Dom training

[alice_underneath]

Can anyone point me in the direction as to where I can get some training to become a Dom or even a Master someday?

Sierragrowl,

I hope you will not consider this impertinent, but I would like to address here a comment that you made on another thread. In response to shy slave's question, "Sierra are you Dom/Me/sub/Switch", you wrote:

"Well I am new to the whole D/s world and have always felt I wanted to take control of things (in a positive way). So if I were to pick one, it would be Dom. However from what I've read so far, I don't know if I could put someone I care about through everything I've seen."

As Graceanne noted on the other thread, not all doms are sadists. And your comment has prompted me to ask a question about the type of training that you seek. Are you seeking training in the art of dominance from the perspective of someone who is not a sadist?

LOL, lots of people....F does if and when someone is interested enough to want to learn and seems to have a good head and heart for it....LOL, and I get to be the guinea pig.

Catalina,

If Francisco is training others in the use of floggers, crops, etc., then I understand how this would work.

However, if addressing purely the ability of one human being to dominate another (separate and apart from use of toys or pain/pleasure issues), I share the confusion expressed by Blushing Bottom with her question: "Who would train a Dom and how?"

Alice

 

[Sierragrowl]

Sierragrowl,

I hope you will not consider this impertinent, but I would like to address here a comment that you made on another thread. In response to shy slave's question, "Sierra are you Dom/Me/sub/Switch", you wrote:

"Well I am new to the whole D/s world and have always felt I wanted to take control of things (in a positive way). So if I were to pick one, it would be Dom. However from what I've read so far, I don't know if I could put someone I care about through everything I've seen."

As Graceanne noted on the other thread, not all doms are sadists. And your comment has prompted me to ask a question about the type of training that you seek. Are you seeking training in the art of dominance from the perspective of someone who is not a sadist?

Catalina,

If Francisco is training others in the use of floggers, crops, etc., then I understand how this would work.

However, if addressing purely the ability of one human being to dominate another (separate and apart from use of toys or pain/pleasure issues), I share the confusion expressed by Blushing Bottom with her question: "Who would train a Dom and how?"

Alice

I do seak the training from someone who isn't a sadist. I'd like to learn more about bondage, flogging and spanking. For me there is a certain art to it, so my lover (if I have one someday lol) will enjoy it. I want her to submit to me because of love and not because of fear.

I am also thinking Blushing Bottom was right. Who trains someone to be a Dom/Master?

 

[alice_underneath]

I do seak the training from someone who isn't a sadist. I'd like to learn more about bondage, flogging and spanking. For me there is a certain art to it, so my lover (if I have one someday lol) will enjoy it. I want her to submit to me because of love and not because of fear.

I am also thinking Blushing Bottom was right. Who trains someone to be a Dom/Master?

Sierragrowl,

I have never submitted to a dom (sadist or not), so I am not the best person to address your statement. However, I will be very surprised if Catalina, shy slave, etc., would say that they submit to their PYLs "because of fear".

You are touching on a confusing issue for me, though. I have seen many subs here express fear of punishment. At times it is difficult to tell if they are jesting. But fear of physical acts in a romantic relationship is a foreign concept to me, and I understand your aversion to it.

As to the question at hand, I was not saying that Blushing Bottom was "right" so much as saying that her question reflects a confusion that I share.

I would think that the ability to dominate one's partner is quite an individualized, personal skill. I don't see how it could be taught - any more than one could teach charisma or sexual appeal.

There may be quasi-universal techniques that work for almost everyone. If so, then I suppose these could be taught. I am curious to learn whether or not this is true.

Alice

P.S. You mentioned that you spent four years in the Marines. Thank you very much for your service to our country.

 

[Sierragrowl]

Sierragrowl,

I have never submitted to a dom (sadist or not), so I am not the best person to address your statement. However, I will be very surprised if Catalina, shy slave, etc., would say that they submit to their PYLs "because of fear".

You are touching on a confusing issue for me, though. I have seen many subs here express fear of punishment. At times it is difficult to tell if they are jesting. But fear of physical acts in a romantic relationship is a foreign concept to me, and I understand your aversion to it.

As to the question at hand, I was not saying that Blushing Bottom was "right" so much as saying that her question reflects a confusion that I share.

I would think that the ability to dominate one's partner is quite an individualized, personal skill. I don't see how it could be taught - any more than one could teach charisma or sexual appeal.

There may be quasi-universal techniques that work for almost everyone. If so, then I suppose these could be taught. I am curious to learn whether or not this is true.

