Dom certification and identification?

[DVS]

Yes! Your reply really hit me and this is exactly the way I am thinking and feeling. It's like I finally found this magical ingredient which was missing from life and I just want it you know? I'm not sure I can still claim the arrogance and impatience of youth, I'm 28, but it has been a battle of knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel and trying to enjoy the journey of reaching it. I've read/lurked on this site for a year and a half, have read how happy and satisfied some of you are, and just wanted to receive any words of wisdom of how you all got there. When I have moments of frustration I'll just repeat: patience is a virtue and experience is a hell of a teacher.

Oh and I swear I'll never type the word "certification" again on this board. I received a lovely PM on how someone thought I was a nazi trying to make BDSM conform.

Yes, we have such a wide range of people who frequent our little forums. Quirky doesn't even begin to cover it.

 

[where]

OK, who is going to print those itty bitty words for them to read? And do you speak ant?

no, but I know a man who does...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPjfD8ulnpw

 

[ownedsubgal]

This. Exactly this.

And if you introduce someone to your friends and you can tell from 3 people (nonverbally or verbally) that they don't like the person, consider the validity of it.

there are people out there who have 3 friends?!? i always thought that was a "Sex in the City"-spawned myth, lol.

 

[Chiara_searches]

I might alter this post a bit by saying the good thing about being a loner is you can do what you want, and take your time. No need for social riff-raff, no rubbing elbows with the "in crowd" or dealing with the issue of "keeping up with the Jones".

The bad thing about being a loner is taking your time can be risky. The early bird gets the worm. Also, you don't get any benefit of the social scene's rumor mill, or those who gossip on the sidelines at parties. And because you don't hear about the rumors and the gossips, you don't find out that the guy you're dating has had a girlfriend mysteriously disappear, until you find yourself buried in a shallow grave beside hers.

There are good things and bad things about any angle, any method or any sense of judgment you might use to filter out fakes. There will always be those fakers who can learn from their mistakes and get past the next screening. Unfortunately, there are no fool proof ways and I think there should be.

I might be sticking my neck out a little by saying this but those in the experienced crowd tend to say you treat each one the same as you would any other date. Of course, they've come through the same ordeal, and have their experience to fall back on. But from the point of view of the newbie, does that really help that much?

I mean really...I understand what they mean, but if someone is asking for help, doesn't it stand to reason that they are lost because whatever means they have used just weren't working? So, tell them they have to develop a skill, a kind of woman's intuition that points out the red flags? Doesn't that take some time? Most newbies are in overdrive, desires flared up and nearly impossible to hold back. At least that's the way I was. They are looking for answers so they can get that hunger fed.

There are threads that have talked about this, in the past. Don't mess with the guy who talks down to you before he even gets to know you. If he says things like "Kneel at my feet, bitch" or the guy who says "you're not a true submissive" because you don't automatically kneel at his feet. Sure, those are small things, but they are tried and true things. If we don't already have such a thread, we should have. I'm guessing we do, but either nobody knows where it is, or it's really in several threads, instead of just one.

Yes, common sense is good, when you are looking for a Dom. But who listens to that, when their sexual desires are raging? And fakers know how to push the buttons to get those sexual desires to rage. That's some of their best stuff. We need to look at this from the newbie's point of view. We really should give them a few bullet points, kind of a newbie check list.

Literotica Librarian? I don't mean to put you on the spot, but we have the ability to seek such a list, but do you know if the library already have such a thread, or threads? I know we have safety threads for people just starting out, but is there one for what to look for in a fake, a wannabee or a creep?

This articulates, well, my whole hesitancy in traveling this road. I am a loner by nature; I've spent a great deal of the past year alone by choice. Someone recently told me that eventually I'll have to go to munches and get to know people that way. But I just can't picture myself ever doing that. Yet, I don't want to live life unfulfilled.

So how do I sort out truth and lies? I like being reminded to listen to my gut. I hope that every newbie gets that message: listen to your innate sense of right and wrong, just like you are listening to your innate sense of what you need to be fulfilled. If I listen to my gut today, I'm very encouraged for the future.

I am looking forward to the bullet points, but can we have it in power point presentation with full color spread instead?

 

[CutieMouse]

Um.. Why do you "have" to go to munches to meet people? And what idiot implied (it told you) that you need anything more than the same common sense you use in "vanilla" relationships to decide if someone us an asshole or not?

I've gone to a munch a couple of times, and it's just.not.my.scene. So I don't utilize munches as a dating tool. I also prefer "normal" dating sites to AFF, CollarMe, etc... Although I have receintly stumbled upon a friend with benifits at Fet. lol

In the end it's a relationship - same as any relationship. The fact that one person is more up front about leading, and the other more up front about following, is the only real difference (in a big picture way). It isn't rocket surgery.

 

[sb2009]

Here's my take....use your brain, etc. But know you will also make mistakes. And unless that mistakes leaves you deeply wounded or in that shallow grave..live and learn.

