes good technicals.) (4.5 was a very good score with me, mind you. I used all of the numbers from 3 to 5 pretty equally--so I probably ranked it higher than where it ended up.)

I had no inkling this was by PennLady. I think it wise to have used something other than hockey given the sport element, though (especially since, having lived abroad, I've played soccer but have zero interest in hockey).

 

[slyc_willie]

Okay, thoughts on Virtuoso:

I started the competition with a clean slate, as in, did not have any preconceived notions about what story to write or anything of the sort. I wanted to challenge myself with writing in a category I hadn't written in before... but that didn't happen. When I got my basket, the story I had envisioned was entirely different form the one I eventually wrote.

The thinking started from humility as I felt that that was the central ingredient in my basket. Everything else could be fitted in around that. I needed one of the characters to be something great in order to be humble about it, so the protag turned out to be a prodigy (in the earlier idea I had, it was a male professor with unparalleled expertise in a subject). Energetic had to be another character as humility and energetic didn't really go together in my head. I had trouble with trying to work with energetic, the same as sr. I felt that simply putting in references to his energy seemed unrelated to the story I was trying to tell. I think this is the weakest element in my story.

Color was the best ingredient I had. I usually have some sort of play on color in my stories so this was really my ingredient. I tried to play with something of an innocent to not-so-innocent arc throughout the story with the use of color.

And finally, phrase was the one I had the most trouble with. Whenever I tried to fit in a signature phrase that one of the characters used, it became repetitive and annoyed me... the one who was writing it, so I assumed it would annoy the reader too. Finally, I hit upon the idea of making it memorable by making it in another language entirely, and then I wouldn't have to repeat it all that much - it would stand out by itself.

Overall, this was the story I have done the most research for. Usually my stories are about things I know at least a little about, but I had no idea whatsoever about classical violin or music and I hope that doesn't show. Nor did I have any idea about Chinese.

So as I said, I scrapped the story idea I had initially because it was not going well and started this story almost two days before the deadline. I felt the story suffered because of the rush. I would have liked to have gone back and integrated energetic much more into the story rather than the way it is now. The sex was a little abysmal too but by then I was seriously running out of time.

That's about it. Thoughts and comments welcome.

Energetic caused my some problems, too, for the same reasons you and sr both stated. It seemed like a good one to put into the challenge, but proved to be a little more tricky to work in.

I figured we would see some interesting catch phrases from those who got Phrase as one of their ingredients. When I added that one to the list, I was thinking along the lines of "as you wish" and "may the Force be with you." In practice, though, it's difficult to come up with something redundantly said without making it look cheesy.

Your solution -- du wan juan shu, xing wan-li lu -- was pretty damn clever. When I started reading the story, I thought "white flower" was going to be the phrase. But when I realized what it was, I had to smile. Good going.

 

[slyc_willie]

Thanks.

I suppose I may have been making an effort to use the sport but not make it a major focal point as I have in other stories so as to make it less of a giveaway. It is important, though, in that it's how they meet and gives them a little something to bond over (and in her case, worry over) later.

That meeting, btw, is based on a real-life incident with me, although a few things were changed to make it more interesting.

Isn't that always the way?

You used all the ingredients, which was the important part. I'm the last person to be nit-picky about details.

 

[damppanties]

I agree that sarcasm and intellect are not easy to write and I think you did a nice job with them. I enjoyed reading yours.

Also, my very first thought was a sarcastic chess player and an intellectual chef.

That's intriguing! Would have loved to read that.

 

[slyc_willie]

Okay, my turn.

A Chance At Passion

Believe it or not, I didn't choose the title for this one to keep it near the top of the list. Once I was finished with it, it seemed the best choice.

Gambling (Game/Toy) was obviously the central theme of the story and why Brett was in Del Rio in the first place. I took liberties with describing the actual games as they went on, not wanting to prolong the descriptions. I wanted them to be as simplistic as possible.

I felt I used Recklessness fairly well, not only in Brett's actions while gambling but in Ino's as well (the audacity of giving a blowjob in the bathroom at work, for instance). Ultimately, I hoped, the entire story was about being reckless, taking chances, and being rewarded for being willing to put everything in your life on the line.

Energetic, as was mentioned before, wasn't as easy to work in without being obvious about it. I think I used it pretty well when describing how Ino gave herself to Brett, as if desperate for affection (which, obviously, she was). I tried not to use the actual word itself too much, as I felt that would stand out painfully.

Finally, use of the cherry-apple pie as the Food item was pretty much a throw-in, I admit. I tried to work it in a little less obviously than I did, but every time I mentioned it, I felt I was doing so just to meet some kind of requirement in my mind.