Alice

P.S. You mentioned that you spent four years in the Marines. Thank you very much for your service to our country.

I am starting to think that Dominate personalities are a trait and not trainable.

As far as dicipline, thats something different and probably something I need to learn (read) more about.

But the sexual side of punishment is like you said confusing to some, but different strokes for differen folks. That's why we are here!

And you're more then welcome. I was proud to have served and would do it again!

 

[Netzach]

I do seak the training from someone who isn't a sadist. I'd like to learn more about bondage, flogging and spanking. For me there is a certain art to it, so my lover (if I have one someday lol) will enjoy it. I want her to submit to me because of love and not because of fear.

I am also thinking Blushing Bottom was right. Who trains someone to be a Dom/Master?

Well, if I want to tie people up I look for the dude who's tied up 100 people artfully and/or the slave who's been tied up artfully 100 times, or ideally both.
I think a Dom/me gets trained by everyone he or she tops, everyone he or she admires the ways of.

I think it's important to learn about the headspace of your bottom, to try and gain some understanding of where someone might go, what they get out of it. Of course it's going to be different for everyone, but if you talk to enough people you will start to see some patterns.

I think a Dom/me is trained by those who do what she or he wants to do. Your training is largely up to you. It can be in person, it can be from books, it can be in tutorials and in informal conversation.

No one trained be to "be" Dominant. Well over 30 people have trained me in HOW to be Dominant.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina,

If Francisco is training others in the use of floggers, crops, etc., then I understand how this would work.

However, if addressing purely the ability of one human being to dominate another (separate and apart from use of toys or pain/pleasure issues), I share the confusion expressed by Blushing Bottom with her question: "Who would train a Dom and how?"

Alice

It makes sense that a person has to have the desire and qualities necessary for being a Dom/me before F would waste energy or time guiding, mentoring or training them....unfortunately, someone standing quivering with crop in hand is not going to inspire that feeling.

As for how you do it, it is partly practical, but also there is the aspect of talking to them about safety aspects, responsibility, limits, respect, psych aspects, how you might guage the submissives reactions during a scene, and what feelings the Dom/me may experience themselves while gaining both experience and confidence in all areas and some they may want to live in reality but have issues from past life experiences or conditioning...and how to deal with that. I guess that is what makes the difference in the types of people offering training....anyone who has learnt how to wield a flogger can give instructions to another, but IMHO only someone who has significant experience, insight, and responsibility can cover the issues a budding Dom/me may experience within themselves and that of their submissive. With me, and his insistence I develop topping skills, he has been very light on in an openly conscious way, but in reality there has been lots of training in more covert ways. Part of why he does not have to be so overt about it is because I have experience as a slave/sub and use that for much of how I read and connect with a sub during a scene....I also have experience and knowledge about safety, psyche of both Dom/me and sub, and my own creative style, as well as 3 1/2 years under his whip to develop a sixth sense of sorts.

Like Netzach says, any Dom/me or sub/slave is going to gain training on some level with everyone they play with or have a relationship with simply because each relationship has to take into account the individuals involved and what works for them, not a cookie cutter version which a lot of people make the mistake of believing is how it really works.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sierragrowl,

I have never submitted to a dom (sadist or not), so I am not the best person to address your statement. However, I will be very surprised if Catalina, shy slave, etc., would say that they submit to their PYLs "because of fear".

Can't speak for shy, but I would say there are times I submit to particular things out of fear. That is part of the whole tease. In earlier days we were more controlled, but we both desired more and as time has passed and we have gotten to know each other inside out, it has been possible to cross that line where things may happen that I will not like, that I might find unbearable, that may cause serious harm if things go wrong. Add to that there are a couple of things he feels strongly about, which he has told me what sort of punishment they would attract, and though once I might have doubted he would carry out his promises, I no longer do and they are effective in scaring the crap out of me and causing me to break out in a cold sweat just to think about them....so needless to say, they are a good deterrent if I ever lose my mind and in that way they do bring about submission to his wishes in those areas. Having said all this though, I never doubt his love for me or mine for him, just our love is not based on vanilla ideals and practices despite there still being enough sex to keep 3 couples happily exhausted and our habit of unconsciously always touching each other in some way, even if only a stroke on the shoulder or caress, and telling each other how much we love the other at least a few times a day....lol, we just like a bit of spice with it all.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

It makes sense that a person has to have the desire and qualities necessary for being a Dom/me before F would waste energy or time guiding, mentoring or training them....unfortunately, someone standing quivering with crop in hand is not going to inspire that feeling.<snip>

Hi, Catalina. Thanks for the response.

