El Sol Hereby Bans ...

[geronimo_appleby]

Ah, but the gay character turning straight shows that every gay man will turn straight if you give them a hot enough woman and vice versa. It makes sense, cause that's what men and women are supposed to fuck. Gay people are only gay because they haven't found hot enough men/women yet. Obviously.

The Earl

i do hope that's sarcasm!!

 

[Guest]

Am I the only one who hates the term "making love"...? I mean WTF?

as in: "No Chet, I'm not going to fuck you. I'm going to make love to you."

PUKE

no, you're not the only one. that phrase is a mood killer and just makes me snicker.

banning body parts resembling fruits; such as, melons, peaches, and strawberries. why not be more realistic with mangoes, pears, or plantains (or manzanos for some unfortunate ones).

 

[TheEarl]

i do hope that's sarcasm!!

Of course it's not. I'm firmly of the belief that Vella and Lucky only got married cause they couldn't find hot blokes.

[Just in case it hasn't transferred to text that well, I am being very sarcastic]

The Earl

 

[BlackShanglan]

The Earl hereby bans: gay characters who suddenly turn to have frantic heterosexual sex because the main character is so goddamn hot. They're gay ffs!

Or the other way around. Either way it's kind of something that requires a little more explanation. Nobody bloody turns gay of straight at the drop of a hat.

May we add to the list the implicit assumption that all gay women are innately bisexual? Most of the stories I've read involving lesbians don't even present their attraction to a man as a change or result of his amazing hotness; it's just assumed that there's nothing two women deeply engrossed in each other want more than some random bloke to walk in the door. I think that the authors must have seen too many porn movies, with the resulting belief both that porn movies "set ups" are the way real life works and that all female desire is essentially a display engineered for male gratification.

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

May we add to the list the implicit assumption that all gay women are innately bisexual? Most of the stories I've read involving lesbians don't even present their attraction to a man as a change or result of his amazing hotness; it's just assumed that there's nothing two women deeply engrossed in each other want more than some random bloke to walk in the door. I think that the authors must have seen too many porn movies, with the resulting belief both that porn movies "set ups" are the way real life works and that all female desire is essentially a display engineered for male gratification.

Shanglan

It's because it's only natural for two women to desire a bloke. I mean, it wouldn't be real sex if they don't get a bloke as well.

More sarcasm, jic anyone's reading who doesn't get me.

The Earl

 

[English Lady]

I want to ban the phrase "Moist Crotch" especially when refered to like this "I walked along with her and her moist crotch." like it's a seperate entity like a dog or something.

 

[Hulder]

I want to ban the phrase "Moist Crotch" especially when refered to like this "I walked along with her and her moist crotch." like it's a seperate entity like a dog or something.

Hehehe, i love that image!

"I took her moist crotch for a walk, and she decided to tag along."

"I had to walk through a dark alley to get to a restaurant. I had almost decided to turn back when a moist crotch jumped out of the darkness and pounced on me!"


I anticipate a lot of fun with this, lol.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I want to ban the phrase "Moist Crotch" especially when refered to like this "I walked along with her and her moist crotch." like it's a seperate entity like a dog or something.

Dear God, EL, I am glad that I was not eating or drinking when I read that, or I'd be cleaning it off of the monitor for the next week. That is fucking brilliant.

In fact, I'd like to nominate it to stand alongside the hallowed and much-revered "I kikced down the dor and camed in her face."

 

[English Lady]

Dear God, EL, I am glad that I was not eating or drinking when I read that, or I'd be cleaning it off of the monitor for the next week. That is fucking brilliant.

In fact, I'd like to nominate it to stand alongside the hallowed and much-revered "I kikced down the dor and camed in her face."

Aww my dear horsey you flatter me far too much. *blush*

Hulder..I liked your examples *grins* you can use the phrase, you use it well!

 

[TheEarl]

I want to ban the phrase "Moist Crotch" especially when refered to like this "I walked along with her and her moist crotch." like it's a seperate entity like a dog or something.

