Dom's that slip from Dom to an excuse to get a cock in...

[Slut_loves_pain]

I have been noticing Master lately has been slipping from being a true Master in the sense of practising BDSM into a slap her a couple times tie her up and get my cock in as soon as I can.
He's figured it out at last thank god, the other night when he came out of his selfish haze long enough to figure I was not enjoying myself at all. He is now aware and trying to fix it.

Why do Master's do that??? I suppose everyone must go thru stages where they want sex and not all the other stuff but what happened to asking the other party if that was ok??? Or is that too 'nilla for words?? Or should I just shutthefuckup and do as I'm told?

 

[Aeroil]

no..... don't be silent, if you're legitimately unhappy you should tell him, that goes for any relationship, a BDSM one is no exception.....

 

[rosco rathbone]

Now there's a Master after my own heart.

 

[Marquis]

I think you answered your own question in your post.

Your post almost makes more sense if you replace the word master with lover. If this is pretty much the case, then by all means say something.

But if he is truly your master it seems you should shutthefuckup and do as you're told or get your kicks elsewhere.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

A-Fucking-Men

... But if he is truly your master it seems you should shutthefuckup and do as you're told or get your kicks elsewhere.

Preach it brother ...

 

[graceanne]

I have been noticing Master lately has been slipping from being a true Master in the sense of practising BDSM into a slap her a couple times tie her up and get my cock in as soon as I can.
He's figured it out at last thank god, the other night when he came out of his selfish haze long enough to figure I was not enjoying myself at all. He is now aware and trying to fix it.

Why do Master's do that??? I suppose everyone must go thru stages where they want sex and not all the other stuff but what happened to asking the other party if that was ok??? Or is that too 'nilla for words?? Or should I just shutthefuckup and do as I'm told?

I think that if you're unhappy then you should say something, but you should make sure to do it in a respectful and polite way. Acting all sammy or anything is inexcusable. Communication is important in all relationships, and in all parts of the relationship.

Also, make sure that this isn't more than him being selfish. In other words make sure you're not the one being selfish. Is there something going on that's got him tired or stressed? Just cause you're in a BDSM relationship doesn't mean that things aren't gonna cool down sometimes. That's life, whether kinky or vanilla. The sex goes through stages. Sometimes it's 'gormet', other times it's just 'fast food'. You might have your expectations up a bit high. I'm not saying you do, I don't know the situation, I'm jsut saying that before you go complaining, make sure your nose is clean.

 

[ethereal~minx]

i have to agree~~ shutthefuckup



unless you want to lose your Master.

if he's any kind of Master at all, he'll want to keep you happy too. have patience and be happy that you are feeding his hunger.

 

[NCShin]

my girlfriend, submissive, and soon to be wife will be here in about 20 hours (from japan) and our first "scene" I will slap her a couple times tie her up and get my cock in as soon as I can.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think you answered your own question in your post.

Your post almost makes more sense if you replace the word master with lover. If this is pretty much the case, then by all means say something.

But if he is truly your master it seems you should shutthefuckup and do as you're told or get your kicks elsewhere.

I have to disagree completely with this post. Being a PYL means you have to be selfish and make sure that your own needs are answered, BUT it does not mean you do not answer the needs of your slave. To deny the pyl the right to communicate and the to tell a pyl that they should not say anything to their PYL about THEIR feelings is IMHO about the worst thing a PYL can ever do in a BDSM relationship.

Being a PYL means you take control of the situation, you get your needs answered but it also means you make sure the needs of your partner are answered. If not you will eventually be a very lonely PYL.

A BDSM relationship is first and foremost a relationship, which means that both parties have to work at it for it to be successful. This attitude of shut the fuck up because I am king and master of the house only leads to very unhappy pyl and in the end also very a unhappy PYL.

A BDSM relationship is a symbiotic relationship in which both parties have to get their needs answered. It is for the PYL about taking what you want but in a way that answers the needs of both, so that the PYL can keep on taking. For the pyl it is about answering the needs of the PYL but in a way that answers the needs of both so that the pyl can keep on giving.

My advice to any pyl that does not have their needs answered is to respectfully try to communicate with their PYL about this, if your PYL is any kind of decent PYL he will listen and try to find a solution for the problem. Most PYL’s are actually quite open, honest and compassionate human beings who want their partner to be happy in their relationship.

Francisco.