One of the things that I find most confusing about BDSM is that it seems to cover so much ground. In discussing training, what I am trying to do here is to separate d/s from the s/m element. I am further trying to focus on dominance and submission in the context of a relationship between two people.

In the response from Netzach and yourself, you are addressing the use of toys, safety, and behavior in scenes. It seems to me as if you are talking about teaching specific skills to a top - a prerequisite for which is the availability of a willing and submissive bottom.

I am asking a very different question. What I am asking is: how do you teach one person to persuade another to submit to his/her dominance? How do you teach the dom to maintain that submission over time? Submission of heart and soul is what I am talking about here, not just allowing yourself to be tied up and flogged.

I am assuming that it is possible for someone to be brilliant in the use of a crop, but horrible at maintaining dominance in the context of an intimate relationship. I understand how you could teach the former skill, but not the latter.

Alice

 

[catalina_francisco]

It seems to me as if you are talking about teaching specific skills to a top - a prerequisite for which is the availability of a willing and submissive bottom.

I am asking a very different question. What I am asking is: how do you teach one person to persuade another to submit to his/her dominance? How do you teach the dom to maintain that submission over time? Submission of heart and soul is what I am talking about here, not just allowing yourself to be tied up and flogged.

Number one for us is we are both people who are not interested in trying to persuade anyone to submit or dominate....it holds no allure for us individually or as a couple. Our philosophy is if someone is submissive or Dominant, then they decide if what we have to offer is in line with what they are looking for....ie. it is about choice not manipulation and trickery to get someone interested who might be acting out of fear, intimidation, vulnerability, insecurity, pressure....is one fo the reasons neither of us bothered looking for a partner in the vanilla pool, we both were looking for someone mature and already sure of what they wanted and not afraid to go after it. A person maintains dominance over another by feeding the need for both of them in a way which involves consensuality and complementary skills and feelings about D/s and each other.

I am assuming that it is possible for someone to be brilliant in the use of a crop, but horrible at maintaining dominance in the context of an intimate relationship. I understand how you could teach the former skill, but not the latter.

Depends on the person. The mistake a lot make is in thinking to be Dominant you do not have to listen to or consider your sub/slave, and you have to basically act like an arsehole. That to me is someone who is often insecure in themselves and/or their skills as a Dominant. Part of training can address those issues as a lot do get their ideas from watching bad porn and trying to live the media image to a T....it is where responsibility comes in and understanding not just their momentary needs, but those of the sub and the possible outcomes in expected and unexpected circumstances. You address why they feel they want to become a Dominant....is it because they have a hatred of the opposite sex and want revenge? Not a good way to dominate, not to mention unsafe. Is it because they feel it makes them powerful in every way within the community? Also not an ideal thought pattern. It is a bit like getting them to analyse for themselves where their dominance comes from and developing that in a way which works, then finding a partner who is looking for that same or similar vision. That is why a lot who see it solely as something kinky and shocking for their friends to discover come unstuck at the seams. The art of being able to be successfully dominant or submissive in a relationship is not an easy one and one of the reasons you see a lot of people who have had a lot of short relationships and are still looking...like any relationship it involves work and communication, and flexibility to remain open to growth and change.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

Number one for us is we are both people who are not interested in trying to persuade anyone to submit or dominate....:

I was not asking about persuading someone to adopt the lifestyle.

Somehow, Francisco "persuaded" you to become his slave, right? That is the type of persuasion I was talking about. Whatever he did that convinced you to submit to him instead of some other guy.

You address why they feel they want to become a Dominant....is it because they have a hatred of the opposite sex and want revenge? Not a good way to dominate, not to mention unsafe. Is it because they feel it makes them powerful in every way within the community? Also not an ideal thought pattern. It is a bit like getting them to analyse for themselves where their dominance comes from and developing that in a way which works, then finding a partner who is looking for that same or similar vision. That is why a lot who see it solely as something kinky and shocking for their friends to discover come unstuck at the seams. The art of being able to be successfully dominant or submissive in a relationship is not an easy one and one of the reasons you see a lot of people who have had a lot of short relationships and are still looking...like any relationship it involves work and communication, and flexibility to remain open to growth and change.

This is more what I was looking for, and I appreciate the response very much.

Focusing on the mental aspects of domination and submission is what interests me - not skill with the toys.

