Eliminating Sexual Energy

[JamesFJr]

I'm a married man who is very physically fit and subsequently I have an insatiable sex drive. I love my wife very much, but she has become pregnant and lately (probably due to her pregnancy) she has not felt any desire to be physically intimate. I hate to be self-centered about this, but this puts me into a very difficult situation. I would never think of cheating on her, but I'm often left awake nights and almost angry with her because I find myself totally sexually frustrated. Does anyone have any ideas how to eliminate the sexual energy and to just let it go so that I'm not pacing the floor at night or thinking of other women?

I try to put myself in her shoes if the situation were opposite. In other words, supposing I had no sexual desire and but my wife became sexually frustrated and desired intimacy. I don't think I can really be impartial, but it seems that I would please her (especially if it took only a little time as it would probably take me at this point - if you know what I mean). However, I probably can't think clearly with regard to this point since I want her so bad.

Any legitimate suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[Netzach]

I recommend jerking off to your porn of choice.

 

[Killishandra]

Alot of intense exercise might help.

Other than that, lots of masturbation. If you need to spice things up, maybe you could include her in a way that doesn't require her to do any work (if she's not willing to participate.) Maybe even having her watch you jerk off would excite you, and it doesn't cost her anything to sit there and watch you (and maybe talk a little dirty.) In fact, it might get her hot too, and then you could have.... *real* sex.

 

[Netzach]

Alot of intense exercise might help.

Other than that, lots of masturbation. If you need to spice things up, maybe you could include her in a way that doesn't require her to do any work (if she's not willing to participate.) Maybe even having her watch you jerk off would excite you, and it doesn't cost her anything to sit there and watch you (and maybe talk a little dirty.) In fact, it might get her hot too, and then you could have.... *real* sex.

Tandem jerking off has kept us from losing our minds. It's very real sex.

Heh, I survived 9 months of "reality sex" you could make a T shirt.

Tandem jerking off after a hairbrush spanking is really good.

 

[SweetCandy22]

I agree with the exercise...lots of physical activity...maybe rock climbing or canoeing? Something strenous to get your mind off it?

Good luck

 

[Eilan]

Probably not the legitimate suggestions you're looking for, but. . .

I try to put myself in her shoes if the situation were opposite. In other words, supposing I had no sexual desire and but my wife became sexually frustrated and desired intimacy.

Here's a suggestion: try putting yourself in your wife's shoes WITHOUT reversing the situation.

During a normal, low-risk pregnancy, there's no medical reason why the two of you can't have sex. However, there are lots of reasons why she may not feel like it. She may be experiencing morning sickness, which--contrary to its name--can strike at any time of day; while it's usually over with by the end of the first trimester, it can last much longer than that. She may be having anxieties about the pregnancy; some women (and their partners) worry that intercourse/orgasm might trigger a miscarriage/preterm labor. Your wife's at the mercy of her hormones right now, and it can be an interesting ride, to say the least.

Pregnancy affects every woman's sex drive differently, and each woman's experience can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy. (Been there, done that--times four.)

I'm assuming that you've talked to HER about this? Because if you haven't, you probably shouldn't be complaining to a bunch of strangers on an erotic story site message board. There might be a lot of fears/anxieties going on that you're not even aware of, and talking to her, and perhaps talking to her doctor/midwife WITH her, might help to reassure her. Furthermore, she could be so caught up in the pregnancy and the changes surrounding it that she might not even realize that there's a problem.

Frankly, you come off as sounding a little selfish in your post. Remember that right now, it's not about you.

 

[FurryFury]

She is pregnant, these things happen. You are both working toward having a wonderful family. Sacrifices will be made. She would probably wish to still have a libido too, it just ain't happening for her. Not her fault or yours. No telling how long it will continue so...I say masturbate a LOT.

(Mine does everyday. He can get sex whenever he wants, in fact I expect it on his off days!)

Keep trying to remember that you LOVE her and WHY.