 

[Pure]

slut_loves_pain said,

SLPI have been noticing Master lately has been slipping from being a true Master in the sense of practising BDSM into a slap her a couple times tie her up and get my cock in as soon as I can.

are we talking you, or someone else?

what happened to asking the other party if that was ok???

surely you jest.

Or is that too 'nilla for words??

no, too chummy for words.

Or should I just shutthefuckup and do as I'm told?

you should not expect to direct what he does. if you do so routinely, you are *his* master.

As to Francisco, my esteemed 'opposite' in the debate on this topic.

F: Being a PYL means you have to be selfish and make sure that your own needs are answered, BUT it does not mean you do not answer the needs of your slave.

This, I generally agree with, to the extent that one knows the 'slaves' needs.

F: To deny the pyl the right to communicate and the to tell a pyl that they should not say anything to their PYL about THEIR feelings is IMHO about the worst thing a PYL can ever do in a BDSM relationship.

'Shut the fuck up,' is partly a metaphor. The slave can express a feeling, but not necessarily vent to their heart's desire.

F:Being a PYL means you take control of the situation, you get your needs answered but it also means you make sure the needs of your partner are answered. If not you will eventually be a very lonely PYL.

In every continuing relationship there's some 'exchange,' unless it's kidnapper and victim. Even in a continuing abusive relationship, there are needs being met in the abused-- unless (as has happened) the doors and windows are nailed shut.

The question is, Is there equality of needs. It seems, as said above, the master is by definition not setting up 'equality of needs.'

That said, a master/mistress is no fool. You do not leave a prize race horse outside to freeze, or without food and grooming. The army drill sergeant does not withhold water from the recruits. The narcissistic prima donna holds an 'admirer' captive by occasionally bestowing a favor. Which is to say, if you're going to 'command' or 'use' some creature on a continuing basis, its basic needs have to be attended to.

PS: I don't call the need for your partner to be monogamous, a 'basic need.' Or, if you mean yourself, the need for candles and roses, and extended foreplay, is NOT a basic need. You [SLP]have every right to have a romantic need met, but if that is what you want, try a dating service, not a set of 'masters.'

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Needs? As a submissive my only need is to fulfil his needs - however he chooses. This is very easy to answer coming from someone who only gets to see her Sir once or twice a month. I'm sure its a different situation for those who have 24/7 type of relationship.

 

[graceanne]

i have to agree~~ shutthefuckup



unless you want to lose your Master.

if he's any kind of Master at all, he'll want to keep you happy too. have patience and be happy that you are feeding his hunger.

exactly, if he's any kind of master, we don't know if he is. Just cause he calls himself a master, doesn't mean he's doing his part. If he's not she has the right to say, um . . hello?

 

[graceanne]

F: To deny the pyl the right to communicate and the to tell a pyl that they should not say anything to their PYL about THEIR feelings is IMHO about the worst thing a PYL can ever do in a BDSM relationship.

'Shut the fuck up,' is partly a metaphor. The slave can express a feeling, but not necessarily vent to their heart's desire.

She didn't say she was venting to her hearts desire. It sounds to me like she was being very calm about it. Why does everyoen just automatically assume that the sub is being hysterical, rude or SAMMY? What if she calmy and politely waits for a good time to say, um master? This is how I feel, can we talk about it?

 

[graceanne]

I was making K's lunch D), and thinking on this, and I also wanted to say. . .

Men (including doms) complain that women expect them to read our minds. That if somethings wrong we need to let them know, cause y'all don't have crystal balls. Then something like this comes up, and we, as subs, are told to sit down and shut up.

It would seem to me that you'd be pleased that your sub comes up to you, then calmly and RESPECTFULLY, lets you in on what's going on in their brains.

Now if you disagree or think that they aren't being fair, then you take it from there, but feelings are feelings. Whether fair or not, they're there, and pretending their not is not going to make them go away.

I'd think you'd rather know how she's feeling and deal with it, then have her pretend everything's just fine, and expect you to just intuitivly know that somethings bugging her.

 

[Pure]

graceanne, she can calmly and politely ask for anything she pleases. whether she--in the role she's taken--should expect that her wishes will direct the course of things is another matter.

that said, she's free to seek equality in romance or even to seek to be in charge of someone--become, herself, a 'master.'

 

[graceanne]

graceanne, she can calmly and politely ask for anything she pleases. whether she--in the role she's taken--should expect that her wishes will direct the course of things is another matter.

that said, she's free to seek equality in romance or even to seek to be in charge of someone--become, herself, a 'master.'

