Dom/sub made or born?

[OliverTwists]

What attracts me to this lifestyle has alot to do with my personality.

There is a large streak of Dominant people in it.

Both my grandfathers were pretty high power.

One grandmother someone I like alot. (I should see her more often). She is sweet and honest. Strong and feminine. The other's personality is burried.

My father was as high power as well.
My mother's is... hard to see.

I've always been affraid of my power. But Ive been affraid of it because I've never had anyone to Reign me in in a sane manner. Strong enough to make them bend and too good to do it.

That makes me a sub.

As for everything, there is a good and a bad. I've always been attracted to the extreme. It's where I like to live. Some people become aware of their true limits, how far their bodies and minds can go. This proximity to the edge can come in experiencing abuse or coming close to the edge while taking enormous risks or . I've had both. One I won't mention and the other was in traveling and mountain biking and skiing.
One then ends up knowing where that edge is and how not to skid off that cliff.
But that full extent or ourselves is where we like to live.

I haven't known any doms or subs. Or gotten close enough to know they were but I've suspected a couple. So I'm not sure weather it's nature or nuture.

Any ideas?

 

[bunny bondage]

Here's your answers

 

[OliverTwists]

ty

 

[Kajira Callista]

check the library and old threads, there are tons of threads on nature vs. nurture.

 

[1shadylady]

i am new to this web site.. still trying to figure it out.. but in answer to ur question .. made or born..???
i believe made......
we are(our personality/lifestyle) is made up from our past circumstances ..

 

[dolf]

i am new to this web site.. still trying to figure it out.. but in answer to ur question .. made or born..???
i believe made......
we are(our personality/lifestyle) is made up from our past circumstances ..

not entirely true i suspect...
in animals dominance has a partly genetic basis and it can be selected for/against. (certain dog breeds for instance are highly dominant) this is why females are drawn towards dominant males in nature.
xx

 

[FungiUg]

I'm not sure weather it's nature or nuture.

Despite any psychological treaties that try to separate these two, in reality you have both. Why try to separate them?

I can say I know close family who are not Dominant, so that rules out nature. And I know people who have gone through very different upbringings to my own, and ARE Dominant. So that kind of rules out nurture.

How about the two in combination? And add something else -- a concious choice on how to react to life. Nature and nurture are external forces, but there is also an internalised force of a person's conciousness that decides on how to react to events. And that also goes toward creating who we become.

 

[FungiUg]

Here's your answers

Two things. Firstly, I think that link covers a different area of discussion (historical links to masochism.)

Secondly, bunny, you are obviously in need of a Grammar Dom. "Here's" is a contraction of "Here is," and "is" is singular, whereas "answers" is plural. So you could have used "Here's your answer" or "Here are your answers", but NOT "Here's your answers".

So face to the wall and raise your skirt while I fetch the cane...

 

[1shadylady]

as to why females search for dominate males...

there is an oxymoron if i ever heard one..LOL

they are searching for the.. Father figure..someone who will make all the decison's for them ..tell them what to do, when to do.. it is something that has happened since woman's LIB has taken over.. we wanted to be equal and now that we are given that right.. we don't like it so...now the trend is that women are looking for a master/dominate one

now a days there are very few fathers' in most females lifes so they think if they find a male that is bossy/pushy etc etc then they think ahhh dominate man..

well surprise to you woman, a man can not dominate u unless u allow him too .. so that fact is.. who is the controlling one then..? Watch or read the ..Story of O and understand..

 

[A Desert Rose]

I disagree.

The last thing I want in my life is a father figure. And calling someone daddy is no turn on for me, at all.

 

[dolf]

The last thing I want in my life is a father figure. And calling someone daddy is no turn on for me, at all.

turns me on though!
xx

 

[1shadylady]

for desert rose..
then why may i ask do you use a picture of a little girl in ur profile?

bingo.......

 

[A Desert Rose]

turns me on though!
xx

And fine... I'm glad for you.

However, her post painted all submissive with one broad brush and thet is simply not the case.

 

[A Desert Rose]

for desert rose..
then why may i ask do you use a picture of a little girl in ur profile?

bingo.......

Because I'm just soo damned cute.. that's why.

 

[1shadylady]

again for desert rose........

hmmm not really an acceptable/good answer for some one claiming to be a sub.. is it now.??

 

[A Desert Rose]

again for desert rose........

hmmm not really an acceptable/good answer for some one claiming to be a sub.. is it now.??

I don't have to explain to you why I am whatever I am.
Nor do I paint all submissive as being ONE personality type, like you do.

