Does a dom need sub experience?

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

Do you think it is good to try and get some sub experiences when you are a dom? I tried but just could not get into it. I tried drinking someones piss, sucking cock and swallowing , having him trample me, humiliating me but did not like it. It did however made me respect everything a slave takes at my wishes. What is your opinion?

 

[emme8]

I don't think it is necessary to be a dom. But I think at least trying to submit makes you a better Dom. You understand and know the miriad of emotions and thoughts the sub experiences. I really appreciate that you did try to submit.

However please remember your subs aren't you. Just because you could do something, or didn't mind doing something. The very same thing might be too much for your sub.

For instance I'm a switch. The other day I was pegging Hubby. I wanted him to experience my bigger vibrating butt plug. I know how much I like it. I know that it's hard to get in, but if I keep pressing it is amazing.

I tried to insert it in Hubby. He had to ask me to stop because he couldn't take it. And of course I did immediately. But I wasn't as slow or gentle as I should have been, because I knew what it was like for me to take that toy and how it works for me. And it is next time with that toy it will be even more difficult for him due to the fear.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

Thank you for your reply. I totally agree. Everyone reacts differently to certain things. Some slaves take a lot of pain and some are more into humiliation. I always try to get as much pleasure as I can. But I had to try.

 

[base10]

I don't think it is necessary to be a dom. But I think at least trying to submit makes you a better Dom. You understand and know the miriad of emotions and thoughts the sub experiences. I really appreciate that you did try to submit.

However please remember your subs aren't you. Just because you could do something, or didn't mind doing something. The very same thing might be too much for your sub.

For instance I'm a switch. The other day I was pegging Hubby. I wanted him to experience my bigger vibrating butt plug. I know how much I like it. I know that it's hard to get in, but if I keep pressing it is amazing.

I tried to insert it in Hubby. He had to ask me to stop because he couldn't take it. And of course I did immediately. But I wasn't as slow or gentle as I should have been, because I knew what it was like for me to take that toy and how it works for me. And it is next time with that toy it will be even more difficult for him due to the fear.

Fully agree with at least trying to sub to help understand the other perspective and help you learn how your actions as a dom my be felt by your sub

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

Fully agree with at least trying to sub to help understand the other perspective and help you learn how your actions as a dom my be felt by your sub

Thank you! Thinking back I had a lot of fun doing it. The person trying to dominate had a lot of fun as well.

 

[base10]

Thank you! Thinking back I had a lot of fun doing it. The person trying to dominate had a lot of fun as well.

It's all supposed to be fun. I'm much more on the dominant side, but it's fun to mix that up every once in a while

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

It is supposed to be fun but it also has to turn me on. When the dom tried tonspit in my face I was ready to deck him. What are things you tried as a sub?

 

[CuriousRick]

I don't think it is necessary to be a dom. But I think at least trying to submit makes you a better Dom. You understand and know the miriad of emotions and thoughts the sub experiences. I really appreciate that you did try to submit.

However please remember your subs aren't you. Just because you could do something, or didn't mind doing something. The very same thing might be too much for your sub.

For instance I'm a switch. The other day I was pegging Hubby. I wanted him to experience my bigger vibrating butt plug. I know how much I like it. I know that it's hard to get in, but if I keep pressing it is amazing.

I tried to insert it in Hubby. He had to ask me to stop because he couldn't take it. And of course I did immediately. But I wasn't as slow or gentle as I should have been, because I knew what it was like for me to take that toy and how it works for me. And it is next time with that toy it will be even more difficult for him due to the fear.

I am always so jealous of Bob!

 

[emme8]

It is supposed to be fun but it also has to turn me on. When the dom tried tonspit in my face I was ready to deck him. What are things you tried as a subi

I have only submitted to hubby and my current Dom. Both knew I was going to have a hard time giving up control. And both knew I was a bad germaphobe, to a point where it will restrict some play. That body fluids grossed me out. I let them know ahead of time a list of things I wasn't willing to do.

During recent play Dom asked me to lick his cum of my hands. I did one lick. My facial expression made Dom realized that pushing it would cause me to pull out of sub zone instead of going further. He teased me and wiped my hands off with a diaper wipe.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

So good of you to have boundaries. A dom respects that. Pretty hot that he was teasing you about that.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I dont think a dom needs to find his inner sub to be a good dom. Thats like saying a guy has got to go out and take it up the ass like he is gay so he can be a better straight guy. Makes no sense at all.

