Esoteric positions - overrated?

[Levorotatory]

Okay, I'm going to bite and ask which you think require superskinniness or pornstar dick. For the record, my wife is a healthy BMI (me far less so) and my dick is, at best, adequate.

Standing, spooning and #6 on the list.

A standing woman's vagina is nearly vertical, so that makes it a very awkward position unless she is light enough for her partner to hold while she climbs on and wraps her legs around him, or she is standing on something so her pelvis is above his and he has a monster cock. Her bending over to be taken from behind does solve the problem, but that could be considered a variation of doggy.

In my experience (average dick, larger woman), PIV while spooning is not possible. Attempts at it led to #6, which was more successful but only marginally so and not particularly satisfying due to limited penetration depth.

Superskinny might be an exaggeration, but she should probably still be skinnier than the statistical average BMI of ~28 for those positions to work well.

 

[onehitwanda]

Yeah - they brought to mind Herodotus chronicling Hippogriffs.

"Too large, too eager, too spiky"

 

[TheRedChamber]

Standing, spooning and #6 on the list.

A standing woman's vagina is nearly vertical, so that makes it a very awkward position unless she is light enough for her partner to hold while she climbs on and wraps her legs around him, or she is standing on something so her pelvis is above his and he has a monster cock. Her bending over to be taken from behind does solve the problem, but that could be considered a variation of doggy.

In my experience (average dick, larger woman), PIV while spooning is not possible. Attempts at it led to #6, which was more successful but only marginally so and not particularly satisfying due to limited penetration depth.

Superskinny might be an exaggeration, but she should probably still be skinnier than the statistical average BMI of ~28 for those positions to work well.

Ah, okay.

I was thinking of 'standing doggy' basically as, yes, she has to be at least bending over a little for it to be possible and it's still hell on the guy's knees.

Spooning does make entry somewhat tricky if you're not perfectly aligned, but 'rubbing against the outside' can be made part of foreplay.

For Unnamed #6, I can see how a little extra padding might lift things up a little higher. With the right lady (my own), I would rank penetration as extremely satifying.

As a now long term monogomous guys, it funny how much I forget how much different partners shake things up.

 

[StillStunned]

Get on, get in, get out, get off.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Are you thinking girl-on-top is different from cowgirl?

More inclusive. To me, "cowgirl" means the lady is sitting upright, as if, well, riding a horse.

--Annie

 

[TheRedChamber]

More inclusive. To me, "cowgirl" means the lady is sitting upright, as if, well, riding a horse.

--Annie

I'd take cowgirl as the basic 'fun' name for most girl-on-top positions. A quick Google gives articles with upto 30 different girl on top positions, but if we're taking bread and butter positions what is there? Cowgirl and cowgirl but leaning forward slightly? My wife doesn't like being on top so maybe others have a more extensive rotation?

 

[M_K_Babalon]

More inclusive. To me, "cowgirl" means the lady is sitting upright, as if, well, riding a horse.

--Annie

So you meant basically reverse missionary? I've done that.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Standing, spooning and #6 on the list.

A standing woman's vagina is nearly vertical, so that makes it a very awkward position unless she is light enough for her partner to hold while she climbs on and wraps her legs around him, or she is standing on something so her pelvis is above his and he has a monster cock. Her bending over to be taken from behind does solve the problem, but that could be considered a variation of doggy.

In my experience (average dick, larger woman), PIV while spooning is not possible. Attempts at it led to #6, which was more successful but only marginally so and not particularly satisfying due to limited penetration depth.

Superskinny might be an exaggeration, but she should probably still be skinnier than the statistical average BMI of ~28 for those positions to work well.

Mines above average and it is hard with some larger women. I completely pulled it off with a real scrawny chick I hooked up with. With my typicals I've managed to get the tip in to some degree, or just rub the clit with it.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

I get that anatomy varies and what works for some doesn’t for others, but I think these recherché positions look like something made up by two guys playing with their Ken and Barbie dolls (or maybe Ken and Ken ).

I have the same opinion about sex acts that shows up in urban dictionary. I look at some of them and think “that’s got to be some dudes sitting around, smoking weed, and trying to come up with the most disgusting idea they can, then putting the stupidest name they can on it. Then the next guy trying to top it.” (e.g. Rocky Mountain Mudslide)

 

[EmilyMiller]

I have the same opinion about sex acts that shows up in urban dictionary. I look at some of them and think “that’s got to be some dudes sitting around, smoking weed, and trying to come up with the most disgusting idea they can, then putting the stupidest name they can on it. Then the next guy trying to top it.” (e.g. Rocky Mountain Mudslide)

Yeah - adult Beavis and Butthead

 

[Statius]

Yeah - adult Beavis and Butthead

You leave the great Cornholio put of this!