I think I will probably re-submit this one in an appropriate category once FAWC is over. I liked writing this story.

 

[PennLady]

I shouldn't say much about PennLady's "An Extra Ticket," as it rated identically to mine and I shouldn't brag or denigrate. (But I feel good that I rated with her.)

Thanks. Happy to be in good company.

I did read your story as well, and enjoyed it. I have to admit that in nearly any story I read, I had to go back and check the list of ingredients -- I couldn't seem to keep it in my mind. And that is no comment on the writers, just the state of my memory (or lack thereof). The time was neatly done, and I liked the recurring aspect of it.

The arrogance was also done well, I thought, and for me it added to the end because well, who doesn't like to see the arrogant one get his/her comeuppance? I have to say I wasn't sure that the woman would go for the other guy; that appeared to be where it was going, but I am wary of assuming that the easy way is what will happen. So if your intention was to keep the reader guessing on that, I think you did well. Overall, it was a nice mixing of things, I thought.

I'm one who doesn't think the job necessarily shows the intellect of the individual, so that part didn't fully convince me, and I was fighting against it with a "but . . . but, just because he has a brain job doesn't make him an . . ." the whole way.

Like I said, I think this was perhaps more troublesome to me than sarcasm, which I was also concerned about. I went more the academic route, and took a job that seemed to me couldn't be filled by just anyone off the street. I wish I could have thought of a better way to show "intellect," but I couldn't. Plus I run up against the limitations of my own.

Sport was OK, but I don't think anyone handled that element in any clever way--or that the element invited that being done. All you had to do was couch the story in some sport, and that's pretty much all I saw anyone with that element doing.

Well, again, I thought if I made sport more a focal point, I'd give myself away. My beta reader (who didn't read this before I posted it, but I did tell him the rules and all) suggested something different -- a recurring voice over, such as from a radio or TV, giving the latest update on whatever sport. I thought that was a good idea but when I got going, that didn't fit.

Maybe "Be Awesome" made more out of it that the others did. The pierogie would, I think, stick out as a sore thumb in a story not in this exercise and it seemed artificially introduced as a story element, so as far as the food element, it met requirements but not all that well integrated, I didn't think.

LOL This was one of the things I researched, actually. I was looking not just for a food item, but one that was more integrated. Instead of pizza (the easy one for Chicago), I went with pierogies because Kayla (the female lead) was of Polish descent and that was a Polish food and I gathered (or, well, assumed) it'd be a common food in Chicago since they have a sizable Polish-descended population.

I didn't leave the story thinking that the worlds of these two people were coming together in either world or in a compromise one.

I can see that, and you're not wrong. At the end of the story it could probably go either way. I've done that before in romances like this and I'm sure it's a mark against it for many readers, not having a solid "I love you" or something at the end. It's still early in their relationship where they both feel there could be something between them, but it's far from a guarantee.

I had no inkling this was by PennLady. I think it wise to have used something other than hockey given the sport element, though (especially since, having lived abroad, I've played soccer but have zero interest in hockey).

Thanks. Perhaps going a little back to the narcissism issue, I was half-afraid that a mention of any team sport would mark it as mine. But yes, using something that was specifically not hockey was a conscious decision to try to add to the anonymity.

I agree that sarcasm and intellect are not easy to write and I think you did a nice job with them. I enjoyed reading yours.

That's intriguing! Would have loved to read that.

Thank you. I did enjoy your story. What amused me about people thinking I wrote it is that aside from the hockey, there was nothing else that was "me" about it, I didn't think. I do not write rough or abusive sex, and even though I wrote one lesbian story, that's hardly a pattern.

Like sr71, I had a little trouble with your protagonist. I realize that athletes run the gamut in terms of personality like any other group, but for her to be a goalie -- a high-pressure, very individual position in an otherwise team-focused sport -- and be that unsure of herself didn't seem quite right. It seemed more low self-esteem than humility, to me, although I could see where you were going with it. To me, she could not have been that good if she was so lacking in confidence.

The story was well-told and well-written, though, which I think shows because I did read to the end. I mean, I wanted to read it b/c it was in the contest and I couldn't fully comment otherwise, but also, I wanted to see how it turned out.

I wondered how the ending would go over with different people. I don't mind that she went with the guy -- she could be bisexual or bicurious or whatever -- but I bet that would rub some people the wrong way.

 

[sr71plt]

Okay, my turn.

A Chance At Passion

Believe it or not, I didn't choose the title for this one to keep it near the top of the list. Once I was finished with it, it seemed the best choice.