Thanks again.

Alice

 

[catalina_francisco]

I was not asking about persuading someone to adopt the lifestyle.

Somehow, Francisco "persuaded" you to become his slave, right? That is the type of persuasion I was talking about. Whatever he did that convinced you to submit to him instead of some other guy.



Alice

Yes and no.....it was a matter of our feelings for each other, shared visions of what we wanted in a relationship, connection, chemistry....I don't think of that as persuasion so much as compatibility. We were both actively looking for a partner who wanted the same things and somehow even though we were 16,000 kms apart we found each other.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

alice, most of what you are talking about boils down to communications skills. People are born with different degrees of these, but it is something that can be learned, improved and built on though study. I think what catalina said about encouraging people to self-assess is spot-on, and a good training tool here is a notebook or a journal, even if no one else ever reads it. I think it's one thing to have the desire to be Dominant in relationships and it turns into something else if someone asks you "why" and you have to come up with an honest assessment of what drives you and what your ideals "look" and feel like. (whether they are all pure and good motivations or not always so squeaky clean, let's be honest.)

You can't train someone to want to do it. But maintaining a slave is nowhere near an innate and obvious procedure. You have to learn how to listen, you have to learn HOW to develop criteria for judging performance, you have to know enough about yourself to know what will make sense for you and what will hold your interest for a weekend at most. You have to know what your standards are. You have to learn how to listen to your S/o so that you are coming up with challenges they are actually capable of meeting, not setting them up for failure.

 

[graceanne]

alice, most of what you are talking about boils down to communications skills. People are born with different degrees of these, but it is something that can be learned, improved and built on though study. I think what catalina said about encouraging people to self-assess is spot-on, and a good training tool here is a notebook or a journal, even if no one else ever reads it. I think it's one thing to have the desire to be Dominant in relationships and it turns into something else if someone asks you "why" and you have to come up with an honest assessment of what drives you and what your ideals "look" and feel like. (whether they are all pure and good motivations or not always so squeaky clean, let's be honest.)

You can't train someone to want to do it. But maintaining a slave is nowhere near an innate and obvious procedure. You have to learn how to listen, you have to learn HOW to develop criteria for judging performance, you have to know enough about yourself to know what will make sense for you and what will hold your interest for a weekend at most. You have to know what your standards are. You have to learn how to listen to your S/o so that you are coming up with challenges they are actually capable of meeting, not setting them up for failure.

You mean you have to THINK?

Wow. That's gotta suck. Glad I'm not a dom/me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You mean you have to THINK?

Wow. That's gotta suck. Glad I'm not a dom/me.

LOL, don't think the thinking part is limited to Dom/mes. My head aches from all the thinking I have to do to get to where he wants me.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

LOL, don't think the thinking part is limited to Dom/mes. My head aches from all the thinking I have to do to get to where he wants me.

Catalina

I know. I was being very sarcastic. We need a sarcasim emoticon.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Mentoring is not about teaching you how to be dominant but to refine the dominant traits as well as to better understand the submisive mindset to utilize it and your dominance to the benefit of both.

It was that way when I was mentored but that was some time ago and I have no idea if it still remains the same. So much has changed in the lifestyle since then.

If you find some willing to mentor you, ask a lot of questions. Make sure the goals you want to reach are what they will help you with. Mentors are like subs in the sense that you have to find one that suits your needs.

Good luck.

 

[Sierragrowl]

Mentoring is not about teaching you how to be dominant but to refine the dominant traits as well as to better understand the submisive mindset to utilize it and your dominance to the benefit of both.

It was that way when I was mentored but that was some time ago and I have no idea if it still remains the same. So much has changed in the lifestyle since then.

If you find some willing to mentor you, ask a lot of questions. Make sure the goals you want to reach are what they will help you with. Mentors are like subs in the sense that you have to find one that suits your needs.

Good luck.

I agree totally. I use mentoring in my job as a way to train people. It allows someone to work with a co-worker and learn from them. It also builds a help my fellow worker atmosphere attitude that I like to see.

But not everyone is cut out as a mentor!

 

[alice_underneath]

alice, most of what you are talking about boils down to communications skills. People are born with different degrees of these, but it is something that can be learned, improved and built on though study. I think what catalina said about encouraging people to self-assess is spot-on, and a good training tool here is a notebook or a journal, even if no one else ever reads it. I think it's one thing to have the desire to be Dominant in relationships and it turns into something else if someone asks you "why" and you have to come up with an honest assessment of what drives you and what your ideals "look" and feel like. (whether they are all pure and good motivations or not always so squeaky clean, let's be honest.)

