Everything Anal

[BeachBum69]

Question(s) about anal play

Hello everyone. I am a long time lurker and first time poster.

My question has to do with anal play for him and it's kind of embarassing. I get in and out of these phases of wanting to experiment with it and not wanting to. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years and are completely comfortable with each other. She has even let me roam around her behind and even insert a finger while having sex because she knows I love it and it usually finishes me up pretty quick (I naturally go for awhile and often she has to hurry me up because she begins to dry out before I am finished). Since we began doing this I have gotten a lot more curious about anal play, and even trying it on myself. A few months ago my girlfriend tried it on me but had just started when we finished. Talking about it later, she told me she really just didn't see the appeal of doing it to me. She didn't get anything out of it, and about a week ago, she made a joke about how all anal play was "kinda nasty if you think about what it's really there for.." I told her I didn't really mind and we had a lot of fun doing it.

Well, we had AMAZING relations this afternoon and I was so horny in the middle of it that I really wanted her to do it to me. I wasn't sure how to approach her about it so we didn't do anything about it, but now it's still lingering in my mind. I'm kind of embarassed to admit it now, but sometimes when we are having sex I just get so mellow and so horny laying with her that I just want to try it. I get in a mood of experimental anxiety where I am cool to try or do anything, but as soon as I 'finish', it's gone. I am wondering how I might go about asking her to try this (again)? Any and all advice appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Eilan]

First of all, welcome to posting! I'd say welcome to Lit, but you didn't register recently.

Talking about it later, she told me she really just didn't see the appeal of doing it to me. She didn't get anything out of it, and about a week ago, she made a joke about how all anal play was "kinda nasty if you think about what it's really there for.." I told her I didn't really mind and we had a lot of fun doing it.

It possible to overthink any aspect of sex.

I know that it can difficult to get over the "squick" factor associated with anal. However, I think your GF's approaching this with the wrong attitude. She needs to approach anal play with the mindset that what she's getting out of it is that she's bringing you extreme pleasure. Of course, this is easier said than done, since attitudes don't change overnight.

I get in a mood of experimental anxiety where I am cool to try or do anything, but as soon as I 'finish', it's gone.

I've heard a lot of men on Lit say that they feel this way about anal play, creampies, etc, so I don't think that what you're feeling is uncommmon.

I am wondering how I might go about asking her to try this (again)? Any and all advice appreciated. Thanks!

When you talked about this before, was it in a nonsexual setting? It's always possible that, in addition to thinking anal play is a litle bit gross, she's worried about hurting you or she's concerned that liking anal play makes you gay (NOT the case!). She's the only one who can let you know what she's feeling.

If you haven't already, the two of you might want to do some research on prostate stimulation and educate yourselves on why this feels so good for you.

That's about all I can think of for now. Perhaps other folks will chime in as well.

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm seconding Eilan's advice, and adding:

Your GF might be less grossed out by using a toy, like a vibe or butt plug on you. That's how we started exploring -- it was simply more comfortable before we'd read a lot. A condom and/or glove on her fingers might work as well, but I don't think it produces quite the same psychological comfort as toys.

Make sure any toy you get is anal-safe, sterilized easily, or you use a condom every time.

Also, are you two showering, including cleaning yourselves or eachother, beforehand? This also made us more comfortable.

 

[mxvampire]

i think you need to sit down and explain that anal isnt all gross it gives you allot of pleasure, could you try mixing it with somthing that will turn her on, double headded dildo kinda thing mabie, jus an idea

 

[Jesmine]

Well as far as i knw, some gals dnt like it at all, but u can make them to like it, but when it comes to your issue im little unclear whether you want to get ass fukd from your GF or you wanna screw her ass..?? hmmmm Well some gals really do love penitrating their guys asses, mianly those misstress type ones

There are soo many ANal focusd sites on the net, why dnt u get some tapes and watch it wit ur honey, she may get really excited and will agreee to try it out

 

[jshawk74]

My wife wasn't too keen on it either, so I started fingering myself when she went down on me.
When she saw how turned on it got me - not to mention how much more I cum - she started doing it too. Now we use a small dildo on me, but she only lets me finger her.

