Domishness/subishness as a cultural tendency

[BlondGirl]

I am a white woman. Fish-belly white, if you will. Southern born and bred (of the Texas varity). Thinking back on my various lovers and my various friends and their sexual tendencies, I have many thoughts on this as well as some curiosities.

White Southern women tend to be subbie in bed, from what I can see. We are trained from infancy to depend on a man for our happiness and many, many of us do not stray from that. (At least sexually. Most of us eventually get over it in other areas of our lives.)

I have dated white men who were business men, cowboys, factory workers, health care professionals, and techno-geeks. Of those, there is no pattern as to their sexual preferences that I can see. Seems to run the entire gamut of desire.

I have dated black men who were opera singers, bouncers, factory workers and techno-geeks and see no patern here either.

I have dated hispanic men (mostly Mexican due to easy proximity) who were factory workers, maintence men, drug smugglers, and health care professionals. Again, no discernible cultural common-nesses here.

I have dated men from the middle east who were either health care workers or engineering students. Now these--each was sexually dominant. Including the very inexperienced one. Each was obsessed with my pleasure--to the point of my exhaustion in almost all sexual encounters. (No such thing as a quickie with these guys.) I am curious if this is due to overall culture or just due to the discussions that are popular amongst boys and young men.

I am curious about folks from other countries/cultures in general. Anybody got any input?

(If you are curious, I am now dating a Middle Eastern man and have almost no desire for formal SM just due to the nature of our sexual activities.)

 

[morninggirl5]

Interesting theory, BG. I can see some validity in it as a southern, white female. In fact, looking objectively at the relationships of the various members of my extended family, they are all in some sense male dominated. In the one instance that this isn't the case (the female in the marriage is more aggressive), there are family members who say she is a witch who has cast a spell on her husband and parents.

I definitely think religion plays a part as well. The teachings of many southern churches are definitely compatible with a male dominated relationship. I've sat through several sermons about "women submit yourself to your husbands."

 

[bunny bondage]

i'm a southern white subbie, and whether these three things are at all related is beyond me.

but i do know this: all this crazy organized religious cult crap that goes on down here with the wild billboards and psalms on placards in people's yards is bound to be having some effect we're not aware of.

you other grits know what i'm talking about.

 

[slvjenn]

I lived in Japan for a number of years. If nothing else I found the Japanese managed to be freaks in some way or another.

I think overall the women there are more submissive than in the USA. I'd like to say that the men are more dominant, and I guess they are in their own way. But It'd be easier for me to call it "more forceful" than anything else.

The Japanese men I dated there didn't know the meaning of the word "No" at all. (in either english or japanese)

While the average american male will try, try again, the average Japanese male will try, try harder and harder until it's difficult to physically stop him again.

It seems that Japanese women just don't say no....so if they get alone together then the woman is willing. Personally I think there is a hell of a lot of date rape there that doesn't have a meaning in Japanese and it's just excepted.

On the flip side of that, I also found that there is a large number of submissive Japanese men. Most who go to professional dommes.

The reason I was told sounded pretty bogus to me so I won't write it out.

But, I would have to say that religion and culture would have a huge role in how the people there ended up being in bed. I mean look at arab countries, can you picture those women who walk around with their entire body covered all day in 120 degree heat breaking out a crop at the end of the day to punish her husband?

edit: unless...that's how they make it through the day wearing that junk...secure in the knowledge that at the end of the day they get to go home and beat the hell out of the man who made them wear it.

 

[cellis]

I have dated many men from many different cultures and I cannot say that I entirely agree with your assessment of all men of middle eastern descent.

I do think to some extent that certain cultures look more toward male dominance and female submissiveness... but by the same token people are just people in all shapes and forms...

Actually I think you have been very lucky to have found a man that makes you happy.... I say enjoy the ride!

 

[Native Alien]

While I agree that the culture/religion may have an influence on the way that someone is, I think that I disagree to a certain extent that it is the whole reason.

I, too, am a grits, but I am the complete opposite of what most people's idea of a what a grits is. But then, I was raised after age 7 in a Catholic household, and I don't hold with that either.

So, I could be the exception to the rule.

Given all that, you do purpose an interesting theory and one that I think would require alot of research. I have noticed on several trips to the Middle Eastern countries that things are very slowly changing as to the role that the women there present to the world and I am told that what we don't see is the most telling. So I think that you also need to look at outside influences as to how they affect the culture sexuality.