She is having her body turn itself inside out to make that baby so changes are bound to occur. Her body is in apocalypse now mode for some this means wanting MORE sex for some NOT. After the baby is born, she will still not have a normal sex drive for a while.

So work out now what you can do to relieve yourself. Lit might help in all kinds of ways.

Good luck.

Fury

 

[tealsphynx]

I don't always buy into the part where women won't have sex, or please their man in other ways just because she's not in the mood thing. I was pregnant recently and had a huge sex drive. Then on the days I didn't I gave my husband blow jobs, or he jerked off. Yes pregnancy is a difficult time for a woman, but it's also a difficult time for a man. He has to watch his loved one suffer and endure pains and problems he probably wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, and there's nothing he can do to fix it. Then her body blooms into this hugely fertile figure, which for some men is a mind blowing turn on. Her breast become more ample, her bottom rounds and hips become lucious curves. There's nothing wrong with her not being sexual sometimes, but I think if she leaves you in the lonely world of frustration all the time then she needs to find time for you, even if it's just a hand, or kisses, or a gentle touch. But that's just my opinion.

 

[queen_of_cups]

My personal experience:

Pregnancy #1 - no drive and serious -pain- when having intercourse and not the kind of pain that I'd want to repeat. Sometimes the hormones dry you out so much that you can't lube up and intercourse is sheer torture. At the time we didn't know anything about any other lubes than KY and KY wasn't cutting it. I was also very very sick during the first half of it, very bad, extended morning sickness and that contributed to my overall fatigue level and a lack of desire to give head, for fear of triggering my gag reflex.

The dryness continued while I breastfed my son and was compounded by minor damage from the delivery that took a long time to fully heal. My husband basically went completely without from 3 months into that pregnancy, until 6 months after I delivered. Things picked up a little while I was nursing, but it was still difficult between the fatigue and lube problems. My husband got really friendly with his right hand during this time period.

I tried to do other things with him, but often, I was just plain too tired. I was working full time and would fall asleep on the couch the minute I got home. Pregnancy and then post-partum sleep deprivation can take a lot out of you. I also developed super-sensitivity in my skin across most of my body and as the pregnancy progressed, could barely stand to be touched or be close to someone at least 50% of the time. This continued while I was breastfeeding, with varying degrees of seriousness.

Pregnancy #2 has been an entirely different story. I know a lot more about how to feed myself and take care of myself from the first time around and it's paid off. Lube problems didn't start until about 3 weeks ago and I'm due to deliver very very soon. Hubby's been a very very happy guy this time. We've just switched to doing a lot of anal this time, since the natural lube problems have started up again and well ... this time, we know a lot more about lube options than we did last time

I felt terribly, horribly guilty about all the problems we had the first time around even though my husband never pressured me and was very kind and understanding about the whole thing. I'm still very grateful for the way he acted during that pregnancy, he was wonderfully supportive when I was feeling extremely vulnerable. Not just because of the pregnancy but the situation around it - I had to keep working because he'd lost his job. All I can really say is - try to keep being understanding and supportive, especially if this is a first pregnancy. What she's going through is completely normal, and there isn't really much she can do about it, other than try things out from time to time to see if they feel right.

 

[graceanne]

When I was pregnant with my second child I was also really sick. I was pooping straight blood several times a day into the toilet. Suffice it to say that the last thing in the world I was interested in was sex. The way we got through it was we'd lay down, naked. We'd kiss, do some light petting, etc. Then I'd give him a hand job. He didn't like it as much as intercourse, obviously, but it got us through the pregnancy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Having had 2 children myself and not having overly difficult pregnancies, though the second was less pleasant than the first my advice is get over yourself, get ready to be a mature minded father and remember who put her in this condition before getting angry with her because she is not giving you enough of what you seem to see as your right without question or consideration. She didn't 'become pregnant', you also had something to do with it so it is your responsibility as well....that means though it may seem awfully unfair for you in your still neat and trim body, no hormonal changes, no extra weight to carry, no constipation, no backache, no loss of libido, no problems with appetite, no draining of energy, you can surely be man enough to resist the urge to cheat or resent her for it and deal with your own libido the same as people do everyday. Wanking can be a fun alternative for those who have imagination and creativity.

