dominant but not a Dom...

[dolf]

so...say was interested in someone...but they weren't a Dom.
they were strong and dominant in personality but not a Dom.
masterful but has no desire to control a partner.

the kinky sex would be more than satisfying...not exactly strictly nilla

i'm not exactly the most subby of subs as you know...

opinions please
ty

 

[redelicious]

so...say was interested in someone...but they weren't a Dom.
they were strong and dominant in personality but not a Dom.
masterful but has no desire to control a partner.

the kinky sex would be more than satisfying...not exactly strictly nilla

i'm not exactly the most subby of subs as you know...

opinions please
ty

The sex would be more than satisfying....

Would you/could you be satisfied with the rest of the situation? If so, why worry? Go with it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Dominant or assertive? And is kinky sex what you seek or are there elements you need to touch those places nothing else will if you are wired that way? And what do you interpret as kinky and not 'nilla, cause I have known people who classed things such as anal sex as out there and yet to me it has been a normal part of my vanilla sexlife almost since day one in my teens.....it is so open to interpretation based on experiences and exposure and what you might think is kinky, he may be horrified to think it is or VV. Maybe time to sit down and do some hard thinking about what it is you really want, what is going to make you happy, and make sure you don't fall into a quick fix trap that so often happens when what we want is not there right here and now.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

I seem to recall a thread you started once saying that the only thing you missed about you ex, is that he would micromanage your day.

 

[mitchell67]

re: pondering definitions

so...say was interested in someone...but they weren't a Dom.
they were strong and dominant in personality but not a Dom.
masterful but has no desire to control a partner.

the kinky sex would be more than satisfying...not exactly strictly nilla

i'm not exactly the most subby of subs as you know...

opinions please
ty

so according to your assessment, you're not quite a sub and he's not quite a dom and yet the kinky sex would be more than satisfying....

what exactly is your dilemma?

No dom can ever read minds. Do you know what kind of control over yourself, you want to be engaged in? Defining that first would be useful in knowing what to ask for and how to negotiate for it.

 

[dolf]

I seem to recall a thread you started once saying that the only thing you missed about you ex, is that he would micromanage your day.

yup...i'm coming across kinda skitz huh.

stupid confused brain *huff*

i know your motivation gracy...you just want me for yourself

i dunno...i've always admitted that a lot of my subbiness comes from being screwed up. lately i've actually barely missed it at all. my fantasies are less brutal rape and more kinky candle wax...perhaps in healing some parts of myself i'm removing the urge for certain acts.
lately the thought of spanking, biting, being pinned down for rough, passionate sex is much more of a turn on than being slapped about and fucked till i bleed.

your thoughts and questions are helping though...giving me something to think on.

 

[dolf]

so according to your assessment, you're not quite a sub and he's not quite a dom and yet the kinky sex would be more than satisfying....

what exactly is your dilemma?

No dom can ever read minds. Do you know what kind of control over yourself, you want to be engaged in? Defining that first would be useful in knowing what to ask for and how to negotiate for it.

well, i'm a switch
as gracy said though, i'm used to being micromanaged so this is going to be very different for me.

 

[mitchell67]

re: ch-ch-ch-changes

well, i'm a switch
as gracy said though, i'm used to being micromanaged so this is going to be very different for me.

different might be therefore very good for you

 

[MissTaken]

If it feels good, do it. Grow into the PERSON you are and revel in that.

 

[graceanne]

yup...i'm coming across kinda skitz huh.

stupid confused brain *huff*

i know your motivation gracy...you just want me for yourself

I already have you, you just don't realize it yet.

 

[SweetSurrendered1]

yup...i'm coming across kinda skitz huh.

stupid confused brain *huff*

i know your motivation gracy...you just want me for yourself

i dunno...i've always admitted that a lot of my subbiness comes from being screwed up. lately i've actually barely missed it at all. my fantasies are less brutal rape and more kinky candle wax...perhaps in healing some parts of myself i'm removing the urge for certain acts.
lately the thought of spanking, biting, being pinned down for rough, passionate sex is much more of a turn on than being slapped about and fucked till i bleed.

your thoughts and questions are helping though...giving me something to think on.

I could never think of you as a skitz, dolf!

It sounds to me like this relationship, and you, are much healthier than before. IMO, that's reason enough to give it a try. After all, you'll never know if this would be right for you if you don't try it. Just be sure to be honest with him about your reservations/fears. Good luck!

 

[FungiUg]

These days I try to distinguish from D/s "Dominant" and what I call "alpha personalities". We all know the alphas -- those take charge and organise, get things happening people. Doms on the other hand are into the act of having someone submit to them. The two need not go hand in hand.

So the question really reflects back on you. What is it you want? I mean, let's face it, the only way you are going to find out if it will work is by giving it a go. "Run and go see."

There's more to life than BDSM. If you get what you want and need from the relationship, but you're not a "submissive" to him -- who cares? Labels are there just for easy identification, they don't truly define who you are. So if it works for you, go for it.

But will it work? Well... give it a go and find out. And best of luck!

 

[bg23]

i don't see any problem with it
do you see any problem with it?

 

[Mr Wolf]

dolf, why not give it a try and see how it goes. Just try not to rush in, let both of you find your feet as you progress to each level in the relationship. After all if you feel like you are changing in your views/thoughts with regard your sub nature perhaps this is the next step you need to take to see if this is where you want to go or not? Still love the pics for the lady...