Esoteric positions - overrated?

[EmilyMiller]

I keep getting schematics of different positions appearing in my BlueSky feed. I’d post an example here, but that would breach the new image rules.

But they are all kinda bizarre and nothing that I’ve ever tried, or frankly want to. Some look downright uncomfortable for both parties. And the names? ‘Hammer of Thor,’ really?

I get that anatomy varies and what works for some doesn’t for others, but I think these recherché positions look like something made up by two guys playing with their Ken and Barbie dolls (or maybe Ken and Ken ).

 

[MrPixel]

Who gives an F about the exact position? As long as it's fun, comfortable, and adds to the play, or serves a bizarre sense of humor. OTOH, some positions are simply to brag to (knowing) friends, "We did [X]! We dare you to try it!"

Hanging from monkey bars comes to mind.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Who gives an F about the exact position? As long as it's fun, comfortable, and adds to the play, or serves a bizarre sense of humor. OTOH, some positions are simply to brag to (knowing) friends, "We did [X]! We dare you to try it!"

Hanging from monkey bars comes to mind.

Yeah - they brought to mind Herodotus chronicling Hippogriffs.

 

[GuiltyCowboy]

Yes, if indeed they survived, I would like to hear from anyone who has attempted the 'Viennese oyster'.

(Also, having spent some time in Vienna and seen just how few vegetables and how much cake and schnitzel they eat, there's no way the locals there are limber enough for it.)

 

[MrPixel]

Yes, if indeed they survived, I would like to hear from anyone who has attempted the 'Viennese oyster'.

[Also, having spent some time in Vienna and seen just how few vegetables and much cake and schnitzel they eat, there's no way the locals there are limber enough for it.]

There's a certain online exhibitionist who calls herself "Vienna" who would take issue with that. Quite the bod, over many years. Resembles a professional acquaintance I knew a long while ago that I understand moved overseas. Could it be...?

 

[Pabiporffor]

There's only 4 sex positions.

Don't stick your fingers up my nose in the middle of missionary and call it the angry walrus.

 

[StrangeLife]

‘Hammer of Thor’

That was my nickname back in high school.


(Ok, not really. But it should have been )

 

[TheRedLantern]

The idea that these things have names and are documented with images makes me think of those really old kung fu movies. "I see you have mastered the Hammer of Thor, but let's see how you deal with my Viennese Oyster!"

 

[TheWritingGroup]

A lot of internet weirdness about positions is caused by guys confusing porn with life.

Videos generally have to put people in positions where the camera can see the genitals, and ideally at least one face. The most common, most popular positions for actual sex (e. g. missionary) aren't conducive.

--Annie

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

The idea that these things have names and are documented with images makes me think of those really old kung fu movies. "I see you have mastered the Hammer of Thor, but let's see how you deal with my Viennese Oyster!"

PLOT BUNNY!!!

 

[dirk2024]

I keep getting schematics of different positions appearing in my BlueSky feed. I’d post an example here, but that would breach the new image rules.

But they are all kinda bizarre and nothing that I’ve ever tried, or frankly want to. Some look downright uncomfortable for both parties. And the names? ‘Hammer of Thor,’ really?

I get that anatomy varies and what works for some doesn’t for others, but I think these recherché positions look like something made up by two guys playing with their Ken and Barbie dolls (or maybe Ken and Ken ).

I suppose regular porn viewers get bored with the same ol' same ol'. So new, creative positions make porn viewing fresh for them. But I can't help but think, "ow, my back!" when I see most of them.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

People always come up with the weirdest of shit. I've just seen a story on AO3 with the tag ear penetration. How's that for a position?

 

[EmilyMiller]

The idea that these things have names and are documented with images makes me think of those really old kung fu movies. "I see you have mastered the Hammer of Thor, but let's see how you deal with my Viennese Oyster!"

Yeah - exactly.

 

[EmilyMiller]

The most common, most popular positions for actual sex (e. g. missionary) aren't conducive.

Missionary is awesome, all time fave for hetero.

 

[EmilyMiller]

“ow, my back!" when I see most of them.

Some look like a chiropractor invented them.

 

[alohadave]

Missionary is awesome, all time fave for hetero.

The way you can hold your lover, look them in the eyes and drip sweat right on their face.

 

[EmilyMiller]

So here is the Hammer of Thor (link only) and I’m like, my vertebrae would herniate.

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumb...34byff5uq6jftxqnuyjnvq6k6xj76qk4wofvv2ye@jpeg

I mean when I was more flexible missionary / pretzel style was kinda fun, but this ?

 

[EmilyMiller]

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_fulls...yxagdzwd3i7vrg7ys6q6c3ycnpfp3qadihtmwcai@jpeg

Why? Just why?

 

[MillieDynamite]

Possible cramping and dislocation of things is possible in all of these!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Unless you were going to have a DP (another porn-only IMO) then what’s the point of this?

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_fulls...iujaqen6dln6hocbanhwizfq6tp5eyqkhaj5mqp4@jpeg

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

So here is the Hammer of Thor (link only) and I’m like, my vertebrae would herniate.

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumb...34byff5uq6jftxqnuyjnvq6k6xj76qk4wofvv2ye@jpeg

I mean when I was more flexible missionary / pretzel style was kinda fun, but this ?

What's the point of having a eunuch fold you in half and sit on your butt?

 

[MillieDynamite]

Off the top of my head, giving one person a dislocated back and the other busted knees when it went out.

Unless you were going to have a DP (another porn-only IMO) then what’s the point of this?

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_fulls...iujaqen6dln6hocbanhwizfq6tp5eyqkhaj5mqp4@jpeg

 

[Rob_Royale]

I've written my stories with the usual suspects. Missionary, cowgirl, doggie, and plank. Occasionally 69 and spooning just for the sake of variety. Since most real people do the same, it's easy for the reader to put themselves in the scene. No need to get the kamasutra off the shelf to write entertaining erotica.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I've written my stories with the usual suspects. Missionary, cowgirl, doggie, and plank. Occasionally 69 and spooning just for the sake of variety. Since most real people do the same, it's easy for the reader to put themselves in the scene. No need to get the kamasutra off the shelf to write entertaining erotica.

Agree totally. Reverse cowgirl as well though.

 

[TheRedChamber]

There's only 4 sex positions.

1. Missionary
2. Cowgirl
3. Doggie
4. Standing
5. Spooning
6. The one which I don't know the name of but involves us pendicular, him.lying on his side and pusing down into her and her with a leg over his thigh. My wife and I do this all the time.

I agree with there not being that many and some being ridiculous. I'm interested how many positions there actually are and how many variations. Do real people actually regularly do reverse cowgirl, for example, and does it count seperate from regular?