Chances are if she is having a difficult pregnancy, or even just herself resenting the loss of all those things she took for granted including libido, she might actually be feeling some anger toward you as well so will not be inclined to want to get you off. Sometimes due to hormonal changes the mere thought of sex can make a woman physically ill so to expect her to take part for your comfort is asking a lot when there is an alternative such as your own hand. If you love your partner as you profess surely some empathy for her position as opposed to your self centered stance of 'poor me' would not be that big a stretch. Just think, when the child arrives you are going to have to learn to make even more sacrifices in the best interest of the child......better you use this as a traning period for that time. As I often say, I wish all men could be pregnant and give birth just once, have a year of periods, and go through the hormonal changes which women are expected to endure often in silence.

Catalina

 

[BlueBanshee]

I know a couple who solved the problem by the pregnant wife telling the husband to 'get a girlfriend'. Second pregnancy he did, and the girlfriend took care of him regularly. That seemed to work out very well. You'd have to be in the right kind of situation though, obviously.

 

[Netzach]

A chastity device and total denial will eventually do away with some of that pesky sexual energy, as well.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Having had 2 children myself and not having overly difficult pregnancies, though the second was less pleasant than the first my advice is get over yourself, get ready to be a mature minded father and remember who put her in this condition before getting angry with her because she is not giving you enough of what you seem to see as your right without question or consideration. She didn't 'become pregnant', you also had something to do with it so it is your responsibility as well....that means though it may seem awfully unfair for you in your still neat and trim body, no hormonal changes, no extra weight to carry, no constipation, no backache, no loss of libido, no problems with appetite, no draining of energy, you can surely be man enough to resist the urge to cheat or resent her for it and deal with your own libido the same as people do everyday. Wanking can be a fun alternative for those who have imagination and creativity.

Chances are if she is having a difficult pregnancy, or even just herself resenting the loss of all those things she took for granted including libido, she might actually be feeling some anger toward you as well so will not be inclined to want to get you off. Sometimes due to hormonal changes the mere thought of sex can make a woman physically ill so to expect her to take part for your comfort is asking a lot when there is an alternative such as your own hand. If you love your partner as you profess surely some empathy for her position as opposed to your self centered stance of 'poor me' would not be that big a stretch. Just think, when the child arrives you are going to have to learn to make even more sacrifices in the best interest of the child......better you use this as a traning period for that time. As I often say, I wish all men could be pregnant and give birth just once, have a year of periods, and go through the hormonal changes which women are expected to endure often in silence.

Catalina

Great post cat, but lets add to it how she feels knowing he isnt happy and wants to look elsewhere. Gosh, if you love her, why not make sure she knows that during one of the hardest times emotionally in her life instead of worrying about your dick?

 

[nightdancer2876]

First of all, why is this even in the BDSM catagory??

If you are that sexual of a creature, your wife knows about it already. The fact that she isnt interested right now probably only compounds the rider her hormonal changes have her on. The fact that you are whining about it on a erotic literature board is only going to make her feel worse.

Pregnancy isnt easy, buddy. You have the least of the issues. If she is pregnant, she has a doctor. Make a point to go with her to an appointment, and talk to the doctor about it. S/he is an OBGYN and going to undertstand and will have heard it all before.

Now that I am done being irritated, I do have some actual suggestions for you. Intimacy doesnt have to involve sex. Massage her, brush her hair. Take her out for a walk in the park, beach, whatever. Do things that are nonsexual in nature and it may turn that way. Don't force the issue, dont make her fel guilty. Whatever you do, dont let it become an obsession. My exhusband was so obsessed by sex that while I was in the hospital, intubated and unable to breathe for myself, in respiratory failure, he was banging his old college girlfriend at a hotel about 6 miles away.


Dancer