Double entendres story thread

[Scrubber]

The idea of this thread is that we write a story together. Each addition you make can be shorter or longer, as you prefer, but must contain at least one double entendre. Here goes:


I was walking into town the other day when I passed the vicar in his garden. "I say, vicar!" I said. "Those are lovely potted geraniums you have there. Would you mind giving me one?"

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

Only If you'll swap me for those flowers of yours, I think your tulips would look great around my organ

 

[phayd]

"I'm just off to the bowles club vicar - we are taking new members if you'd like to pop in."

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

I've never tried that before, do you have big balls?

 

[Scrubber]

We do indeed have big balls. Balls of all sizes, to suit all.

You seem to be a good gardener, too. That's good as my bush needs a trim.

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

i'm a little busy, i'll see if I can slot you in

 

[phayd]

"Give me your number Vicar and I'll take it down, you can get at the bush from the rear"

 

[Adre]

Well, that's certainly a powerful looking trimmer you have there.

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

You dont mind if I use your back entry?

 

[Scrubber]

Not at all, you can slip down the back passage quite easily if you're fairly slim

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

Not at all, you can slip down the back passage quite easily if you're fairly slim

looks a thick bush, I'll have to attack it with my chopper

 

[phayd]

"Just be carfeull with the roses vicar or you may feel a prick"

 

[Scrubber]

We've a chopper here that you can borrow. Only the choirmaster dropped it and it's stuck in the shed floor. You'll have to give it a good tug.

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

doesnt look too sturdy, you think it migh come off in my hand?

 

[Scrubber]

Oh, I hope it doesn't. It's no fun being left holding just the pole.

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

I'd try and make sure you got given head too

 

[Scrubber]

Well, you'd need to get the head out somehow because Mrs Cockroft from the Ladies' Guild has insisted we give her a pearl necklace if there's any lasting damage to the shed.

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

there'll be no damage, she has a sturdy frame

 

[phayd]

She's going to have to shift that old chest before we can free the chopper

 

[Scrubber]

Well, perhaps we can shift that chest. Come here and help me jiggle it.

 

[phayd]

"its coming - a bit to the left - now to the right - pull harder!!!"

 

[Scrubber]

OMG it's started gaping open! What should we do?

 

[Adre]

Let me just plug that with this thick post.

 

[steve44uk]

Maybe if I can slide a finger or two inside, it'll open up enough for me to finish the job properly...

 

[Scrubber]

You'd better push it all the way in, to be on the safe side.