 

[Statius]

*out

 

[ChloeTzang]

I've never broken anything while having sex. Although the wife and I were play-wrestling and my butt went through the plaster in the wall. We were fully-clothed at the time, so it doesn't quite count!

I have been an enthusiastic participant in breaking or otherwise damaging (starts counting)

- breaking two beds (note to self: before screaming "harder...harder" check structural robustness of bed - the first was mine and we only managed to fix it about half an hour before my mom got home: nd not to self: make sure boyfriend has read Hemingway before asking "did the earth move for you too?" 1 out of 2 got it LOL)
- kicking holes in the roof of my boyfriends dad's truck (made note to self - take stilletos off next time)
- puncturing a waterbed (those darn stilletos - but we were in a hurry)
- bursting an air mattress while camping while doing the obvious LOL - I was okay, I slept on him. He had a cold night tho LOL.
- breaking the shower door - well, it broke after it fell and hit the counter but that didn't slow us down at the time LOL - I told my mom I slipped and fell on it.
- breaking the drywall in my then boyfriend's bedroom - they just build stuff so flimsily these days - anyhow, it was my boyfriend that broke it - I just happened to be in between the drywall and him LOL
- passionate sex at your boyfriends on the dining table half way thru dinner is not conducive to the survival in one piece of plates and other fragile things. Ask me how I know......
- the hood of my boyfriend's car (it was only a dent and that was his fault - "Harder" was NOT a command, merely a request) and also damaging the wipers (you have to hang on to something)

- Oh, and breaking my then boyfriend's balls. He wanted to try doggy and I'd never so he showed me how and we started and things were going well when I looked over my shoulder and said....
"What do I do next?"
"Bark?"
Chloe disengages and kicks boyfriend in balls......
"Owwwwww...owwww owww owwwwww."
Boyfriend has damaged balls
Kissing better does not work. Chloe has been doing taekwondo for years. Recovery period is extended.....LOL
Boyfriend did not make silly jokes again

 

[WittyUserName]

I have been an enthusiastic participant in breaking or otherwise damaging (starts counting)

- breaking two beds (note to self: before screaming "harder...harder" check structural robustness of bed - the first was mine and we only managed to fix it about half an hour before my mom got home: nd not to self: make sure boyfriend has read Hemingway before asking "did the earth move for you too?" 1 out of 2 got it LOL)
- kicking holes in the roof of my boyfriends dad's truck (made note to self - take stilletos off next time)
- puncturing a waterbed (those darn stilletos)
- bursting an air mattress while camping while doing the obvious LOL - I was okay, I slept on him. He had a cold night tho LOL.
- breaking the shower door - well, it broke after it fell and hit the counter but that didn't slow us down at the time LOL - I told my mom I slipped and fell on it.
- breaking the drywall in my then boyfriend's bedroom - they just build stuff so flimsily these days - anyhow, it was my boyfriend that broke it - I just happened to be in between the drywall and him LOL
- passionate sex at your boyfriends on the dining table half way thru dinner is not conducive to the survival in one piece of plates and other fragile things. Ask me how I know......
- the hood of my boyfriend's car (it was only a dent and that was his fault - "Harder" was NOT a command, merely a request) and also damaging the wipers (you have to hang on to something)

Ask any man; "Harder" is not merely a request. It is a demand AND a challenge.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I have been an enthusiastic participant in breaking or otherwise damaging (starts counting)

- breaking two beds (note to self: before screaming "harder...harder" check structural robustness of bed - the first was mine and we only managed to fix it about half an hour before my mom got home: nd not to self: make sure boyfriend has read Hemingway before asking "did the earth move for you too?" 1 out of 2 got it LOL)
- kicking holes in the roof of my boyfriends dad's truck (made note to self - take stilletos off next time)
- puncturing a waterbed (those darn stilletos - but we were in a hurry)
- bursting an air mattress while camping while doing the obvious LOL - I was okay, I slept on him. He had a cold night tho LOL.
- breaking the shower door - well, it broke after it fell and hit the counter but that didn't slow us down at the time LOL - I told my mom I slipped and fell on it.
- breaking the drywall in my then boyfriend's bedroom - they just build stuff so flimsily these days - anyhow, it was my boyfriend that broke it - I just happened to be in between the drywall and him LOL
- passionate sex at your boyfriends on the dining table half way thru dinner is not conducive to the survival in one piece of plates and other fragile things. Ask me how I know......
- the hood of my boyfriend's car (it was only a dent and that was his fault - "Harder" was NOT a command, merely a request) and also damaging the wipers (you have to hang on to something)