Again, laughter to scare the neighbours.

The Earl

 

[English Lady]

Again, laughter to scare the neighbours.

The Earl

*sends whispered apologies to Earl's neighbours*

 

[JamesSD]

Am I the only one who hates the term "making love"...? I mean WTF?

as in: "No Chet, I'm not going to fuck you. I'm going to make love to you."

I think it works in specific situations. To me "making love" describes tender sex between two people who in fact love each other. "Fucking" implies something a bit more hot and heavy, and "having sex" is a generic term that encompasses all.

Personally I think "six-pack" and "perky tits" can stay, although ElSol nailed it when he said no "perky D-cup tits". Unless they're implants, and you could then say "Unnaturally perky D-cup tits".
You can get more creative than "six-pacK", but I think it's a pretty standard part of the American Lexicon (I can't speak for elsewhere).

 

[TheEarl]

*sends whispered apologies to Earl's neighbours*

I think that laugh should now be renamed as 'hermaphrodite crab laughter'.

The Earl

 

[elsol]

Oh...oh...oh... I got another one.

The word 'massive' is banned!

Massive cock!

If it's not 15 inches... use large, thick, long... not MASSIVE.

Same goes for tits... MASSIVE tits are in the second half of the alphabet... DOUBLE-M's are massive.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[TheEarl]

DOUBLE-M's are massive.

Which is coincidentally the definition of a tautology in the Sex-Maniac's Dictionary.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Okay, so let me clarify a few phrases we shouldn't use.


I imagine heat-seeking-moisture missile is out?


And also round mounds of joy ?


Could I say that the main female character has a butt you can serve tea on?


I remain quite confused, but am willing to learn.

 

[elsol]

I imagine heat-seeking-moisture missile is out?

Definitely... unless the missile is MASSIVE.

And also round mounds of joy ?

Err... I don't know about that one... if the main character is male and immature, it might fly.

Could I say that the main female character has a butt you can serve tea on?

Only if tea is being, in fact, SERVED on said butt.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Guest]

Only if tea is being, in fact, SERVED on said butt.

Sincerely,
ElSol

OK. I will use that one then.

As soon as I figure out where she's going to keep the spoons.

 

[cloudy]

OK. I will use that one then.

As soon as I figure out where she's going to keep the spoons.

Oh, my!!!

Spoons, tea, and buttsex!

PMSL!!!

 

[BlackShanglan]

Only if tea is being, in fact, SERVED on said butt.

Damnit. Beat me to it.

 

[Guest]

Damnit. Beat me to it.

Whose butt are you beating?

Put down the riding crop!

 

[TheEarl]

Could I say that the main female character has a butt you can serve tea on?

Wouldn't an arse that tea-service compatible be really flat and large? If you're going to serve tea properly, you need enough room for the milk jug, the sugar bowl and of course the cups and saucers and you'd need somewhere reasonably level to perch all of these on.

Wouldn't it be easier to say "She had a butt like a table. Circular, about 3ft by 3ft and with four (massive) legs attached to it."

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Wouldn't an arse that tea-service compatible be really flat and large? If you're going to serve tea properly, you need enough room for the milk jug, the sugar bowl and of course the cups and saucers and you'd need somewhere reasonably level to perch all of these on.

Wouldn't it be easier to say "She had a butt like a table. Circular, about 3ft by 3ft and with four (massive) legs attached to it."

The Earl

Oh! Gracious.

We must not serve tea properly in the colonies.

 

[TheEarl]

Oh! Gracious.

We must not serve tea properly in the colonies.

Of course not. I don't drink tea, but I still have the genetics necessary to sneer at the very thought.

How the hell do you serve tea that it is best served on a rounded, slightly giving surface?

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Of course not. I don't drink tea, but I still have the genetics necessary to sneer at the very thought.

How the hell do you serve tea that it is best served on a rounded, slightly giving surface?

The Earl

I imagine that trays and saucers would not be as necessary as tongues.

Perhaps.

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