I think some people can be caught up in making sure everything is JUST RIGHT that they pass over some PRETTY DARN GOOD experiences.

Here's an example: I recently made a judgement call about someone and I turned out to be wrong. Nothing major, all I have to show for it is some embarrassment and an awkward memory. The two men in my life who I have made correct judgement calls about were a bit peeved at me but also are making sure I learn a lesson from my not-so-smart behavior.

And it's also proving to be useful in some humiliation play. Sigh.

Anyway, there's a lot of stuff out there and, at least for me, I had no way to know if I was into it or liked it or whatever until I dipped my foot in a bit.

So maybe relax and remember, this is supposed to be fun, right?

(Ok, for those of you who this is NOT about fun....I am NOT saying you don't have a wonderfully valid view of it all..but the OP seems like they are on the exploring part right now)

 

[Chiara_searches]

Um.. Why do you "have" to go to munches to meet people? And what idiot implied (it told you) that you need anything more than the same common sense you use in "vanilla" relationships to decide if someone us an asshole or not?

I've gone to a munch a couple of times, and it's just.not.my.scene. So I don't utilize munches as a dating tool. I also prefer "normal" dating sites to AFF, CollarMe, etc... Although I have receintly stumbled upon a friend with benifits at Fet. lol

In the end it's a relationship - same as any relationship. The fact that one person is more up front about leading, and the other more up front about following, is the only real difference (in a big picture way). It isn't rocket surgery.

The comment about munches was almost in jest...as in "when I'm done imparting knowledge to you, you'll have to move on to other things. Maybe munches." But it did, of course, get me thinking how the hell do I find someone with my flavor in mind, so in my mind it became a "have to" in the sense of figuring out another step forward. Of course, I've also read some interesting blogs out in the rest of the world about dating adventures and understand your point. It is a relationship, after all and can be navigated with the tools I already possess. The question then becomes if my tools are adequate.

I think the idiot that implied I needed anything different than vanilla common sense was me. My vanilla common sense worked decently; the ex is not the worst man alive. But I picked someone with whom I was always guarded. So in that sense my vanilla common sense was broken. I guess that's a long winded way of saying I want to use a hybrid common sense so that next time I am with someone who can accept the whole me, and for me that requires fine tuning of my vanilla side.

 

[Skaoi]

I want to use a hybrid common sense

How very green of you

 

[Chiara_searches]

How very green of you

Thank you. It's a side effect of my car.

 

[graceanne]

A little ironic isn't it?

I'm not sure. I might be being dense, but I don't see the irony.

Honestly, the lights started to flicker about the time I was getting off with Social Security, so I turned off my computer. I'm still going to look.

 

[DVS]

I'm not sure. I might be being dense, but I don't see the irony.

Honestly, the lights started to flicker about the time I was getting off with Social Security, so I turned off my computer. I'm still going to look.

My sense of humor is strange, sometimes. Even I can't really remember the particular irony of it. I remember it had something to do with something social and something security. DUH. If I remember, I'll get back to you. Sorry.

Don't hurry on that. I know how things happen. I tried looking, but not knowing what it might be under, I came up empty handed. I'm fairly good with the search here, but sometimes it is like my sense of humor...a little sketchy.


Wow, pretty text! No, I'm not gay. I'm totally hetero but I can still see pretty colors.

 

[rekane]

My sense of humor is strange, sometimes. Even I can't really remember the particular irony of it. I remember it had something to do with something social and something security. DUH. If I remember, I'll get back to you. Sorry.

Don't hurry on that. I know how things happen. I tried looking, but not knowing what it might be under, I came up empty handed. I'm fairly good with the search here, but sometimes it is like my sense of humor...a little sketchy.


Wow, pretty text! No, I'm not gay. I'm totally hetero but I can still see pretty colors.

so lovely

 

[rekane]

To add something more relevant to my previous colorful post, my previous dom once told me that I was two weeks ahead of normal sub training, but several weeks behind in clothes pins.

Seriously.

He said it in all sincerity.

So, it made me wonder. Is there a Master master check list? Do you receive it upon certification?

 

[Cop4u_69]

To add something more relevant to my previous colorful post, my previous dom once told me that I was two weeks ahead of normal sub training, but several weeks behind in clothes pins.

Seriously.

He said it in all sincerity.

So, it made me wonder. Is there a Master master check list? Do you receive it upon certification?

How great would it be to have a site or list where you could find real Dominates. subs and slaves.

Maybe a TV dating show......Pick your Dom.......or.......Pick your sub/slave

 

[CutieMouse]

The dominant dominated his partner through various acts of dominance.

 

[graceanne]

The dominant dominated his partner through various acts of dominance.

...

 

[ImOnIt]

The dominant dominated his partner through various acts of dominance.

The dominate domified his domee through various acts of domitude within their domicile.

 

[midwestyankee]

The dominant dominated his partner through various acts of dominance.

Try saying this quickly three times...with a ball gag in your mouth.