Doms: have you ever switched roles with your sub?

[Kimikimidoll]

As the title says, and I am asking Dom/Dommes (not switches, really, but you're free to leave a comment, of course )

Basically I want to know if you had considered being the sub for a day, or even as an act. How did you feel? Would you do it again? How was your partner as a 'dom/domme'?

 

[Mindfondler]

Mrs MF and I occasionally swap roles as an experiment. I consider it to be useful learning for me to experience types of play as a bottom so that I can understand how it feels, what works and doesn't work.

I can't say that it's particularly successful. Mrs MF has some switch tendencies but she doesn't fall naturally into a dominant role with me. Similarly, I don't really "get" a submissive headspace. I can submit as a bottom physically but it doesn't give me any buzz. As such, I feel that I'm only able to assess the physical aspects of the experience rather than the mental ones.
.

 

[BiBunny]

Yes. I'm a sadomasochist, so I like being on bottom sometimes. When I'm in that mood, I just say, "It's your turn," and we go with it.

 

[Herr_daddy]

Princess and I tried it once or twice. It didn't go well, she has zero dom inklings and I tend to be rather alpha. I'd not mind it on occasion and can play the part but princess simply doesn't have it in her. And that is perfectly fine with her daddy. She is a complete little outside of work.

 

[Joeknoxville]

Yep. We do it all the time.

 

[Conrad_Waldorf]

I've fantasized about it, and that part of it is intriguing to me.

However I know that the application of it wouldn't go well. I'm just not wired to be submissive, and my hardheadedness would win.

Knowing all of this just makes me respect submissives even more.

 

[Osewa]

I love it when rough play goes both sides - like a catfight. I am male, but done this both with a few males and with (much less) females. Playing rough with each other nipples and buttocks, testing each other tolerance to pain and dirty talk mutual humiliation...
It is not common of course, because both sides should be up to this.

 

[TedandKit]

No I have not with any in My 20 years being a Dominant. Just never worked for Me personally. I know many real life friends that can switch and enjoy it. But it's never felt right or safe for Me to submit. Because I know I will flip right back to Dominant mode or top from bottom right away never letting her ever have any control over Me. I do respect all that can enjoy both sides of the Lifestyle coin. I am glad they honestly enjoy it with their partners.

Ted

 

[zajh6fd]

Tried but

I just did not work well --- neither one of us were comfortable and didn't plasure from it -- seemed fake

 

[Netzach]

Depends who, depends what. It's not about how much I trust the person, but how much I trust the person AND if there's anything really "there" in terms of switching out positions. It's this fine line between being too fake and taking away too much control for me to be comfortable.

I love the wife more than anyone, trust the wife more than anyone and having her tie me up and do me was boring, sore-inducing, and the only supremely "meh" sex we've ever had.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

The question came out of a thought: A sub submits out of their own will. They want to be owned, they are happy to be submissive, it's pleasurable for them, so they seek a dominant. For whatever reason if that aspect is gone and they aren't submissive anymore, in a consensual relationship, the dom will lose all power. Since that want does not exist anymore, there is no use for a dom anymore.

So who actually holds the reins here? The submissive, right? It's an exchange of power: I give you control over me out of my will because I want that sense of being controlled- the word here is want. Because the submissive wanted to.

When they switch 'roles', at least, superficially as play, in my opinion that it's actually becoming the real order of things. But not all truths are easy to accept, and most of the time both parties feel out of their element. The sub just stands there confused with the mechanics of all this and the dom wonders why it feels stupid.It feels off- but this is how it actually is- your sub is the one controlling you.

The reason I didn't ask switches because they want and are comfortable with both, so they won't have the experience that regular D/s people will have.

I know there is a wide spectrum of D/s relationships. Maybe some of you are just that in the bedroom, and maybe some prefer to apply that to all aspects of their lives. Maybe some couples have a mutual, unspoken understanding that they are, after all the labels, equal in every way; some might actually believe that the other is superior to them (and be happy with it). Maybe some have an element of reluctance in their relationship, and that gives it a high that an open, free, consensual relationship won't have.

But a relationship happens from both sides. You are indebted to the one giving you the power, and in return you have to bring them that pleasure, and so your D/s dynamic comes into existence. If the submissive side doesn't want to, there is no relationship. Who's the one losing out?

Again, just my two cents. An odd question generated by an odd thought.

 

[EternalFantasy]

Nope.

Coz i don't role play. I be me.

Be ware.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

Nope.

Coz i don't role play. I be me.

Be ware.

Okaaaay, mom.

 

[EternalFantasy]

Okaaaay, mom.

It was a reply to the OP not to you.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

It was a reply to the OP not to you.