Gambling (Game/Toy) was obviously the central theme of the story and why Brett was in Del Rio in the first place. I took liberties with describing the actual games as they went on, not wanting to prolong the descriptions. I wanted them to be as simplistic as possible.

I felt I used Recklessness fairly well, not only in Brett's actions while gambling but in Ino's as well (the audacity of giving a blowjob in the bathroom at work, for instance). Ultimately, I hoped, the entire story was about being reckless, taking chances, and being rewarded for being willing to put everything in your life on the line.

Energetic, as was mentioned before, wasn't as easy to work in without being obvious about it. I think I used it pretty well when describing how Ino gave herself to Brett, as if desperate for affection (which, obviously, she was). I tried not to use the actual word itself too much, as I felt that would stand out painfully.

Finally, use of the cherry-apple pie as the Food item was pretty much a throw-in, I admit. I tried to work it in a little less obviously than I did, but every time I mentioned it, I felt I was doing so just to meet some kind of requirement in my mind.

I think I will probably re-submit this one in an appropriate category once FAWC is over. I liked writing this story.

Game/toy and recklessness I thought were done extremely well, so, along with being really well written, I gave this one a 5 in my mind. That was being willing to overlook that I really, really didn't like the scene of her giving him the blow job in the restaurant the second time they met and couching it like she really got off on it. I don't see a woman getting off sexually in giving an aggressive blow job and getting nothing in return that got her off. So, I figured this was written by a man. Maybe that's just me, but it's a bugaboo of mine and is, I think, purely a male fantasy--but certainly not one of mine. I think--and like to think--that it's implausible. It ruins my view of the female character.

Very high marks on pacing and holding my attention. I think I noted somewhere else that it was the only story I willingly read past page three. (But next time I won't read one that goes beyond three. The reward is almost never there for me and it's just too self-indulgent for contest pieces.)

I thought the food was covered by the diner setting and that food actually was being discussed and fit naturally into the story without sticking out. Not brilliant but enough to cover the requirement.

Energetic? What can I say? Nothing special--and having faced that myself, I didn't have high expectations. The writing, pacing, and storytelling carried the 5 for me, though--and the technicals were very good.

 

[damppanties]

Okay, my turn.

A Chance At Passion

Believe it or not, I didn't choose the title for this one to keep it near the top of the list. Once I was finished with it, it seemed the best choice.

Gambling (Game/Toy) was obviously the central theme of the story and why Brett was in Del Rio in the first place. I took liberties with describing the actual games as they went on, not wanting to prolong the descriptions. I wanted them to be as simplistic as possible.

I felt I used Recklessness fairly well, not only in Brett's actions while gambling but in Ino's as well (the audacity of giving a blowjob in the bathroom at work, for instance). Ultimately, I hoped, the entire story was about being reckless, taking chances, and being rewarded for being willing to put everything in your life on the line.

Energetic, as was mentioned before, wasn't as easy to work in without being obvious about it. I think I used it pretty well when describing how Ino gave herself to Brett, as if desperate for affection (which, obviously, she was). I tried not to use the actual word itself too much, as I felt that would stand out painfully.

Finally, use of the cherry-apple pie as the Food item was pretty much a throw-in, I admit. I tried to work it in a little less obviously than I did, but every time I mentioned it, I felt I was doing so just to meet some kind of requirement in my mind.

I think I will probably re-submit this one in an appropriate category once FAWC is over. I liked writing this story.

And I quite liked reading it.

Ah, yes. Energetic. The bane. To be honest, I didn't really see energetic in there at all, even within the sex. Contrary to what you think of your use of cherry-apple pie, I thought you did that quite well. Yes, it was something that stood out but like relationships have some things that are the couples' solely (like an 'our song,' for instance), I felt the pie worked in that way. It was their thing.

 

[sr71plt]

I think you might have Damppanties tagged with the wrong story, PL.

I haven't read "Virtuoso" yet, which is the one Damppanties wrote. (And that I ran out of time and haven't read it yet is why I haven't commented on it. But I will and will. I'm grateful that Damppanties--I keep wanting to reduce that to DP, but since I'm up to my neck in putting together a two-volume anthology on male double penetration sex now, that probably wouldn't be too polite --has commented so extensively on mine).

 

[damppanties]

Thank you. I did enjoy your story. What amused me about people thinking I wrote it is that aside from the hockey, there was nothing else that was "me" about it, I didn't think. I do not write rough or abusive sex, and even though I wrote one lesbian story, that's hardly a pattern.

Like sr71, I had a little trouble with your protagonist. I realize that athletes run the gamut in terms of personality like any other group, but for her to be a goalie -- a high-pressure, very individual position in an otherwise team-focused sport -- and be that unsure of herself didn't seem quite right. It seemed more low self-esteem than humility, to me, although I could see where you were going with it. To me, she could not have been that good if she was so lacking in confidence.