 

[Exciteher]

My wife wasn't too keen on it either, so I started fingering myself when she went down on me.
When she saw how turned on it got me - not to mention how much more I cum - she started doing it too. Now we use a small dildo on me, but she only lets me finger her.

BeachBum69, when you finger your g/f, is she doing it just to please you ... or does she too enjoy the way it feels? Have you talked to her about that? Seems that is where to start the discussion about all this. I honestly have never been with a woman that did not like at least a little anal touching etc, especially when she is getting close. And even though she may have been shy, and conflicted by the"yuk" factor, about admitting that at first, their body reaction tells the tale every time.

Along the lines of jshawk74's suggestion above, and taking into account your comments about how the experimental urge vanishes when you finish... have you ever tried stimulating your prostate... more or less right after you have your orgasm?

(When my partner ..or I ..do that, it brings my zest back pronto! lol! )

I am wondering how your g/f would react if you stimulated yourself, as jshawk74 suggests?

Or maybe with her holding your cock so she could feel it go from soft to hard... or holding you while she was the one stimulating you...or even while you were still in her, or was sucking you...just a thought.

 

[BeachBum69]

Thank you for all of the replies!

She is coming over later tonight and we are planning to have sex tonight, so I will bring it up again with her if the mood is right.

The last time we talked about it she mentioned that she would be willing to do, or at least try, anything that I would get pleasure from. The first time we talked about it was after we tried it and she said she didnt seem to get anything from it. The second time we only talked about it and that was when she said that "if you think about it.." but I know that I would surely say that about some things too, but opinions will change dramatically in the heat of sex.

I guess it's just a matter of trying and talking about it. It seems that shes open to trying it, at least.


and to the question above, when she lets me finger her behind, she says that she simply doesnt mind it. It doesn't really give her pleasure, but it doesn't really hurt, so it just kind of is what it is. She does say that some positions are better than others, though.

 

[DVS]

Anal sex isn't the same for everybody, and some just don't care for it at all. I'm in the group that LOVES it, so it's sometimes difficult to understand when others just don't care for it. But, it does happen.

If your gf doesn't care for anal in some way, it might be difficult to get her excited about it. And, it might even be bad to press the issue, too much. But, you could be going about it all the wrong way, too. How, you bring things up and when you do, that sometimes makes all the difference.

If she likes being stimulated in her ass, do it at the same time you are going down on her. Make sure you use a lot of some kind of lube. She could be turned off by the dryness and initial pain. No anal is that fun, unless you use a sufficient amount of lube. Then, watch how she reacts. If you do something and she seems to like it, stop doing that, then after a minute or so, do it, again. Kind of tease her with what she enjoys.

Don't rush it. Anything new can be fun, but if you rush it, that can also be a turn off. New things are difficult to understand and comprehend for some people. The new rush of feelings can be almost scary, if they aren't prepared.

If you can get her to enjoy anal stimulation, she might be more likely to reciprocate for you. Sometimes, just understanding what it feels like can the whole difference. If she's never really experienced anal as a pleasureable feeling for herself, she might not even understand what kind of pleasure she would be giving to you.

And, it is possible that even if she doesn't really enjoy it a lot, she might enjoy giving you what you enjoy. If you find she's not into anal stimulation for herself. it might be difficult to get her to do it to you. She might not think it's enjoyable for you, because it's not enjoyable for her.

But, understanding your partner's needs is critical to a relationship. If you need a certain kind of pleasure, she should know what you want. Explain to her how much you want it, and make sure she understands. But, don't rush it. Let her experiment with it. If she does something you like, make sure she knows. It's possible she will get into it, if she knows she is pleasing you.

And, make sure you ask her if there is something she enjoys that you aren't giving her. You know, if she is nice enough to give you a special pleasure you enjoy, it's only fair that you do the same for her.

And, don't just ask once and accept her answer. Ask again, later, and make sure she understands that you really want to please her, and if there is anything she might want to try, that is what you are there for. And, above all else, make sure you both have fun. After all, this is sex!

Oh, you might want to venture into my thread about anal sex. You never know...it could stimulate something good. The link is in my signature.