You can't train someone to want to do it. But maintaining a slave is nowhere near an innate and obvious procedure. You have to learn how to listen, you have to learn HOW to develop criteria for judging performance, you have to know enough about yourself to know what will make sense for you and what will hold your interest for a weekend at most. You have to know what your standards are. You have to learn how to listen to your S/o so that you are coming up with challenges they are actually capable of meeting, not setting them up for failure.

Thanks, Netzach. This is a very interesting response, and I appreciate you taking the time to write it.

Alice

 

[Zizitete]

My first post! Been having a thorough read of the forum etc..

Sierragrowl, you sound very much like you're in my boat! I too am wondering how to be taught to be a Dom. Whilst it's quite clear to me that a true Dom just has it in them naturally, as a true sub too has it in them, I feel it is partially in me, but still need guidance and possible "training" if you like.

After reading endless amounts on forums the past few days, there seems to be no real hard and fast "rules" regarding this BDSM game, everyone's opinion is slightly different.

My predicament is this! I talk to a girl who I fancy the pants off and she claims she's a sub. Though I don't think she has any real expertise knowledge as to what's what, she is finding out purely by accident through the chance that a few past partners have inflicted pain, humiliation and such like upon her and she discovered she loved it! I'd love to be able to satisfy her in the ways she'd like to be dominated, and obviously experiment more and find new ways of excitement...BUT, I think most self taught Doms are very intelligent and decisive enough to just flow through doing everything easily. Myself however, am a timid guy in normal life, especially around women, not the sharpest tool in the box, can be very indecisive, and from reading up I know these aren't good traits for a Dom to have, yet I KNOW I have Dom tendencies...well through watching BDSM porn on the net, plus slapped a few ex's about a bit and thoroughly enjoyed it
So I have the fear that I may get it on with this "sub" yet the pressure of her expecting me to know what I'm doing may make me get a bit stuck in the middle, not know what to do next, cock it up completely leaving her unstimulated and bored, so therefore feel some teaching would be invaluable.

While I'm here I'd like to comment a bit on the differences alot on here have been talking about between subs, and masochists. The girl I talk to says she like to be humiliated in public, wil do absolutely anything almsot without limits to please a man in anyway he commands, AND loves the feeling of pain. So to me that sounds like she fits every category going! What is she? A maso-sub? (Don't know the correct term)

Probably a very naive cherry-popping post from me there, but I had to dive in sooner or later.

 

[Sierragrowl]

My first post! Been having a thorough read of the forum etc..

Sierragrowl, you sound very much like you're in my boat! I too am wondering how to be taught to be a Dom. Whilst it's quite clear to me that a true Dom just has it in them naturally, as a true sub too has it in them, I feel it is partially in me, but still need guidance and possible "training" if you like.

After reading endless amounts on forums the past few days, there seems to be no real hard and fast "rules" regarding this BDSM game, everyone's opinion is slightly different.

My predicament is this! I talk to a girl who I fancy the pants off and she claims she's a sub. Though I don't think she has any real expertise knowledge as to what's what, she is finding out purely by accident through the chance that a few past partners have inflicted pain, humiliation and such like upon her and she discovered she loved it! I'd love to be able to satisfy her in the ways she'd like to be dominated, and obviously experiment more and find new ways of excitement...BUT, I think most self taught Doms are very intelligent and decisive enough to just flow through doing everything easily. Myself however, am a timid guy in normal life, especially around women, not the sharpest tool in the box, can be very indecisive, and from reading up I know these aren't good traits for a Dom to have, yet I KNOW I have Dom tendencies...well through watching BDSM porn on the net, plus slapped a few ex's about a bit and thoroughly enjoyed it
So I have the fear that I may get it on with this "sub" yet the pressure of her expecting me to know what I'm doing may make me get a bit stuck in the middle, not know what to do next, cock it up completely leaving her unstimulated and bored, so therefore feel some teaching would be invaluable.

While I'm here I'd like to comment a bit on the differences alot on here have been talking about between subs, and masochists. The girl I talk to says she like to be humiliated in public, wil do absolutely anything almsot without limits to please a man in anyway he commands, AND loves the feeling of pain. So to me that sounds like she fits every category going! What is she? A maso-sub? (Don't know the correct term)

Probably a very naive cherry-popping post from me there, but I had to dive in sooner or later.

