Entering the BDSM world

[honeycolored11]

For those who are in the scene, when you first entered were you involved with someone or did ya'll work-up the courage and take the plunge alone? Or, if you were involved did you do a bunch of research alone and then told your partner? Going to a munch alone or something similar, like a support group meeting seems a wee bit, tad bit scary. Cheers.

 

[CutieMouse]

I started by accepting my quirks as falling under the umbrella term of BDSM; then I started talking to a few close friends; then wandering sites like Lit; then reading/studying (not erotica). I went to a couple of munches (alone) when I lived in a own where they had a local scene, and spent a weekend at a Leatherfest conference. Most of my growth/acceptance/what have you, has occured through a mentor-like relationship with someone very close to me. I'm not tied to the area I live in now, so when I decide to relocate, I'll probably make sure there is an active local community, so I can attend meetings/classes//munches/workshops.

 

[myinnerslut]

i was going out with my Sir for over six months before i brought up the topic of BDSM

 

[Kailey_86]

I am doing a TON of research first. I will find my Dom eventually.

 

[His_pita]

My Dom and I were new to the lifestyle and are having a blast learning it all together.

 

[Etoile]

My Daddy initiated me, actually. I don't know how long e has been involved in BDSM...long before me. We started dating when I was 19, but e had tied me up and we had done performance scenes at parties for friends prior to that. I originally thought it was just fun, but when we started dating I realized how much I felt at home under eir control.

 

[Emes]

I have always known that i wanted something more than 'vanilla' sex, but it wasnt until i found lit that i realised what it was. I read the BDSM stories and realised that was what was missing from my life. My marriage then broke up (for a lot of reasons) and i got chatting, through the boards, to the man who is now my Master. He has been in the lifestyle for a bit, having had a couple of subs before me. I am now the happiest i have ever been......

 

[dexwebster]

I walked into the first Black Rose TNG (The Next Generation, for 18-35) meeting of the year back in January completely alone, and eight people later I met a goofy guy in a grey fedora and a shirt the color of a traffic cone. We went to a play party three weeks later, and were more or less inseperable by March.

So I while I went into the scene alone, I didn't really spend any time alone in the scene.

 

[honeycolored11]

Thanks

The advice is helpful. I suppose everyone has been in a similar situation.

 

[LunarKitten]

For those who are in the scene, when you first entered were you involved with someone or did ya'll work-up the courage and take the plunge alone? Or, if you were involved did you do a bunch of research alone and then told your partner? Going to a munch alone or something similar, like a support group meeting seems a wee bit, tad bit scary. Cheers.

I sort of jumped in alone. I had been posting on the internet for a long time before someone from the local group talked me into attending a workshop - he ended up being my guardian angel and making sure I didn't do anything totally stupid and dangerous until I met my Master.

Maybe if the groups have a yahoo group you could post to that and make some contacts, that way you would sort of know some of the people there and one of them could meet you at the door so you wouldn't have to walk in my yourself the first time.

 

[DomRick]

I came into this solo after my last divorce. Knowing my whole life something was different about me, but not being able to place a finger on it. Lots of research (Google is your friend) and a few munches in San Diego led to a better understanding of who I was and what I wanted to be/do. It's all good, no matter how you discover, learn, grow and play as long as it's safe at the end of the day.

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

Hi, I was always into bondage, loved tying my partners up, if they were into it to, or for me to be tied. I believe in equal opportunity. I think I got into the knots and rope when I was around 20. For years I stayed at that level. Never needed more because bondage was erotic for me. Not painful, tight restriction, it was having my partner, or me, unable to move while the person had their way. Loved it. A few years back, a new partner and I started to talk about going a few extra steps. We got into role playing, taking turns at D/s, yet always, it was more the erotica, the preparation of the weekend, and the excitement that was the main component. Giving yourself over to the person, and without the restraints, we became willing partners in the D/s relationship. An interesting, pleasurable experience; however, my partner and I split up and since then I've gone back to my ropes and knots. I'm not saying that I don't miss the submission or the freedom associated with being a Dom/Domme, it was a real turn on to have both of us able to give and recieve, uninhibited. To have a person submit to every whim you to want to have done to you or want to see (which both of you had discussed before hand).

