Does a dom need sub experience?

[slavemelanie]

dishing out pain and humiliation doesnt make someone a dom. There is countless amounts of people out there that do those things that are basically just assholes, abusers or sadist. Just like being pushy or bossy makes someone a domineering dick but not a dominant. The D/s dynamic is about a lot more than just what kinks we enjoy in the bedroom

It's easy to fall into the trap that fetishes and kinks equate to Dom/sub. It's completely a mental surrender on the subs behalf and a commitment to care for and lead on the Dom's behalf. Capture her mind and all the physical kinks happen very consentually.

As for a Dom trying to be submissive, in most cases if the Dominance is deep it won't come across as natural or sincere. Personally me trying to dominate a partner would be a udder failure. I could be kinky or engage in fetishes that may appear dominant but there is always the underlying factor that I know I'm doing those to please Him and that inspire me to go to those places.

Some people might argue that they can switch. And I totally agree they probably can but it's probably within fetishes and kinks and not the ability to go back and forth from subspace and domspace.

This is all just my opinion from experiences....I may be full of hot air and totally wrong but it's my two cents.

What's most important if finding the happiness in whatever role you feel completes you.

 

[FilthyTires]

I was a sub pre-transition, and very insistent I was a sub. (Narrator: it was a dysphoria cope.)

I spent 10 years like that, though. I'd written tons of stories from the f sub's perspective. I'd read theory. I'd submitted to pain play. Made attempts at exploring all my kinks, but from the other side.

None of it was ultimately satisfying in the end, because I'm actually a hetero man. Fast forward several years into my transition, and I'm finally on the administering end of control, authority, and pain. I'm experiencing everything from the *correct* end of things now. And it's great!

But my stories were pretty fucking popular with other subs. I was good at getting into the headspace in the same way an actor can, and that resonated with people. So I can't fully discount my time on the right side of the slash because it provided me with really valuable insight. I know exactly what a my subs and bottoms are looking for (if I don't, I don't play with them, obviously.) My first pickup play bottom (and second bottom ever) told me I was one of the best tops she'd ever had - high praise!

One of my current subs had this very same conversation with me, about whether or not I had a better idea of what's going through a submissive's head than the average male dominant. Being new, I said I honestly wasn't sure, but after talking some more she seemed reasonably convinced that I did.

I think if nothing else, I know exactly what it takes for a man to make or break a woman's trust, at the very least. And that goes a long way.

 

[Boonerboy]

I don’t think it necessary to have experience being a sub. Personally, being a switch, I definitely feel it helps me understand what a sub might need, especially if they have a hard time vocalizing it.

 

[PintlerMan]

I was a sub for an amazing Leather Daddy, No idea if he had ever subbed. But through our time together, he taught me how to be a Dom top. Seems to be a lot of men like men out here, when two subs meet up, both being subs and wanting nothing more then to pleasure the other, both knowing what the other seeks and wants, I can Dom a guy, take what I need, do him how he wants without him even knowing it. I think it's a bonus.

 

[JasonTAlexander]

"That's like saying a guy has got to go out and take it up the ass like he is gay so he can be a better straight guy." Hey, I'd vote for that!

 

[magic_rat]

I've recently tried it. Not because I thought I'd enjoy it but because I thought that perspective is important, particularly with impact play.

A domme of my acquaintance was more than willing to oblige when we visited a club with a dungeon recently. I was flogged quite comprehensively and will be quite happy if it never happens again.

I do however like to be physically and mentally dominated by men. Still not keen on impact play but am happy to be degraded and used as a sex object.