Hmm, I wonder who that is...

 

[Netzach]

The question came out of a thought: A sub submits out of their own will. They want to be owned, they are happy to be submissive, it's pleasurable for them, so they seek a dominant. For whatever reason if that aspect is gone and they aren't submissive anymore, in a consensual relationship, the dom will lose all power. Since that want does not exist anymore, there is no use for a dom anymore.

So who actually holds the reins here? The submissive, right? It's an exchange of power: I give you control over me out of my will because I want that sense of being controlled- the word here is want. Because the submissive wanted to.

When they switch 'roles', at least, superficially as play, in my opinion that it's actually becoming the real order of things. But not all truths are easy to accept, and most of the time both parties feel out of their element. The sub just stands there confused with the mechanics of all this and the dom wonders why it feels stupid.It feels off- but this is how it actually is- your sub is the one controlling you.

The reason I didn't ask switches because they want and are comfortable with both, so they won't have the experience that regular D/s people will have.

I know there is a wide spectrum of D/s relationships. Maybe some of you are just that in the bedroom, and maybe some prefer to apply that to all aspects of their lives. Maybe some couples have a mutual, unspoken understanding that they are, after all the labels, equal in every way; some might actually believe that the other is superior to them (and be happy with it). Maybe some have an element of reluctance in their relationship, and that gives it a high that an open, free, consensual relationship won't have.

But a relationship happens from both sides. You are indebted to the one giving you the power, and in return you have to bring them that pleasure, and so your D/s dynamic comes into existence. If the submissive side doesn't want to, there is no relationship. Who's the one losing out?

Again, just my two cents. An odd question generated by an odd thought.

Nope, not really on board for this. I guess I'm closer to "a switch" than a lot of respondents, but when it comes to switching with *my submissive* it's generally a fools' errand.

Too often I see submissives encouraged to be just real and transparent and reluctant and complex and have limits and "not be up for it today" and whatever, which is all fine and human and good.

And if any of that happens to a Dominant, the pin has been put in the balloon there is no going back and the dynamic is hopelessly ruined for all time and they were always fake.

Yeah, I don't swing that way, not for anyone. Being enslaved to your own PR for your partner isn't Dominance.

Again, though, I think 99 percent of the time trying to switch positions to learn/rest/expand/thrillseek/punish yourself/whatever reason you might come up with WITH your submissive SO is a terrible terrible mistake.

If I want to do that, I do it with someone else, generally a switch who still leans submissive so I wind up landing in the control position, which never defeated the purpose of the experiment for me. "I know I'd really be in control after all is said and done" isn't failure to me, it's a good time!

Because of the above reasons and because these stereotypes and this catch 22 is so locked into the community, it's just not worth trying to do with submissive ID'd partners who romanticize and mythologize you. You can't have that cake and eat it. But I think submissive ID'd partners need to do some more soul searching other than "wah my dynamic, I don't know what to do now!"

 

[NewDomE]

Did nothing for me

Many years ago I tried to bottom a few times with an ex partner but rather than any enjoyment, I felt angry and ended up jumping her to show her who was actually in charge. I guess dominance just feels more natural and I missed the buzz I get from both the physical and mental control

 

[Maidboy]

I was my gf's servant but occasionally she'd want a good hard spanking and would signal this by telling me "I've been such a naughty girl Teacher, so do I have to stay after class?" or something long those lines. I happily played along, and while it was an enjoyable change of pace, playing the dom role was more play acting on my part and not something that came naturally to me.

It was only when we both entered the service of a lesbian domme that she really let her submissive side blossom. And blossom it did. She relished serving Mistress and being on the receiving end of her firm yet loving hand. She was bi-curious to begin with and thanks to Mistress, came to have a strong preference for women. I don't think she would have been at all comfortable having a "natural" male dom, as she later said that while she still liked domming me, she simply adored being Mistress's devoted little slave girl pet.

 

[Nezhul]

I would feel OK about it. In fact, if she was into femdom I'd glagly make our kink play 50/50.
I'm not into 24/7 submissions though, for me it's more about scenes, games, not the relationship dynamic. So I'm totally good if she comes to me and says "Hey, today I'll be the one to tie you up!"
Sure, no problem.

I switched a few times, but that was only mild stuff. No bondage even. Just a bit of power exchange.
With a right girl, however, I wouldn't mind going as far as canes and toys in my ass, provided I get to do the same to her later =)

 

[Primalex]

I give you control over me out of my will

No, you don't. You don't choose to hate spiders, you don't choose to laugh at a joke, you don't choose what turns you on and neither who turns you on. Your free will is merely the lack of predictability.