Dominant one

[Dapperguy]

Describe the qualities a Dom should display when encountering a submissive?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

The dominant person should get to know the submissive person, much like people who aren’t into BDSM. They should talk about interests and see if they are compatible. If they are meeting up for a good time and not interested in a long time, then they should go ahead and talk kinks and limits right away. If this is a first date and the folks are hopeful for developing a relationship, they may or may not opt to talk about kinks and limits immediately.

@Dapperguy, you seem to be operating under a very false impression that when a Dom encounters a sub, sex and submission automatically happens. Doms aren’t entitled to sex and submission from submissives. Submissive people are, well, people.

 

[Roleplay_Mom]

The Dom should be himself/herself. A TRUE Dom doesn’t have to put on some phony act. It is who they are at their core.

 

[SlutAddicted]

The right to be someone's Dom is earned. It may come easily, with some effort or not at all. The path to consent is not really broadly different from any other personal interaction. Make conversation, push the dialogue forward in a manner that ensures he/she buys into the direction it is going until you have license to clearly state your intentions then agree to a path forward.

If you think someone is a BDSM bottom, you don't start by roughing them up. if you think someone is promiscuous and enjoys PDAs, you don't start by grabbing them by the pussy. If you think someone might want to play the role of cuckold, you don't start by talking about all the other guys you fuck and how they probably like SPH.

At most you display confidence and make strong suggestions about what to do or talk about together. You might change your language from politely asking to stating a strong direction, but you don't get to order someone around until they agree to let you do it. A Dom/Sub dynamic requires two willing and informed participants. A person who tries to dominate without clear indication that the party wants to be dominated is commonly know as an asshole.

 

[policywank]

The right to be someone's Dom is earned. It may come easily, with some effort or not at all. The path to consent is not really broadly different from any other personal interaction. Make conversation, push the dialogue forward in a manner that ensures he/she buys into the direction it is going until you have license to clearly state your intentions then agree to a path forward.

If you think someone is a BDSM bottom, you don't start by roughing them up. if you think someone is promiscuous and enjoys PDAs, you don't start by grabbing them by the pussy. If you think someone might want to play the role of cuckold, you don't start by talking about all the other guys you fuck and how they probably like SPH.

At most you display confidence and make strong suggestions about what to do or talk about together. You might change your language from politely asking to stating a strong direction, but you don't get to order someone around until they agree to let you do it. A Dom/Sub dynamic requires two willing and informed participants. A person who tries to dominate without clear indication that the party wants to be dominated is commonly know as an asshole.

Agreed. It is important to distinguish between fantasy and real life. The fantasy version of all these things may involve limited consent. For a submissive, ceding control is the key thing. The intensity of that experience may be enhanced to the degree the Dom seizes it. But in real life that must be weighed against practical considerations, including the suitability of the partner. The notion of a Sub who will blindly submit to any stranger who identifies as Dom is a juvenile fantasy. Those people don't exist except perhaps for a very few weak minded idiots.

See here is the thing. Lots of people who identify as Dom are just overbearing jerks or bullies. Dominating someone is a great responsibility, not license to be selfish and abusive. Subs aren't interested in submitting to that.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

The Dom should be himself/herself. A TRUE Dom doesn’t have to put on some phony act. It is who they are at their core.

I do think it’s important to be cautious with phrases like “True Dom.” There’s definitely not one right way to BDSM, although there are clearly wrong ways.

 

[Bbl87]

As has been said, someone should be themselves when meeting someone. In any Dom/sub relationship, there should be a great amount of care for one another that goes both directions, and that is something that comes from truly getting to know the person, not just coming in and "being a Dom." The sub actually holds a great deal of power in the relationship, and people that are "fake" Doms tend to not realize that which makes them easy to spot

Not to mention, there is a whole spectrum of what being a "Dom" is. There are different "kinds" of Doms and people can be a combination of them too. My wife likes some D/s and bondage sometimes, and by comparison I am pretty gentle and prefer more if the mental side. She likes some light spanking, but aside from that we don't do much in the way of punishment or anything like that.

I think it may be worth talking to people experienced in the realm, just based in the fact you asked "when encountering a submissive" instead of "interacting with their submissive." Kind of seems like the relationship aspect is missing in your thought process.

 

[lil_jenni]

I do think it’s important to be cautious with phrases like “True Dom.” There’s definitely not one right way to BDSM, although there are clearly wrong ways.

I have to agree with this. While I'm very much a sub, my Hubby is not naturally Dominant. But he is an intelligent, confident man, and he is very capable of taking control in situations where it is needed. I mean, that man owns the courtroom when he is at the lectern. Every time I've ever watched him in trial, I'm horny as fuck for him because he is totally in command of what he is doing. Truly masterful, in fact... But he'd rather we be equals sexually.

So, it's been a journey for him to get to the point that I rarely have to top from the bottom anymore. He is a great Dom for me when he embraces the role, but he is not a "true Dom" in the sense some use that term, because it is not who he is at the core. It is a part he plays for me. Oh, and he is definitely more a Gentleman Dom than a traditional Dom, which I know some say is not a true Dom either. But it works for us.

 

[KinkyMisfit]

To answer the original question I think the qualities that should be displayed are professionalism (given the situation or environment), intelligence, respectfulness, confidence and being articulate, to name a few.

It might also be helpful to consider a non sexual example. For instance, changing the original question to something like: Describe the qualities a leader should display when encountering a subordinate?

How many of us would accept or follow someone who immediately started posturing upon a first encounter?

 

[policywank]

To answer the original question I think the qualities that should be displayed are professionalism (given the situation or environment), intelligence, respectfulness, confidence and being articulate, to name a few.

It might also be helpful to consider a non sexual example. For instance, changing the original question to something like: Describe the qualities a leader should display when encountering a subordinate?

How many of us would accept or follow someone who immediately started posturing upon a first encounter?

The leadership reference is important here I believe. Good leaders inspire people to follow them rather than forcing them. And most of the best leaders do not use aggression and domineering behaviour unless they must.

Meanwhile a subordinate personality is typically someone who wants to be led, meaning force is even less likely to be necessary. They may enjoy a certain degree of aggressive behaviour but a Dom won't know that until he/she gets to know the person.

 

[Dapperguy]

The dominant person should get to know the submissive person, much like people who aren’t into BDSM. They should talk about interests and see if they are compatible. If they are meeting up for a good time and not interested in a long time, then they should go ahead and talk kinks and limits right away. If this is a first date and the folks are hopeful for developing a relationship, they may or may not opt to talk about kinks and limits immediately.

@Dapperguy, you seem to be operating under a very false impression that when a Dom encounters a sub, sex and submission automatically happens. Doms aren’t entitled to sex and submission from submissives. Submissive people are, well, people.

I demand sex, from my first encounter.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I demand sex, from my first encounter.

You are just absolutely determined to be this faux dom. You clearly do not understand BDSM and should wear a red flag at all times.

 

[policywank]

You are just absolutely determined to be this faux dom. You clearly do not understand BDSM and should wear a red flag at all times.

I'd like to think most people probably see a fraud coming from a mile away, but the red flag would help the vulnerable or the alcohol impaired

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I'd like to think most people probably see a fraud coming from a mile away, but the red flag would help the vulnerable or the alcohol impaired

I honestly believe this account is a performance alt at this point, just trying to see how much he can get away with.

 

[slavemelanie]

Being sincere is always a good start.

 

[littlecordelera]

A dominant person doesn't think about or even care that they are considered dominant.

A "dom" is a character roleplay in the world of BDSM.