My new partner has never tried any of the pleasures and sensuality of bondage, let alone a mild form of D/s. We are taking baby steps. I still haven't tied up my new love, but I have held down their hands with mine while making love. Have asked my SO to keep hands out at shoulder length, not moving them, while sliding silk scarves over my SO's body, and sprinkling talc from very high up, followed with feathers over the body. So far, my SO is feeling very comfortable and I'm looking forward to the next step.... gently, binding the hands.
Cheers,
Dread.

 

[stlpenguin]

freedom in slavery

I've been a submissive from the start. I always knew that. But until recently, I haven't ever been SUBMISSIVE. Mostly, it's just been letting the women in my life (and now my wife) take charge. I would tell them, "however you want it, honey." I got off knowing that they were getting just what they wanted.

However, as I matured sexually, and explored my various kinks and turn-ons, I was finding I very much liked many of the aspects of the Dom/Sub relationship - my only problem was that my wife of 2 years now is a self-professed Sub.

She and I were having a heart-to-heart as we drove around the other day, and the discussion eventually led to such things that went on in the bedroom - I had just bought her her first real dildo, and she loved it. She began asking what it was that I was into, since I had always been so shy and quiet about my own desires. So, I took a deep breath (fully expecting her to recoil - I admittedly have self-esteme issues when it comes to this sort of thing) and explained EVERYTHING to her in intimate detail. By the end of the discussion, she was giving ME ideas on how to take it further. We stopped at a few stores on our way home that evening, with a paddle, tickler, leather wrist restraints, and a few other items, and played with them as soon as we got home.

As it turns out, my wife is a switch, not a sub. She can be either as the situation dictates, and so she's my Mistress now. I'm very excited for where this will lead in the future... we'll see. I'm not as into the slavery aspect as I am just the submissive. I don't really wish for her to humiliate or beat me, and she doesn't wish to do these things either. But I think we will have a great time. Hopefully this was what was missing in our marriage and will help us grow together. I feel so relieved to have told her all this, and have her accept it so enthusiastically. It's a big weight off my chest.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hi, I was always into bondage, loved tying my partners up, if they were into it to, or for me to be tied. I believe in equal opportunity...

Cheers,
Dread.

[hijack]

You must must must stick around, and post often. Anyone with that nick, and that tag line, has got to be pleasant company.

[/hijack]

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

[hijack]

You must must must stick around, and post often. Anyone with that nick, and that tag line, has got to be pleasant company.

[/hijack]

Thank you Mouse, I think I just might.
*bows deeply*
Dread.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I was introduced to the BDSM scene by a friend who saw the inner Dom in me and took a chance about revealing her "dark side" to me. We met face-to-face in Atlanta with several other kinksters, we went to The Sanctuary of a Dark Angel, and when I walked in the door there, I felt like I had "come home".

I felt like I had found the family I was looking for all of my life.

The realtime introduction to the Scene took place in 1998, and I've been actively attending dungeons, groups, and events ever since.

 

[LunarKitten]

I was introduced to the BDSM scene by a friend who saw the inner Dom in me and took a chance about revealing her "dark side" to me. We met face-to-face in Atlanta with several other kinksters, we went to The Sanctuary of a Dark Angel, and when I walked in the door there, I felt like I had "come home".

I felt like I had found the family I was looking for all of my life.

The realtime introduction to the Scene took place in 1998, and I've been actively attending dungeons, groups, and events ever since.

I miss the Santuary

*slight hijack* I hear Doug isn't doing too well these days. After lossing boy bob several years ago, I hear he had either a stroke or heart attack and is now living with his sister, who is a nurse, because he can't take care of himself any longer

 

[callinectes]

[hijack]

You must must must stick around, and post often. Anyone with that nick, and that tag line, has got to be pleasant company.

[/hijack]

I second CutieMouse's hijack. Clever name from one of my favorite movies!