You're right, this doesn't mean she's gonna get her way, or she should expect to. But to tell her to sit down and shut up isn't the answer either. She should be allowed to let him know what's going on. Then he can move from there, and make a decision. She shoudln't stamp her feet and DEMAND anything. But theres nothing wrong with letting him know she's not happy. As I just stated, he's not a mind reader. He might appreciate her telling him what's going on, instead of expecting him to just know.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... BUT it does not mean you do not answer the needs of your slave ...

i'm not singling you out 'Cisco, but i'll ask, since some have stated in other threads that they enforce orgasm denial with their partners on occasion. i'll be upfront and admit this particular case may not have anything to do with such a practice. i'll even allow the deliberate act has a polished quality as opposed to the half-assed ministrations of the other.

All of that said, do you believe deliberate orgasm denial answers the needs of a pyl? How does sadistically denying a partner release differ from perhaps shabby upkeep of the same partner? What is the difference in the end result? Is it because the pyl accepts the wishes of his/her partner rather than simply put up with sloppy interaction?

BTW Pure, you're scaring the hell out of me again.

 

[rosco rathbone]

There is definitely a bit of a petulant, bratty tone to the original post. As masters, our bratdar detects such things.

 

[graceanne]

There is definitely a bit of a petulant, bratty tone to the original post. As masters, our bratdar detects such things.

Well, you all have been around longer than me. You could be right, she might be just being a brat. *shrugs* But in a theoretic situation, I still think she should be allowed to tell him her complaints. What happens from there is up to him.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think the whole matter sounds very much like situations most subs have come up against at some point, and that is males who realise they can get laid if they pretend to be something they are not. From the original post it sounds to me (and given I have limited time at the moment to read and think heavily on all this), that slp has presented a situation whereby the relationship was entered into on an understanding it was to be a D/s - BDSM type arrangement as opposed to sexual only with what the Dominant feels can pass for the expected foreplay in his mind of a couple of slaps. I for one would begin to question if it was BDSM or ansering my needs anymore if the focus was becoming sexual in the most vanilla of ways, and the SM elements were disappearing off the horizon.

Catalina

 

[Shadowsdream]

I guess the word "true" before Master bothers Me a little. If in fact the Master is a "true" Master I would expect if He wanted to slip his cock into His sub with NO BDSM foreplay in advance of the act for weeks on end it would be His perogative and part of His Domination.

Occassionly I as a Dominant have no interest at all in the tie ups, floggings or teasings before I am in the mood to plunge right in and take what I want sexually. I suspect I am as "true" as it gets.

In any case I would welcome the inquirey from My sub or slave as to why I wish to take him or her in that fashion...I guarantee you..I would have a quick and blunt reply.

But then I have been known to be a bit of a hard ass.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Well, you all have been around longer than me. You could be right, she might be just being a brat. *shrugs* But in a theoretic situation, I still think she should be allowed to tell him her complaints. What happens from there is up to him.

I was merely correctly identifying the tone.

 

[Netzach]

It's certainly a man's right to be boring and reptetitive as fuck, once he's designated the controlling party and the Dominant in a TPE.

But no one should be surprised or pissing and moaning when the bored party takes a hike.

 

[Pure]

somehow I don't see that Roscoe's ministrations produce boredom (in their object). i'd say respectful fucks produce boredom in partners far more often than rapacious ones.

but yes, the door is open, I'm sure. a master should display no need at all to keep the subordinated one. (Angelic--there, does that make you feel better?)

 

[Pure]

Catalina said,

From the original post it sounds to me (and given I have limited time at the moment to read and think heavily on all this), that slp has presented a situation whereby the relationship was entered into on an understanding it was to be a D/s - BDSM type arrangement as opposed to sexual only with what the Dominant feels can pass for the expected foreplay in his mind of a couple of slaps. I for one would begin to question if it was BDSM or ansering my needs anymore if the focus was becoming sexual in the most vanilla of ways, and the SM elements were disappearing off the horizon.

I don't see, at all, the 'as opposed to', the opposition of BDSM and 'sexual only.'

I don't see why 'sex only, upon demand of the male,' is 'vanilla' or straight, esp. these days of "How to give her a total orgasm."

Surely it is inherently rather "S" for the one to use the other at will, including possibly sexually-- somewhat as SD has described above--. The arbitrary excercize of power (legally) is one thing that you call 'power play', is it not?