That is a good way of looking at it but I dish out a lot of pain anf humiliation. I was curious and wanted to try.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I am always so jealous of Bob!

Bob?

 

[BiBunny]

I'm old school, but, yeah, I think a dom should have sub experience. At the very least, have someone else do the things to you that you are planning on doing to someone else so you at least have some kind of baseline. Sorta like how they make cops be tazed themselves at least once before they let them start tazing other people.

I'm a switch, so, aside from things that are physically impossible for me (like CBT because I don't have a cock and balls, lol), this has never been a problem.

 

[Gln1517]

I am a dom and I was a sub before finding what made me happy. It helped knowing what a sub feels or desires.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I'm old school, but, yeah, I think a dom should have sub experience. At the very least, have someone else do the things to you that you are planning on doing to someone else so you at least have some kind of baseline. Sorta like how they make cops be tazed themselves at least once before they let them start tazing other people.

I'm a switch, so, aside from things that are physically impossible for me (like CBT because I don't have a cock and balls, lol), this has never been a problem.

i always thought women could take more than a man until I did CBT. I do not want to go into details but that must have hurt so much. Is it possible for you to say what you like better, dom or sub, or does it depend on your mood?

 

[BiBunny]

i always thought women could take more than a man until I did CBT. I do not want to go into details but that must have hurt so much. Is it possible for you to say what you like better, dom or sub, or does it depend on your mood?

I am actually quite submissive, but I do have a sadistic streak. So with the right person, I prefer to be submissive, but it's very rare I find someone who can make me feel that way.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I think I get it. And I understand that it ishard to find that person that does like the same things we like. I noticed that when I was younger and was a pro. There are so many different things people like, things I couldn’t have imagined.

 

[Lady2020]

Yes.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

dishing out pain and humiliation doesnt make someone a dom. There is countless amounts of people out there that do those things that are basically just assholes, abusers or sadist. Just like being pushy or bossy makes someone a domineering dick but not a dominant. The D/s dynamic is about a lot more than just what kinks we enjoy in the bedroom

True, but it is about shared pleasure and pain. I wanted to know what it felt like. Sometimes subs want things I am not ok with. I wanted to experience that. Especially because it is a resonsiblility to be dom. When I was young I crossed a line once or twice, I felt this might help.

 

[MagicFlute]

I allowed her to tie me up and whip me. Did nothing for either of us. I found it irritating and she felt awkward so her hits weren't strong which made me want to just tell her to stop cause she was doing it wrong.

Then I tied her up and we both felt more natural.

 

[base10]

I wish I had more sub experience, one because I think it would be a lot of fun to be on the other side, but yes to get a better understanding of what the sub is experiencing.

Some things I've tried on myself to understand, like nipple clamps or wax play. But I've never had the experience of being taken down into the mental aspect of submission. Maybe I can't, but I'd be interested in trying to get there.

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I wish I had more sub experience, one because I think it would be a lot of fun to be on the other side, but yes to get a better understanding of what the sub is experiencing.

Some things I've tried on myself to understand, like nipple clamps or wax play. But I've never had the experience of being taken down into the mental aspect of submission. Maybe I can't, but I'd be interested in trying to get there.

Well, I tried but it did not work at all…. That is what you mentioned with mental aspect of submission. And things likenpiss are really groce….

 

[darkride]

The first Mistress I served - I was her first sub, as she had previously subbed only. I should add the word "online", however she herself had served in real life. I think her experience as a sub helped her to Domme me.

 

[honeyandfur]

I find I'm a lot more trusting with a dom who's had some experience as a sub - or at the very least they hold an empathetic understanding of the experience they're partaking in with their sub... it makes me more confident in putting my trust in them. When I'm exercising my dominance I don't like to dole out what I haven't recieved myself - it makes me feel more confident in dom space that way.

For example, more sensory and impact play: do they know what a paddle feels like compared to a cane, or a hand spank? Do they know what a violet wand feels like? What hot wax feels like?
Do they know what a little butt pluggin' feels like? But it's also like, I don't think you HAVE to be fisted before you fist someone. You don't HAVE to know what it feels like to be elaborately tied up (you just have to know how to do it safely!).
I don't think it's absolutely necessary to experience subbing before domming, you just have to make sure you're communicating honestly and openly with whoever you're playing with, and respect one another's limits.

 

[seekingAlpha]

A Dom absolutely does not need any experience being a sub and a sub does not need any experience being a Dom. If you enjoy both then you are probably a switch.