... encourage new things

[SlowGuy]

Having a porn video that "happens" to depict one of the things your interested in can be a good gauge of the other person's interest. And it can be a good way of breaking the ice. Unfortunately, most videos boxes aren't too informative. Of course, "Midgets on the Farm, Vol. 7," may be too informative.

Also, while in a long-distance relationship, I got two copies of "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. I kept one and gave the other to my GF. We'd read passages to each other over the phone. I had a pair of dice I used to pick random pages. The rule was you had to read the fantasy that started closest to that page. She'd just riffle through to a random page. We started off reading our own selections, but later switched.

Obviously, the "randomness" depended on the agenda of the person on the other end. If she frequently selects men in uniform stories, well that's informative.

We'd use ones we liked to segue into some role-playing phone sex. It was a good way to drop hints without going out on a limb.

Just a thought.

-- Slo

 

[Zergplex]

Having a porn video that "happens" to depict one of the things your interested in can be a good gauge of the other person's interest. And it can be a good way of breaking the ice. Unfortunately, most videos boxes aren't too informative. Of course, "Midgets on the Farm, Vol. 7," may be too informative.

Also, while in a long-distance relationship, I got two copies of "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. I kept one and gave the other to my GF. We'd read passages to each other over the phone. I had a pair of dice I used to pick random pages. The rule was you had to read the fantasy that started closest to that page. She'd just riffle through to a random page. We started off reading our own selections, but later switched.

Obviously, the "randomness" depended on the agenda of the person on the other end. If she frequently selects men in uniform stories, well that's informative.

We'd use ones we liked to segue into some role-playing phone sex. It was a good way to drop hints without going out on a limb.

Just a thought.

-- Slo

I liked the idea of using My Secret Garden. I'll have to remember that one...

-Zergplex

 

[herecomestherain]

Nancy Friday Fan Club Alert

Nancy Friday...three loud enthusiastic cheers for the liberator of women's fantasies. An icon! Slowguy what a gorgeous thing to do. I've got to confess I often wondered if my husband would ever notice how Nancys' books would always fall open at the same place. Her 1991 book "Women On Top- How real life has changed women's sexual fantasies" is a must have for anyone interested in just how inventive a woman's mind can be when it comes to sex. Her "Men in Love" is great too. The beauty of her books besides being amazingly hot reads, is that they let you see that no matter how unusual your fantasies are, someone always has one just that little "weirder" than yours! All very reassuring. Oh and there's lots of great new ideas to try as well.

 

[SlowGuy]

Re: Nancy Friday Fan Club Alert

Nancy Friday...three loud enthusiastic cheers for the liberator of women's fantasies. An icon! Slowguy what a gorgeous thing to do. I've got to confess I often wondered if my husband would ever notice how Nancys' books would always fall open at the same place.

You might consider a highlighter if your guy is as slow as most.

For a guy's favorites, you have to look for the pages that won't come apart.

Her "Men in Love" is great too. The beauty of her books besides being amazingly hot reads, is that they let you see that no matter how unusual your fantasies are, someone always has one just that little "weirder" than yours! All very reassuring. Oh and there's lots of great new ideas to try as well.

I'll have to thumb through MIL, but I've always found female fantasies more alluring. Guess I've always had full access to all the male fantasies that interested me.

Some of the ladies fantasies are pretty far out there.

I remember reading a perfectly boring business article about some non-descript executive, but they dropped the fact that he was married to Nancy Friday. Lucky stiff!

-- Slo

 

[Zergplex]

Re: Re: Nancy Friday Fan Club Alert

You might consider a highlighter if your guy is as slow as most.

For a guy's favorites, you have to look for the pages that won't come apart.



I'll have to thumb through MIL, but I've always found female fantasies more alluring. Guess I've always had full access to all the male fantasies that interested me.

Some of the ladies fantasies are pretty far out there.

I remember reading a perfectly boring business article about some non-descript executive, but they dropped the fact that he was married to Nancy Friday. Lucky stiff!

-- Slo

I wonder if she tests out her new book ideas on him ^_~ hehehe...

-Zergplex

 

[SlowGuy]

Re: Re: Re: Nancy Friday Fan Club Alert

I wonder if she tests out her new book ideas on him ^_~ hehehe...