To answer the OP..it has been a gradual awakening for me. I always liked when my partners were assertive, I knew BDSM existed but like a lot of vanilla folks I didn't have an understanding of what it really was and had no resources to research it. The internet opened this world to me and I read, read, read.. everything I could about it. I haven't attended any munches, I would never have the nerve to go one alone.

I finally placed an ad on a website and met my Dom. (we have R/T meetings) He is very experienced, yet patient with my lack of knowledge and is bringing me along slowly. He is a wonderful man and we are friends. We will never have a serious relationship but we do fulfill each other's needs right now. Oddly, I have found it easier to open up to him than those I have been romantically involved with, perhaps because I know my heart isn't on the line. I do know that any serious relationships I have in the future will have to include an element of D/s and BDSM.

 

[Xelebes]

the "scene" is not working for me. I'll just go with what works: hitting on girls you know or think might be interested in joining you.

Really, there isn't much of a world to explore. It's all just a bunch of kinks and fetishes being explored, with some possible roleplay to create the illusion of a whole world to explore.

 

[sexychik69]

I first realized I was interested in BDSM long after I realized that I enjoyed being rewarded for a job well done (I was such a teacher's pet in school) and after I put two and two together that I always had these rape fantasies and fantasies about rough sex, me being the one stuck and being forced to accept anything forced upon me. I think it was when I came across the Lit stories a few years back that I actually put a name to my desires, which was S&M, and later branched out into most of the entirety of the BDSM world.

I came at it alone, but learned a lot while I was with the first man I had sex with, we did a little play and such, but it wasn't until later when I started reading more stories, talking to more people, and having actual Doms online that I centered my place in the BDSM realm. Still going at it pretty much alone, I probably will from now on - my fantasies are still going to be filled with all sorts of kinkly play though! Since I don't live in a very populated area, there aren't any local scenes that I know of, the closest one is a few hours away and there just aren't enough hours in the day to dedicate myself to going quite yet in my life. Hopefully I will soon though.

The best thing though I think you can do is just research, read different stories (not necessarily from Lit) to see what sorts of things you like more than others, and visit some websites - most are free to join and they have a lot of info and people that you can talk to. We're all pretty welcoming to new people, so I know you will make many friends in your room of discovery.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I miss the Santuary

*slight hijack* I hear Doug isn't doing too well these days. After lossing boy bob several years ago, I hear he had either a stroke or heart attack and is now living with his sister, who is a nurse, because he can't take care of himself any longer

That's correct. Master Doug had a heart attack and a stroke about a week or so ago. I've been praying for him daily. And as nice as 1763 is, I still miss the energy and atmosphere of The Sanctuary. It was like the center of my BDSM world disappeared when Master Doug had to close it's doors. It was a magical time, a magical place, with special people that still mean the world to me.

Rebecca's a fan of boy bob's writings, and it's nice to discover another member of the extended Sanctuary family here!

 

[Netzach]

I was in a vanilla relationship and was jumping ship the slow painful way rather than just jumping ship and getting it over with. I'm still grateful to my vanilla SO for having the balls to end it.


I developed a core group of about 5 or 6 intimates and playmates who I knew I'd be playing with at the next party or whatnot. I had a couple of lovers, but no one I wanted to spend more than one night at a time in my little sanctuary of a studio apartment.

I drifted in and out of the scene. More running with my little crowd, going with them to some of the more below-radar parties. And then one night they went to the main munch (ugghgghhh the main munch) to give out some flyers and I said ok I'll go and went to the main munch for the first time in 3 years.

There was a very handsome guy there with pretty white skin and coal black hair and these lovely eyes, and nice threads. Wow. We talked about liking the Pixies, living in Chicago, both studying different creative stuff (me sculpture, him animation.)

I thought he was a nice, but straight, probably a young Dom guy but we traded phone numbers.

We've been married a year, together for 4. And he's not a Dom or straight, thank God.

 

[hermitage]

Has anyone seen ancient BDSM-related paintings or frescoes? The erotic art has been around for eons, but this type of fun seems to be missing from the records. Where can I learn about the origins of BDSM?