- Oh, and breaking my then boyfriend's balls. He wanted to try doggy and I'd never so he showed me how and we started and things were going well when I looked over my shoulder and said....
"What do I do next?"
"Bark?"
Chloe disengages and kicks boyfriend in balls......
"Owwwwww...owwww owww owwwwww."
Boyfriend has damaged balls
Kissing better does not work. Chloe has been doing taekwondo for years. Recovery period is extended.....LOL
Boyfriend did not make silly jokes again

I don’t think I’ve broken a thing - I’m in awe of you

 

[StillStunned]

Ask any man; "Harder" is not merely a request. It is a demand AND a challenge.

I used to know a guy who boasted that his girlfriend kept begging, "Deeper, deeper!" Until I pointed out the obvious.

 

[WittyUserName]

I used to know a guy who boasted that his girlfriend kept begging, "Deeper, deeper!" Until I pointed out the obvious.

Reminds me of the old joke: "If I could, I would! You don't hear me yelling 'Tighter, tighter!'"

 

[Trionyx]

Videos generally have to put people in positions where the camera can see the genitals, and ideally at least one face. The most common, most popular positions for actual sex (e. g. missionary) aren't conducive.

Another thing that the camera crew has to consider with porn filming is what to do with the spiked heels.
Now who in their right mind would strip down to everything but the CFM’s for a roll in the hay?

 

[StillStunned]

Another thing that the camera crew has to consider with porn filming is what to do with the spiked heels.
Now who in their right mind would strip down to everything but the CFM’s for a roll in the hay?

Not relevant to haystacks per se, but I've heard that heels are good for extra traction. As long as you don't care about the mattress.

(Also: is it my imagination or was there a movie where the woman takes off her shoe and jams the heel through the man's head?)

 

[crookedletter]

(Also: is it my imagination or was there a movie where the woman takes off her shoe and jams the heel through the man's head?)

That conjures a very clear image in my mind, but I can't think of what movie that would be. Which is I guess to say, if it's your imagination it's mine too.

 

[Nynah]

(Also: is it my imagination or was there a movie where the woman takes off her shoe and jams the heel through the man's head?)

You're probably thinking of Single White Female; the main character murders a man by swinging her shoe through heel first through his eye.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

You're probably thinking of Single White Female; the main character murders a man by swinging her shoe through heel first through his eye.

Ah, I remember that one. It had some femdom vibes. It's always great to find those moments in mainstream movies.

 

[kreemi_pi]

I keep getting schematics of different positions appearing in my BlueSky feed. I’d post an example here, but that would breach the new image rules.

But they are all kinda bizarre and nothing that I’ve ever tried, or frankly want to. Some look downright uncomfortable for both parties. And the names? ‘Hammer of Thor,’ really?

I get that anatomy varies and what works for some doesn’t for others, but I think these recherché positions look like something made up by two guys playing with their Ken and Barbie dolls (or maybe Ken and Ken ).

Well if you wanna experiment I'll Barbie up for you

 

[ChloeTzang]

Another thing that the camera crew has to consider with porn filming is what to do with the spiked heels.
Now who in their right mind would strip down to everything but the CFM’s for a roll in the hay?

Cough cough. How about a roll on a waterbed. THere's a reason they have those waterproof liners.

Not relevant to haystacks per se, but I've heard that heels are good for extra traction. As long as you don't care about the mattress.

I will vouch for that. I can also say that trampolines look fascinating the next morning.....when you wonder out loud who could possibly have done such a thing after practicing that innocent look in the mirror....

And of course I will not say what heels will do to that lovely smooth green around the hole on a golf course except that it can look like a visitation from a Robert E Howard short story ...."It was the worms of the earth, I tell you....the worms of the earth...."

I had a misspent youth

(Also: is it my imagination or was there a movie where the woman takes off her shoe and jams the heel through the man's head?)

I have practiced taekwondo kicks with stilletos. Keeping your balance while kicking is the hardest and staying mobile in heels is really hard, but you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end if they connect.

If you take your shoe off, that takes time, and it's to easy to block and it doesn't have too much force behind it - unless he's asleep of course.

In a bar, you'd just stomp your heel thru his foot, abandon your shoes and run like fuck while screaming that he's a wannabe rapist who drugged your drink....you'rr away and he's never making it outta there and if he does you were in the wrong sort of bar anyhow so you better have backup plans. And your shoes better come off easily too so you can run after the stomp

 

[Levorotatory]

This is just further reinforcing my belief that heels are evil. If they aren't ruining the wearers feet, they are destroying things or being used as weapons.