-Zergplex

You mean like her puffing into an envelope and pulling out a reader's fantasy. She unfolds it and reads it to him. She finishes and says, "Honey, do you think that one's too graphic?"

I need a private moment...

-- Slo

 

[CelticFrog]

I think one thing I'm going to work on (especially now that I have the laptop) is writing out more of my fantasies as stories. Instead of sitting uncomfortably at the computer and being unable to type for very long OR having to write slowly by hand so that I lose the last half of a page before I've even put it on paper... I can lounge on the couch and write. YESSSS!

So now, I'm going to do more of that writing, I'm going to take as many of these suggestions as possible (but keep 'em coming, I always want more) and do my damndest to figure out how I want to present them to him. Maybe rolled up like a scroll... or bound in one of those report binder things?

I guess the first step is the writing.

I'll keep y'all updated!

Ang

 

[SlowGuy]

I think one thing I'm going to work on (especially now that I have the laptop) is writing out more of my fantasies as stories. Instead of sitting uncomfortably at the computer and being unable to type for very long OR having to write slowly by hand so that I lose the last half of a page before I've even put it on paper... I can lounge on the couch and write. YESSSS!

So now, I'm going to do more of that writing, I'm going to take as many of these suggestions as possible (but keep 'em coming, I always want more) and do my damndest to figure out how I want to present them to him. Maybe rolled up like a scroll... or bound in one of those report binder things?

A scroll would be nice, printed on parchment -- very classy. Unless it's a schoolgirl story, a binder seems a little formal.

How about emailing it to him in sections? One every hour through the work day, stopping just before the climax, so to speak. You can tape the last part to the bedroom door.

Are you going to submit them to Lit so we can all see exactly what floats your boat?

-- Slo

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

A scroll would be nice, printed on parchment -- very classy. Unless it's a schoolgirl story, a binder seems a little formal.

How about emailing it to him in sections? One every hour through the work day, stopping just before the climax, so to speak. You can tape the last part to the bedroom door.

Are you going to submit them to Lit so we can all see exactly what floats your boat?

-- Slo

I would personally love to read what goes through your head as you fantasize ^_~ it would be interesting.

-Zergplex

 

[CelticFrog]

I will likely post them when they're done and he's read them.

I can't email them to him at work (or call him and say anything like that) because big brother is watching.

My first goal is to actually find a way to type up some fantasies without deleting the story before it's finished.

Ang

 

[sheath]

I will likely post them when they're done and he's read them.

I can't email them to him at work (or call him and say anything like that) because big brother is watching.

My first goal is to actually find a way to type up some fantasies without deleting the story before it's finished.

Ang

Are we talking about deleting them because you suddenly get nervous about them?

If so, I can remedy that problem. Instead of hitting delete? Paste it in an email and send it to your best buddy. (That would be ME.) Then, when you are ready to try finishing them, someone out there has them, all ready to send back to you.

It would work.

S.

 

[CelticFrog]

LOL

it will work. And I will do it.

Thanks, hon.

Ang

 

[JRaven]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hit the nail on the head...

Sorry I haven't answered sooner.

Originally posted by CelticFrog
JRaven -- is this a board game? One that can be concocted with two decks of playing cards? I'm mildly confused but intrigued.

Ang

No, it's not a board game. The decks come pre-printed, one for him, one for her. There is a scoreboard like a cribbage board with pegs that you move.

 

[NaiveOne]

Ang--

I'm so glad that you've started to write sroties about your fantasies! I think that will really help you be comfortable with them, and hopefully your man.

I just want to remind you that this could be a very long process! Not something that will change drastically given your history of not being able to talk about sex. It's okay, I couldn't either with my guy. Geez! He got freaked when I kneeled in front of him for a sexy blowjob, instead of the normal on the bed thing. And I was too nervous to ask why.

So, baby steps hun!

Maybe give yourself a little written list of things you can do to start opening the lines verbal sexual communication instead of jumping into your wild, sexy fantasies right away.


HUG!



for you!

 

[CelticFrog]

*sigh*

It's always frustrating to me that we have the best communication during and directly after arguments.

We are a little more enlightened now as to why we each have individual hangups about sexual communication. Now that I know more about why HE has a hard time talking about it, I also know how to start overcoming that.