The story was well-told and well-written, though, which I think shows because I did read to the end. I mean, I wanted to read it b/c it was in the contest and I couldn't fully comment otherwise, but also, I wanted to see how it turned out.

I wondered how the ending would go over with different people. I don't mind that she went with the guy -- she could be bisexual or bicurious or whatever -- but I bet that would rub some people the wrong way.

Be Awesome was patientlee's, not mine.

 

[PennLady]

I think you might have Damppanties tagged with the wrong story, PL.

You're right. My apologies all around on that one. Sometimes I get two things in mind and then get kind of dyslexic about them, I think that may have happened here. Again, a comment on me and no one else.

I haven't read "Virtuoso" yet, which is the one Damppanties wrote. (And that I ran out of time and haven't read it yet is why I haven't commented on it. But I will and will. I'm grateful that Damppanties--I keep wanting to reduce that to DP, but since I'm up to my neck in putting together a two-volume anthology on male double penetration sex now, that probably wouldn't be too polite --has commented so extensively on mine).

I did read "Virtuoso" as well and thought it was well-done and integrated things nicely. I can't say anything sticks out in my mind too much about it, but that shouldn't be taken as any kind of negative. I just liked the way it was done and enjoyed reading it, and the approach taken for using the ingredients.

Okay, one thought comes to me. I thought it was a wise choice to make the Virtuoso in question Chinese. It may be a bit of a stereotype, but I was able to believe Lei Qian's relationship with her parents because of that. This is not to say that Americans or Europeans do not honor their parents, but I think that element is more integrated into Chinese culture, and that it worked well here.

Be Awesome was patientlee's, not mine.

Yes sorry about that.

 

[MSTarot]

Two large cups of coffee in and maybe I can find the keyboard. I really don't like working out of town, but it beats being unemployed.

Okay the stories I got to read before having to leave were Karma, My Old Babysitter,and 7:48 PM Wednesday. I've read Virtuoso since getting back.

Karma- very good emotional balance with story. I was reading it when everything hit the thread about who wrote it. Well, I already knew the writer based on "Home Is where the Heart is." They are similar in a lot of ways. Good story LC but... don't let yourself get into a story formula. It's hard to get out of once there.

My Old Babysitter- Loved it and was more than a bit weirded out at the same time. Just something about the whole handjob, while singing lullabies to the guy who's out his head, while the son watches hit that 'squelch' factor. But I won't forget it soon, so very good job.

7:48 PM Wednesday- First read through left me with this "What did I just read" feeling. I went back through it and on the second pass loved the story. I'll give it another look and try to figure out why that was. At first glance though I would say that name confusion at the first may have been part of it but I don't know if that's your writing or my reading. Will give it another pass.

Virtuoso- Enjoyed this. Wished I had time to read it before I knew who wrote it but then I will feel that about all the rest I read now. Loved the elements of a naked lady and music. That image of a beautiful woman all but dancing with music is one that I have always enjoyed. Lovely story.

Okay, my own two.

The Golden Ring - this was the first basket, the one I got just after midnight. Couldn't sleep after that so I had the basic story plotted out in about 40 minutes. How i wanted to use the various ingredients. Story wise it changed in the writing about three times. Was going to have him make it to the big time but get hurt. I wanted him to come full circle back to where he was at the beginning. Vehicle was my tough one till I got the idea he could be the one driving the show around.

Absolute Pitch- this was not the story I was going to write for this basket. I had a story about 2000 words in when I got told I was going out of town in a few days and they wanted me to work about 80 miles away up till then. No time so I took the story I was writing and put it into the works in progress file and started this one. With the music part I basically have to thank Scurries for a picture he posted on one of the contest pages, a lady tied to a piano top. That got me to thinking about pianos as a vibrating sex toy. Where I pulled Lucy and Schroeder from... hell if I know, it just popped into mind.

Of the two the Golden Ring was a fun one to write. The research into indie wrestling let me to a lot of fun to watch videos on U-tube. It also had 'Gangam Style' stuck in my head for a week.

Pitch? Well the energetic part was mostly me trying to get the blessed thing in on time, LOL.

Comments on my two are welcome be they good or bad. Here for the writing practice and the floor show.