Well I don't have a lot to offer but I will say you need to becareful.

 

[heckle]

Sierragrowl - I don't post much and am in and out of these forums. I have not been in the lifestyle for decades and am not any type of expert. I also have never participated in any type of online play, chatrooms or long distance relationships (LDR). All of my experiance has been "hands on" and real life. I am a dominant and have a 24/7 slave who also happens to be my wife. No, she is not a "doormat" (I have one of those in front of my door and don't need any in my house) but she is my slave. I listen to her concerns and ideas but the final decesion is mine.

That being said, let me give you how *I* see things. If your looking to learn, the best place you can learn is to find some real life people who are involved in the lifestyle. Look for a local BDSM group and drop in on a Munch to see if it is what your looking for. If you feel comfortable, get to know them. Talk to them. Suprisingly enough, they may just teach you a few things. Be open minded to what they say or do. Not all Masters/Dominants are sadist. I do not think of myself as a sadist but more of a nawashi (rope practitioner). We practice BDSM on a more spiritual level (if you can understand). It is not so much about sadism, beatings, sex, etc... It is about a deeper connection and togetherness.

Now with that all being said, take a look at yourself and evaluate how you feel. It may be that you may lean towards being a switch (a person who both tops others and bottoms to others). Or you just may be a Dominant who does not like inflicting pain but would rather control. That is for you to decide and figure out. It is a fantastic journey and has many possible side trips along the way. Just keep an open mind to things and others. If your still looking for someone to "teach" you, good luck. As I said already, look for a local bdsm group. Meet others and talk to them. And a little hint, you can learn as much from other Dominants as you can from other submissives.

 

[Sierragrowl]

Sierragrowl - I don't post much and am in and out of these forums. I have not been in the lifestyle for decades and am not any type of expert. I also have never participated in any type of online play, chatrooms or long distance relationships (LDR). All of my experiance has been "hands on" and real life. I am a dominant and have a 24/7 slave who also happens to be my wife. No, she is not a "doormat" (I have one of those in front of my door and don't need any in my house) but she is my slave. I listen to her concerns and ideas but the final decesion is mine.

That being said, let me give you how *I* see things. If your looking to learn, the best place you can learn is to find some real life people who are involved in the lifestyle. Look for a local BDSM group and drop in on a Munch to see if it is what your looking for. If you feel comfortable, get to know them. Talk to them. Suprisingly enough, they may just teach you a few things. Be open minded to what they say or do. Not all Masters/Dominants are sadist. I do not think of myself as a sadist but more of a nawashi (rope practitioner). We practice BDSM on a more spiritual level (if you can understand). It is not so much about sadism, beatings, sex, etc... It is about a deeper connection and togetherness.

Now with that all being said, take a look at yourself and evaluate how you feel. It may be that you may lean towards being a switch (a person who both tops others and bottoms to others). Or you just may be a Dominant who does not like inflicting pain but would rather control. That is for you to decide and figure out. It is a fantastic journey and has many possible side trips along the way. Just keep an open mind to things and others. If your still looking for someone to "teach" you, good luck. As I said already, look for a local bdsm group. Meet others and talk to them. And a little hint, you can learn as much from other Dominants as you can from other submissives.

Thank you very much! I have to say what you mentioned above hit a lot of areas I want to go into. For one I want to be a Dom but not inflicting pain but as you said... control.

I also agree on the deeper connection and togetherness. But getting there is a little unknown to me ... how do I get there?

I haven't been able to find a BDSM culture in my area. Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks for the information! I appreciate everyone's input.

 

[heckle]

I also agree on the deeper connection and togetherness. But getting there is a little unknown to me ... how do I get there?

THAT is all part of the journey and discovery. By taking your time and communicating your feelings and thoughts, it will be easier. When you interact with your bottom, try to concentrate on them. Try to ignore people in your surroundings.

I haven't been able to find a BDSM culture in my area. Do you have any suggestions?

Try looking through this website.
http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

 

[catalina_francisco]

THAT is all part of the journey and discovery. By taking your time and communicating your feelings and thoughts, it will be easier. When you interact with your bottom, try to concentrate on them. Try to ignore people in your surroundings.

And these are reasons why sometimes it is often best to do your learning and playing where there are no others to distract you. It can have it's charm being in aclub or party scene, but I don't think you get the same level of connection or communication you can in private with only your two selves to be concerned about pleasing or impressing.

Catalina

 

[John Doe]

I basically just made it up as I went along. Be audacious.

Indeed.