For some reason, he readily admitted last night to not trying very hard to increase communication. And one thing he will do is at least try to be open about answering my questions. I cannot say how much I appreciate this. Of course, I have to rephrase some of those questions. Open-ended questions really aren't going to cut it with this man. I have to be able to ask him specific (or close to it) questions that he can readily pull an answer from his brain for. If I just ask him to tell me a fantasy, there's too much open-endedness to that for him to be able to pick one. His brain spins too fast trying to select one to tell me, overheats, and he shuts down completely.

I'm learning more and more how deeply his PTSD affects our entire life.

Here are some questions I have developed the limit the open-endedness. I would love to get your contributions.

What was going on in your head the last time you masturbated?
(at first, he stammered a bit saying his head is totally empty but then I got the simple answers that were all I wanted in the first place... like 'ooh, boobies' or 'I'm hungry' (lol) or 'mmm, latex')

What is something you'd like to try that we could go do right now if there were no monetary or babysitting obstacles?

Do you have any fantasies that have ____ in them?
____ could be anything, like snow, outdoors, bondage, any random word for that matter.

I have learned that I absolutely HAVE to overcome my overwhelmingly submissive tendencies at some point and indulge his switch side. This terrifies me, but I will work on it.

So... with this new development, we expand our horizons, communicate a little better (hey, every little bit helps!) and continue on our life journey together.

Now to KEEP this level of communication up and continue improving it... THAT is a lot harder.

Ang

 

[NaiveOne]

I just wanted to give this one a little BUMP.


How're things going Ang?






for you!

 

[CelticFrog]

Things are progressing. As always, something like this takes a lot of time and patience. Generally more on my part than on Ranger's. Why? Because *I* (he even admits it) am the one who actually TRIES to talk about sex.

, hon

Ang

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Things are progressing. As always, something like this takes a lot of time and patience. Generally more on my part than on Ranger's. Why? Because *I* (he even admits it) am the one who actually TRIES to talk about sex.

, hon

Ang

That and the fact that I'm a mute.

J

 

[midwestyankee]

That and the fact that I'm a mute.

J

From one mute to another: sometimes the keyboard makes it easier to talk to someone you love.

 

[herecomestherain]

In the spirit of encouraging new things...

"Mutes" might like to try speaking the words gently into your lovers mouth mid kiss...the idea, image and spirit of the communication is absorbed directly into the bloodstream, travelling through the brain, the heart and wherever swelling occurs...making ears almost obsolete, except for nibbling of course

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

[BI have learned that I absolutely HAVE to overcome my overwhelmingly submissive tendencies at some point and indulge his switch side. This terrifies me, but I will work on it.

So... with this new development, we expand our horizons, communicate a little better (hey, every little bit helps!) and continue on our life journey together.

Now to KEEP this level of communication up and continue improving it... THAT is a lot harder.

Ang [/B]

Switch tendencies are quiiiite fun. Don't be too nervous, I was quite terrified as well at my first time playing the truly aggressive roll. It can be quite fun once you get into it, or at least is was for me. Well just my random advice ^_^

-Zergplex

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: In the spirit of encouraging new things...

"Mutes" might like to try speaking the words gently into your lovers mouth mid kiss...the idea, image and spirit of the communication is absorbed directly into the bloodstream, travelling through the brain, the heart and wherever swelling occurs...making ears almost obsolete, except for nibbling of course

This mute has, in fact, tried such things to little avail. Perhaps I'm just not as smooth in person as I would like to be. But recently we discovered the potentially exciting venue of cybering and that may make a difference. Hence the suggestion to Ranger.

 

[NaiveOne]

Things are progressing. As always, something like this takes a lot of time and patience. Generally more on my part than on Ranger's. Why? Because *I* (he even admits it) am the one who actually TRIES to talk about sex.

, hon

Ang

Thanks for sharing Ang. I'm glad to hear things are still moving foward, albeit, at a slow pase. As long as they keep moving foward...


Best wishes

 

[NaiveOne]

That and the fact that I'm a mute.

J

Loosen your lips buddy!

I'm sure you do that for her pleasure... now do it for conversation

 

[redfunguy]

in the process right now

im in the process of trying to open my wife up to new things as we speak. Im actually trying to get here to poke around here and see where things go from here. She has started acting a little more open with me over the last few months so I think its working...Ill keep you guys posted and let you know how things go.
More later.