 

[BlondGirl]

Actually I think you have been very lucky to have found a man that makes you happy.... I say enjoy the ride!

Thank you so much. You know I am. It has been a long time since I have been deeply emotionally involved with a lover but with this one, I cannot help it whatsoever. It is scary, but I am enjoying this pony ride to the fullest. (I have warned him that if he is playing me, to prepare for me to wear his balls as earrings because I will take him hurting me as an act of war. He laughs when I tell him that and tells me I sound really scary.)

It is interesting to me also the ways that various issues and burns from our history play into our current relationship.-- That dance we participate in and the topics that we bring up based on our fears from past hurts.

Now as for the SM, he is making efforts to accomodate me by lightly spanking my ass during fucking. Honestly, it sometimes makes me want to crack up because "HARDER!" gets a "WHY?" response-LOLOLOL He does have a great talent though of being incredibly flexible and can bite the top of my ass or my hips and waist during doggy fucking. MMmmmmmmm.... I am going to have to get him to fuck me in front of a mirror so I can watch him fold over doing that.

 

[FungiUg]

It's true that cultures have a huge effect on our personalities. On the other hand, people transend cultures.

So... there could be a cultural trend to encouraging dominance or submission. Having never visited the south of U.S., I can't comment on the validity of whether southern women are submissive in bed though.

Just be aware that people are individuals, not statistics or trends. So don't assume that because someone is from a culture that encourages certain traits, they will automatically be that way.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

My own poor and insignificant take on this is the ladies of the Americas are totally different to the ladies of the UK, the type of lady I like are not found in the UK, well , certainly not by me

I am perhaps too smarmy, old, knackered or downright ugly, I have no idea but suffice it to say I am on the wrong continent
Bachlum Chaam

edited to remove my real thoughts on UK women as a whole

 

[James G 5]

My own poor and insignificant take on this is the ladies of the Americas are totally different to the ladies of the UK, the type of lady I like are not found in the UK, well , certainly not by me

I am perhaps too smarmy, old, knackered or downright ugly, I have no idea but suffice it to say I am on the wrong continent
Bachlum Chaam

edited to remove my real thoughts on UK women as a whole

you mean like the bad teeth and droopy Euro-butts & pub-food bellies?

 

[niteshade]

i'm a southern white subbie, and whether these three things are at all related is beyond me.

but i do know this: all this crazy organized religious cult crap that goes on down here with the wild billboards and psalms on placards in people's yards is bound to be having some effect we're not aware of.

you other grits know what i'm talking about.

Yeah, I know what you mean girl... I think if I see one more billboard that says "Got God?" I am gonna puke.

 

[niteshade]

Well, on the whole, I can not claim to have slept w/ many different men but there is nothing wrong with my observational skills. The trends I have noticed here in San Antonio would be first that in most relationships involving hispanic males, the males are much more controlling than maybe a black or white male tends to be.
As for southern women being more submissive... I will agree that there is a lot of emphasis placed on the fact that we should be "ladies" meaning that we are not suppost to be outspoken about our own desires sexually. I am not a church going person, so I dont know about sermons, but the traditional role of the southern female is to be refined, elegant, and to endure the demands of our men <gag> so, maybe there is something to your theory.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

...to endure the demands of our men <gag> ...

Wait a sec ... what kind of gag was that exactly?

 

[niteshade]

Wait a sec ... what kind of gag was that exactly?

Lol... that was more like a convulsive physical reflex at the thought that men have a preodained right to a woman's submission. I don't like the other kind much

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Lol... that was more like a convulsive physical reflex at the thought that men have a preodained right to a woman's submission. I don't like the other kind much

Pity, learning to take a cock down your throat, even when rammed can be a good thing.

 

[niteshade]

Pity, learning to take a cock down your throat, even when rammed can be a good thing.

Hmmm... you could be right... I may have to explore that particular exercise.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Hmmm... you could be right... I may have to explore that particular exercise.

Happy hunting ...

 

[niteshade]

Happy hunting ...

Thanks Assassin... I really just need to get over the fear that I am gonna throw up on Him I think. That would soooo ruin the mood.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Thanks Assassin... I really just need to get over the fear that I am gonna throw up on Him I think. That would soooo ruin the mood.

That's why you should be face up on the bed, head hanging back over the side, and a towel below you.

 

[niteshade]

That's why you should be face up on the bed, head hanging back over the side, and a towel below you.

Really? I take it you have been faced with this problem before????