MST

 

[sr71plt]

You haven't mentioned your other one, "Aboreal Amour," Slyc. I'll comment on that briefly. This opened for me as a promised favorite. Put me right into it and it wasn't run of the mill, was handling elements (location and animal) just so, so well, and the pacing and writing and technicals were great. And then I hit the introduction of an 18-year-old girl acting beyond her natural scope and in a role in which I believed a more mature and experienced woman would fit in beautifully--and, in great disappointment, I read no further. I hated her character treatment from the beginning of her intrusion into what I thought was a great setup. I rated it a 4 on the other elements (downgraded from a 5 on this one irritation, which I saw as ignoring the whole careful set up and mood to play the barely legal card) before I left though. Since I didn't continue reading, you may have played the ignorant element later and differently, but at that point I thought you were trying to play innocent as ignorant, and they ain't the same thing. I didn't see the humility element pop out in what I read. It probably came later.

Probably just me, but there it is. I would love to see a version where the woman is mature and experienced enough to just fall into the good sex story and leave the playing on the edge of underage to lesser-brain power readers--maybe have her leaving her deadbeat husband behind rather than her parents.

The ignorance part could have been played by her aversion, no matter her age, to everything involved in wide-open-space camping and the "change" of the story--in addition to her giving the deadbeat husband up for open, all-out sex--being the protagonist getting her to change her attitude on that by her gaining confidence in being able to cope with the wilds.

Ah, well.

 

[xelliebabex]

so much to say and never enough words...

The votes have all been assessed for the second Friendly Anonymous Writing Challenge, and the result is . . . .

Congratulations, MistressLynn!

Congratulations this was a beautiful story well told.

Really? I thought Virtuoso was not quite my 'style,' that is, if I have one.
xelliebabex and TxTallTales guessed mine correctly though, which was really interesting. I want to know what tipped them off!
With other guessers, I was thought to have written Spilling the Seed, An Extra Ticket, A Chance at Passion and An Inquiry. I must admit that this was extremely flattering as I felt all those stories were better than mine.

Yours was the only one I got correct aside of Lovecraft (who was all but named and shamed in this thread and TxTallTales who was outed in his comments section so in reality I only guess 1 correct, lol. It felt like you from what I knew of you aside of that it was just dumb luck because who I thought the other stories felt like was way off

As I said in the beginning mine was very obviously mine, though my editing is not usually so rushed and haphazard, shrugs. Only one person decided that Pilots coments about having written an Australian story may have been true and attributed it to him… sorry about that Pilot you must have been mortified. Hahaha.

Another discussion question I would be interested in would be what category you would have put your story in if it wasn't destined for Chain Stories. Did not having the choice free you not to worry about it or to write across category lines?
I would put mine in Mature--and I chose the category before anything else based on the challenge of doing it for a contest. And while writing it, I kept that category in mind as if I was submitting it to a contest in the Mature category--and challenging voters to take it on its own merits rather than what were the more popular categories for a contest.

Knowing that the stories were going into chain category I just wrote not really thinking about it. It was when I was done and submitted and I sat back to start editing it and considering where I would put it after the completion and my rewrite/edit I considered changing the female character to Australasian and putting it in interracial. (Stereotypical high achiever) and doing a bit more of a rewrite to make it work. I don’t really know though.

It actually occurred to me when I saw the author/story list that PennLady posted. Sorta threw me when I read what stories belonged to who. I didn't really care when I was reading, because I was sorta going with the "anonymous" aspect of the exercise.

But thinking back now after seeing the list, I thought it was interesting. Then I thought "what if Naoko or Willie had to write this category with some category specific basket? Or PennLady or Pilot or whoever else?" I wondered what kind of stories would turn out. It would be a good exercise for the writers to try their hands on different topics, and also to get a chance to feel out a crowd (readers) that they've never written for, gauge the reception so to speak.

The Cat could be chosen by all authors involved. Hopefully, seeing a bunch of FAWC stories clogged at the top of the "New Stories" listing wouldn't piss the readership off there. I mean, all that has changed is there are a lot more new stories written by unnamed authors.

Sorry, just my thoughts.

I can see how this would wildly disadvantage some authors and give the others a better chance if the category were something like incest or BDSM. There has been some joking about a Loving wives challenge and personally I would like to see how that went, if nothing out the comments would keep us all entertained for weeks.
Having said that I think a fetish category one would be good because anything can be a fetish if handled in the right way… Just putting it out there.

How long until we can pull our stories down? I plan to pull mine and do major re-work to it. I should have never entered it, it felt forced and weird and until the last minute I was considering pulling out of the contest. Any feedback is appreciated, and Congrats Lynn. You wrote a fine story indeed!

I will be doing the same thing Saxon_Hart. Though it was rushed and unready I am still glad I entered just for the fun of it It was a good writing exercise and I feel I know some of the authors just a little better.

great writing everyone