 

[dolf]

again for desert rose........

hmmm not really an acceptable/good answer for some one claiming to be a sub.. is it now.??

ooooooo.....i think i'll hide behind the sofa to watch this!
xx

 

[bunny bondage]

are women naturally masochistic? this conclusion has been made because of the long-standing portrayal of women as weak and submissive. however, observers such as Reik (1957[1941]) saw that more men than women engaged in masochistic sex. the best available evidence shows that women have more masochistic fantasies than men, but men are far more likely to want them acted out. but is masochism feninine? there is nothing in the psychology of women that is in herently masochistic, but there may well be something feminine in the psychology of masochism. some support for this is forced cross-dressing type situations. men are often femininized, but rarely is a girl "masculinized".

there's also a difference in what male and female masochists desire. men often enjoy much more severe humiliation and punishment than females who favor experiences which emphasize embarrasment more than a simple humiliation. males tend to be more willing to dispense with pain altogether and have a more service oriented relationship, so being spanked tends to be more common among females. when men DO want pain, though, they tend to want paddlings or whippings instead of the relatively mild hand-spanking favored by girls. also, female masochists tend to enjoy elaborating some context or significance for the spanking, such as misbehavior, whereas many male masochists describe being punished for no reason whatsoever.

and there's also the little issue of sex. many male subs questioned didn't have sex with there dommes, but every female sub did. the male was more likely to give oral sex or something more along servitile lines like that. so, while there is no evidence that masochism is inherently male or female, it could be argued that masochism itself is somewhat feminine.

all paraphrasing that was done was taken from: Baumeister&Tice's "The Social Dimension of Sex"

 

[A Desert Rose]

ooooooo.....i think i'll hide behind the sofa to watch this!
xx

There's nothing to see. I am not debating or defending your submission or mine to anyone.

There are more eloquent submissives here who can do that better than I. Those are the ones you might want to sit back and watch for.

 

[1shadylady]

i am not placing a sub into a certain area of a picture, there are all kinds of subs' and different kinds of masters' too.
i am not intending to insult you.
i was just answering whether masters' are born that way or made that way. and if u have a master i am sure that u are enabling him to be one.. because ur demeanor is not one of a true sub..
bowing deeply

 

[A Desert Rose]

See dolf?

Here's one now....
bunny is quite knowledgable in her opinions. She's one to always watch and read.

are women naturally masochistic? this conclusion has been made because of the long-standing portrayal of women as weak and submissive. however, observers such as Reik (1957[1941]) saw that more men than women engaged in masochistic sex. the best available evidence shows that women have more masochistic fantasies than men, but men are far more likely to want them acted out. but is masochism feninine? there is nothing in the psychology of women that is in herently masochistic, but there may well be something feminine in the psychology of masochism. some support for this is forced cross-dressing type situations. men are often femininized, but rarely is a girl "masculinized".

there's also a difference in what male and female masochists desire. men often enjoy much more severe humiliation and punishment than females who favor experiences which emphasize embarrasment more than a simple humiliation. males tend to be more willing to dispense with pain altogether and have a more service oriented relationship, so being spanked tends to be more common among females. when men DO want pain, though, they tend to want paddlings or whippings instead of the relatively mild hand-spanking favored by girls. also, female masochists tend to enjoy elaborating some context or significance for the spanking, such as misbehavior, whereas many male masochists describe being punished for no reason whatsoever.

and there's also the little issue of sex. many male subs questioned didn't have sex with there dommes, but every female sub did. the male was more likely to give oral sex or something more along servitile lines like that. so, while there is no evidence that masochism is inherently male or female, it could be argued that masochism itself is somewhat feminine.

all paraphrasing that was done was taken from: Baumeister&Tice's "The Social Dimension of Sex"

 

[incubus'_sub]

Oh dear, Shady. May I suggest that you sit on the sofa, make yourself comfortable, and do some intense reading of past posts on this board. Your view is very simplistic at this stage and my guess is that you have gained your knowledge of the lifestyle through reading books like O.

I'd say that almost everyone here has read it, seen the movie, or both. Many of us actually do live the lifestyle, OK, I was tattooed, not branded but whatever, and are able to discuss things from real experience, not just fiction & fantasy.

There is no such thing as "real sub behaviour". Each relationship is as different as the people involved and so evolves to meet the individual needs and desires of the participants.

Read & learn little girl.

 

[1shadylady]

if u take a look at the "scene" in the past few years,and how it has changed... there seem to be more men coming out to become submissives .. how do u explain that?

 

[A Desert Rose]

And here's another...

I never miss a post by her...

Oh dear, Shady. May I suggest that you sit on the sofa, make yourself comfortable, and do some intense reading of past posts on this board. Your view is very simplistic at this stage and my guess is that you have gained your knowledge of the lifestyle through reading books like O.

I'd say that almost everyone here has read it, seen the movie, or both. Many of us actually do live the lifestyle, OK, I was tattooed, not branded but whatever, and are able to discuss things from real experience, not just fiction & fantasy.

There is no such thing as "real sub behaviour". Each relationship is as different as the people involved and so evolves to meet the individual needs and desires of the participants.

Read & learn little girl.

 

[A Desert Rose]

if u take a look at the "scene" in the past few years,and how it has changed... there seem to be more men coming out to become submissives .. how do u explain that?

I think what we have here is just another illiterate troll on our boards.

LMAO

More gays are coming out than in past years too. How do you explain that?

ahhhh maybe people are just more tolerant and accepting and BROAD minded? Maybe? Do you think?